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Not sure what the vote does anymore, but D
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Jul 8, 2020 22:36
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Sometime between Day 4 and Day 5 - Malu ----------------------------------------------------- "There is no way I can politely tell others: 'Don't ask me if I enjoyed it.' 'Just take what you need, but don't ask me about it.' 'Don't put on me the burden of lying.' So I don't." -----------------------------------------------------     ----------------------------------------------------- "There's an anxiety that builds up inside of me, and I can't control it. And as the years go by the line between the professional and the personal blurs, and then I can no longer find a distinction. It becomes hard to gently caress the pain away. Sometimes my colleagues will offer their services to one another out of courtesy. A courtesy that only those who share your pain can provide. It feels nice not having to fake anything, for once. At first I thought I was lucky that my bored face looked, as someone put it, so elegantly blasé. But the more that line blurs, the more even my smile betrays a certain melancholy, and I feel guilty that my partners have to notice it. And sometimes in that blurred line, things just so happen in a way that I can no longer remember where I am, or who I am. I become lost in the process of making bad decisions, and waking up with shame. Sometimes, it's the shame of having enjoyed my job. Sometimes, it's the shame of having had sex with someone who does nothing for me, and yet I still find myself there anyway. And I hate myself throughout all of it. But I'm not in it for the present, I'm not in it for the sensation, I'm not in it for anyone, not even myself. I'm simply driven by the anxiety. So even though it hurts, I still go through the hoops in the hopes that I will feel desired." What are you anxious about? "That I'm not pretty anymore. That I'm too crazy to deserve anyone's desire. That I'm not smart enough to compete with the other girls." Who? "You know, everyone." ----------------------------------------------------- Ellen: Does it have to be a competition? Malu: No, but sometimes I feel like a worse version of others. Ellen: I think you're just rationalizing it. Malu: My mother once told me I should dress less provocatively. Malu: You know. Malu: Less slutty. Malu: I'm not good at following orders, especially ones that insult me. Malu: But that doesn't mean that I'm not insulted. Ellen: Do you have anything I can smoke? Malu: Sure. Ellen: I heard something similar once, about my outfits. Wearing a suit is a crime, apparently. You sigh. "I'm sorry". Malu: I've been insulted so much on my way here, I'm starting to believe it. She inhales. She's looking at you, curious as to your thoughts. You sit and look away. Malu: I don't know how others make out of it with dignity. Malu: I've been called a stupid whore so many times, I start to feel it in my flesh. Malu: It doesn't have to cut deep, because I think the same about myself. Malu: Do you think I'm a slut? Ellen: I'm not in a position to judge. Ellen: But that's a juvenile question, isn't it? Sure you're a bit of a nympho, so what? Shouldn't you be well past caring about that? What does it matter? Malu: It matters if I'm hurting others. "Or if I'm hurting myself." ----------------------------------------------------- "I don't mind feeling the needle, until I do." "No one talks about it, so maybe it's just me. The first time I feel it, it stings. Then I get used to it. But as the months - or years - go by, I get nervous about it again. That awkward pain becomes big in my head, and I dread feeling it, more than I did the first or second times. So I'm always changing position." "Ellen told me as soon as we get out of the Scars, I'll find someone else, because I have no reason to be with her. I'll have the money to find any Kalista I want as a bodyguard. It hurts that she thinks that. That she thinks I see her the same way others see me. I failed as a human being." "Even in my glimpses, I'm just drinking until everything fades." ----------------------------------------------------- You open your eyes. "I'm alive." "Right... I can't check out. I have to make sure Ellen's safe, and that everyone is safe, and..." "And I'm just making excuses." quote:But you do have a responsibility. "Only because I'm alive. How am I alive? Others are gone for merely glancing at death. Others are gone for far less. It's not fair." "It's not fair to me." ----------------------------------------------------- Day 5 - Malu / Early Morning Yuga lets herself in with a mug. Yuga-Clarice: Are you alright? I felt your aura disturbed. You look at her. Malu: No one enjoys hearing a 'no' back at that question. You know that, I know that, we all know that. Yuga-Clarice: You can try me, I like helping others. "I suppose you do." Malu: Just bad dreams, bad memories. She comes closer to look at your apparatus. Yuga-Clarice: What are you up to? Malu: I don't have the right equipment, so I'm hoping this will do. You pick up a flask out of your glassware and show her. Malu: Trying to make something that will calm me down. She points out at some of the samples around. "What are these?" Malu: Urea, salts. You know, doing the best with what we have. Yuga-Clarice: I'm impressed you can just make stuff like that on a whim. Malu: Don't be, I'm not sure it'll work. Yuga-Clarice: What if it does? Does it fix your issues? Malu: For a while. Malu: They'll work long enough, and then they won't. Yuga-Clarice: What then? Malu: The withdrawal symptoms kick in, the adverse effects add up. Malu: And I guess life catches up to you. Proceed. Elentor fucked around with this message at 05:51 on Jul 13, 2020 |
