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It makes me really uncomfortable when people bring up the 'why don't people think of the effect accusations have on abusers?' angle because it sets off a massive alarm bell about their own behaviour, because why would you be so invested in discouraging the testimony of victims? Like if the above applies to you in any way please consider your own behaviour, and recognise that while it's tempting to believe you've moved on from things you may have done in the past, it's not for you to decide when your responsibility ends.
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Sep 1, 2019 12:38
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| # ¿ Apr 23, 2024 08:46 |
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exquisite tea posted:I think many people just grow up hearing "innocent until proven guilty" and think it's a noble idea (which it is, sure) while having never experienced the countless ways our justice systems fail to punish, and in fact protect, abusers in reality. So rather than conclude that the institutions you were always taught are fair and objective are flawed, or that many abusers will never face consequences for their actions, it's much easier to lash out at the voices giving you this uncomfortable case of cognitive dissonance right now than reconsider your basic assumptions about life. At least that's what I'd like to believe rather than reflexively assuming everybody protecting abusers has committed some violation in their own lives, which is just too depressing an outlook even if it's true of the particular person you're addressing. I'd like to think this too but for some reason they are particularly vocal about this particular scenario above all others
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Sep 1, 2019 13:16
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I'd like it if we could also remember when we balk at the idea of being punished by 'collective will' over a false accusation is that it's really loving hard for multiple corroborating accounts to emerge from a false accusation in the first place.
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Sep 1, 2019 15:48
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Volte posted:But instead of saying "this is terrifying, we should not be doing this, shame on those who participate in cancel culture", the correct thought process is "this is terrifying, we should not have to do this, let's do everything we can to get past the point where this is necessary". Either way, I wouldn't consider this an appropriate venue for discussing such theoretical solutions, and trying to switch the scope of a thread like this to "the bigger picture" or whatever is only going to piss people off because it looks like you're trying to talk past what is happening irl right now in order to fixate on theory. Like don't feel too bad, you're only musing, sure, but be aware it will rub people the wrong way.
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Sep 1, 2019 16:47
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Probably a good time to stop responding to captain 10bux about now
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Sep 1, 2019 17:23
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Warthur posted:Dude A is in his mid-30s or older and, in his romantic life, has dated or had more serious relationships with women of a spectrum of ages, some older than him, some younger, some his age. He happens to encounter a 19 year old with whom he hits it off amazingly well, and they end up getting married. Neither of them necessarily expected to be in a relationship with such an age gap, but neither of them ruled it out either; moreover, Dude A shows clear signs of being conscious of the potential power imbalance that exists between him and his wife (since he has both more experience in adult relationships and, having been in the workforce for over a decade, is much more secure in his chosen career than she is in hers) and goes out of his way to seek her enthusiastic consent on major decisions rather than steamrolling her. Honestly? The fact that dude is in the position to hit it off that closely with someone so young is a massive red flag to me. Sure it may not manifest in their relationship in any way but why at that age would you even consider a teenager as a prospective partner in the first place?
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Sep 1, 2019 23:49
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I think it's also important at this point to say that if your abuser dies, for whatever reason, it is absolutely OK to feel relieved.
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Sep 2, 2019 10:19
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Yes, I say it just because I don't know who may be reading and don't want us to inadvertently plant the idea that feeling relief as a victim (not necessarily of any of the cases here, just in general) is bad.
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Sep 2, 2019 11:21
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Mr Luxury Yacht posted:I dunno, I very much doubt they're feeling relief in this situation. I said it's ok to feel it, not you must feel it, and am not applying it to any specific abuser or victim.
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Sep 2, 2019 17:30
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| # ¿ Apr 23, 2024 08:46 |
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Pontificating rear end posted:I guess it comes off as me victim blaming but SHE blames the other people around at the time, and that's not right either I mean if someone is creeping on you in a v obvious way and you're trying to shrink away from it while giving people the 'hey come break up this interaction' eyes and nobody does zip then yeah they are prob 'well shucks I didn't want to cause a SCENE' type cowards and while they're not to blame for a shithead's actions they're not exactly much fuckin help either
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Sep 2, 2019 17:49
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