safari guide who cannot remember any of the animal names

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canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

*pointing at lions*
"look out your left in the shade of those trees and you'll see a whole flock of... those guys"

# ? Jul 29, 2019 17:13

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 18:13

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

Twenty Four posted:

*waves hands* birds, trees, animals, whatever. figure it out, im trying to drive a jeep here

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Careful near the river, everyone. More people die each year to water pig attacks than to snappy big snakes.

Jolo posted:

*Pointing at giraffes*

Some of these uhh four-legged ostriches can get really tall.

Farecoal posted:

"Woah, holy poo poo those guys look dangerous"

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

[Looking at an elephant shaking a tree] Land whales will shake loose birds, monkeys, deer, and other nesting creatures then feast on them while they're stunned.

# ? Jul 29, 2019 17:14

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Safari guide (pointing at a platypus): And this little fella over here is called a... it's the, uh... duck bunny. And it um, lays eggs and has milk so you can make some really interesting french toast.

# ? Jul 29, 2019 17:28

Finger Prince

Elephant family groups are lead by a matriarch, usually the oldest female. This herd has been led by Akina.. I mean, sorry that's actually Atiena... Aaaa... Amana? Sorry I get them confused, I'm really bad with names! *flustered flipping of sheets on clipboard* sorry, Tishala, it's Tishala who's lead this herd since she took over from her mother.... Uhhhh.... Over there you can see a giraffe we like to call George! *driver murmers something* Brian! We call him Brian, after one of the researchers!

# ? Jul 29, 2019 17:43

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

first time here on the continent? let me give you some history. africa was named after the italian cartographer who originally mapped it, africa vespucci.

# ? Jul 29, 2019 17:49

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

ah, what a treat! these are critically endangered in the wild. the species here is "Gorilla gorilla", but you might know them by their common name, "rowdy boys"

# ? Jul 29, 2019 17:53

Macnult

this one i like to call the long neck

the one over there? that is a long nose

and if you squint your eyes and look out far ahead, you�ll see a three legged creature. that is a rugby player

# ? Jul 29, 2019 18:22

Macnult

flying over head are gray parrots native to africa. we do not have a specific name for them, however it sounds like this flock is of the fog horn variety

# ? Jul 29, 2019 18:25

vanisher

Guide: "on your left, the daimond rattlesnage"

# ? Jul 29, 2019 18:26

vanisher

Careful! The snage has escaped!!

(Confused and alarmed tour passengers look around not really knowing what to look for)

# ? Jul 29, 2019 18:27

vanisher

Ah! The monster has woken!

"Wait is it a big animal or does he think monsters are real"

# ? Jul 29, 2019 18:33

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

"... so even if they're natural hunters, they would never consider hunting a... well you know... those kind of hairless stuff that we are?"

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jul 29, 2019 18:38

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

if we're lucky today folks, we might see one of the three big cat species out here. liars, cheaters, and lepers

# ? Jul 29, 2019 18:48

vanisher

Ah! A group of big dog types. Known and hunted for their rare and beautiful teeth, these big dog guys are king of the dogs.

(Tram slowly drives past elephants)

# ? Jul 29, 2019 19:14

Android Blues

vanisher posted:

Ah! A group of big dog types. Known and hunted for their rare and beautiful teeth, these big dog guys are king of the dogs.

(Tram slowly drives past elephants)

# ? Jul 29, 2019 20:03

lost my old email

the stripe cat may appear large but it is in fact peculiarly close

_{_{_{_{_{_{woooooo tiny shout out to deaf sex woooooooo it is spooky and i should have slept more posting up a storm this night wooooooooooooo i say. tiny shout out to mocking quantum also that guy rules. whoooooooooooo}}}}}}

# ? Jul 29, 2019 20:09

FactsAreUseless

[radio static sound] On the left, you'll see a collection, or grouping, of dirthole head-sticker-outers. You may have seen them on TV, or on the television. Look at their whole deal.

# ? Jul 29, 2019 22:26

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

FactsAreUseless posted:

[radio static sound] On the left, you'll see a collection, or grouping, of dirthole head-sticker-outers. You may have seen them on TV, or on the television. Look at their whole deal.

"aren't those meerkats?"

"hardly! they're wild animals, and taxonomically within the mongoose family"

# ? Jul 29, 2019 22:37

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

"HOLY poo poo, DO YOU SEE THAT loving THING?"

-Safari guide tripping balls and noticing his own shadow

# ? Jul 30, 2019 00:08

Twenty Four

Just like that person you met months ago at the bar, and definitely have learned and forgotten their name several times, but now it is way too late to ask without it being embarrassing, the safari guide leans over and nudges the passenger riding shotgun, points at a giraffe and whispers "hey, help me out, what's that things name again?"

