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What system will you play the Good COD Game on?
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Stubear St. Pierre
Feb 22, 2006



Well guys, it's a weekday morning and I'm working from home, so naturally I'm setting off to write a dissertation about Call of Duty whose care and detail unironically puts literally everything I ever wrote for school to shame. And despite the rainy weather outside, despite the late summer "gently caress all of humanity" levels of heat and humidity that make us feel as though the allfather himself is mouthbreathing his fetid halitosis-ridden breath all over our days-old-tomato-sauce-stained t-shirts every time we walk outside, and despite what *that one loving idiot* puts on Twitter and the mainstream media wants us to believe, the times we live in are actually pretty good. Hepatitis C, ebola, and tuberculosis are now curable. The giant panda is no longer endangered, thanks to decades of tireless conservation efforts. The cancer death rate has fallen 27% since 1991, with 80% of all cancers curable if caught early. The US is in peace talks with the Taliban. FARC is in peace talks with the Colombian government (although I’m not sure how well that’s going anymore). And perhaps most shockingly, Call of Duty is actually kinda good now.



After what was probably my favorite Call of Duty game ever, with a battle royale mode that was actually really fun and multiplayer that didn’t take itself so loving seriously which I gleefully played for like 200 hours or so without joining up with a single shitheel from this festering gangrenous mid-2000’s relic of the internet we call the Something Awful forums, it is with great regret and a heavy heart that once again I have to write another loving COD thread for a COD game that apparently they didn’t even bother coming up with a new name for. This begs the question: short of not writing a thread, which was my first instinct, how can I possibly put less effort into a writeup for a game I don’t care about and didn’t read a single word about than Activision has put into marketing and whatever studio has put into developing it? Futile a task as this may seem, I simply must log into the Something Awful forums once again this year and regale the Games community with my unique insider info about a game on which I have done no research whatsoever and have no plans to buy; insider info which comes to me as if from divine writ itself while I sit on my toilet each morning. And let me say one thing right off the bat: this one’s gonna be a whopper.

Having completely exhausted the numbers 1 through 4, our benevolent benefactors of beneficence have bestowed upon us a COD game boasting fare so contemporary and bellicose as to almost defy the descriptor of “Modern Warfare.” Luckily, the English language has yet to evolve a more suitable moniker for this year’s installment, having wasted its inherent linguistic entropy on words such as “rehashed,” “stale,” and “diarrhea.” Thus, as our winged friends migrate south and our trusted life-sustaining solar overseer begins its oblique descent toward dim winter light, we are greeted with a pile of poo poo called Call of Duty: Modern Warfare. Again.


so fuckin modern, it's not even out yet

And that’s when things start getting weird. This game actually looks good. And I’m actually excited about it. Among improvements that actually exist, we’ve been promised: a new engine; 20v20 multiplayer, with 50v50 modes rumored (by some guy I know on the internet); loving tanks; and, to finally answer our prayers, a Tamagotchi pet on your wristwatch that’s fed by kills. It also features a “ripped-from-the-headlines” campaign, which I can only assume means that single-player primarily involves making racist tweets and shooting up a department store because you can’t get laid.

In addition, Call of Duty seems to have finally mastered the art of “paying lipservice to ‘pro’ gamers who won’t shut the gently caress up while actually ignoring all of it and making a good game,” with a 2v2 mode that, despite my uncharacteristic excitement at this point, I nonetheless can’t even fathom caring about, and maybe some kind of internal Twitch clone that the kids can watch so they don’t all feel so soul crushingly lonely all the doggone time. I’m just making the second bit up, but I feel like other games do similar poo poo and have it tucked away in menus I ignore, so I figure it’s 50-50 for this.

And beyond that, all I have is raw data, from which my dearest readers can infer their own truth.

One can plainly see—from the data—that the sheer goodness of this game has followed a predictable curve, in which diehard fans of the pseudoscience of Technical Stock Analysis will gleefully tell you in their pre-bankruptcy bliss that we’re in for a hell of a good or bad game—in fact, the moving average shows that COD games have been getting continuously better. The graph below shows this plainly, along with Chart Area and Axis Title, integral to the holistic statistical picture being painted.



We’re also promised enhanced gamefeel, gun-on-gun gameplay, and verticality, from which I’m inferring that we will see levelution heretofore unseen in the “game where we hold a gun at kind of an angle and shoot noobz” genre. I think this year we’re going to see something that dwarfs all other games in its offering in these critical areas, as preliminary data clearly shows.



