Star Citizen: $48,000 is only $334/month for 12 years

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Star Citizen: $48,000 is only $334/month for 12 years

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Most of understanding the fiasco of Star Citizen is understanding Chris Roberts. Here's a quote from Chris Roberts, explaining why the Wing Commander movie kind of sucked.

Chris Roberts posted:

I wish someone had sat me down, forced me to pick four or five things that it was important to do well, and focus on those.

There is no one with that authority, no one at all, who is in a position to do that on Star Citizen. So what would you think would happen next?

# ¿ Sep 6, 2019 23:55

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 10:45

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

quote:

The first major part of the iCache has been completed and tested internally, too. The iCache is a highly distributed and fault-tolerant storage/query engine that greatly out-performs the current pCache. It provides an indexing and query system that can be utilized by other services for specific and complex item queries. This system is important going forward, particularly as the Persistent Universe sees greater volumes of players and server meshing comes online.

It would be funny if this just meant "We switched from Amazon's MySql to Amazon's Aurora." That would involve trivial effort, and there's nothing in this quote that contradicts it.

Would CI(G) puff up a simple task this much, and give it a grand and exalted and Apple-like name, to make it sound like they are the Wizards Of The Code?

Yes. A million times yes.

# ¿ Sep 10, 2019 15:04

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Agony Aunt posted:

No, you don't understand staggered development.

There will be two dev channels, each of six months. So 2 times twice per year, 4 times.

This staggered development crap...

If you are doing releases every quarter, NOTHING IN THE WORLD keeps your developers from working on a branch and not shipping in one of your quarterly releases. It's just a common sense thing to do for some things, and really obvious.

So naturally we get told that it is a brilliant idea that CI(G) has put into place, and of course it is a complete smoke screen excuse for delays and crappy releases, and of course the backers are totally fine with that. Sometimes I think CI(G) could shut the whole thing down, and if they came up with a new name for it, like Liquidation Pipeline Physicalized Asset Disposal, the backers would be totally happy.

The real staggered development is that Chris staggers up and impedes development by issuing random orders.

# ¿ Sep 10, 2019 23:36

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Kosumo posted:

If the only useful thing to come out of star Citizen is that some goon in this thread points me to some nice tequila to try, so be it.

I've just currently started drink tequila about a month ago instead of beer and am ready to sample recommendations.

p.s. tanequila

Drinking really good tequila in shots is a waste. Try Don Julio's "70" (I think it's called), a white anejo. Also do not overlook Mezcal. Vago Ensemble en Barro is the nectar of the Gods.

# ¿ Sep 16, 2019 01:53

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

DigitalPenny posted:

No profits, just a purchased a 4.7 million dollar mansion....

What is profit?

Renting boats in Monaco is a legitimate development expense. Obviously.

# ¿ Sep 16, 2019 01:55

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Dementropy posted:

https://twitter.com/RobertsSpaceInd/status/1174428025854676997

Parasite: EVE

LOL that Star Citizen trivia is about some stupid video, and not the "game."

What trivia could you ask about the game?

"What ship's floor have commandos dropped the most boxes through?"

"How many people were killed by ladders in the last year?"

"Which commando holds the record for most client crashes during a mission?"

# ¿ Sep 19, 2019 01:21

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Should we have the Goon Awards for Star Citizen?

Best Imaginary Feature: 90% of Universe Populated By AI Indistinguishable from Citizens.
Best Excuse For Not Delivering Things: Building Amazing Pipelines To Deliver Things So Fast You Won't Believe It

Those were sort of easy, but Best Lie will be really hard.

# ¿ Sep 20, 2019 02:02

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Mirificus posted:

I kind of like this "Star Citizen Bile Archive" name.

e: Taxxe

# ¿ Sep 24, 2019 23:48

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

tooterfish posted:

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy.
I'm sure I can get that Idris just by playing the game normaleeeeee

I see a giant sweaty thumb of a man
Freyermuth! Freyermuth!
Will you look at that Lando

# ¿ Sep 27, 2019 21:28

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Pixelate posted:

What the Xi'An doors are currently concepted to look like

And it's real. Of course it's real.

