|
"Maybe we can just knock those amyloid plaques off! Wait, where are you going?"
|
#
¿
Aug 2, 2019 06:42
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Sep 10, 2024 01:30 |
|
|
Scratch Monkey posted:Did they let him finish? Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!
|
|
#
¿
Aug 5, 2019 13:01
|
|
|
SpaceSDoorGunner posted:What A Hell of a Way to Die... isn't a complete chudfest. Thanks for this, gonna add it to the backlist.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 15, 2019 05:20
|
|
|
LingcodKilla posted:them carriers better get loving Carriers are a hybrid mix of warships and air bases. Like most cross-species hybrids, they're sterile. Lots of fuckery with no discernible benefit.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 18, 2019 16:24
|
|
|
Up until now, non-citizen US servicemembers and their families living overseas have automatically counted as "residing in the US" when their children were born (like all servicemembers overseas), conferring citizenship. Servicemembers who are citizens confer citizenship on to their children no matter whether they are counted as "residing in the US" or not.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 30, 2019 05:08
|
|
|
Absurd Alhazred posted:They look sound to me. Oh, bra-vo!
|
|
#
¿
Oct 22, 2019 06:55
|
|
|
Sunshine On my butthole Makes me happy Sunshine On my taint Can make me cry Sunshine On my ballsack Looks so lovely Sunshine Almost always Makes me high
|
|
#
¿
Nov 25, 2019 23:12
|
|
|
Absurd Alhazred posted:Casinos do pay a markup to have highly accurate dice for craps. The house isn't raking in tens of thousands of dollars a night at their D&D tables.
|
|
#
¿
Nov 30, 2019 18:37
|
|
|
EBB posted:That's not even the best song on that album Hear, hear. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36nqGs_Dvws
|
|
#
¿
Dec 1, 2019 19:07
|
|
|
EBB posted:It's not a hill I'd die on but this song gets the most play from me You know, I had forgotten that '39 was on A Night at the Opera. I'll accept the correction.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 2, 2019 03:05
|
|
|
VanSandman posted:Figuring out what this song was about before looking it up was a proud little achievement of my teenage years. Brian May: rock god, Ph.D astrophysicist, author, knight, appears to be living not only his best life but several other people's as well. Like Buckaroo Banzai only real. Lemniscate Blue fucked around with this message at 15:03 on Dec 8, 2019 |
|
#
¿
Dec 8, 2019 14:52
|
|
|
piL posted:Maybe Iran will just destroy Twitter. Marg bar dickheads!
|
|
#
¿
Jan 6, 2020 08:30
|
|
|
Icon Of Sin posted:That’s just a cover story for someone who had the worst case of MRE-shits this side of dying. Somebody got dared into eating the heating element again.
|
|
#
¿
Jan 19, 2020 03:32
|
|
|
The Marine jokes just write themselves, don't they?
|
|
#
¿
Feb 23, 2020 15:10
|
|
|
Godholio posted:Outside of stuff like law/medical/chaplain, engineering fields are the only place I'm aware of that the AF cares what your degree in. Could be aeronautical engineering, could be liberal arts; you're qualified to fly either way. My DivO when I was a deck monkey was an art history major, for which he caught no end of poo poo but was a surprisingly capable leader. For a butterbar, anyway.
|
|
#
¿
Apr 7, 2020 00:56
|
|
|
I had "Oh Christ how is my hair three inches long and shaggy and quarters is in two minutes I am going to get my rear end kicked" dreams for about five years after I got out even though I keep my hair cut pretty short due to balding like a motherfucker. Haven't had one in a while though.
|
|
#
¿
Apr 21, 2020 19:46
|
|
|
Itchy_Grundle posted:One guy used to take his nutsack out of the bottom of his BDU fly and proclaim to everyone around (in a bad Scottish accent) that he had “just sat in some gum”. He’d do this at officer LTT. Kid in my boot camp division was real fond of this dumb gag until one of the older recruits got sick of his poo poo and whipped a pen at his crotch. You wouldn't think it was heavy enough to make an impact, but he bullseyed the testicle and the kid had serious trouble standing at attention when the instructor walked in. Funniest thing I saw the whole cycle.
|
|
#
¿
Apr 30, 2020 22:47
|
|
|
I don't see a strip club, a used car lot, or even a payday lender. 3/10.
|
|
#
¿
Jun 8, 2020 17:48
|
|
|
dscruffy1 posted:I figured Phantom Shitter is someone who shits in a public space and then beats feet for someone else to discover. We had it happen fairly often in the showers at DLI. This is the least surprising thing that's been posted in this thread for quite a while.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 19, 2020 15:40
|
|
|
Jedi425 posted:This isn't military specifically, but this was the first story I ever heard of the Phantom Shitter. From what I know about chip fabs, this probably happened more than once. This guy got creative. Paul Riddell is also (as far as I can tell) the coiner of the phrase "Cat Piss Man". The essay has vanished from it's original hosting but is quoted in the OP of this thread.
