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(how much do you want to bet someone's going to barge in on the first page and post about avengers endgame because they personally think it's a terrible movie) Suggested viewing material starter pack as far as scifi/horror goes: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Syfy_original_films https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Asylum Romantic comedies such as Christian Mingle are more hit or miss. Just watch one and if you like it keep going down the "because you watched" rabbit hole and you will have a valuable life experience, and may just end up learning something about yourself on the way. e: I'd just like to mention that I don't personally endorse the sharknado movies. They try too hard. and they have tara reid in them yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 01:06 on Aug 13, 2019 |
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Aug 13, 2019 01:01
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Tony Snark posted:I have a box of full of early Asylum movies from when my sister worked for them and the few times she dragged me in to it, almost all of them are "I am never watching this again" but I keep them as grim trophies of a sort. One of them I would re-watch again is Hide and Creep which is about Alabama rednecks vs zombies done in the spirit of 80s cornball. I'm actually kind of jealous. It's like having an uncle that worked at nintendo. I've seen Mega Piranha, maybe my favorite of all Asylum movies, like 8 times. 6 headed shark attack is a modern classic, but it doesn't have much rewatch value. If any of your box of movies is, dare I dream, an autographed copy of Mega Piranha, I will give you actual currency in exchange for it.
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Aug 13, 2019 23:56
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Disco Salmon posted:I <3 Mega Piranaha!!! right? I can only hope to display an ounce of his courage if ever faced with enormous CGI piranhas.
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Aug 14, 2019 01:29
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Disco Salmon posted:I <3 Mega Piranaha!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMkN3AOxpWY I think it is required to have this clip in this thread. Just look at the coordination. The finesse.
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Aug 15, 2019 00:54
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Speaking of people who have watched terrible sequels...a mystery i've never been able to solve is what even is starship troopers 2? I know it exists, but I've never seen it, and you can find plenty of opinions about the third one, but opinions about the 2nd one are harder t o find. Is it just that bland that nobody cares?
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Aug 15, 2019 01:11
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mojo1701a posted:Most of us know about the Arnold Schwarzenegger super smash hit holiday classic Jingle All the Way, but how many of us know there was a direct-to-dvd "sequel" Jingle All the Way 2, starring Larry the Cable Guy? I've seen it twice, and honestly I'd have to struggle to remember what happened, it was so bland. But yeah that's the gist. The best Larry the Cable Guy movie is Delta Farce, and that movie is awful (not in the good way). Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector was so bad I turned it off before it ended, and my threshold for turning bad movies off is extremely high. It has to be truly offensively bad/boring for me to throw in the towel and end my suffering prematurely.
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Aug 16, 2019 15:38
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Notice to all bad shark movie fans that have a TV: there are some bad ones all day on Syfy. Starting at 9am there's "Dam Sharks!" (never seen it but i'm excited about the exclamation mark), "Atomic Shark" (sounds better than what you get but I'm watching it again), "Zombie Shark" (I forget if I saw this one), then "Megalodon" which sounds too serious to be good but i'll give it a chance. Then in the evening hours it transitions into the first two sharknados, which as I mentioned i'm not the biggest fan of, but what the hell, it's shark day, i'll watch them again. I'm also kind of excited for the sharp transition into "Zombie Tidal Wave" at 9pm but zombie movies are extremely hit or miss, and if you're a night person and are up at 1 I can recommend Sharktopus, and the sequel Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda might just convince me to set my alarm for 3 in the morning.
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Aug 17, 2019 12:07
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I can't find anywhere to watch that aside from ordering a DVD from amazon for $48.88. It sounds/looks interesting though.
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Aug 17, 2019 13:54
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Oh yeah that was the sequel to tooth fairy (tooth fairy 2) with the rock. I don't think I've seen it but considering the rock one wasn't even good it's not high on my list.
