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Mauser
Dec 16, 2003

Weird. Very weird.
It's weird in here.


My friend had a large family of renters that lived next to him for a bit and then the place was just vacant for a month or two by the time he started getting this wafting awful smell on occasion. We finally went over to their yard one day and found a trash can full of water and floating in the water were several animal carcasses just stewing in the 90° heat for weeks. My friend immediately threw up from the stench when I opened it. Didn't really bother me all that much as I worked on a farm for several years and I've definitely smelled that smell before.

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Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

The preceding post has been paid for by the new World order.



https://i.imgur.com/GGxdlwv.mp4

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018

SIZE DOESN'T MATTER


This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I donít know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what Iím assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we werenít the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that werenít were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

ďIíve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worseĒ

After a day of professional cleanup the city didnít blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

HugeGrossBurrito fucked around with this message at 13:22 on May 23, 2020

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

The preceding post has been paid for by the new World order.



HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I donít know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what Iím assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we werenít the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that werenít were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

ďIíve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worseĒ

After a day of professional cleanup the city didnít blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

purple death ray
Jul 28, 2007

me omw 2 steal ur girl


That's the username/post combo of the year probably

bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

Celebrating another perfect post




Fan of Britches

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I donít know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what Iím assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we werenít the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that werenít were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

ďIíve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worseĒ

After a day of professional cleanup the city didnít blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

dear god

Scratch Monkey
Oct 25, 2010

Proč bychom se netěšili když nám Pán Bůh zdraví dá?


Drink the rat corpse wine, coward!

gleebster
Dec 16, 2006

Only a howler

Pillbug

Fermented dead rat juice and dough? Sad thing is, you could call something Dead Rat Beer and it'd probably sell.

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

Come play my CYOA!

Save your reality from the Constructors... then save all the rest of them.


gleebster posted:

Fermented dead rat juice and dough? Sad thing is, you could call something Dead Rat Beer and it'd probably sell.

Unfiltered Plague Haze

Subjunctive
Sep 12, 2006

careful now


Cybernetic Crumb

Oof, that story really put me off my breakfast surstrŲmming.

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane


Fun Shoe

Do you want to spawn Nurgle? Because that's how you get a plague god!

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005






Glad I finished my rat juice and breatfast dough before reading that

Snowy
Oct 6, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 23 days!


Fun Shoe

Is that the sarcophagus juice that everyone wanted to drink a little ways back?

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

The preceding post has been paid for by the new World order.



sip the forbidden soup

PainterofCrap
Oct 17, 2002

Hey bebe





HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

Started breathing through my mouth when it was apparent it was a bakery dumpster unopened in ages.

I have smelled ten-day-old decomposing human. We didn't puke, but came close. On the other hand, we were prepared.

Still had to throw out the clothes I was wearing.

purple death ray posted:

That's the username/post combo of the year probably

Field Mousepad
Mar 21, 2010
BAE

Cool I didn't feel like eating today anyways

beanieson
Sep 25, 2008

I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av


Takes No Damage posted:

How is playing golf in your garage a thing? Like haha just open the door and go outside haha.

I really enjoyed this post

Kennel
May 1, 2008

BAWWW-UNH!


HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I donít know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what Iím assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we werenít the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that werenít were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

ďIíve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worseĒ

After a day of professional cleanup the city didnít blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.
††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††††/

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.


Slippery Tilde


Back when I worked animal control we were serving a search warrant on a dogfighting compound. It was in the city but on the outskirts, really out in the middle of nowhere. There was this huge plywood-walled area where the dogs were kept, and then an old mobile home on the property. After waiting for like 4 hours to get the warrant telephonically we started going through the place. By the time we got it, it was dark. Dogs were easy enough: just unchain them, take pictures, log the details and then get them on the trucks. I think there were maybe 6 or 7 of them. The guy who owned the place was a notorious piece of poo poo who'd been popped for cruelty on several occasions but we'd never got him on the felony dogfighting charge. Just having dogs in an obvious setup like that wasn't necessarily enough to secure a conviction so we set out to search the trailer for more evidence.