|
|
#
¿
Jul 20, 2020 00:44
|
|
|
TCD posted:10 bucks that car is repo'd or totaled in under a year. No bet.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 4, 2020 19:09
|
|
|
Booger Presley posted:Goddamn lol! Av/post combo.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 8, 2020 22:12
|
|
|
Icon Of Sin posted:To bring it back to the thread, Command and Control is a This book scared the hell out of me.
|
|
#
¿
Aug 17, 2020 15:01
|
|
) reads about every other country with nukes beyond this one.
|
That dead, defeated, despairing stare in the background.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 3, 2020 22:24
|
|
|
Military esports teams seem like the absolute dumbest idea for recruitment anyone's had in a very long time.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 16, 2020 22:17
|
|
|
Midjack posted:A lot of those stories are available here too: https://nothotbutspicy.com/para/ If he's selling his work now they probably shouldn't be.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 21, 2020 00:01
|
|
|
mllaneza posted:
From that book's author bio on Amazon: quote:Jason McCarthy is the Founder and CEO of GORUCK. He began the company in 2008 with a napkin sketch for a rucksack, GR1, that could thrive in Baghdad and NYC. In the summer of 2010, Jason and his dog Java took a 48 state cross country road trip, eventually leading to the first GORUCK Challenge. GORUCK now organizes over 350 community led Ruck Clubs all over the world, produces over 1,000 rucking events per year, and is united by a global community of ruckers. (Emphasis mine) I don't know how much I care because the stories are a lot of fun regardless, but I don't see how the timeline matches up and that guy looks awful young to have been 18 in the early-mid 80s for Cold War Bullshit.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 21, 2020 00:09
|
|
|
Huh, I was assuming that wasn't his site. If I'm wrong then yeah, it's his call.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 21, 2020 04:49
|
|
|
Scratch Monkey posted:signed, a SEAL
|
|
#
¿
Sep 21, 2020 13:10
|
|
|
I mean, you obviously understood the reference. 
|
|
#
¿
Nov 19, 2020 06:43
|
|
|
pantslesswithwolves posted:I’d say that we’ve all learned a lesson about judgment and dicks over the past few pages. We absolutely have not.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 13, 2020 04:16
|
|
|
UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:Active, ongoing, informed consent. Always use a flared base. Especially this year. https://twitter.com/lerinjo/status/1336816324408963073
|
|
#
¿
Dec 13, 2020 05:53
|
|
|
Mr. Nice! posted:Ah that lone mcdonalds ribbon following what is most certainly an A-school wedding. Hey, you better honor his service, he has a marksmanship ribbon too. That's a genuine hero.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 23, 2020 19:01
|
|
|
Memento posted:A friend of mine fired a dude from his programmer job, for a long stretch of underperformance and mistakes. The final straw was that he wore an ahegao hoodie to a work function in the office. My mate took him aside and was trying to explain to him why it was inappropriate, the white-as-the-driven-snow guy went "gently caress you it's cultural" and my mate was just like "you know what oval office, this has been a long time coming, get out". First thing Monday morning they perp-walked him out of the building. Not gonna be the last time that guy gets perp-walked someplace.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 24, 2020 10:01
|
|
|
Thump! posted:Wow, my version of that from MCT was some guys using icy hot and getting chemical burns on their dicks When I worked in the show department at a Medieval Times, one of the hazing rituals when a squire began training as a knight was for them to be peer pressured into putting healthy application of Icy Hot on their own scrotum. The hazing when someone performed in the show as a knight for the first time was worse (and crossed the line into sexual assault, looking back), but thank god that had been stamped down on by management as soon as they became aware of it and I never had to take part. Even that horrible company knew that hazing was a recipe for disaster. The Navy was positively gentle by comparison.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 28, 2020 07:43
|
|
|
UCS Hellmaker posted:Ok you gotta tell it then if it's that bad. Grem posted:Oh. My. God. Huge Medieval Times fan here! Please tell all the stories.. Skelaboo posted:
Jeez, okay. I worked there from late 2000 to early 2003, so the workplace culture at that castle has surely changed, though I doubt corporate culture has. No really long involved stories, just a bunch of little things as I think of them. You got hired as a squire first. There were eight to ten squires on the payroll at any given point. Squires were responsible for getting weapons and other stuff ready before the show: swords and axes etc were made of titanium (lightweight and made really impressive sparks) so you grind the slivers off the edges, pound the aluminum plate shields back into shape and repaint them, pre-cut balsa dowels into lance tips so they shatter impressively and paint them, that sort of thing. Make sure everything is in the right place on the arena walls and everywhere else. That took a couple hours generally if you do everything right. Squires got paid a little over $8 an hour, as I recall. Depending on the season you might get 30 hours or you might get overtime if it's a busy time of year. We had matinee shows Wednesdays and Fridays for school field trips. Evening shows ran Tuesdays through Sundays, and on a Friday or Saturday they might be busy enough to run two shows. Fridays with a matinee and a double were awful, and I think once or twice we ran a triple on a Saturday, which was a goddamn nightmare. During a show, a squire was assigned to one of the six knights. There wasn't a rotation or anything, it was pretty random, but some of the knights had a squire that they liked to work with and would ask for them more often than not. The head knight placed colors on a whim so that any color had a chance of being a champion, but not every knight knew all the fights so the champion was typically one of the senior guys. A squire was there to hand his knight the weapons he needed for that fight, that sort of thing. We placed the rails for the joust and took them down, set up the games. We also scooped horseshit. A lot of horseshit. (But don't make it, y'know, a thing. I got yelled at by management once for showboating with the poo poo bucket. I thought it was funny as hell.) If after a couple months working there you proved to generally be competent and not a bag of rear end, you'd start getting trained in stunt falls and the basics of the company's particular brand of stage combat: big, flashy movements that could be seen from the upper seats. Your first actual fight was a short exchange during the climactic fight with the bad guy (this changed from time to time - when I started it was the Black Knight, then they wrote a new show where it was the wicked Lord Marshall). He'd have a handful of dudes in masks with him (squires and knights who'd already lost and done a quick-change) and they'd have a fight that ended with the Champion beating the bad guy, saving the day, hooray. My first time in that fight I was too far out of place and got loving rammed from behind by a horse named Muerte, who was notorious for doing that if you were in his way. Most riders couldn't stop him if they wanted to. A little warning beforehand would have been nice. You'd also get a little basic riding training, mostly so you could warm up the horses backstage before the show. The head horse trainer was a complete bastard who I was told was allowed to be because he was one of the top twenty trainers of Andalusians in the world. If you continued to show evidence that you weren't a complete chucklefuck and got halfway decent at that stuff, you'd start to train to do one of the fights, and learn to joust and do the games and fall and all that. Convince the head knight that you wouldn't embarrass yourself or hurt somebody, and you'd get put in the show, usually for a matinee or the first of a double show. If a squire was performing as a knight, he'd get junior knight pay for the two hours he was in that show, a whopping $10.50 an hour. Which now that I do the math means five bucks. drat. After your first show as a knight, you got hazed by having the other knights ambush you backstage, duct-tape your hands and feet, pull your "chainmail" tights down, and spraypaint your rear end whatever color you wore. The couple times it happened while I was there the guys got their junk painted too, because this kind of poo poo escalates. A new head knight and a couple complaints put an end to the physical hazing about mid-way through my working there. I don't want to turn this into the Medieval Times Story Hour but there's a couple other things I could type up later if people want, including how I got hired and why I should have known better immediately, some of the absolute mutants that I worked with, and what a hosed up company it was behind the scenes.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 28, 2020 20:48
|
|
Please go on.
