a turtle too fat for him own shell

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > a turtle too fat for him own shell

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JK Fresco: Jul 5, 2019

https://i.imgur.com/QKgycc0.gifv

# ? Aug 20, 2019 05:59

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# ? Apr 20, 2024 03:34

JK Fresco: Jul 5, 2019

Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:

Animal corpulent animal suffer

# ? Aug 20, 2019 06:01

Bloody Hedgehog: Dec 12, 2003; 💥💥🤯💥💥
Gotta nuke something

Mnoba posted:

what is the oldest think someone has ever went and gotten circumcised?

Probably some 110 year old dude on his deathbed asked his doc to circumcise him.

"Do it doc. I can get into heaven, but if I get my pecker nipped then maybe I can get into Jew heaven if the jewish god was the correct one to worship. WHAT? They're both the same god?! Wait, stop then, staaaahhhhppp."

# ? Aug 20, 2019 06:55

jazzyjay: Sep 11, 2003; PULL OVER

Big Beef City posted:

There was a dude in the founding dynasty of the Khazar Khanate, who wanted to decide what his new kingdom's religion was going to be.

Here's the letters.

This inspired an awesome rear end meta as heck novel called Dictionary of the Khazars by Milorad Pavic

# ? Aug 20, 2019 07:05

Linux Pirate: Apr 21, 2012

a turtle to fat for he own shell

a shameful turtle

# ? Aug 20, 2019 07:21

Escape From Noise: Jul 27, 2004

More like fat turd...le

# ? Aug 20, 2019 07:41

Good Ol Filbert: Jun 10, 2019

Hope that the fat turtle salesman doesn't slap the top of him

# ? Aug 20, 2019 08:26

Lovely Primate: Jan 21, 2011

JK Fresco posted:

https://i.imgur.com/QKgycc0.gifv

garfield lookin rear end

# ? Aug 20, 2019 09:16

redm: Feb 20, 2016; Sugartime Jones

he looks like a sentient piece of ravioli

# ? Aug 20, 2019 11:06

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

redm posted:

he looks like a sentient piece of ravioli

a-kill-a... meee...

# ? Aug 20, 2019 13:45

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

redm posted:

he looks like a sentient piece of ravioli

turn monitor on

# ? Aug 20, 2019 13:49

Escape From Noise: Jul 27, 2004

Big Beef City posted:

turn monitor on

I tried this but now I can see all of my awful posts. Please help!

# ? Aug 20, 2019 13:52

peanut: Sep 9, 2007

Big Beef City posted:

There was a dude in the founding dynasty of the Khazar Khanate, who wanted to decide what his new kingdom's religion was going to be.

So he gets a Jewish Rabbi, a Muslim Cleric, and a Christian theologian (what rank I forget) and gets them to convince him. They argue amongst themselves for days.
Finally he says gently caress it. Asks the Christian "Look, if I say OTHER than Christian, what's best, Judaism or Muslim", the Christian guy says "Judaism".
So he says to the Muslim guy "Look if you CAN'T say Muslim, what's best, Christianity or Judaism", and the Muslim says "Judaism is best".

So the old Khan declares that he and his family will be Jewish and up and circumcises himself, his sons, and his servants.

We know this, because many, many years later in about 960ad, a Jewish guy living in Spain hears of this far off kingdom that might be full on Jewish (it was not) and sends out this bitchin letter across the known world to what was essentially the Moon in hopes of finding out....
And he does. The guy's descendant is still Khan and tells him all about it, as well as all about his sweet-rear end territory and the cities in it, and then invites him to come to his land as his honored guest, and to act as his spiritual father/advisor in faith. (We don't think he did).

Here's the letters.

cool story thx u

# ? Aug 20, 2019 14:40

peanut: Sep 9, 2007

Devils Affricate posted:

ps lol

# ? Aug 20, 2019 14:41

bring back old gbs: Feb 28, 2007; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

uncut turtle looks so weird

# ? Aug 20, 2019 14:42

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

can this be the fat animals thread?

