Ways to subtly own friends and family

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > Ways to subtly own friends and family

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bradzilla

Serving brownies with icing and calling it cake

Serving medium salsa but saying it's mild

:twisted:

# ? Aug 25, 2019 14:06

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 17:41

nut

growing up to post instead of getting a job

# ? Aug 25, 2019 14:08

Lil Swamp Booger Baby

Using my Waterpik at 3am

# ? Aug 25, 2019 14:09

Lil Swamp Booger Baby

Tell them about how good a WaterPik is all the time

# ? Aug 25, 2019 14:11

Lil Swamp Booger Baby

Put the Waterpik in their mouth and helpfully waterfloss all the corn bits out of their teeth at the dinner table to demonstrate the efficacy of the Waterpik

# ? Aug 25, 2019 14:12

nut

embarass them at the state fair by playing the water gun balloon game but pulling our ur waterpik and saying don't worry guys im packin

# ? Aug 25, 2019 14:15

bradzilla

Serving dark roast coffee but saying it's medium

# ? Aug 25, 2019 14:19

Stoner Sloth

Being related to them :smug:

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!

# ? Aug 25, 2019 15:11

Heather Papps: hello friend

calling them by the wrong names because you are old and slowly losing your mind

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 25, 2019 15:12

Heather Papps: hello friend

refer to a relative as if you are convinced they are a long dead lover, see how far you can push it

teach your brothers son how to shave

be better at baking then your mom

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 25, 2019 15:13

Goons Are Gifts

Stoner Sloth posted:

Being related to them

# ? Aug 25, 2019 15:37

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

Not noticing your mama's huge booty.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 16:42

nut

start going steady with a hive of bees

# ? Aug 25, 2019 16:44

nut

bee eater posted:

start going steady with a hive of bees

tell your mom that derek (the hive's collective name) doesn't believe in "works" and "jobs" per se

# ? Aug 25, 2019 16:44

Stoner Sloth

bee eater posted:

tell your mom that derek (the hive's collective name) doesn't believe in "works" and "jobs" per se

talking calmly and freely about your sex life, including graphic details of derek's beenis

# ? Aug 25, 2019 17:01

Escape From Noise

Just breaking down into tears because it's all too much.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 17:15

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Turning down offers to go out on dates at the family reunion

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Aug 25, 2019 17:30

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Leave them something in your will that you don't even have any more (bonus points if it's a house you reverse-mortgaged), and "everything else" to a charity they would all hate.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 17:50

nut

add an extra prong to all the forks while they r sleeping

# ? Aug 25, 2019 18:10

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

bee eater posted:

add an extra prong to all the forks while they r sleeping

I hate when I find myself unexpectedly using a fivek.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 18:52

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Have a party for everyone but don't go to it. (Careful: may actually be a self-own if nobody likes you.)

# ? Aug 25, 2019 18:58

Fredrik1: Gopherslayer

Offer to buy the groceries but *forget* one important item on the list.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 19:23

cda: by Hand Knit

mudering them all and placing there bodies so it spells out "byob"

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# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:50

nut

roomforthetuna posted:

I hate when I find myself unexpectedly using a fivek.

don't tell vanisher about this

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:51

Goons Are Gifts

cda posted:

mudering them all and placing there bodies so it spells out "byob"

Subtle art

# ? Aug 25, 2019 20:57

lost my old email

cda posted:

mudering them all and placing there bodies so it spells out "byob"

hannibal lecter but extremely byob. "this is my design" he says, pointing to a dead guy with a cheap bong sellotaped to his head

_{_{_{_{_{_{woooooo tiny shout out to deaf sex woooooooo it is spooky and i should have slept more posting up a storm this night wooooooooooooo i say. tiny shout out to mocking quantum also that guy rules. whoooooooooooo}}}}}}

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:10

lost my old email

tell me will: where did i put my keys?

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:11

bradzilla

Parking behind them then saying "oh I didn't realize you had anywhere to go" when they need to leave

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:11

Heather Papps: hello friend

lost my old email posted:

hannibal lecter but extremely byob. "this is my design" he says, pointing to a dead guy with a cheap bong sellotaped to his head

it seems the murderer hung the body in a hammock? with sunglasses and a open tall boy? and a big ol joint?

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:25

cda: by Hand Knit

Goons Are Great posted:

Subtle art

yeh. murdereing them isn't the part that's owning them. the part thats owning them is arranging their bodies to spell byob, and the oart that's owning me is when the police put out a description of my crimes and say i was spelling "pohp" and start calling me the "pohp killer"

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# ? Aug 25, 2019 21:33

Heather Papps: hello friend

cda posted:

yeh. murdereing them isn't the part that's owning them. the part thats owning them is arranging their bodies to spell byob, and the oart that's owning me is when the police put out a description of my crimes and say i was spelling "pohp" and start calling me the "pohp killer"

even worse they go "i think some guy from fyad or the 4chan did this"

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 25, 2019 22:20

lost my old email

by rvsping to my Beer and BBQ Bash invites the fools have entered into joinder with myself, the absolute cretins

# ? Aug 25, 2019 22:35

Resting Lich Face: This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.

Be an a 19th century plantation owner.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 23:09

cda: by Hand Knit

Resting Lich Face posted:

Be an a 19th century plantation owner.

Only if some of your best friends are black.

# ? Aug 25, 2019 23:45

Heather Papps: hello friend

my brother has the nicest coat..... maybe... maybe i will sell him into slavery to the egyptians

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 25, 2019 23:50

WetNightmare: by sebmojo

aw man bam magera was the best at this. one time he hit his dad many times. amazing. then put rock music over the beating and sold the tape for a profit. lately he got all hooked on drugs and his family are super concerned, his best troll yet

will keep everyone updated

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# ? Aug 26, 2019 01:35

cda: by Hand Knit

WetNightmare posted:

aw man bam magera was the best at this. one time he hit his dad many times. amazing. then put rock music over the beating and sold the tape for a profit. lately he got all hooked on drugs and his family are super concerned, his best troll yet will keep everyone updated

lol

# ? Aug 26, 2019 01:48

Escape From Noise

Eating a big breakfast of beans, cabbage, and eggs before the big road trip. Also maintaining that diet throughout.

# ? Aug 26, 2019 02:12

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

lick your dad

# ? Aug 26, 2019 02:59

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 17:41

Heather Papps: hello friend

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

Eating a big breakfast of beans, cabbage, and eggs before the big road trip. Also maintaining that diet throughout.

whatever you family eats, reverse it. if they are vegan go carnivore, if they are hunters go vegan. if they are sungazers go breatharianism. dang your family show them who is boss.

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 26, 2019 03:15

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > Ways to subtly own friends and family

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