Idiots Thread - Can't enlist if you are mentally ill, they want to do it themselves

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Idiots Thread - Can't enlist if you are mentally ill, they want to do it themselves

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Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

https://i.imgur.com/h6j20SN.mp4

This seems like the right thread for this.

Edit: Since it wasn't apparent, the guy survived without major injury thanks to his helmet. He definitely did not have a good time, though.

Kith fucked around with this message at 18:26 on Feb 15, 2020

# ¿ Feb 15, 2020 17:27

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Sep 12, 2024 13:25

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Yeah, sorry for not clarifying when I posted. The dude survived without major injury - his helmet saved him from losing track of his brainmeats - but he definitely did not have a good time.

# ¿ Feb 15, 2020 18:25

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

A conversation I recently witnessed/overheard:

"Hey Chief, uhh..."
"What've you got for me?"
"[NAME] rolled the duty van."
"... Alright." *pause* "What else?"
"Into a ravine."
*sigh* "Sure. Okay. Is she alive?"
"Minor injuries. Seatbelts, y'know."
"Cool. Good. We'll fix that later."

# ¿ May 24, 2020 18:18

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

mllaneza posted:

Thank god someone made a new Idiots thread, just the username of the OP of the old one was pissing people off on a daily basis.

Once upon a time I decided to read through the original thread front to back, but those names always bothered the hell out of me. When 50 Foot Ant decided to delete all of his (probably fake but still fun to read) stories in a drunken bender, I gave up about 75% of the way through because I was tired of seeing them.

Also, either it was this thread or the original that pointed me towards the "Let's Read Unintended Consequences" thread, and uh

Jesus

Kith fucked around with this message at 10:43 on Jun 16, 2020

# ¿ Jun 16, 2020 09:59

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Milo and POTUS posted:

I always wondered what happened to him

From what I remember, he went off to be a writer. He got dunked on pretty hard in the original thread at one point and stopped posting, then a few years later edited all of his posts empty (except for one, which said something like "nobody likes you, rear end in a top hat"). Whether the writing business is connected to nuking all of his posts is a mystery.

# ¿ Jun 16, 2020 10:07

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Weka posted:

Please share it.

http://nothotbutspicy.com/para/

Dunno if this is run by 50FA but it's where all of his stuff is.

# ¿ Jun 17, 2020 00:32

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

The Sausages posted:

Thanks I missed these more than anything else. They are more terrifying than any of their creepypasta in horrible ways.

Buffalo Soldiers is probably the closest thing we'll ever get to a 50FA feature film. Then again all sorts of crap off the internet gets made into a film so there's always hope.

Were 50 Foot Ant and Humper-Monkey the same person? I never saw it discussed but just assumed they were. ~~I vaguely recall one of them doing a story about their weeaboo kid or something like that.~~ Found it lol

Supposedly, Humper Monkey and 50 were brothers. Also Humper Monkey died a few years back.

# ¿ Jun 17, 2020 03:04

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Heard the phrase "our toothbrush" come from a conversation between two Navy guys while I was walking through the airport.

# ¿ Jun 22, 2020 08:11

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

https://i.imgur.com/KF5jWEX.mp4

Comes with sound if you're willing to right-click and enable it.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2020 15:51

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

I've got a scar on my arm from something stupid that happened when I was young (like most of the scars I have). Someone recently asked me how I picked it up, so I wrote up the story. I realized it was relevant to the Idiots Thread when I asked a buddy how the protagonist is doing these days.

quote:

To set the scene, the four of us are packed into Doc�s truck - a total piece of poo poo that �Junkyard Dog� doesn�t even begin to describe. Half of the bed was corrugated metal and both brake light covers were made of saran wrap. I�m talking about a vehicle that stayed together out of habit and could give you tetanus from a glance, and it�s trundling down 95A at a cool 50 miles an hour trying not to shake itself apart.

Now, despite it being Doc�s truck, Blade was driving (because he weighed around 350 pounds and he wouldn�t fit anywhere else). In the passenger seat was his huge, expensive gaming computer, buckled in safely. Now, you may wonder why it was buckled in up front when there was the back seat. The answer to that is that the back seat didn�t have any seatbelts, and there was no way that we were going to put a computer ten times the cost of the vehicle it was riding in anywhere but a place that it could be securely strapped in.