With that, I’m going to go ahead and pinch this thread off and watch it spiral through the endless twists and turns of the internet into your waiting mouths; draping it across your faces like a warm, moist towel in the first class cabin of our flights towards sheer epic awesomeness. I will leave you all with something I’ve been omitting from previous threads, since nobody has been interested in COD in like six years, namely a Discord channel, so that all you MRAs can take a breather from your manifestos (believe me, I of all people know how much of a burden it is to be forced to write longwinded poo poo in order to fulfill my destiny) and link arms, sing a joyful tune and fuckin play a COD game that’s actually looking fuckin good.

Goony Discord: https://discord.gg/kV2HaFf

edit: also, I crunched some numbers and I think there will be Jeeps:


previous thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3860875

Stubear St. Pierre fucked around with this message at 16:54 on Aug 31, 2019

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Hackan Slash
May 31, 2007
Hit it until it's not a problem anymore

I know I'm not the only one wondering this, where's the pulled pork?

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002

Don't fuckle with Shuckle(s)

Like that other Shuckle, but different.


Infinite Warfare was good, you coward.

Stubear St. Pierre
Feb 22, 2006



you can have ribs



and i literally don't know a single thing about infinite warfare other than the title

eonwe
Aug 11, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

its gonna be good

IM DAY DAY IRL
Jul 11, 2003

"BINGO! I GOT ACTION!"

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Infinite Warfare was good, you coward.

Wazzit
Jul 16, 2004

Who wants to play video games?


Stubear St. Pierre posted:

you can have ribs




Looking good but needs more game feel!

anuj
Oct 14, 2005

~anime crew~
~R.I.P. Soap-san~


Most excited I've been for a game since BO2. Sorry I bailed on you guys for the past like five games.

Constellation I
Apr 3, 2005
I'm a sucker, a little fucker.

can't wait to play this game for 2 weeks

Wazzit
Jul 16, 2004

Who wants to play video games?


I can’t wait to preorder it on amazon and cancel it a minute later after I get my beta code

heH take that Amazon, wrong Amazon is burning, etc etc etc

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007


You're Goddamned right I support Medicare for all.







Thank God, a new Call of Duty game! I can't wait to try it!

TMMadman
Sep 9, 2003

He will be injured, but in the World Series he will be raised from the DL. And the Indians were filled with grief.




Constellation I posted:

can't wait to play this game for 2 weeks

This probably sums it up best

eonwe
Aug 11, 2008



Lipstick Apathy

I haven't played a CoD since like, Modern Warfare 2

but drat its got a bunch of cool stuff

2v2 looks neat, the realism mode looks neat, 64 players looks neat

ICR
Dec 31, 2008

Thou shalt have no other gods before me. For I the LORD thy Sun God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of cosmic prestige upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me.

I’m pumped for this. Good OP.

ICR
Dec 31, 2008

Thou shalt have no other gods before me. For I the LORD thy Sun God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of cosmic prestige upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me.

Just FYI, I have the category up for CoD in discord. Just mute and hide anything you don’t care about. I have some channels to delete and move and we are gonna go all in for this game. Just bear with us (and bare with me too winkyface teehee!!!)

Pray to lord Santa himself this is good. Crossplay AND no DLC gating are huge selling points for me and many of the goons I’ve talked to.

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007


You're Goddamned right I support Medicare for all.







SUN GOD AVATAR posted:

I’m pumped for this. Good OP.

It's the best OP for a Call of Duty game yet, and really fills me with optimism for the upcoming release!

Nighthand
Nov 4, 2009

what horror the gas


I hereby rate this op a M/W. In terms of sheer modernity, it has warfare in spades. And in terms of the warfare? Well, it's modern, I'll say that much. I don't know about the game though.

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002

Don't fuckle with Shuckle(s)

Like that other Shuckle, but different.


IW has yet to make a bad COD game this game will also continue this streak

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007


You're Goddamned right I support Medicare for all.







Infinity Ward is a solid developer with over a decade's experience in the Call of Duty franchise, including three of the top five highest-selling titles!

I said come in!
Jun 22, 2004




I hope the multiplayer is good. Currently playing Black Ops 4, but I am really not sure why? The killstreaks, and just weapons in general, have gotten to be so absurd. The multiplayer is painfully unbalanced and unfair, and I know this isn't new to Call of Duty, but I really keep hoping each year that Activision will care. Their focus this year though was on battle royale.

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007


You're Goddamned right I support Medicare for all.







If there are any problems, I'm sure the fine pro-level gamers of MLG® Brought To You By Activision™ will find any potential imbalances to such a nearly perfect game, and recommend quickly implemented fixes!

The Deagle, lever-action rifle, and Aug will be nerfed in the first two months.

jase1
Aug 11, 2004

Flankensttein: A name given to a FPS gamer who constantly flanks to get kills.