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Aug 17, 2019 14:37
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The first one is a pretty decent movie, but I feel like the Bring it On sequels belong in this thread because, honestly, they are terrible, but I've made it a point just for the sake of completion to watch all of them. I found out today there is a 2017 sequel I missed called Bring It On: Worldwide #Cheersmack, featuring spooky mask wearing cheerleaders hacking in to routine transmissions to do whatever a cheersmack is. The twist is the most obvious one ever, the international cheersmack competition means nothing in the end (e: technically it does but it's all about the main group and the masked ones, the international teams are just filler), there's a knockoff banksy over the top anti-social media love interest, it's just bad but at the same time I can't hate it. Are people like this real? Are they supposed to be realistic portrayals of cheerleaders where they put cheer in front of all their verbs and engage in cheer-offs in inner city alleys? Who knows. yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 19:22 on Aug 17, 2019 |
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Aug 17, 2019 19:14
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i've lost the "because you watched christian mingle" category on my netflix and i am lost. I don't know what to watch now. Do I have to watch it again to get the category back? Because god help me i'll do it if I have to. e: i found this gods not dead 3, crisis averted. I am going to watch it despite missing the first two. yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 21:44 on Aug 17, 2019 |
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Aug 17, 2019 21:42
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The first 15 minutes or so of God's not Dead 3 held my interest, i was wondering why the bird thought it was so bad, but after the guy died from the fire I am starting to get it. It started dragging HARD after that. I mean they brought in a little backhoe thing to demolish a church? Just one, maybe two? I'm pretty sure you need heavier equipment than that to demolish a condemned building. also this guy has the ugliest color of green paint in his house and it's bugging me. who even sells vomit green paint
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Aug 17, 2019 22:33
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LITERALLY A BIRD posted:It drove me crazy because it was just SO drat self congratulatory, like it REALLY ratcheted it up from the prior two. The levels of white Christian persecution complex were actually painful and the only black character in the series getting fridged like ten minutes in was just too much yeah the smug is definitely off the charts. There is a scene with a black preacher in the last half hour that puts him in his place and points out that he's had to deal with a lot more poo poo than this guy did, but it was dismissed with basically like "i acknowledge your point but the rest of my sentence will be all about me, indicating that I clearly don't acknowledge your point". There are so many scenes where the clear intent is showing this reverend as some kind of martyr when actually he's just an annoying guy who doesn't want to lose his cash cow. Toward the end he's running emotionally through the streets and wow, he gets winded right in front of the burnt church just when he is so desperate for answers, and wow, he gets them in some cheesy scene where he's basically floating in space. that's where I am right now, there's still 17 minutes left but I know what's coming - cheesy forgiveness scenes, the church reopens, the protestors repent and accept christ as their savior. e: yeah he forgives the guy who kills the black dude and alters his testimony to make sure he gets a lenient sentence. He rolls up in his prius to the church to religious (white) protestors on one side with god's not dead sign and "the church must go" (black) protestors on the other. He then surrenders the church and drops charges against the murderer, causing the yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 23:20 on Aug 17, 2019 |
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Aug 17, 2019 23:13
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I don't think they were in it. I had to google them and there was not a christian rock band that I can remember. Is it worth watching the first two now or am I at God's Not Dead Everest? I feel like if the other two were better than this one i'll just be let down.
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Aug 18, 2019 00:23
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After my dose of christian dramas I am in a more critical than usual mood to receive the world premiere of Zombie Tidal Wave. I am not about to tolerate a movie that coasts on its cool premise, it better strive to be more than sharknado, there is a lot you can do with zombies whom arrive via tsunami.
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Aug 18, 2019 01:40
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Zombie tidal wave, we are getting off on the wrong foot. This boat owner apparently just has a falchion on his boat, but doesn't know to go for the head? And he's clearly dealing with the undead but he just chucks it overboard instead of whacking it in the head? This zombie tidal wave is going to be all his fault because he thought it was just a meth addict (which apparently is perfectly fine to stab and throw overboard). pro-tip: if a blue person comes at you trying to eat you, don't hold back. Dismember it, set it on fire, smash it into a jelly. Do what youneed to do.
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Aug 18, 2019 02:12
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come on, at the early climax you had the perfect opportunity for him to say the movie name. But he says "it's a zombie tsunami" and not tidal wave. What a missed opportunity.
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Aug 18, 2019 02:20
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Len posted:Zombie Tsunami is also a better title Agreed. But I wouldn't be surprised if that was taken so they had to go with tidal wave.
