Schadenfreude: pro-click zone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abe1W1gGXy0

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Schadenfreude: pro-click zone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abe1W1gGXy0

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Should there even be a poll here??? This poll is closed.
Yes	106	15.84%
No	117	17.49%
Goku	446	66.67%
Total:	669 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Rooty tooty fresh and fruity

# ¿ Sep 3, 2019 17:49

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# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 01:38

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Mephiston posted:

I like the dude walking up at the end with the small fire extinguisher, like it will somehow matter when a good part of a tanker's worth of petrol is all over the place, plus a presumably still open fill tank in the ground.

At first I thought it was a gas can and he was hoping to get some free gas.

# ¿ Sep 19, 2019 03:23

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

The gun blew up

# ¿ Sep 23, 2019 23:43

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Leon Einstein posted:

Maybe I'm a cynic, but why would you EVER assume the general public would do the "right thing"?

Some hotels I�ve stayed at lately have had this but you can see the two enormous security cams that are pointed at it and there�s a bored desk clerk somewhere nearby 24 hours a day.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2019 18:50

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Slugnoid posted:

an empty tesla, speeding down the highway with a blood stained grill and flames shooting out the engine

It's the opposite of Christine when it comes to repairing itself vs languishing for a year at an autobody shop but the same as Christine when it comes to its love of murder.

# ¿ Sep 29, 2019 17:25

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Slugnoid posted:

shorts and a t-shirt. jesus christ why even bother with the helmet??

There�s laws that say you gotta wear a helmet but there no laws that say you can�t be wearing flip flops and a speedo

# ¿ Oct 28, 2019 14:55

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Doggles posted:

https://twitter.com/cnnbrk/status/1188967915103641600

life imitates art

# ¿ Oct 29, 2019 12:38

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I don�t know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what I�m assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we weren�t the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that weren�t were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

�I�ve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worse�

After a day of professional cleanup the city didn�t blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

This really makes me want a cigarette.

# ¿ Jul 12, 2020 22:55

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

I would like the free dog

# ¿ Jul 14, 2020 00:10

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

There seems to be a lot more roid enthusiasts itt than I would have guessed.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2020 20:58

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

World War Mammories posted:

I will poo poo on any wrestler, any time

I�m a wrestler

# ¿ Jul 18, 2020 23:09

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

SilvergunSuperman posted:

people that just can't bring themselves to shut the gently caress up

# ¿ Jul 19, 2020 04:27

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Prince had a trillion dollars and used it to live in a house that looked like an office building for a 1980s midwestern regional phone company.

# ¿ Jul 21, 2020 01:48

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Ehud posted:

That�s a leaf blower

No it isn�t it�s one of those catpacks.

# ¿ Jul 22, 2020 00:36

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Anne Whateley posted:

Facebook almost never removes anything. Twitter is actually pretty good about removing posts that violate their rules and ramping up timeouts -- as long as the person isn't a blue checkmark. But there are lots of non-checkmarks who post a ton of actionable poo poo and get mad when they get caught. The things Twitter mods care about are violence, hate speech against a protected class (now including age!), and being misleading about voting. Flag it if you see it

A guy on twitter told me he was going to find out where I lived and I wouldn�t like what happened next and Twitter said that they wouldn�t do anything because it wasn�t explicitly a threat of violence I guess they�re right maybe he meant he was going to sing loudly and off key in my yard at 3 AM or give me a really toothy blowjob. Twitter is trash.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2020 14:27

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

ante posted:

Holy poo poo you're terrible. I didn't even know who you were until you started melting down, but now I'm seeing your name next to every awful post I read

Way to go now he�s going to make 30 posts about how everyone should just put him on ignore.

# ¿ Jul 24, 2020 05:47

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

peter gabriel posted:

Reminds me of my foray into salt water aquariums.
I got a big tank, all the accessories, spent literally weeks reading up on stuff, bought salinity kits, all kinds of temperature and water quality testing stuff, thermometers, the lot.
I filled the tank, set the pumps and filters going and monitored the water for a month before going out to buy my first creature, I chose a shrimp of some sort - start simple I thought. So I get it home in it's little plastic bag and popped the whole lot in the tank, waited until the water in the bag had acclimatised in temperature and excitedly cut the top off it so my new shrimpy pal could be free.
He gingerly wandered out of the bag into his new home and instantly went rigid and sank to the bottom, dead.

Did you eat him

# ¿ Jul 27, 2020 21:02

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

You tripped over a jack handle?

# ¿ Jul 28, 2020 14:55

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

I want a nest under a rock

# ¿ Jul 30, 2020 18:11

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

HelloIAmYourHeart posted:

My neighbor was on a Zoom meeting from his home office, got up and went to the bathroom or something without turning off his camera, and came back to find all his coworkers using a screenshot of his home office as their backgrounds. None of them will stop using it, either.

