DONT GAMBLE ONLINE

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > DONT GAMBLE ONLINE

supernatural blonde: Mar 15, 2005; Lipstick Apathy

StabMasterArson posted:

Why would you take the bonus in the first place? They're always scams

They're not really scams, as long as you read the terms and conditions and follow them it's quite straightforward to get your bonus. They are lovely though because they're designed to draw you in and get you hooked and they do that very well, gambling is incredibly addictive.

# ? Aug 18, 2019 16:44

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:26

Katamari Democracy: Jan 19, 2010; Guess what!
Guess what this is?
A Post, Just for you!; Wedge Regret

Don't spend money you do not have. If you cant get that through your addicted brain then you deserve every penny you lose by it.

# ? Aug 18, 2019 17:24

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

Laslow posted:

I always at least double my money live at the casino. Go to the lowest minimum bet no limit table with the max stack they�ll allow you to buy and just relax and let your cards do the work.

It takes time and patience, but have a few whiskeys(not too many) and talk and make friends, enemies and frenemies.

On the low minimum table, you got some people relaxing and just trying to have a games with action but not too much stress, or the poorest bastards trying to win whatever they�re short on rent/drugs. That second group bets poorly and tilts all the time
(good for you) and the chillaxin� rich bros won�t sweat a bad beat, so you feel less guilty when you take em down. There will be 1 or 2 real sharks, you just stay out of their way unless you�ve got the nuts, and you�re set. And some of them aren�t dicks and will talk shop/strategy with you and are cool.

I�ll have to leaf back through and see if Spinster or whatever her latest alt is had anything to say. I know she played a lot, obviously, but I�m curious about how she approached the table, with the people and her strategies and the mechanical stuff.

E: I just realized I went off topic. When we�re talking ONLINE gambling. I cashed out $400 right before the ban and only the shadiest liquor store would cash the check since the address was a PO Box.

Why aren�t you a billionaire by now?

# ? Aug 18, 2019 17:43

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

Bonuses are legit, the trick is not to lose all your money before your bonus is eligible to be withdrawn. You need to have studied up on Tight-Aggressive play, and know how to calculate probabilities. For a $20 bonus, you'd have to play something like 100 hands. A lot of people signed up, got the bonus, then busted out all in the same night.

Back during the hey-day of online poker, you could basically build up some decent money just by signing up for one site at a time, grinding out their bonus, then withdrawing everything and moving on to the next site. There were soooo many sites out there, too. It was stupid. And some were offering, like $200 in bonus money (which would require you play, like, 1000 hands).

Then, once you've got all the bonuses you can, you kind of know which sites you like better for their interface and their quality of players (you wanted low quality players).

For me, after doing all that for a few months, I totally lost my appetite for poker. I have no desire to play online again, no desire to go to a casino. If some friends wanted to play a game, I'd probably do it, but that situation has never come up in the past 13 years, so...

# ? Aug 18, 2019 17:53

barnold: Dec 16, 2011; what do u do when yuo're born to play fps? guess there's nothing left to do but play fps. boom headshot

drat, just when I thought I hated myself, OP comes around and makes me feel like the smartest guy on the planet. dare to be stupid

# ? Aug 18, 2019 17:58

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

I love that OP says "don't gamble online" (which is an incredibly reasonable position) but only because he failed to cheat an online casino out of $20 in funbucks :allears:

# ? Aug 18, 2019 18:09

IT BURNS: Nov 19, 2012

dudeness posted:

I was in my younger years, 10 years sober.

Hell is other people.

# ? Aug 18, 2019 18:51

Stefan Prodan: Jan 7, 2002; I deeply respect you as a human being... Some day I'm gonna make you *Mrs* Buck Turgidson!; Grimey Drawer

Sleeveless posted:

Honestly gambling laws really need to be tightened up to get around the loophole that something isn't technically gambling if it isn't literally putting money in and getting money out. Poor areas are just wall to wall "fish game"/"arcade"/"cyber cafes" and video game microtransactions are hooking kids on gambling in the same way ecigs single-handedly reversed half a century of declining tobacco use among kids.

That's because in addition to one big world series of poker winner hugely skewing the average a lot of them were using the forum for money laundering and also conning goons into gambling with them so they could take their money. A ton of them had a meltdown when the forum was closed because it meant losing tends of thousands of dollars that were locked up in posts at the time.