So with the front seats occupied as they were, that left us with three people in the back. Doc wasn't a man of much stature, so he sat behind Blade�s generous girth. I�m a 6�6� behemoth, so I sat behind the passenger seat (which had been significantly moved forward, as a computer does not have legs). And in the middle� was Steven.

I don�t know if you�ve ever had a �loser friend,� but Steven filled that role like he was born for it. He was one of those ROTC tryhards and, early on to his inclusion, he accidentally let slip that he was a furry. Instead of taking our gentle ribbing in stride, he got whiny about it and pretty much only got to stick around because he bought pizza for everyone during weekend hangouts. I wasn�t a real big fan of Steven because his sense of humor could be summed up by the phrase �nipple pinchy� and an associated invasion of personal space, but free pizza every weekend for 12+ people is hard to argue with, so I did my best to tolerate him.

Anyway, we�re riding along in this horrible rust bucket when Steven gets this brilliant idea: he was gonna body-check Doc to break up the boredom. Of course, this pissed off Doc, so Doc body-checked Steven right back. Doc was a little guy, but he was no slouch, so he sent Steven right into me. I immediately shoved him off and told them to cut it out, but Steven was having a grand old time, so he slammed into Doc again - and again, rebounded into me when Doc retaliated, along with Doc also telling Steven to knock it off. I was extremely unhappy about having to be in physical contact with Steven, and so I told Steven in no uncertain terms that if he touched me again I�d beat his rear end. Steven responded by giggling and body-checking me as hard as he could.

Into the door.

Which was no longer attached to the truck.

Which meant that I was no longer inside the truck, because the back had no seatbelts.

What came next happened pretty fast - maybe three or four seconds total. Mercifully, I managed to land on the door and cling to it on reflex, saving me from all kinds of abrasions. I skidded for a couple feet, hit a rock, pitched off the door, and went head-over-heels into a thornbush. On one hand, said thornbush cushioned my fall pretty good. On the other hand, I was suspended, upside down, in a thornbush - and scratched all to hell for it.

At some point I registered the sounds of tires squealing, some crackling gravel, and a slammed door. I hear Doc go �MAX, MAX! HOLY poo poo! ARE YOU OKAY?�

�I�m in the briar patch.� I had never in my entire life said anything so deadpan before.

�DUDE ARE YOU ALRIGHT?�

�Get me out of the briar patch.�

Suddenly, Steven was in front of me. �oh my god dude i am so sorry�

I took a deep breath, looked at him, and said: �Get me out of the briar patch, or I�ll kill you.�

So, Doc and Steven grabbed an assortment of knives and gardening tools out of the truck and cut me down. Thankfully my shirt and jeans picked up most of the thorns, but I was still pretty scratched up - especially my arms and neck. After I had righted myself and was brushing the thorns off of my person, Steven walked up stammering another apology. I punched that son of a bitch in the face about as hard as I�ve ever punched anyone. Maybe harder.

Anyways. We grabbed the door, and tossed it in the bed, and got ready to leave. I hopped in the back and Steven tried to follow, but Doc wasn�t having any of it - Steven got relegated to the bed (and underneath the door, so the cops wouldn�t hassle us). When we made it to Blade�s house, I made a beeline to the guest bathroom and took a shower. I heard Doc and Blade telling the story, and a brief argument involving Steven. I wasn�t really paying attention - I was more concerned with washing off all the blood and picking off all of the thorns I had missed.

After the shower, I came out to cheers - apparently I was the hero of the evening for surviving, especially after Blade and Doc talked up the events to everyone else. As Blade�s grandpa was bandaging up my arms, Steven came over to apologize again. I asked gramps to wait a moment, stood up, punched Steven in the face a second time, and sat back down to let gramps finish bandaging me while everyone laughed. We ate some pizza, watched some Firefly, played some nerd games, and all in all had a pretty decent weekend.

About a year later when I got my first apartment, Doc gave me the door as a housewarming gift. I don�t even know if I still �own� it or not - I left it in storage when I departed Pensacola, and haven�t been interested in finding out if it�s still there.

Steven is currently a 1st Lt in the Air Force. Very little about him has changed.

Kith fucked around with this message at 21:11 on Jul 12, 2020

# ¿ Jul 12, 2020 17:16

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Intel?

I have asked. You will find out when I do.

# ¿ Jul 12, 2020 19:56

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

[3:01 PM] swagnanimous: he's intel ops
[3:01 PM] swagnanimous: why

# ¿ Jul 12, 2020 20:02

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Someone light the Shimsignal.

