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pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Smiling Jack posted:

just here for the Air Force Intel post. Someone must have it.

I gotchu bae

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3310326&perpage=40&pagenumber=72#post412934769

Shim the Wise posted:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

Also, I just found this amazing thread where Deathy recorded himself doing dramatic readings of GIP’s best posts

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3577577

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pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008


Further down in that thread someone points out that he’s holding the same cigar as well.


How the gently caress is he continually this stupid

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

I quit the Civil Air Patrol cadet program when I was 15 after I got sick of getting yelled at by a kid two years older than me but was somehow an “officer” for having my rank insignia being 1/32 of an inch out of place.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5BcdxYgnNK/?igshid=1d4j1wjrxh06n

Also forgot committing war crimes


Also the guy who posted this is a SEAL

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

I just realized that SEAL with the backwards optic is actual loving war criminal Eddie Gallagher, he should have fixed the reversed optic by simply turning the weapon around on himself.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Donald Trump 2020: He’ll Let You Write “gently caress” on Your Airplane

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Wild T posted:

The severity of any war crime is inversely proportional to how many punisher skulls you spraypaint on your poo poo.

This cursed garment is what we call “blanket immunity from prosecution for all crimes committed in the past, present or future.”

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

That needs to be added to the OP.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

A couple of years ago TFR did a “let’s read” of one of his books and it was like watching a train wreck of bad sex scenes, gratuitous violence and owning the links repeatedly.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Was it TFR that did the let’s read of Unintended Consequences? That book was straight up 90’s right wing militia porn and that thread went to town on it.

Yep, that’s it. I’m gonna try to find it and will post it here.

Edit: found it, jesus was that really 11 years ago?

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3054909&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

pantslesswithwolves fucked around with this message at 18:04 on Feb 14, 2020

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Deathy McDeath posted:

One of my older junior Marines just messaged me asking if I know about Qanon. This guy used to be an enlisted intel Marine. Ugh.

So does he know Q? Can I get an introduction?

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

quote:


Nonetheless, a mechanic gave them both a cursory check, strapped a Go-Pro to an approved bulkhead mounting point so the hapless passenger's gurning would be preserved for all time, and nodded to the pilot to close the transparent cockpit canopies.


Wanna see that footage so bad

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

MA-Horus posted:

In ze autobus I believe.

When I was in Egypt back in 2009 (just before poo poo went bananas) we were in Abu Simbel and the traveller's shits finally caught up to me. It's a pretty touristy place with MUCH better bathrooms than the majority of Egypt's cultural sites...except that toilet paper was handed out by the individual square by an extremely crotchety old woman. I tried asking for more before going into the stall, knowing I would need more, and got chewed out.

So I go into the stall, blast out what felt like a waterjet from my butthole, wipe with the piddly one square and KNOW there's going to be more than one round. While there's still time pull my pants up, leave the stall, literally pull the roll from the old woman's hand and waddle back into the stall.

She chased me into the men's room screaming and banging on the stall door. I slipped 10 egyptian pounds underneath the door and she left me alone to poo poo my brains out in peace.

I lived in Egypt for a while and can definitively state that there is no chance that any element of this story is exaggerated. The older they get, the more likely an Egyptian woman is to chase you into a bathroom if it means they'll get some baksheesh. In 2009, 10 Egyptian pounds would have been around $2 USD.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Didn’t Martello get hosed by the green weenie for one of his posts here?

Because of a haircut memo to his company, right?

Also didn’t Martello later become a cop and end up facing charges from an incredibly bad shooting?

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

I found his name elsewhere and he was found not guilty last month.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Nice of those cops to shield their MRAP with their bodies.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Ugly In The Morning posted:

... has he posted at all since Tom Clancy died? :tinfoil:

E:He even had the same weird thing for pregnant women! :tinfoil: :tinfoil: :tinfoil:

The way one of his stories about undead SS ghouls stalking his unit has an epilogue with “him” taking part in a threesome with a pregnant woman spraying breast milk on him and another female soldier was definitely pretty :stare: but those were definitely fun reads.

They’ve really lost steam in recent years but all of the SA ghost story threads were fun. I think I recall Shim posting in a few.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

A White Guy posted:

Tbh, dudes not wrong. One good punch can kill you, unlikely as that seems. Kinda the same reason why any martial arts gym adds the caveat: "this stuff is only for situations you can't get out of" to any training.

I was kind of wondering, what happened to that Finnish dude who joined the airborne and proceeded to break his lower half in a motorcycle wreck?

That’s Vakhalya (spelling?) you’re talking about, and if I recall correctly, someone else asked this within the last year and someone who knows him said he’s doing fine and enjoying his enlistment.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

https://twitter.com/orangewaldo/status/1286405521474371584?s=20


Fuckin yikes

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008



https://media1.giphy.com/media/3o6MbfD1JowWOktAEE/giphy.gif?cid=4d1e4f292ebv099avhm1kn71yetd2xzg6wewibb6rokujovv&rid=giphy.gif

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

https://twitter.com/MsLisaHendricks/status/1302064472081670146?s=20

Looks like the epitome of a self-correcting problem right there

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

canyoneer posted:

What color handkerchief am I supposed to hang out of my back pocket to tell people I am not a lawyer?