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Aug 18, 2019 02:31
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Len posted:So I have never seen a Sharknado movie. I mean, I've said a couple times I don't like them, but it's really just bitterness that this series as opposed to ones I liked better got such mainstream success. They are objectively funny movies even if they try super hard to be wacky. I've been watching the 4th one on syfy for the past couple hours, and they've somehow convinced me that a sandsharknado, bouldernado, oilnado, firenado, lightningnado, and now a nuclearnado are things that make sense (thanks to explanations provided by Gilbert Gottfried, weatherman). Also the sharks can be batted away with tennis rackets and a guy "surfs" down a tornado in a car by opening doors at certain times, kind of like an aerial tokyo drifting. They're fun. Not "good", but fun. I'm not sure i'd recommend watching the last one first though. You'll miss out on a lot of lore. yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 23:47 on Aug 18, 2019 |
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Aug 18, 2019 23:45
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Pureflix is really hounding me to start my free trial (I started signing up a few days ago but fell asleep before entering my credit card). I'm going to give in and finally be pure...
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Aug 21, 2019 23:10
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LITERALLY A BIRD posted:oh my god they have a subscription service??? I thought that's what you were talking about before, I googled pure flix and it says i get a free month. Is there some other way to access it?
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Aug 21, 2019 23:34
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LITERALLY A BIRD posted:As far as I knew they were just a regular rear end (but Christian) movie studio well, i'm going to start my trial and pray that I don't forget to cancel it before my free month is over (I probably will, and the "being a paid subscriber to pureflix" mark will always be upon my soul).
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Aug 22, 2019 00:47
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I just
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BioEnchanted posted:I think the worst movie I ever saw in theatres was The Unborn. The most boring horror movie ever, even the jumpscares failed to make me jump. This movie is only in my memory because it has one of the dumbest sounding "this is supposed to be scary" lines I've heard: "Jumby wants to be born now". give the demon baby a respectable name, not "jumby", come on. If a demon crawls its way out of hell and says "hi guys i'm jumby hail satan" everyones just going to laugh at him.
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Aug 23, 2019 11:18
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So I set up pureflix on my TV (it's kind of weird how they call all their movies "assets" instead of "movies") finally and chose to watch "Revelation Road: The Beginning of the End" first, to keep the tone light in the morning. I feel like it's supposed to be kind of like Mad Max, except during the rapture and it's also terrible? There's a bunch of (apparently redneck) bikers and the leader, "Hawg", likes to bash brave christians on the head with a comically oversized hammer. Now the husband refuses to pray with his wife on the phone, which apparently is triggering armageddon. This is great. There's apparently 4 of these things.
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Aug 24, 2019 15:06
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The way they portray the rapture is so corny, like there are tons of light balls (the raptured people) that just sprout out of the oceans, like uniformly spread across the globe. I wasn't aware we had so many aquatic christians on earth. also the head biker named his hammer "vengeance". I am going to be upset if good guy ex-military super soldier doesn't pick it up after being "saved" and say "vengeance is mine saith the lord" and bashing him on the head before joining the rest of the light balls. e: I guess I have to wait for the sequel to find out yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 17:01 on Aug 24, 2019 |
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Aug 24, 2019 16:56
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can we take a moment to admire this guy's hat (only picture I could find of it no idea who the dude on the left is): is wearing your hat like that actually a thing or is it only in post-apocalyptic anti-christian outlaw biker gangs?
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Aug 24, 2019 18:03
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BrigadierSensible posted:This is not really in the spirit of this thread, but the two worst films I have ever seen, are Mr. Wrong starring a still-closeted Ellen DeGeneres, and The Pallbearer, which was David Schwimmer from Friend's attempt to become a cinematic leading man. Terrible is terrible, it all belongs here imho. If I can find some time to squeeze them in between pureflix movies i'll check them out, because I can't just take someone else's word for it that they are terrible, that would be irresponsible. yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 18:24 on Aug 24, 2019 |
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Aug 24, 2019 18:20
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 I felt compelled to pause the movie and share this ridiculous scene, in which an evil biker tries to joust with a car with his trusty hammer.