|
This isn't the castle I was at but it's still giving me deja vu a little. You can see the basic head-leg-shoulder stuff that I guess is still the foundation of every single fight from about 4:00. I remember doing that pattern back and forth across the arena for hours. I hope I'm not ruining anyone's enjoyment by lifting the curtain too much. Also the hosts of that video are embarrassing.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 28, 2020 20:55
|
|
|
All right, keep your shorts on. I did theatre in high school, but I wasn't really comfortable on stage and preferred the tech side of things. I wasn't in the headspace for more school, so after I learned this by crashing and burning out of community college I was looking for something in tech theatre and decided to fill out an application with the tech department at Medieval Times, since they must use light and sound people, right? I'd been growing out my hair and beard for about a year in a typical post-high-school-goon sort of way by this point, so when I was in the security office filling out an application some guy with 80s rock hair wearing tights walked by and saw me. "Is that an application? What are you applying for?" "Uh, yeah. Tech department. I did tech theatre in high school, and-" "You look like a squire. Put down 'squire'," and he walked off towards what I later learned was the smoke pit. So I did. A few minutes later he came back and grabbed my completed application and vanished, came back with another guy who looked like a variation on the same theme, and we all went out to the smoke pit while they looked it over. They asked me literally only one question before offering me the job, and that was: "Could you pass a piss test now, or do you need a few weeks to clean up first?" I was clean, so I was hired.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 28, 2020 21:47
|
|
|
Wasabi the J posted:Lmao you got enlisted into medieval times Funny enough, my first ship in the Navy was an AOE, carrying fuel, supplies, and ammo to fighting ships. Since I was dumb enough to go in under GTEP I was an undesignated seaman in the deck department and was one of the people operating the UNREP rigs. My best friend at home decided that this had been something of a lateral move, since I was now serving as a squire to Navy warships.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 29, 2020 00:17
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Sep 10, 2024 01:30 |
|
|
Platystemon posted:There are some workplaces where this would be a trick question, and the applicant is dismissed and blacklisted if they admit they could use a few weeks. Trust your feelings. Now that the general order of things has been established, let's introduce the cast of characters that I got to know and work with during the three years I worked at Medieval Times - or as its employees called it, "The Castle". Generally I'm going to limit this to people who have something interesting about them or feature in a story, because the castle employed something north of 150 people and I simply don't remember all of them. In the "Dirt Department", consisting of knights, squires, and the falconer, nicknames featured prominently. They attempted to nickname everyone, but only about half stuck. I thought about coming up with fake names but the actual nicknames are part of the charm and it's been two decades, so to hell with it. Knights: Michael - 80s rocker dude who was acting Head Knight when I got hired, because the actual Head Knight was out long term due to injury (and never actually came back). Drove a black generation 3 Camaro. He had been a knight for about 10 years when I was hired, and before that was a professional jouster on the renaissance faire circuit. I played a D&D campaign at his apartment for a while. One time I showed up a little earlier than everyone else and to pass the time Michael decided to put on a hardcore porn DVD on his big screen TV. Because that's a thing that you do without asking if everyone's okay with it. A year or so after I left Michael got out of the show due to just being beaten up over the years to the point where his body couldn't take it any more and transferred to the tech department. A good guy, but perpetually living in the mid 1980s in his soul. "Vinnie" - From NYC, and actively encouraged rumors about his shady past. He kept a slim jim in his locker and was the go-to guy for when a guest locked their keys in their car. I never once saw him fail to open a car in less than three minutes and mostly less than thirty seconds, it was truly impressive. Vinnie had a litmus test that he would administer to some random newbie every few months where he would hand you a set of electric clippers and ask you to shave his back. If you helped him out without complaining then he liked you. Ivan - Also a bass player in a goth band. Ivan was generally just happy to be doing whatever he was doing, but could be sloppy to the point of being dangerous in fights. He was responsible for several injuries when I was there, including one that resulted in his fight partner requiring a plate and screws in his hand. I am 95% sure that more than half the time Ivan's jolly mood was chemically induced and I have no idea how he got away with it, considering that company policy was that any injuries during the show required drug testing of all involved parties. I didn't really like Ivan. According to his Facebook page he found Jesus and went straight evangelical. Go figure. Jason and David - will feature in a story. I didn't know them well, partly because they left early in my time there. Jason would occasionally play one of the speaking roles on the dais, King or Chancellor. "Mackis" - Was taking college classes at the time and is now a high school history teacher. The only knight with short hair. Mackis once developed an utter obsession with Toto's "Africa" and played it on the locker room stereo at high volume before each show for about six weeks to get hyped up. Jack - Became Head Knight at some point after I left. A few years ago he was a contestant on a reality TV show about competitive jousting, which was actually won by a Medieval Times employee at a different castle. "Brutus" - Former Marine, burly, and the loudest person in any given room. He had been playing the King pretty consistently for a while by the time I started there, but occasionally would do the villain roles/fights. Brutus was the Show Department manager for a while but got demoted in a reorganization after he took the fall for something I'm pretty sure he didn't do, but I never got the full story on that. Thanks to him finding out that he could do it online I (and everyone else in the locker room at the time) am a Doctor of Divinity, an ordained Reverend in the Universal Life Church, and a Knight Commander in the Order of St. Isidore of Seville. Somewhere I still have the laminated certificates he handed out. Brutus joined the Freemasons about midway through my time there and bragged about how it was going to give him the connections to be successful and soon he would be rich. As far as I know he's still saying that. "Pezcueso" - nicknamed by the Spanish-speaking stablehands after his long neck and prominent Adam's Apple. Doesn't feature in any stories but the nickname was too good not to put down. "Boss J" - replacement Head Knight, transferred from another castle after it became clear that the previous one was not coming back from injury leave. Was generally more interested in breaking into the local realtor market than managing this band of merry assholes. It's late, so tomorrow we meet the squires, where the going gets weird and the weird turn pro.
|
|
#
¿
Dec 29, 2020 10:25
|
|