# ? Jul 30, 2019 00:36

vanisher

The Safari guide puts his hand over the microphone and talks to the passenger next to him "sorry sir, what's that?" The man replies "Oh, just a camera. It's Steve's" patting his friend on the shoulder. The guide removes his hand from the speaker "ahead you'll see the wild Camera, known for its many beautiful Steves."

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Jul 30, 2019 00:49

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

lmaoooo

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# ? Jul 30, 2019 00:51

super sweet best pal

They wanted a safari expert and I use it all the time on my iPhone.

# ? Jul 30, 2019 01:10

alnilam

vanisher posted:

The Safari guide puts his hand over the microphone and talks to the passenger next to him "sorry sir, what's that?" The man replies "Oh, just a camera. It's Steve's" patting his friend on the shoulder. The guide removes his hand from the speaker "ahead you'll see the wild Camera, known for its many beautiful Steves."

# ? Jul 30, 2019 01:13

lost my old email

i panic for a moment but then start substituting in the name of the nearest pok�mon. long story short, an almost four star rating on trip adviser :cool:

# ? Jul 30, 2019 01:17

Manifisto

I know it doesn't look like a spider, I said it's in the spider family. and lots of spiders have horns on their nose like that, it's just hard to see when they're small.

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jul 30, 2019 01:32

google THIS

canyoneer posted:

"aren't those meerkats?"

"hardly! they're wild animals, and taxonomically within the mongoose family"

vanisher posted:

The Safari guide puts his hand over the microphone and talks to the passenger next to him "sorry sir, what's that?" The man replies "Oh, just a camera. It's Steve's" patting his friend on the shoulder. The guide removes his hand from the speaker "ahead you'll see the wild Camera, known for its many beautiful Steves."

# ? Jul 30, 2019 15:54

google THIS

And there are some majestic pointy-head deer, running across the grassy place. Look at them go, just running wherever they want, not a care in the world. They've probably never accidentally killed their guide and had to assume their identity to avoid getting caught. I'm sorry, where were we? Look, there are some towers made of bug...poop, I think. Or spit? No, pretty sure it's poop. Yeah, the bugs live in them, inside a house they fashioned for themselves, out of their own poop. That I can relate to.

# ? Jul 30, 2019 16:05

cda: by Hand Knit

canyoneer posted:

*pointing at lions*
"look out your left in the shade of those trees and you'll see a whole flock of... those guys"

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# ? Jul 30, 2019 16:24

cda: by Hand Knit

This safari is intended to foster a connection with nature, and if you're behind a camera, you aren't really connecting. So please, don't take any pictures of the, uh, weird looking humans?

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# ? Jul 30, 2019 16:26

Android Blues

*pointing at monkey enclosure* These are the awful men. If you do a crime in society, you get put in here as one of the awful men - so stay on the straight and narrow, folks!

# ? Jul 30, 2019 16:43

cda: by Hand Knit

Android Blues posted:

*pointing at monkey enclosure* These are the awful men. If you do a crime in society, you get put in here as one of the awful men - so stay on the straight and narrow, folks!

# ? Jul 30, 2019 18:02

nut

me: so i thought it would be a fun exercise to pretend we are the first of the homo sapiens to drive upon the savannah, generating new names for all the novel wildlife, what say you, Chunkosaurus

john: my name is john and i have a condition ok

# ? Jul 30, 2019 18:02

nut

oh well uh that's stan, that's jonathan, that's ursula, and that's randy *elbows* you do not wanna know how he got that name

# ? Jul 30, 2019 18:26

FactsAreUseless

To the east, we observe: greater noble river lump

# ? Jul 31, 2019 06:25

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

I'd like to make a couple of points about whatever that thing over there is.

1) It looks really angry, and I'm p-p-p-r-r-etty sure it's heading this way at a high rate of speed, and...

2) **voice fading away in the distance** I don't have to_{ran faster than it;_{I just have to be faster than one of you...}}

# ? Jul 31, 2019 10:50

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

"Sorry, folks, not a lot to see today." Howler monkey drives by on a scooter smoking a cigarette and wearing a messenger's cap. "Apart from traffic I guess. But don't worry, we'll have a blast at the flower garden; I hear the bees are out in force!"

# ? Jul 31, 2019 13:31

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

"I give you the Greater Cheese Gobbler." A bunch of German tourists snap pictures of the Golden Corral buffet line.

# ? Jul 31, 2019 13:34

Twenty Four

*Pointing behind myself while driving the jeep* "And that's Kyle. Can we all take a moment to revere Kyle in all of his majesty?"

# ? Jul 31, 2019 16:15

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 18:13

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

there's an armored balloon lizard. they can go weeks without water and live to be over a hundred years old.

# ? Jul 31, 2019 17:40

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > safari guide who cannot remember any of the animal names

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