I have to ask - what gave it away?

# ¿ Jul 12, 2020 21:46

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

Know how you can tell the smell of poo poo, but can�t really describe it? That�s USAF Intel Ops.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

The fact he was a furry and Shim's majestic description of married intel life.

Softface posted:

AF Intel is the only place I've met furries in real life. At DLI, they would walk around with their little tails and whatnot, and complain to the sergeants in charge of us when people stole them. It's the only place in the military where someone as aggressively odd as that can not only survive, but thrive.

Amazing.

I haven't really had the pleasure of meeting many Air Force folks - all of my contact has been primarily Navy, with a polite smattering of Army and Marines. I've never been in myself, just adjacent my entire life thanks to my dad, my brother, and their entire social networks.

# ¿ Jul 13, 2020 11:32

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

New thread title is good.

Friend of mine requested "the other Steven story", so I wrote it up. Figured y'all would get a kick out of it, given how the first one went over.

quote:

Once again, our story takes place in Pensacola, circa �that awkward period between highschool graduation where you know you�re going to community college but not ready for it yet�, during a get-together at Blade�s house. To set the scene, the house is your standard pseudo-innawoods neighborhood home: large and flat structure, big-rear end yard in the front and back, lots of trees and broadly distributed houses. We typically gathered there to do nerd poo poo because A) we weren�t likely to get noise complaints due to the trees and physical distance between houses and B) we could easily fit two dozen people in and around the premises, which gave us plenty of room to get up to all kinds of dumb nerd mischief.

That particular evening, I had spent a lot of time chatting with Dustin. I liked Dustin a lot - he was an ENORMOUS weapon nerd, but he wasn�t a weeb or a hick like most other weapon nerds, so I could have a conversation with him without hearing about the Flawless Hanzo Steel that he picked up at a flea market or how much he wanted to gently caress his shotgun after shooting a deer. It also helped that he was a boxer, so he actually understood things like physical exertion and endurance instead of having an understanding of martial arts primarily informed by Warhammer 40k or Dragon Ball Z.

Anyway, that evening I was seeking Dustin�s wisdom on the finer points of blunt force trauma because the protagonist of the game I was working on used a baseball bat. Things were going pretty decent until Steven decided to wander over and inject himself into the conversation.

It�s important to keep in mind that this all happened post-�Max door hand bush car door�, so it was not a mystery to anyone (especially Steven) that he wasn�t one of my favorite people. However, I wasn�t interested in enduring a classic Steven Meltdown where he�d declare us all jerks and swear that he�d never hang out with us again, so I didn�t serve him an immediate �gently caress off, idiot� when he showed up like I usually did.

This was a mistake.

I don�t remember the exact details of the conversation (for reasons that will become obvious later), but basically: after we told Steven what we were talking about, he got it in his head that we were trying to decide who was the toughest by measuring how many hits it�d take to knock either one of us down. He proceeded to assert that he could easily knock down either one of us with a single hit.

Now, I feel it�s important that I take a moment to describe our hero: Steven was a ROTC moto fuckhead who did everything he could to stay out of trouble because more than three punishment pushups would give him the shakes for the rest of the day. By contrast, I was a 6�6� guy who just got off of a years� worth of highschool weightlifting courses and Dustin, as mentioned, was a boxer - and a pretty decent one at that. So we laughed, a lot, and Steven stomped away in a huff.

After we were done laughing, I turned back to Dustin to pick up our conversation again. About a minute later, I hear gravel crunching and Dustin goes �oh, what the gently caress?� I turn around to see Steven in his lovely sedan, with the lights off, cutting across the yard to roll up to us. I couldn�t even process what I was seeing, so I just stood there, hands spread in the universal sign language of utter confusion, hoping for some kind of explanation.

Until he tapped the gas and ran me over.

I don�t remember a whole lot about that period of time because, as it turns out, a sedan mounting you is the kind of thing that inspires you to fall down and hit your head. I remember the nose of the car coming halfway up my torso, my feet and chest hurting a lot, and reflexively trying to bench-press the bumper. I also remember Dustin producing a pistol and chanting �GETOUTTHECAR� at the top of his lungs several times, followed by the car slowly backing off of me (I�m told he flung Steven out of the driver seat by the neck, then moved it himself). I was gently helped up into a sitting position by several someones, and I heard someone else call for gramps to play Field Medic (a pretty common occurrence given all of the dumb poo poo we got up to, and a safe bet for medical care given his time spent in Korea). At some point, Steven whined about how it was �just a joke� and he �didn�t really run Max over� and other such bullshit, obviously upset that nobody was paying attention to him.