Male Xi�An must have a really high pain threshold.

# ¿ Oct 13, 2019 06:28

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Dementropy posted:

Why is �haunted bears wander in the dark� not the thread title? It�s a perfect metaphor for CI(G)�s development process. Sexy, too.

# ¿ Oct 15, 2019 12:31

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Pixelate posted:

COLLECTE DEAD COMANDER

Love this bug report. Always wondered what happened to the "how is babby formed" guy.

e:

Grubby Hobo fucked around with this message at 01:03 on Nov 15, 2019

# ¿ Nov 15, 2019 01:01

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

monkeytek posted:

Pipelines my friend, it's all in the pipelines.

And the tools. Especially Chris.

# ¿ Nov 15, 2019 04:53

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Pixelate posted:

# ¿ Nov 15, 2019 19:29

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Colostomy Bag posted:

Possible upcoming missions:

VendingMachine_Puzzle_Restock_LongDescription=The Vending Machine has run out of 'x' item. Go to the storage cupboard and find a box of Vending Stock.

Be still, my beating heart.

# ¿ Nov 17, 2019 01:02

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Did Chris drop over to the neighboring Dentist-con? We could see some really exciting teeth-related gameplay over the next year.

# ¿ Nov 25, 2019 06:32

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Questions I like to ask myself from time to time, because CI(there is no)G is not answering them.

The backers didn't vote to increase the scope of SQ42. Why is it so delayed?

What important initiatives has Sandi spearheaded in her role in, say, the last 6 months?

In what year will the BMM be in-game and fully functional?

Is the Calder investment being spent on development, or just marketing of SQ42? If the latter, where is this marketing? If neither, is it being held as cash?

# ¿ Dec 8, 2019 02:45

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Kikas posted:

Hey uh, it's 3 weeks till new year, meaning 3 weeks to a new decade! A decade is a nice time to summarize stuff up, so tell me thread, what is your favourite Star Citizen moment of the decade? Can be a high point in anything, legit hype, actual progress or uh, you know, the most scummy move or the stupidest decision ever.

The advent of the new, quarterly roadmap. It was rolled out full of assurances that this was a schedule they could meet, unlike all those promises they had failed on in the past.

Instead, it shone a merciless spotlight on CI(G)'s utter incompetence, as a company, in actually executing what they say they will do.

It has been the gift that keeps on giving. Each quarter, major tasks are kicked down the road or made to vanish.

# ¿ Dec 10, 2019 22:06

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Agony Aunt posted:

I'd just like to remind everyone that Idiocracy was meant to be a joke, not a guidebook for the future.

Well fine then. I guess I should stop my daily checking of the Starbucks menu. According to you.

# ¿ Dec 14, 2019 02:34

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Some people are just eating up the new marketing video.

posted:

"drat it feels good to be a backer"

Wow. I wonder if my life would be happier if I were that easy to please.

# ¿ Dec 26, 2019 02:33

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Elderbean posted:

This is me and cinematics. I remember playing FF7 and loving it but thinking it would be so much cooler with more CINEMATICS and CUTSCENES but now I hate having gameplay interrupted by long-rear end cutscenes and I generally think that Hollywood shouldn't be informing how games tell stories.

I basically agree with that, but FF nostalgia makes me want to carve out an exception for overwrought anime style cutscenes.

A cutscene with Gary Parpman, with Cloud-style hair, on a Chocobo, would really make me look at SQ42 in a new way.

# ¿ Dec 27, 2019 05:43

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Inacio posted:

A whole city made of vaping gear. Clouds, bro. Clouds.

