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Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

Please leave the room if you think this might offend you.


Grimey Drawer

A man goes to visit a doctor who is acclaimed for his ability to treat melancholia. “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep,” says the man. “I feel constantly miserable. Please help me, doctor.”

“Laughter is the best medicine, my friend,” says the doctor. “Whatever you do make sure you don't read any of rotor's posts. They are exquisitely unfunny and will amplify all your ills without any pills or potions from my cabinet.”

The man looks at the doctor for a moment. “Ah,” he says. “That won’t help.”

“Why not, sir?”

The man shrugs. “I am rotor.”

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Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

what's a grandma seizure

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

:pusheen:

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

rotor posted:

ive never had a kidney stone and i live in mortal fear of them

:same:

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer


oh that's a relief

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud posted:

I use Feedly but it's a real piece of poo poo compard to Google Reader.

same and same

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

3D Megadoodoo posted:

My bum bled once and I went to the doctor and they said yeah dude your bum is bleeding and sent me home.

It was the single most unhelpful thing I've experienced.

i was teaching a course in spain a couple of years ago and one morning i got up and just poo poo out a whole bunch of blood

the lady who was running the course had to take me to the hospital and act as interpreter for me "tiene sangre en el culo, mucho mucho sangre", which was super fun for both of us.

anyway that's how i got fingered by a spaniard. turns out it was just a 'rhoid that popped like a balloon. apparently you shouldn't worry too much if the blood coming out of your rear end is fresh and red because that's coming from right near your butthole, but should worry a lot if it's clotted because that means it's way up in the works somewhere and probably much more dangerous

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

paul harvey voice: and now you know...too much of the story

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

that was p much my morning that day, yeah

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

Cold on a Cob posted:

ok you can have a little MEGAPUSSI then

yeah just a couple dozen KILOPUSSI

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud posted:

nobody expects the spanish buttfingering

oh look who's never been to ibiza

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

lol

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

i've had problems with your dick for years

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

i don't drink much soda but a liter is not that much by soda junkie standards, it's not even three cans of soda

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

3D Megadoodoo posted:

it's also... exactly one litre

which makes it also exactly three cans of soda, as soda cans are 1/3 l, unkless you live in hell world.

i was dumbing it down for our american friends

anyway for some reason i thought soda cans were 375ml, but apparently they're 330

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

i've been bouncing from blood pressure medication to blood pressure medication for a year and a half now trying to find one that actually works but doesn't give me migraine auras, it's a gently caress

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

i go through periods where i have them almost every day and then i don't have them for weeks. getting an mri when i get back to frankfurt just to make sure my brain's in straight, but the neurologist already said "if it's been going on for a year and you're still alive it's probably not a tumor" so that's good

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

yeah my migraine situation is relatively mild but still sucks. basically i just get these sudden disorienting electric waves going across my brain that make me feel like my eyes are pointing in two slightly different directions. maybe 1/5 of the time about thirty minutes later i'll have a sudden squeezy headache that lasts for less than thirty seconds and is gone. it's weird and disorienting but it's not debilitating, my main issue with it is that i want to be 100% sure it's not something nastier.

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

yesterday was my birthday so now i am even older

wtf

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

j290 you seem to be moving from strength to strength, idk how you'd have doubts at this point

i want to live for as long as i possibly can but i am tempted to just leave the world of men like frodo at the end of the lord of the rings. just wander around the forest eating berries and magic mushrooms, become a figure of local legend somewhere

or just get one of these italian houses for one euro https://boingboing.net/2020/07/22/small-italian-town-selling-c.html

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

President Beep posted:

there are people who depend on me (my fellow yosposters)

:same:

somebody has to keep the bar low around here, like a pace car for shitposting

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

let me look it up on somethingoffal.com

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

graph posted:

full loving daylight from 5am to 9pm is stupid and sucks rear end

lol this is my least favorite part about summer in frankfurt. my body's sleep code clearly says "go to bed three hours after sunset, wake up with sunrise" and in furt that's like 3-4 hours in the middle of summer

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

axolotl farmer posted:

checking in from 59° North in Stockholm. in June, the sun sets but the sky never gets dark.

i would just be walking around like O_O after about three days of that

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

Gentle Autist posted:

After years of resistance I got a CPAP to treat my snoring and sleep apnea. it owns. Previously I was waking up like 3 or 4 times a night because I thought I needed to piss, turns out I just couldn’t breathe. i was tired all the time

Now I sleep right through and I don’t snore so my wife hates me 1% less. I feel super well rested when I wake up.

I do gotta wear a lovely darth vader mask when I sleep but it’s worth it

countdown to you pissing the bed lol

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

FMguru posted:

accidentally or on purpose?

first one, then the other

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

Achmed Jones posted:

my lower back has been really painful lately, waking me up at night and keeping me from sleeping. I hope it's just the extra belly or the lack of stretching and that losing weight and stretching will fix it. otherwise rip me

do you sleep with a pillow between your knees, by chance? i had just absolutely debilitating lower back problems but then i tried sleeping with a pillow between my knees so that my spine wasn't twisted at night and my back issues were literally gone the next day

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

echinopsis posted:

my knee still hurts and god I wish I could get excited about anything at all in life lmao my knee

same except incipient hernia

gonna have to get surgery

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

fart simpson posted:

no, it was a tick borne illness called rocky mountain spotted fever. i was the first recorded case in maine.

oh no that's an easy mistake to make but those are actually appalachian hot dots

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer


literally rocking the cross breeze right now

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

my elderly mother is on very expensive prescription laxatives and now i'm wondering whether we shouldn't just be buying her a shitload of sugar free gummies instead

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

FMguru posted:

happy new year, trig

happy new year!

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer


skeedop
badap
butthole

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

Silver Alicorn posted:

I"m young and spritely

i'm old and spitely

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

fart simpson posted:

i slammed my knee really hard into a bus seat on my way home today and now its swelling and starting to bruise and i cant squat down without pain :)

about a week ago i stepped wrong on my right foot and rolled my ankle a bit, and in the process of recovering i rolled my left knee instead and it still hurts when i go up and down stairs

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

i take a viagra every day

if you stay ready you don't have to get ready

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

i woke up this morning with a very hosed up knee

here is a list of activities that may have led to this hosed up knee: sleeping

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

Jonny 290 posted:

there are chuds everywhere in America.

that's why i live in japan :smug:

in okinawa, which is crawling with american military :ironicat:

Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

graph posted:

ive puked twice in the last 20 years

one of them was when i lived in a very long apartment and spewed puke all down the hallway wall trying to run to the toilet. had to rent a rug doctor

i puked once about two years ago after a long night of horking down whiskey, but last time before that was in 2001

just not a big puker, my posts notwithstanding

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Trig Discipline
Jun 3, 2008

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Grimey Drawer

rotor posted:

yeah i am well past 40 and have no actual ailments other than allergies, baldness and a bad knee I've had since I was 17

you have a serious case of TPS though (terrible posting syndrome)

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