"So I was playing COD yesterday, and some flankenstein came up from behind and shot me."

2v2 is fun and the AK is gonna be so fun. I want a round with shotguns but I don’t know if they will do that during the alpha.

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007


You're Goddamned right I support Medicare for all.







jase1 posted:

2v2 is fun and the AK is gonna be so fun. I want a round with shotguns but I don’t know if they will do that during the alpha.

There are at least three shotgun setups that we encountered in the alpha last night; a 680, a 725, and an over-under.

Twin: The Movie (Rkid and I win the same way)

Mister Facetious fucked around with this message at 16:03 on Aug 23, 2019

omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

I'm a toxic manchild who hates everyone. I should put down the controller and get a life outside of SA and video games, but I won't. I'll also try to laugh this title off and roll with the punches like the dickbag that I am.

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

IW has yet to make a bad COD game this game will also continue this streak

omg chael crash
Jul 8, 2012

I'm a toxic manchild who hates everyone. I should put down the controller and get a life outside of SA and video games, but I won't. I'll also try to laugh this title off and roll with the punches like the dickbag that I am.

New CoD, new opportunities to laugh this title off and roll with the punches like the dick bag that I am

Kizurue
Apr 5, 2006

There's somethin' fishy goin' on here...

Stu has done it again. Now with this OP I can official start to get hyped for what's bound to be another disappointment.

Capn Beeb
Jun 29, 2003

We all got it coming, kid


jase1 posted:

2v2 is fun and the AK is gonna be so fun. I want a round with shotguns but I don’t know if they will do that during the alpha.

Shotguns feel really good. MW2 good. Also holy poo poo someone shot at me with that suppressed Oden space gun thing and the bullets made the neatest drat sound as they flew past.

Mill Village
Jul 27, 2007



Can't wait to plug a XIM into my PC and piss off all the crossplay kiddies.

jase1
Aug 11, 2004

Flankensttein: A name given to a FPS gamer who constantly flanks to get kills.

"So I was playing COD yesterday, and some flankenstein came up from behind and shot me."

Mill Village posted:

Can't wait to plug a XIM into my PC and piss off all the crossplay kiddies.

Mr Hootington
Jul 24, 2008

et tu hootay



This plays similar to rainbow six but the 2v2 maps are not designed very well for that tac shooter bullshit. Plus no lean is brutal if you are going to be this squishy.

The guns feel good, but explosives are a bit of a joke right now. Certain pistols are OP.

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007


You're Goddamned right I support Medicare for all.







Capn Beeb posted:

Shotguns feel really good. MW2 good. Also holy poo poo someone shot at me with that suppressed Oden space gun thing and the bullets made the neatest drat sound as they flew past.

Use headphones, and turn this up:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UORCGSnt5pI

Capn Beeb
Jun 29, 2003

We all got it coming, kid


Yeah the sound in general is excellent now, the headphones 1 mix is amazing

Happy Noodle Boy
Jul 3, 2002

Don't fuckle with Shuckle(s)

Like that other Shuckle, but different.


Mill Village posted:

Can't wait to plug a XIM into my PC and piss off all the crossplay kiddies.

144fps, better FOV, and console lobbies? Yes please.

Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007


You're Goddamned right I support Medicare for all.







Happy Noodle Boy posted:

144fps, better FOV, and console lobbies? Yes please.

God, don't tempt me.

I'd probably be lucky if my 1060 can hit 60 though.

Hackan Slash
May 31, 2007
Hit it until it's not a problem anymore

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

144fps, better FOV, and console lobbies? Yes please.

Probably need a beast of a machine to hit 144, these games are always so badly optimized for PC.

In Bllllops I was unable to hit a steady 144 with a 1080 and every graphics setting on the lowest possible

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.


Slippery Tilde

I've said it before and I'll say it again, no matter how much of a steaming pile of poo poo the game actually turns out to be (hello WWII) Stu's OPs are always the best part of any new CoD. Now I can only hope that someone kool-aid-mans into the thread to call us all a bunch of retards for still playing this awful, terrible series.

I said come in!
Jun 22, 2004




What would be the point in telling us something we already know?

Nighthand
Nov 4, 2009

what horror the gas


So are we all getting this for the PS4, and if so, what xim should I consider getting?

I said come in!
Jun 22, 2004




Nighthand posted:

So are we all getting this for the PS4, and if so, what xim should I consider getting?

I actually hadn’t thought about that, but if this thread comes to a consensus I will go with that platform. I can play on whatever.

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Mister Facetious
Apr 21, 2007


You're Goddamned right I support Medicare for all.







Nighthand posted:

So are we all getting this for the PS4, and if so, what xim should I consider getting?

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