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Jul 11, 2020 20:17
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Jul 11, 2020 20:48
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Voting is closed for this session.quote:Rolling Choice for Event 267: Ela-Aisaiya
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Jul 12, 2020 07:36
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Day 5 - Malu / Early Morning You stop working for a bit, to look at Yuga-Clarice and pay her close attention. Malu: I am aware this is awkward, but... Malu: Did anyone ever tell you how much you and your sister look alike? Yuga-Clarice: Not really, no one's ever talked much about it. Yuga-Clarice: If anything, everyone was surprised. Malu: Ellen loves you very much. Yuga-Clarice: I know. Malu: I mean... I've never seen Ellen be so nice and caring as she is to you. Malu: That kind of warmth, you know. Malu: The closest I've ever seen was Dam Rei. A friend of ours. Malu: I miss him so much too. Yuga-Clarice: What was he like? Malu: He was a runaway from a very far place. He lived in Southwestern Kenvlar, in one of the few places that connected to the Amazon Forests. Yuga-Clarice: So he has Amazon blood? Malu: Maybe. He was a bit short though. Wore a ragged cape, and an Amazonian sword. He was quick-witted, agile, clever. I wish he was here. Yuga-Clarice: What happened? Malu: I don't know. He was part of my Unit, but I never found him after the coma. Yuga-Clarice: I'm sorry. Yuga-Clarice: Ellen has a lot of love for you, you know? We only had a brief amount of time together, but it was obvious. Malu: Everyone says that, but they didn't... they were not there. Malu: This is awkward. Trust me Yuga, I do not feel comfortable in her body at all. Yuga-Clarice: I know. Yuga-Clarice: I've been meaning to ask, what's your big move against Aisaiya? Malu: There's a woman in the north who can sense the flow of time. Cheryl. Malu: I went through a lot of trouble to make sure she's alive. She's way more powerful than Aisaiya. Malu: She has this... power. When she aims at someone, she knows whether it's a good decision or not to attack them. I can't explain. Yuga-Clarice: That's crazy. But... I guess I'm used to crazy. Yuga-Clarice: That seems really powerful, but I don't get how that helps us. Is she a friend? Malu: If Ellen isn't safe by the time we get there and that could have been prevented by Cheryl, I'm gonna kill the people she loves. Yuga looks at you speechless. Malu: I have to. It's the only way to make sure she does the right thing. She has to feel that letting Aisaiya go is a bad choice. Yuga-Clarice: Malu, you are... Malu: I know. Yuga-Clarice: I'm sorry. Malu: Me too. Yuga-Clarice: I mean, I heard the stories. I just... I don't want to be on the wrong side. "You never had that choice, Yuga. I am sorry that life dealt you such bad cards. I am so sorry." Malu: Listen, if everything goes to plan, then I won't have to do anything. We recover Ellen, and then no more killing. How's that? Yuga-Clarice: What about Aisaiya? You stare at her for a second. That second becomes a minute. "This is not what Ellen would have wanted." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Malu: Are you willing to gamble your sister's life? Yuga-Clarice: I just... it's foolish to trust Aisaiya, but for all her flaws, I do believe she just wants to get away from us. She hated your guts. I think she just wants to be free. Yuga-Clarice: We took everything from her. We took her memories, her personality, her heritage. And I... I'm very sure that she's no match for anyone right now. Yuga-Clarice: What I did to her was not pretty. Malu: Do you regret it? Yuga-Clarice: I feel sorry for her. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. Maybe it's all the time I spent with her. Yuga-Clarice: But that was also time I spent with you. Malu: Have you ever killed anyone, Yuga? Yuga-Clarice: I haven't. Malu: Listen, I... You look down. You will never find redemption, but maybe you can prevent Yuga from feeling further pain. Maybe you can protect her the way Ellen would want you to. She, too, is an exception. She, too, is special, but special in a very different way from you. Throughout all the pain, all the hardships of the path forced unto her, she has never lost her kindness, her humanity. She was unbroken. Malu: I will not kill anyone, alright? Malu: Whoever this Cheryl person loves, it's not their fault we're in this situation. Yuga-Clarice: And what if Aisaiya escapes? Your heart is filled with rage. You hold Yuga's hand. Malu: If she fulfills her promise, we get Ellen. And then we just go our way. Malu: I won't go after her, alright? Malu: No killing. Yuga smiles for a second, before she turns serious again. She wants to look tough. Malu: It's alright. You're right. You're right, okay? She hugs you. You chuckle. "It might be too late for me, but thank you Yuga. Thank you for giving me a reason to be human again." You hold her tight, and you cry. Proceed. Elentor fucked around with this message at 10:21 on Jul 14, 2020 |
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Jul 12, 2020 08:35
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Ah yes, dramatic irony.