The letter from your lender telling you that you’ve paid off your student loan debt.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

I have a bunch of gay friends in geographically distinct areas of the country and the one thing they all have in common is that they all loving love Chik-fil-a and hate Republicans. I really don’t get it but whatever.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Kontour posted:

Hi OP.

I don't imagine you will listen to this, but I'd like to give you a few pointers.

I hike for a living as a guide, I spend 250+ nights a year in the bush and I've been doing it for over 5 years now.

First off, I have to say I have absolutely no idea about the geography or climates of the areas you're going to be walking through, but I do have a lot of experience in hot, dry climates.

I'm going to approach this from my experience which is in remote areas with no support options, you say you are planning on stopping in towns which may mean some of what I say is redundant.

You say you are planning on carrying a 26l container with you and a camelbak. I you are walking a conservative 20km a day in 40 degrees celsius, I would expect that to last you around 3 days at a stretch. I climbed a mountain last year that was a 35km walk, and the temperature during the day hit 45. I went through 16 litres in about 18hrs, and didn't pee once. I probably needed to drink more. If you run out in that kind of heat, you will go into heat exhaustion extremely quickly, followed by heat stroke, and then death. Once you reach the point of heat stroke, you're in a very bad place and with no one to support you, you will not survive. At certain temperatures, not even water will save you, your body just can't cool itself effectively.

Lets look at your gear.

Most mountaineers and long distance hikers live and die by their gear, they test it, tweak it and get it completely right before bringing it into a situation where it actually matters. All of your stuff still has the tags on. Have you actually loaded up and camped out for even one or two nights with it?



Your pack is a Jansport. Jansport make gear for the "camp once or twice a year" market. Without seeing the harness setup I can't say for sure, but my gut says it is not a pack that's appropriate for what you plan on doing. You say it was the most comfortable one you tried on, but I don't get the feeling you really looked at that many. More important than how a pack is designed is how you adjust it and how it supports and transfers the weight of the contents on to your body. You would be much better off with a lightweight option from someone like Osprey or Black Diamond.

You have a Big Agnes tent, can you set it up in the dark? In the wind? In the rain? In all three at once? Do you have a repair kit? Have you seam sealed it?

You have a wide brimmed hat. Good. Ditch the umbrella.

Nothing gets me more frightened than an unopened first aid kit. Open it. Pull everything out, put it back in and make sure you know where everything is. Add things to it. I have never found a stock first aid kit that has everything I want to carry in it. Are you first aid qualified?

Your sleeping bag is too big and heavy for extended hiking. Lightweight small bags are expensive but given the distance you are walking, it would be prudent. Likewise your sleeping mat.

Do you have a liner for your bag? It will stop it smelling quite so bad after a few weeks.



You have insect repellant, get rid of the head net. Get rid of the camp towel, use a t-shirt.

You don't need bath wipes, whatever the gently caress they are.

You don't need camp soap, and having it just screams "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE gently caress I'M DOING"

Hot water cleans pots and pans although since you're not taking a stove (something so retarded I'm having trouble comprehending it) you won't need to clean them.

Your lantern is too big and heavy, get one of the small flat magnetic ones.

That poncho will keep you dry for about 5 minutes in anything other than light rain, and anytime you start to sweat it will gather on the inside as condensation and make you wet anyway. I'm not sure how much rain you're planning on coming across, but a lightweight goretex something will be far more versatile.

Your shoes are awful. Get something better. I can't even really break down how inappropriate they are. Walking on the road is going to put a lot of strain on your joints and you need to have excellent cushioning in your footwear, I recommend superfeet. They will also probably wear out in about a week.

As an example here is one of my old boots, next to a new one.



I'd put 7 months on the one on the left and these are the top of the line hike boot in this brands line up.

I deal with people who make wrong gear choices every day, but they're also paying me to make sure they don't die. Your entire setup just screams inexperience and lack of research and time spent outdoors.

I'm not saying what you're attempting to do is impossible, but out of the gate you are drastically reducing your chances for success by not being prepared. Yes, people like that chick in Wild manage to do amazing things with no preparation SOMETIMES, but I've also had to rescue and help idiots like yourself when they've jumped into places and situations that they aren't prepared for.

Morale is also something you're going to struggle with. Hiking is one of those things that sounds easy and fun in your mind but rapidly changes once you start out. Have you ever been so incapacitated by giardia that you poo poo in your tent because you couldn't physically move? Have you ever been so tired hiking that in between steps you actually fall asleep for a second? Have you ever sat in a tent with the wind and the rain howling outside, stuck by yourself miles away from the nearest human being, set up your stove to eat something warm and found that you hadn't screwed the lid on the fuel bottle properly and now you have no fuel for the next 5 days? Have you ever laid in the fetal position in a sleeping bag, tears in your eyes wishing you were anywhere but here? I've done all of those things and while I've come out the other side glad I gained the experience, they were never transcendent events that changed who I was or any bullshit like that. They were just lovely, awful situations.