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Aug 24, 2019 18:29
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LITERALLY A BIRD posted:SOUL COLLECTOR I failed making it through all 4 yesterday, i'll be starting 3 soon. I have a feeling mr. SOUL COLLECTOR is going to have a major role in the next 2. He was basically the 2nd in command to Hawg, and Hawg and his "queen" have found jesus once more. This stunning turn of events occurred because while the hero was b eating Hawg with a pipe, he noticed Hawg was wearing a cross necklace and stopped short before delivering the killing blow and started giving him a sermon, and last we see Hawg he is on the side of the road clinging to his cross and crying. I'm also questioning God's judgement a little with picking this guy in particular to be the chosen one. He's basically driving across the country on a killing spree and God keeps sending people to die to protect him. Like the daughter of the shopkeeper in the first one who asked him if he believed the bullet proof vest he was buying would protect him more than God, and of course he says "I trust the vest". Then in the second one the daughter gets left behind from the rapture because God, in the form of some dude by a campfire, tells her she has a job, which is to dive in front of the protagonist while wearing said vest, which doesn't work, and before she dies she says "you were wrong. about the vest. it was God all along, i'm glad I had to die just to prove you wrong, idiot" (paraphrased). It was just weird to have a callback to a line from the other movie. I feel like they are being presumptuous that people are going to watch all 4.
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Aug 25, 2019 13:27
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rydiafan posted:https://film.avclub.com/how-can-you-not-check-out-a-movie-called-the-velocipast-1837383938 Didn't need to, I was sold just by the title. I didn't even read the description and i'm going to spend $3.99 to rent this when I get the time, unless there's a free (legal, don't want to velociSin) way to watch it.
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Aug 26, 2019 21:11
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My favorite part is the description when you google it:quote:After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. Although he is horrified by the new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. Like the first sentence is great enough, but the second is like "ok now, this has to be too good to be true". How did I go from 2017 until now and never heard of this? Why isn't there an entire line of movies of monsterPastor? sharkpastor, demonpastor, octopastor, crocopastor, the possibilities are endless.
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Aug 27, 2019 01:23
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 i am so confused yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 01:29 on Aug 27, 2019 |
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Aug 27, 2019 01:27
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 friday night plans: officially sorted
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Aug 30, 2019 19:08
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 just a couple minutes in and velocipastor is amazing me already with their special effects
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Aug 31, 2019 00:03
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overall review: it's a way to spend $7.99 and an hour and 10 minutes of your life a very good way, to be clear
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Aug 31, 2019 00:47
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I've got to say, where pureflix really suffers is in the talking animal movie category. I put on "The Dog Who Saved Summer" and it's just kind of lame. So far this isn't even christian-themed. In fact the dog is named Zeus, which imho is more blasphemous than pure for a flix. i mean come on they don't even use bad cgi to make the dogs' mouths move. It's just a voiceover. These dogs are not talking! this movie is offensively bland. I thought you were better than this pureflix. yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 23:49 on Sep 1, 2019 |
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Sep 1, 2019 23:42
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I mean, OK, all the stars were there including people from hit show "dog with a blog". They clearly spared no expense in casting. but honestly, this dog shouldn't have needed to save summer. It wasn't his fault summer was ruined, it was the other dog. And he certainly shouldn't have the burden of foiling a diamond heist on top of winning back the love of his family.
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Sep 2, 2019 02:27
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wesleywillis posted:Jaws 1 was awesome. Jaws 2 was a worthy sequel imho. my favorite is the one with the shark that explodes when touched by the tip of the boat and also it roars. I think that was the fourth one. I remember 3 not being too terrible except for how dumb the "shark is hunting our family specifically" plot was. e: maybe all of what i'm talking about is from 4, it has been a while since I watched it yeah I eat ass has a new favorite as of 13:51 on Sep 2, 2019 |
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Sep 2, 2019 13:29
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Schubalts posted:I wasn't sure if that was edited for the article, but holy poo poo that was the actual scene? Yeah, it's on the screen for a good 20-30 seconds too. I was worried they'd use that gimmick for every special effect for the rest of the movie but fortunately they had some restraint.
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Sep 2, 2019 15:06
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Sunswipe posted:Ooh, VelociRapper could be a kids' movie with MC Hammer as the voice of a CGI rapping dinosaur. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOQ7bqtRLC4 he's too busy working on his music career apparently
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Sep 2, 2019 15:14
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