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Jul 12, 2020 08:47
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Well, I guess that explains Cheryl's "Damned if I do, damned if I don't" sensation.
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Jul 12, 2020 08:57
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Welp. It's sad this had to end this way but. Welp.
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Jul 12, 2020 09:01
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Some happy thoughts. As Malu, [Think] "Aisaiya is dead, and she ditched Ellen somewhere near the East Vast." Reclaimer fucked around with this message at 14:26 on Jul 12, 2020 |
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Jul 12, 2020 14:21
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I don't usually register those commands because they're indistinguishable to the characters from random thoughts they might have: They don't know it's information. To Malu thinking about Aisaiya is just something she does. Even Gabriela is second guessing herself at the Kalija Board thing. The fact that the characters don't know these thoughts are yours is what allows the players to plan/think as the characters.
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Jul 12, 2020 20:06
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As Malu, you stare at the window in your room. "This is a nice place." The room you're in is small for what would have been your standards in the distant past, but you acknowledge the raw imbalance that your group's personal fortress represents. In a way, your special fortress. The city leaders have to believe you are Ellen. You did just yesterday issue an official statement in which you believe that Aisaiya, as a threat, is gone. It's a nice place, in which you are trapped. You are weak. You keep wondering about Julier, or even Cheryl. You want to leave right now, but you feel like the risk of you dying is far too high. But training for a few more days - is that in any way significant? Maybe for Yasha-Mar, but for you there's nowhere to progress. -------------------------------------------------------------- You stare, blankly, at the anticonvulsant you mixed. The salts to which you have access are not ideal, but they should work to some extent as a substitute. At very light doses it's an effective anxiolytic, with good hypnotic properties. You smile at that thought. You've noticed that Glimpses come harder when people are nervous or having trouble sleeping. "The only good thing to come out of sleep paralysis", you think to yourself. You look at it with some pride. In your early days you'd synthesize this to help people with migraines, convulsions and other ailments of the mind. But you had our suspicions of how quickly and how deadly an overdose could be, compared to other anxiolytics. You take just under the dose that you'd recommend. "For you, the best friend I ever had." Yuga asked about your body. About what you'd do when you found Ellen. You said things were fine, and told her not to worry about it. Everyone will be happy, and there will be no more pain. -------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------- You wake up to Yasha-Mar shaking you. It is late afternoon. She seems worried. Malu: I fell asleep? Yasha-Mar: Apparently. You had me worried, took me a while to wake you up. Yasha-Mar: Are you alright? Malu: No one enjoys hearing a 'no' back at that question. Yasha-Mar: I'll take that as a 'no'. Yasha-Mar: Do you want to talk about it? Malu: Not really, no. Yasha-Mar: I can see that your pulse rate is low. Blood pressure is lo- Malu: You just made me realize how boring I am when I'm talking about people's health condition. Malu: I am just depressed, Archmage. Surely you don't need any equipment to tell you that. Malu: Although, I suspect you've already measured my hormones, neurotransmitters and so on and you're just playing coy. I am pretty sure your visor can just outright tell you when people are sad. She takes off her helm. Yasha-Mar: I missed you today. You're a good sparring partner. I know you will say something cynical about losers always being good sparring partners, but I mean it in a genuine way. All you can think is how Yuga is better at this thing. Malu: Do you ever think that you've alienated yourself by relying so much on your technology and your magic? She thinks for a bit. Yasha-Mar: I do. When I woke up, I was different. As I became more of my old self, I also distanced myself from my own humanity. Yasha-Mar: Is this the you that ask us uncomfortable questions and make us second guess ourselves? Malu: I'm sorry. Malu: I don't have "blocks" when I'm in your heads. There are no filters. Malu: I'm sad, Yasha. I'm sad for reasons that, I'm afraid, are too far away from your reality. The souls reading my thoughts will too someday leave, and focus on your spells, or Gabriela's crazy plans, or Yuga, or who knows who else we have infected. Malu: There won't be anyone for me. I've made peace with that. Maybe I don't deserve it, anyway. There's a certain irony, or perhaps poetic justice, that it's us who die alone. Yasha-Mar: "Us"? You mean Kalistas? Malu: Not really. Forget it. Yasha-Mar: I know you might not believe me, but I want to understand. I'm really trying to reach you. Malu: Can you just promise that you'll take good care of Yuga and Ellen? Malu: I mean, actually just... just tell me what you wanted to tell. I've been stalling. She looks at you with a certain weariness. Yasha-Mar: Well, maybe these news will cheer you up. Yasha-Mar: Gabriela says she's almost certain that Aisaiya is dead, long past the dropout zone. It's... hard to explain how she knows that, but her logic is sound. You look at Yasha-Mar. You chuckle to yourself, nervously, desperately, before you burst into tears. Malu: Please. Leave me alone. "Please, leave me alone." Please select the POV: A) Gabriela B) Yasha-Mar C) Malu D) Yuga-Clarice E) Cheryl Elentor fucked around with this message at 11:22 on Jul 27, 2020 |