It's wild to think that the gun subforum that has been directly responsible for multiple deaths and the illegal drugs forum where every thread's first page is a wall of permabanned dead posters are still up and running but it was the online gambling one that was immediately shut down to comply with the law.

lmao what

that is, uh, not correct

many of us are still playing poker for a living

forums user MrTimCaum was at one point #1 on the all-time money list in RL tournaments for instance. Also when I said 10-20 million I meant in profit not in cashes so you can't just go ah it's just this guy.

https://pokerdb.thehendonmob.com/player.php?a=r&n=78452

Also I am personally on year 12 of playing online poker for a living which I learned to do here on SA in PITR and no one was scamming anyone lol your post is insane

Stefan Prodan fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Aug 18, 2019

# ? Aug 18, 2019 18:52

Mulaney Power Move: Dec 30, 2004

Where I live there's a ton of those"Sweepstakes" places which are all computer slot machines and those fish tables. Sometimes I play if I don't care about wasting money, but the problem with those is places is they're always getting robbed at gunpoint. You can find one in just about any strip mall, unless it's in a fancy part of town.

# ? Aug 18, 2019 19:00

CassandraZara: Oct 21, 2012; by Nyc_Tattoo

I got four words that will change all you gamblers lives: Wizard of Oz slot machine

# ? Aug 18, 2019 19:43

A_Account: Nov 29, 2016; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

Joshua I�ll give you twenty dollars if you post a picture of you with a sign apologizing to the forum for being such a bitch

So if I do this then I'll get 20 bux? I need the money to change my av and I promise I will use it to do that.

# ? Aug 18, 2019 22:30

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

A_Account posted:

So if I do this then I'll get 20 bux? I need the money to change my av and I promise I will use it to do that.

Sure I have no idea how to get you the money though maybe a cert for here?

# ? Aug 18, 2019 22:41

Oscar Wild: Apr 11, 2006; It's good to be a G

Sounds like the OP gambled and lost

# ? Aug 18, 2019 23:02

Do it ironically: Jul 13, 2010; by Pragmatica

Not including people who are professional gamblers but isn�t the point of gambling that you�re going out with your buds and gonna get drunk and throw down a couple of dollars and have fun

Basically I�m saying it�s pretty sad if you�re gambling online by yourself in your house

# ? Aug 18, 2019 23:22

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

NOBODY BETTER gently caress WITH THE NEW MEAT HES MINE

# ? Aug 19, 2019 00:18

Laslow: Jul 18, 2007

Burt Sexual posted:

Why aren�t you a billionaire by now?

Because I�m coming in with maybe $400 in chips and trying to enjoy myself and not turn into like some of the soulless husks you see in poker rooms.

I don�t think I could risk the high roller minimums without heart murmurs and palpitations screwing with my play style.

If I know I�m only risking so much every couple months, it really eases most of the pressure and gives me an advantage too. If I lose that advantage, it�d be hard to rake in huge dollars like that.

# ? Aug 19, 2019 00:21

TeachesOfPeaches: Jan 25, 2019

The balls on OP for drunk posting this thread then getting probed he can�t wear boxers, briefs, OR boxer briefs drat

# ? Aug 19, 2019 00:24

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

A_Account posted:

So if I do this then I'll get 20 bux? I need the money to change my av and I promise I will use it to do that.

Lol that av

# ? Aug 19, 2019 00:25

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

Burt Sexual posted:

Lol that av

I told him to sleep on it burt I told him

# ? Aug 19, 2019 00:29

A_Account: Nov 29, 2016; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

I told him to sleep on it burt I told him

Anything beats my previous av.

Maybe I should have worn it like a badge?

# ? Aug 19, 2019 00:46

Dick Bastardly: Aug 22, 2012; Muttley is SKYNET!!!

Burnt Dick posted:

Excellent

lol, i will think upon this image fondly when I reminisce on the days of yore

# ? Aug 19, 2019 04:24

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Burnt Dick posted:

Excellent

# ? Aug 19, 2019 04:42

Tim Whatley: Mar 28, 2010

Yeah I'll stop gambling online illegally when my state makes it legal

# ? Aug 19, 2019 04:45

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

Sleeveless posted:

Honestly gambling laws really need to be tightened up to get around the loophole that something isn't technically gambling if it isn't literally putting money in and getting money out. Poor areas are just wall to wall "fish game"/"arcade"/"cyber cafes" and video game microtransactions are hooking kids on gambling in the same way ecigs single-handedly reversed half a century of declining tobacco use among kids.