While gramps was getting mobilized, Dustin and some other folks focused on keeping my attention. The conversation I had with Dustin is about the only thing of the evening that I recall clearly.

�Jesus, dude. Are you alright? Can I get you anything?�
�some water would be nice� (to which someone responded �sure� and disappeared)
�We got you covered, man. Ice water on the way. Hospital?�
�maybe. chest hurts. i�ll ask gramps.�
�Good call, good call.�
�dust, i need a favor though�
�Name it, bro, I got you.�
�i need you to beat steven�s rear end for me.�

Dustin hadn�t even finished turning away before thundering �YO STEVEN, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.� What followed would�ve been hard to watch if it wasn�t so cathartic - Dustin would shout some variation of �What the gently caress were you thinking?� and follow up with a heavy slap when he inevitably didn�t like Steven�s answer. That went on for about three minutes until gramps asked them to keep it down so he could focus on putting me back together.

The resulting diagnosis was:
1 concussion
3 broken toes
1 bruised rib
Various bruises and abrasions associated with bottoming for a 1992 Saturn SL

Gramps recommended going to the hospital to be sure he didn�t miss anything, so I had someone call home to get a ride to the Naval Hospital ER that night. In true blue Military Healthcare tradition, I was prescribed 800 mg of Ibuprofen and told to gently caress off. I recovered a few weeks later with no complications. Unfortunately, Steven had shipped off to boot camp before I could have a personal discussion with him about this incident, but Dustin had handled that pretty well, so I wasn�t too broken up about it. And besides, I gotta hand it to him: Steven did manage knock me over in just one hit.

Kith fucked around with this message at 01:17 on Jul 15, 2020

# ¿ Jul 15, 2020 00:20

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Memento posted:

Also, gently caress Steven. Everyone knows someone like him, and they rarely get the rear end-beating they deserve.

Dustin did a pretty drat good job. I'll be honest, I hated that dumb son of a bitch, but that beating got hard to watch after the first minute.

There wasn't a soul present that suggested he stop, though. Plus Steven wasn't at all welcome among the group anymore after that poo poo, so I'd say he got every bit of what he deserved.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Jesus Christ

If you had told this story first I would've assumed he was an MP, not Intel, because he's clearly a psychopath.

That's the thing, though - he wasn't a psychopath. He was just genuinely that loving stupid. He thought I would fit under the car and be uninjured except for maybe a bit of scuffing and everyone would laugh and it'd be a great joke and we'd be friends again because he outsmarted me and it was all in good fun.

Chaser that I forgot to add to the second story: my buddy asked around and Steven is currently on Wife #3. All three wives have had some common ground shared between them. Can you guess what it is?

They all work at the same "gentleman's club".

# ¿ Jul 15, 2020 01:26

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

My dad's buddy is still in and sent along this gem: MP went to Captain's Mast for being a Phantom Shitter, ND'd into the desk during salute.

# ¿ Jul 19, 2020 03:20

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

I got the story secondhand, so it wouldn't surprise me if something got garbled along the way - or it might be that he simplified details for my sake. Either way - it was a pistol, not a rifle.

I'm mostly concerned that I didn't have to explain "Phantom Shitter" at all.

# ¿ Jul 19, 2020 14:42

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

I asked about the MP/MA thing. He called it an MP because he assumed I didn't know what an MA was (fair assumption). I told him that I shared the story and he laughed and said he wouldn't simplify things for me in the future if I was going to be passing the story along to people who weren't "dumb dependents".

Also, the thing that got the Phantom Shitter caught was dropping a log in the O-4 mug. He'd been loving with the ship about once a week for the past three months by carrying turds around in sandwich baggies and depositing them in conspicuous locations.

# ¿ Jul 19, 2020 17:18

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

piL posted:

I was hoping you'd come back and explain that the phantom shitter shat during mast.

I have it on good authority that someone said "oh poo poo" after the ND. Does that count?

# ¿ Jul 19, 2020 18:14

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Semi-related to NDs:

Linked because apparently it's loving huge and I don't wanna break tables

I knew a guy who did the same thing to gently caress with cops he drove by, using apple juice and a novelty lighter. Last I heard, his licence has been permanently revoked despite having no accident record.