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Jul 14, 2020 10:20
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A: Gabriel
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Jul 14, 2020 10:57
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C
Reclaimer fucked around with this message at 20:16 on Jul 14, 2020 |
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Jul 14, 2020 10:58
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A
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Jul 14, 2020 11:41
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B
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Jul 14, 2020 12:03
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C. Let’s be there for our friend who is most certainly having suicidal ideations.
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Jul 14, 2020 12:07
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C Seems to me she's telling us to go away to fulfill her own prophecy of us leaving her, let's not.
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Jul 14, 2020 14:01
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C
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Jul 14, 2020 14:18
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B
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Jul 14, 2020 14:34
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C) Malu
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Jul 14, 2020 15:01
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C
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Jul 14, 2020 15:44
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C
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Jul 14, 2020 17:43
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D
Otherkinsey Scale fucked around with this message at 20:26 on Jul 14, 2020 |
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Jul 14, 2020 17:51
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A
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Jul 14, 2020 18:00
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C
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Jul 14, 2020 19:55
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C.
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Jul 14, 2020 20:12
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C.
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Jul 14, 2020 22:24
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C We care about you, Malu.
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Jul 14, 2020 23:12
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A
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Jul 15, 2020 01:53
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C
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Jul 15, 2020 11:46
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D
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Jul 15, 2020 21:34
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E
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Jul 15, 2020 21:53
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Voting is closed for this session.quote:Rolling Choice for Event 268: To be alone
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Jul 16, 2020 03:19
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Jul 16, 2020 03:39
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The things I've read
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Jul 16, 2020 09:03
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Hey, I maintain that when I talked to Malu in English, she understood me, and when I talked to her in Spanish, she did not. Also, I’m going to believe in my headcanon that Jakeline is a simulation of a secret PC in a secret forum run by a secret GM until absolutely proven otherwise, and no one can stop my stupid train of thought. 
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Jul 16, 2020 10:11
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I feel there's a step somewhere above the iceberg for players (new or otherwise) who the befuddled hot air balloon posted:"I have no idea what I'm doing"
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Jul 16, 2020 10:49
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Arcanuse posted:I feel there's a step somewhere above the iceberg for players (new or otherwise) who I'd fall into that, I'd be lying if I said I knew what was going on and tend to vote based on either what seems best at that one fixed point in time ignoring everything else, if the thread seems to be passionately going in one direction or a pun can be made
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Jul 16, 2020 11:07
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I didn't know what was going on anyway, but that graphic comfirms I know even less about what's going on than the zero I thought. I know minus amounts about what's happening 
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Jul 16, 2020 15:41
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Horse Inspector posted:I didn't know what was going on anyway, but that graphic comfirms I know even less about what's going on than the zero I thought. I know minus amounts about what's happening Same. I have at best a vague surface level understanding of the plot, though I'm hoping to get a better grasp on things before too long. I'm rubbish at spotting Easter eggs on a good day, so it's gonna take me awhile
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Jul 16, 2020 16:23
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