That's because in addition to one big world series of poker winner hugely skewing the average a lot of them were using the forum for money laundering and also conning goons into gambling with them so they could take their money. A ton of them had a meltdown when the forum was closed because it meant losing tends of thousands of dollars that were locked up in posts at the time.

It's wild to think that the gun subforum that has been directly responsible for multiple deaths and the illegal drugs forum where every thread's first page is a wall of permabanned dead posters are still up and running but it was the online gambling one that was immediately shut down to comply with the law.

You are literally the first person to ever have this idea. There's no way that a lot of online poker business was actually driven by the suckers who thought they could totally game the system by feeding a ton of low stakes games into a bot that would crack the site's algorithm and let them become rich.

It's like how The Hangover was one of the best things to happen to casinos since the Texas Hold Them craze because it made an entire generation of dunning kruger cases think they could learn card counting and effortlessly get rich.

Lol drat

# ? Aug 19, 2019 06:27

Stefan Prodan: Jan 7, 2002; I deeply respect you as a human being... Some day I'm gonna make you *Mrs* Buck Turgidson!; Grimey Drawer

Smythe posted:

Lol drat

lol drat i didn't even notice he mentions dunning kruegger at the end cause that is some max irony poo poo

# ? Aug 19, 2019 06:55

Poohs Packin: Jan 13, 2019

A_Account posted:

I guess I am only posting this since the audience here is getting older and older and I want to give some advice to the young blud (blood?)

Thanks, Internet Dad.

# ? Aug 19, 2019 07:48

Dick Bastardly: Aug 22, 2012; Muttley is SKYNET!!!

OP please drop by the Things Boomers Like thread and let us know about things you like

# ? Aug 19, 2019 08:11

Nurse Fanny: Aug 14, 2007

ello governer chav knicked me twenny quid wot wot

# ? Aug 19, 2019 08:39

TASTE THE PAIN!!: May 18, 2004

OP dumb

# ? Aug 19, 2019 09:02

Nastyman: Jul 11, 2007; There they sit
at the foot of the mountain
Taking hits
of the sacred smoke
Fire rips at their lungs
Holy mountain take us away

Sorry about your gambling problem

# ? Aug 19, 2019 09:03

EdwardSwifferhands: Apr 27, 2008; I will probably lick whatever you put in front of me.

Online is a really bad place to bet on love.

# ? Aug 19, 2019 10:49

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

# ? Aug 19, 2019 13:41

PIZZA.BAT: Nov 12, 2016

Flavahbeast posted:

I spent a ton of time on predictit in 2016 and made like $600, it wasnt really worth it

yeah i made some real good money from trump winning the R primary

# ? Aug 19, 2019 13:44

Willfrey: Jul 20, 2007; Why don't the poors simply buy more money?; Fun Shoe

There is an entire city in the desert built off ~~people who win big against the house~~ people bad at math

# ? Aug 19, 2019 14:28

ASenileAnimal: Dec 21, 2017

op you gotta know when to hold em and know when to fold em

# ? Aug 19, 2019 14:41

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Gambling is best treated as entertainment where you MAY end up with slightly more money than your allocated entertainment budget.

# ? Aug 19, 2019 15:58

Brother Tadger: Feb 15, 2012; I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!

CassandraZara posted:

I got four words that will change all you gamblers lives: Wizard of Oz slot machine

That�s five words

# ? Aug 19, 2019 18:21

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

1redflag posted:

That�s five words

Its a bonus

# ? Aug 19, 2019 18:25

ifuckedjesus: Sep 5, 2002; filez filez filez filez filez filez filez filez filez

I won some money sports gambling last year b/c I understand how to read rollover requirements then went to Antigua on vacation a couple months ago (the gambling website is registered there) and the locals were not familiar with it / it's probably just an Antigua shell company. They do however have some huge Casino's there. That's my online gambling story, hope you enjoyed it.

# ? Aug 19, 2019 18:36

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:26

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

CassandraZara posted:

I got four words that will change all you gamblers lives: ~~Wizard of Oz~~ Showtime Rotisserie slot machine

# ? Aug 19, 2019 18:38

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