Lol I like it

# ¿ Aug 1, 2020 20:47

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

What if the guy on the front of the truck just murdered the truckers wife

# ¿ Aug 2, 2020 01:03

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

The one thing I�ve learned being a homeowner is that you should just always think of the biggest rear end in a top hat move your neighbor could ever possibly pull and assume your neighbor will do it immediately/constantly.

I live on the side of a hill and have a really nice view mostly to the south and my neighbor immediately planted 8 pine trees that will eventually be 40� tall and block the best part of the view.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2020 12:59

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

You do realize "eventually" is 30+ years, yes?

Yeah I know it�ll be that long before they�re max height but they�re already starting to block it even at their current height. Like if I�m sitting on the patio they�re starting to block it but if I�m standing on the deck (above the patio, walkout basement situation) it�ll be 15 years before it ruins it.

Due to the geometry they also don�t provide any actual privacy for my neighbor. They don�t really block my view into their yard at all, they only block my view of the scenery past their yard. Schad on me.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2020 13:19

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Demon spermjackings are part of our national
Covid response strategy.

# ¿ Aug 2, 2020 17:06

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Inceltown posted:

Making your own lunch rules because you can have exactly what you want and not just what is for sale nearby

Why would anyone ever want to have something other than a double monster angus thickburger for lunch

# ¿ Sep 13, 2020 15:14

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

PainterofCrap posted:

Many years ago, in Rochester, NY, my (now) wife & her roommate called the fire department when her cat climbed way up a tree.

"Hi, our cat is stuck in a tree. Can you get her down?"

"Ma'am: have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?"

that just means their corpse falls to the ground when they die

# ¿ Sep 18, 2020 02:41

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Spek posted:

Not quite 100% any more. There was a technique developed about a decade ago to treat it by putting you into a medically induced coma until your immune system fights it off. It has a pretty low but non-zero success rate, and has left everyone, as of the last time I read about it anyway, who recovered with brain damage. So still not great.

well i hope they keep trying this method sounds like theyre close to a breakthrough

# ¿ Apr 17, 2021 00:10

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

incoherent light posted:

god damnit I was so close (to making this joke)

content - a classic of my favorite genre, cops getting arrested for DUI
a weaselly poo poo from the beginning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6HvvPC2hL0

no no no no

# ¿ Apr 18, 2021 03:10

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

What makes you think that wasn�t trump calling in

# ¿ Apr 19, 2021 22:32

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Armitag3 posted:

*kramers into the thread*
JERRY THEY'RE CANCELING THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS, JERRY. WHOOW.

I think this actually works better as a Rick line

# ¿ Apr 21, 2021 02:51

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Traxis posted:

https://twitter.com/blameaspartame/status/1383972800843501577?s=19

Sandwich Anarchist posted:

rape jokes

# ¿ Apr 21, 2021 03:07

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Just do roids and coke the roids repair the damage the coke does to your heart muscle bing bong

# ¿ Apr 22, 2021 04:13

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Nottherealaborn posted:

About ten years ago, I went paintballing with friends and got shot at point blank range in the dick. I instantly dropped and couldn�t stand up for at least 10 minutes, but felt like hours.

I had to half-waddle when walking for a few days to minimize the pain, had a big circular welt on the head of my dick and pissed a little bit of blood for a couple days.

Any pics?

# ¿ Apr 23, 2021 05:48

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

I was notified that there was a request for some fuckhole suckin itt

# ¿ Oct 14, 2021 03:09

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

I own a 65 unit apartment complex and once a month I go to the pound and adopt 3 or 4 kittens and then set them loose on the grounds. Security cameras tell me who takes them in and then those apartments get accidentally unscheduled HVAC inspections where the kitten is discovered and they�re immediately charged a $1000 pet deposit and $50 a month pet fee.

# ¿ Oct 14, 2021 21:08

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

BasicLich posted:

an unlicked rear end in a top hat

A shameful rear end in a top hat

# ¿ Oct 15, 2021 12:50

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

I think the shard is from the clamp not the pan

# ¿ Oct 15, 2021 13:23

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

hawowanlawow posted:

I wish ammo was $0.10 a round

22LR is the round of the people.

# ¿ Oct 15, 2021 14:05

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

BasicLich posted:

at range, with a nice heavy barrel .22lr can hit an object the size of a turkey and impart enough force to take the bird down, it's a fine hunting round

you know, I read that Reagan was never directly hit by Hinkley Jr's.' rounds, it seems according to official reports he was critically wounded by a ricochet off the presidential limousine.

That nut that starved to death in a bus in the Alaskan wilderness took down a small moose with a 22. I think at first people didn't believe the reports but then it came out that there were pictures of the dead moose and the only gun he had was a 22. Been a long time since I read that book though so I could be misremembering.

# ¿ Oct 15, 2021 18:54

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# ¿ Apr 19, 2024 01:38

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

blight rhino posted:

I don't get it :/ I've tried googling different things. I'm assuming it makes it seem like the car had a collision? Or something

Lmao

# ¿ Oct 24, 2021 19:27

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Schadenfreude: pro-click zone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abe1W1gGXy0

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