# ¿ Jul 19, 2020 23:04

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

I have unearthed something that I sent my dad several years ago. I'm not going to tell you the contents of this clip, but I will tell you that you absolutely, 100%, must listen to it. It's two minutes and some change. Do yourself the favor.

# ¿ Jul 20, 2020 01:31

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

the piss boat is real

# ¿ Jul 21, 2020 01:28

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

not caring here posted:

Where the gently caress did this pissing on jelly fish stings come from? I saw it once when I was a kid growing up near the reef, and it american tourists just pissing on some dude's leg that got tickled by a box jelly fish tentacle. I was like, naah bro, and went and got the bottle of vinegar stashed behind every palm tree stump along the beach, and poured it on it.

It loving weirded me right out, like, really freaked young me out for weeks all these people pissing on this dude's leg like it was literally medicine.

No idea, but as someone who decided to give it a try out of desperation when a jellyfish wrapped itself around their leg, it works.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2020 03:08

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

destitute posted:

This is a story about dogs and ice cream.

i hope that dog's retirement involved as much ice cream as they wanted

# ¿ Jul 21, 2020 19:53

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

First letter home from boot camp.

# ¿ Jul 24, 2020 15:45

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

sharknado slashfic posted:

I spent way too much time looking for the goatse for it to just be a blue falcon axe

That part would've been much more obvious if it was a falchion instead of an axe.

# ¿ Aug 6, 2020 20:02

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

When Dad was stationed over in Iranistan at Fort Dust, he was the only Navy guy in the middle of an almost completely Army base. However, outside of repeatedly explaining that counter-IED systems were not infallible magic, he had very little to do, so he happened to tag along for room inspections from time to time. This usually resulted in the usual "embarrassing but amusing discovery" stories - suction-cup dildos, unsecured lockers stuffed full of gay porn by thoughtful friends, maybe a turd or two for the particularly enterprising.

This is not one of those stories.

Today's protagonist is Cpl Louis. Louis was of average height and build and, despite working a motor pool in the Middle East, had somehow managed to maintain a shockingly pale complexion. According to those familiar with him, he spoke little and had almost no sense of humor - not that he was overly serious, but instead that he didn't really find anything funny. He was semi-popular because he was "allergic to loving around", but nobody really knew him because trying to chat with him was like explaining pornography to a mannequin.

Cpl Louis typically passed room inspection with flying colors - mostly because his room had nothing in it. He had no posters, no memorabilia, no books, no games - just the standard issue: a desk, a chair, a bed, and a locker. His room was always spotless, his trashcans empty, and his uniforms clean. It had gotten to the point where Louis's room was only given a brief glance; there was never anything to find and plenty of lockers to dump and dipshits to smoke, so nobody really bothered looking.

Until they found the miniature guillotine underneath his locker.

In a stunning display of emotion, Cpl Louis was embarrassed by the discovery and clearly nervous. He claimed that it was a novelty cigar cutter, but it was pointed out that nobody had ever witnessed Louis smoke. He then said that he had bought it in advance to attempt to motivate him to get into the hobby, but the guillotine had no obvious manufacturing marks and was clearly hand-made. Further excuses encouraged a detailed search that revealed the back wall of his locker was merely cardboard, and meticulously hand-painted to avoid detection. Upon removing the wall, two narrow cubbies were discovered.

The first, smaller cubby was full of art supplies - paints, brushes, fabrics, and so on. The second, larger cubby was full of Barbie and Ken dolls in neat stacks. Aside from a handful of obvious works-in-progress, they had all been repainted and refinished to a very realistic quality to resemble current or previous occupants of Fort Dust.

The vast majority of them were also decapitated.

Cpl Louis bolted instead of answering questions. He made a full-on death sprint across the base towards the closest gate, where he was unceremoniously stopped by the gate guard with a clothesline. I'm not privy to the questioning he underwent - or the answers he gave - but I do know that he was no longer stationed at Fort Dust within the week.