# ? Aug 20, 2019 14:43

JK Fresco: Jul 5, 2019

Zzulu posted:

can this be the fat animals thread?

It isn't?

# ? Aug 20, 2019 15:01

Rad-daddio: Apr 25, 2017

LadyPictureShow posted:

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/aug/05/man-circumcised-in-leicester-hospital-mix-up-gets-20000-payout

A 70-year old man was accidentally circumcised in the UK recently.

Oi, a chav nicked me foreskin!

# ? Aug 20, 2019 15:15

flavor.flv: Apr 18, 2008; I got a letter from the government the other day
opened it, read it
it said they was bitches

Zzulu posted:

can this be the fat animals thread?

# ? Aug 20, 2019 16:08

its all nice on rice: Nov 12, 2006; Sweet, Salty Goodness.; Buglord

# ? Aug 20, 2019 16:20

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

boy have I got some BAD news for that cute fat weasel.

e: I am talking to my dick

# ? Aug 20, 2019 16:25

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

RandomFerret posted:

This is actually kind of sad. He a jacket now.

# ? Aug 20, 2019 17:13

Chuds McGreedy: Aug 26, 2007; Jumanji

I'm glad Robin Williams is still alive. Not glad he's in captivity and been eating all the ravioli and celery.

# ? Aug 20, 2019 17:23

naem: May 29, 2011

that just a soft shell they are supposed to be turd boys

# ? Aug 20, 2019 18:29

Saalkin: Jun 29, 2008

flapjack turtle titties

# ? Aug 20, 2019 19:33

Dr. Video Games 0112: Jan 7, 2004; serious business

Zzulu posted:

can this be the fat animals thread?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaY3vk4SYnM

# ? Aug 20, 2019 19:46

Away all Goats: Jul 5, 2005; Goose's rebellion

Flavahbeast posted:

its not obese its supposed to look like that

thats what I tell people too

# ? Aug 20, 2019 19:49

RepeatingMeme: Dec 27, 2012; this place is not a place of honor

no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here

nothing valued is here

what is here was dangerous and repulsive to us

this place is best shunned and left uninhabited

this turtle is my spirit animal

# ? Aug 20, 2019 20:10

ninjoatse.cx: Apr 9, 2005; Fun Shoe

its all nice on rice posted:

Artie Lange's lookin' pretty good since he kicked heroin.

# ? Aug 20, 2019 20:50

ShortyMR.CAT: Sep 25, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

its all nice on rice posted:

Howd you get this picture of me

# ? Aug 20, 2019 21:36

extra stout: Feb 24, 2005; ISILDUR's ERR

JK Fresco posted:

https://i.imgur.com/QKgycc0.gifv

its kind of cool that no matter how much this moron cat owner ruins this cat, it still thinks its a regular cat with its normal instinct to hunt

if it were a human they'd be buying super padded sandals and shorts, parking in front of buildings and walking with their feet pointed out directly to their sides

# ? Aug 20, 2019 21:52

Johnny Aztec: Jan 30, 2005; by Hand Knit

Literally A Person posted:

This is actually kind of sad. He a jacket now.

From what my stepfather tells me,from working on a mink farm in the late 50s, minks are terribly viscous, and if you get any of their musk on you, it won't stop smelling for a week

# ? Aug 20, 2019 22:47

JK Fresco: Jul 5, 2019

# ? Aug 21, 2019 00:46

Bloody Hedgehog: Dec 12, 2003; 💥💥🤯💥💥
Gotta nuke something

# ? Aug 21, 2019 05:51

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

Literally A Person posted:

This is actually kind of sad. He a jacket now.

A nice big one

# ? Aug 21, 2019 05:56

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

JK Fresco posted:

What is that thing

# ? Aug 21, 2019 05:57

Overnight Blaze: Mar 7, 2017

Johnny Aztec posted:

From what my stepfather tells me,from working on a mink farm in the late 50s, minks are terribly viscous, and if you get any of their musk on you, it won't stop smelling for a week

Wait viscous or vicious because I could see either one being a problem in that situation

# ? Aug 21, 2019 06:32