Take some time, do a whole bunch of extended hikes in fun places, get yourself prepared mentally and physically, get your gear sorted out, and then attempt something like this. As it stands you're being loving stupid.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

pentyne posted:

Muerte's story has recently attracted a bunch of QCS concern trolls to start accusing people making fun of him of doxxing and harassment every time it comes up.

Do you have examples of this? I have never seen anyone taking Muerte’s “side” in this thing, ever.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Thanks, I regret being born with eyes now.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Also thread title is unfortunately relevant again :stonk:

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

https://imgur.com/rn1zEEt

That looks pretty :stonk: to me, holy poo poo

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

I’d say that we’ve all learned a lesson about judgment and dicks over the past few pages.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:

Just lol if you have to Google ahegao

(USER WAS PERMABANNED FOR THIS POST)

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Mmmmm surely this free honey that someone conveniently left out is on the level and not a trap, nothing but delicious honey for me mmmmmmm

https://twitter.com/Crimealytics/status/1347981566199422976

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Skelaboo posted:

And a share on Facebook button.

Look man, if you have a better idea on how to reconnect with your estranged yet oh so sexy step-sibling, please share it with the rest of the class

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

This will always be the high water mark for horrible “tactical” moves and I relish any chance that I get to share this video

https://youtu.be/1bm3GgDxPOM

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Normally you’d have to subscribe to an OnlyFans to watch someone gently caress themselves that hard. What a loving shitbag, I hope he catches a few more felonies.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Vengarr posted:

Speaking of divers, here's a story appropriate for this thread paraphrased from the book "Descent into Darkness".

The author was one of the Navy divers assigned to salvage the ships sunk during the Pearl Harbor raid. It was really miserable work. No one had ever tried doing something like that before, so they had to make up brand-new procedures and techniques on the spot. They had to do everything in total darkness because the water was polluted with oil and chemicals, and at breakneck speed (America needs these battleships badly!). The influx of sailors meant that the male:female ratio of the island was absurd. And worst of all, the Army had enforced prohibition on Hawaii.

So our intrepid divers built a still with the intent of trading booze for sex. None of them actually knew anything about brewing, so they basically just threw all the ingredients together in a barrel, capped it tightly and hoped for the best. Then they hid the barrel in the rafters of their makeshift clubhouse. It was a shack with a tin roof that they were using to hold their diving equipment. It got hot during the day. Very hot.

Cut to a week or so later. The officer in charge of the dive crew comes in to ask how things are going. Before anyone can speak, a bomb goes off. Everyone is knocked off their feet, poo poo goes flying, wooden shrapnel has filled the ceiling with holes, and the officer is covered head-to-toe in fermented pineapple.

Someone is heard to ask "So how are we going to get girls now?"

Something like this happened to me in college, albeit it involved my roommate with terminal ADHD trying to make apple cider by juicing a bunch of apples that he picked from the tree in our backyard, filling up three wine bottles with the juice, then dumping a bunch of yeast in there and corking them. When they exploded, it looked like someone blew their head off in our kitchen and took forever to clean up.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

KirbyKhan posted:

I demolished my "last post" reading chain to bring a topic up for advisory.

Folks in QCS has brought up the idea of FORUMS COURT.

Needless to say, as fans of idiots, this would being a whole new avenue for idiots to be read about and tell on them selves.

Like hell am I going to create joinder. My account will die in a virtual shootout with the Forums Marshals when they come to serve a notice to appear via PM. I do not recognize the authority of Forums Court because none of the banner ads have a yellow fringe of JPEG artifacts surrounding them; also my username (not my account) is not subject to forums law. I’m not posting, I’m engaging in Electronic Communication while traveling the Shitposting Superhighway.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Feel free to disabuse me if I’m wrong but isn’t AD CA super hard to get into unless you’ve been on an ODA? I would have thought this shitbag would have been made a long time ago.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Bloody Pom posted:

Cross-posting from the War Thunder thread:

:psyduck:

NSA Wizard sighs and takes a lengthy pull off the bottle of bourbon he keeps in his desk as he adds “Wanting to own other players in the freemium shooty games” to “Money, Ideology, Compromise and Ego” as reasons why people sell classified information to foreign powers.

pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

If it’s your thing, I highly recommend (heh) edibles for a long train ride. When my wife and I went from New Orleans to NYC via Amtrak like 13 years ago, we made a huge cookie with Louisiana ditch weed and spent the next 30 hours napping and staring out the window while listening to music. It was a blur but a chill one- the only other thing I remember was smoking cigarettes with a European tourist who looked like Lucille Bluth.

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pantslesswithwolves
Oct 27, 2008

Godholio posted:

Most of the SERE stuff isn't discussible, sadly. He basically did a lot of poo poo wrong and got very lucky he wasn't killed or captured, and that's after the shootdown.

I did talk to him on the phone when I was a high school student and he was going to speak at an assembly. He was just a total douche to me and cancelled about a week out. We got a MoH recipient instead.

Good trade IMHO.

I don’t think it’s :nsa: anymore but wasn’t it the F-117 that got shot down because its pilot was sticking to the same routes on its sorties, night after night, allowing for SAM operators to figure out where it was?

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