It didn't have power itself, somebody had run an extension cord from a power pole. The only light in the place was in the kitchen area. It didn't have running water or anything. I was at the back, going through a bunch of poo poo in one of the bedrooms. This was in the early 2000s, so I had to seize all of these VHS tapes with labels like "SNOW WHITE" on them in case they'd recorded fights on them and home-recorded DVDs weren't really a thing at that point. Plus a bunch of notebooks and poo poo since it was too dark to read them. There were a bunch of cops wandering around. They were the ones who got the warrant and were making sure we didn't get shotgunned to death in case the owner or one of his lackeys showed up. From the kitchen area I hear one of them say "I wonder what's in here?" Then I hear my Lt. say NOOOOOOO like Vader in Revenge of the Sith. Then the clear sound of running footsteps and puking. About 10 seconds later the smell hit me. I blinked twice, shook my head, and went back to work because you get to be the champion of ignoring disgusting smells when you work AC.

Finally I went up front to see what the trouble was. There was a cooler on the kitchen table that the cop had opened. Inside there was a slurry of what used to be fish. We figured at some point someone went fishing, caught a bunch, threw them in the cooler and then brought it to the compound and forgot about it. No maggots as it had been sealed up pretty efficiently, but it was also summer so imagine what a 30qt cooler full of rotten fish glorp smells like. The cop opened it, the smell hit him in the face and you could follow the trail of vomit outside. Every other cop in and around the place was going like a fire hose. The noooooo from my Lt. was him trying to stop the cop from opening the cooler because he knew nothing good could come of it. We just shook our heads and went back to work in the effluvia. It's kind of hard to describe - the obvious stench of decay, but also this weird sharp kind of alkaline smell. We didn't bother closing the cooler since we figured the owner would have to come by some time and we wanted to leave him a surprise.

Sirotan
Oct 17, 2006

Sirotan is a seal.



Ham Wrangler


Funniest poo poo I've read in a long time. Thank you for sharing this incredible story. Holy gently caress.

BOOTY-ADE
Aug 30, 2006

BIG KOOL TELLIN' YA'LL TO KEEP IT TIGHT


Fun Shoe

gleebster posted:

Fermented dead rat juice and dough? Sad thing is, you could call something Dead Rat Beer and it'd probably sell.

Would Plague Beer be a stout or an IPA?

sweet geek swag
Mar 29, 2006

Adjust lasers to FUN!

Doctor Rope

BOOTY-ADE posted:

Would Plague Beer be a stout or an IPA?

Well it sounds like it would taste better than your average IPA.

CleverHans
Apr 25, 2011



Yams Fan

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I donít know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what Iím assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we werenít the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that werenít were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

ďIíve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worseĒ

After a day of professional cleanup the city didnít blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

Paper Tiger posted:

I'll take "Rodent Potables" for $400, Alex

thomawesome
Jul 19, 2009


BOOTY-ADE posted:

Would Plague Beer be a stout or an IPA?

Sour beer.

ante
Apr 9, 2005

SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS

I thought we'd already settled on a light Mexican beer, best served with a lime

Synthetic Dreams
Jul 19, 2005




What the actual gently caress?

Randaconda
Jul 3, 2014

The preceding post has been paid for by the new World order.



https://i.imgur.com/e0y7kZB.mp4

FogHelmut
Dec 18, 2003

Your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.


"Mountain Dew or Rat Juice."
"Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a rat juice." 

Submarine Sandpaper
May 27, 2007




lmao this is like a daily occurrence with one of my cats when I feed them their wet food

Snowy
Oct 6, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 23 days!


Fun Shoe

Submarine Sandpaper posted:

lmao this is like a daily occurrence with one of my cats when I feed them their wet food

Maybe reduce the amount of high kicks in your feeding routine

Submarine Sandpaper
May 27, 2007



Snowy posted:

Maybe reduce the amount of high kicks in your feeding routine

But then I'd step on him.

Shifty Nipples
Apr 8, 2007



Soiled Meat

shuffle

CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK
Sep 11, 2001





https://i.imgur.com/RgKln5t.mp4

LifeSunDeath
Jan 4, 2007

Wish I had money to replace my AV, that was ripped from me during a mayo challenge, with this. Lol fuck spending more money on this site tho.




Oof, right in the taint.

Lodin
Jul 31, 2003

Your friendly neighborhood bop





My theory is that the bastard's probably been in that river since last summer.

davidspackage
May 16, 2007



Exciting Lemon


The way they even freak out synchronously(?) is beautiful

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



https://twitter.com/wieneraaron/sta...7552601091?s=21

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

I'm the SIX to your NEIN


Switchblade Switcharoo

davidspackage posted:

The way they even freak out synchronously(?) is beautiful

Sisters?

Hihohe
Oct 4, 2008

Fuck you and the sun you live under



https://i.imgur.com/CRCLhAu.mp4

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beanieson
Sep 25, 2008

I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av



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