Kith fucked around with this message at 18:08 on Aug 16, 2020

# ¿ Aug 16, 2020 14:42

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Internet Wizard posted:

50 Foot Ant�s GWOT stories just aren�t as good as his Cold War ones

after GUILLOTINE ANT (also known as CPL ANTOINE LOUIS) returned to the states, he was re-stationed at a FORMER TALIBAN FORTRESS HOLLOWED OUT OF A MOUNTAIN. there he obtained a HOT VAGUELY ETHNIC GIRLFRIEND by FIGHTING TALIBAN GHOSTS and BREAKDANCING ON A NUCLEAR WARHEAD. he had LOTS OF SEX and was also VERY GOOD AT FIGHTING and forged EVERLASTING BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP with his LARGE FRIEND by surviving the wrath of an ORNERY SNOWMAN together. his dad was VERY COOL AND POWERFUL AND INFLUENTIAL despite being part of a WEIRD SEX CULT. every woman who met GUILLOTINE ANT wanted to have LOTS OF SEX, except the ones who didn't who were OBVIOUSLY LESBIANS OR HUGE BITCHES. GUILLOTINE ANT had a VERY LONG AND LUCRATIVE CAREER doing SUPER SECRET WAR THINGS and frequently enjoyed CHICKEN A LA KING.

also, ALCOHOLISM IS FAKE. even if it was real, IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR YOU.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2020 03:17

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

LingcodKilla posted:

�jailbait�

what

LingcodKilla posted:

�anime waifu�

the

LingcodKilla posted:

�slit�

gently caress

# ¿ Aug 17, 2020 10:21

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

You do not want to know any more about John Ringo. Trust me on this.

I don't read as often as I used to, but I've got a buddy that I bother for author recommendations every now and then when I feel like picking up a good story or two. After seeing your post, I texted him: "I saw someone reading a book authored by one John Ringo." Almost immediately, he responded with "That's because they're an rear end in a top hat. Do not read ANYTHING by John Ringo."

ashnjack posted:

But the thread is great.
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3385144

and yet the temptation is so great...............

# ¿ Aug 17, 2020 13:19

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

LingcodKilla posted:

Hey! I'm not an rear end in a top hat! I'm stuck on a ship with mostly romance novels and Bibles and to be fair theirs only slightly less rapes in the John Ringo books than the bible but a lot more zombies. Since I work mostly with computers I prefer not to spend my down time looking at a screen.

Also once I start a book or series it drives me nuts to not finish it. I've never picked up Game of Thrones or Harry Potter for this exact reason.

I don't think you're actually an rear end in a top hat, I just thought it was funny how he immediately belted that out in response with zero hesitation.

Speaking of idiocy, it is now coming from inside the poster: I'm really tempted to check out something Ringo did just to see how bad it gets. I'm probably going to settle for the Let's Read, though.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2020 23:12

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

John Ross showing up to defend Unintended Consequences and justify his staring at some goon's tits at a TFR meet was just... beyond words.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2020 00:01

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Milo and POTUS posted:

Didn't he throw a magazine cool guy like over his shoulder and broke somebody's window

Memento posted:

Threw a hosed uzi magazine over his shoulder and it bounced off the hood of TenementFunster's BMW X5.

And the thread shamed him into paying for it, years later.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2020 11:07

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Sound makes this so much better.

https://i.imgur.com/UUSokMQ.mp4

# ¿ Aug 18, 2020 11:34

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

1st Lt Steven has successfully given herpes to a colonel's wife.

Bonus points: it wasn't even infidelity. The colonel's into wifesharing.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2020 12:43

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

The Sexual Shiite posted:

Isn�t that still against UCMJ?

I would be legitimately shocked if he ever genuinely read it.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2020 14:41

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Milo and POTUS posted:

Wasn;t this guy a furry too

Still is. He drops $300 a paycheck on commissions. We know this because he brags about it.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2020 16:47

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Milo and POTUS posted:

I think you know where I'm going with this

Kith posted:

[3:01 PM] swagnanimous: he's intel ops
[3:01 PM] swagnanimous: why

We've already been there, my dude. Bonus points:

Kith posted:

Chaser that I forgot to add to the second story: my buddy asked around and Steven is currently on Wife #3. All three wives have had some common ground shared between them. Can you guess what it is?

They all work at the same "gentleman's club".

Additional bonus points: Wife #3, miraculously, does not have herpes. She is currently pursuing divorce.

# ¿ Aug 20, 2020 23:10

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# ¿ Sep 12, 2024 13:25

Kith: Sep 17, 2009; You never learn anything
by doing it right.

Technically, it's patriotism. You're just saving the ship from a long, hard life of disintegrating at sea.

# ¿ Aug 28, 2020 04:20

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Idiots Thread - Can't enlist if you are mentally ill, they want to do it themselves

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