# ¿ Jan 1, 2020 20:35

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

TheAgent posted:

hello

this happens "often" but should be "eased" in 2020 due to new 3rd party help from an outside firm

this help involves a custom built CE toolset, better regs and code oversight

"This isn't something everyone is happy about."

this includes "dailies-like" bi-monthly updates to top brass and outside firm

the sq42 visual teaser shown xmas day was one of these

updates consist of three "courses": gameplay, in-game visuals and cutscenes

supposedly SQ42 content is already in SC - mission givers like miles eckhart are considered SQ42 NPCs

huge issue when the 3rd party played a recent SC patch (3.8?)

"They were surprised because [CR? ER?] gave them the impression of a fully-functioning game with little-to-no bugs."

So CIG has been put on a Performance Plan?

You know, like an employee for whom you need to build a paper trail before you fire them?

# ¿ Jan 9, 2020 01:06

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Agony Aunt posted:

Amazing all these people apparently interested in SQ42. I've been repeatedly reassured by backers that their interest is in SC only.

It would be funnier if the backers were telling you the truth, because that would mean that these questions were prompted, not by interest in SQ42, but by anxiety about what its status says about CI~G's ability to deliver a stable, playable game.

# ¿ Jan 9, 2020 20:58

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

In the year 2525
If Chris is still alive
If Erin can survive
They may find...

In the year 3535
Star Citizen at last goes live
Broke commandos everywhere will say
I got murdered by a door today

In the year 4545
Commando B'tak's still alive
His universe will never be the same
Earned an Idris right inside the game

# ¿ Jan 11, 2020 23:38

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

MedicineHut posted:

Oh? Roundup is up https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/spectrum-dispatch/17430-Roadmap-Roundup-January-17th-2020

Waiting for big news today suckers? Nope.

This week's meeting schedule:

Monday 0800-1800 How hosed are we
Tuesday 0800-1800 We are so hosed
Wednesday 0800-1800 Any way to get unfucked?
Thursday 0800-1800 Really? No one has any idea
Friday 0800-1800 Well poo poo. What do we do now?

Next week:

Monday 0800-1800 What do we tell the backers?
Tuesday 0800-1800 Well, obviously. But what specific lies do we tell them?
Wednesday 0800-1800 Brainstorming session to come up with new names for old technologies
Thursday 0800-1800 What do we tell the investors?
Friday 0800-1800 Brainstorming session to craft the marketing prose

# ¿ Jan 17, 2020 23:34

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Elderbean posted:

It seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to include in a game, and arguably something a competent dev would work on early.

Granted, I'm not talking about some stupid FIDELITOUS AI, but I imagine a decent FPS AI would have the ability to switch between different weapons based on what the player is doing (Player is close, switch to shotgun. Player is far away, use a rifle)

Lots of games already do this but of course CIG has to make it sound like they're making their AI do something profound and simulationist.

I suspect the backers would feel better if the next AI item on the roadmap read, in its entirety:

Get the NPCs off of the goddam chairs.

It would seem as though they were actually aware of what their own "game" is doing right now.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2020 04:52

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Quavers posted:

https://mailchi.mp/cloudimperiumgames/squadron-42-update-142371?e=29849163c8

[i]Sq42 Monthly Report

Attention Recruits,

What you are about to read is the latest information on the continuing development of Squadron 42 (SCI des: SQ42).
Operatives around the world collected the intel needed to provide you with this progress report. As a result, we now have key information on the methodology behind cinematics, approved unique UI designs, and how to make a perfect head of hair.

The information contained in this communication is extremely sensitive and it is of paramount importance that it does not fall into the wrong hands. Purge all records after reading.

UEE Naval High Command

Dunno about you, but reading this cheesy intro text makes me cringe like Crobear facing a deadline.

# ¿ Mar 6, 2020 22:59

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

The key to properly enjoying Star Citizen's prison gameplay is a gaming chair with handcuffs that close on you and refuse to open until your sentence is up.

# ¿ Mar 22, 2020 03:23

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

G0RF posted:

This is my favorite card, and one of the best things ever.

Question: Does Chris really code things on SC? I mean, supposedly he had his own branch where he revamped physics in some important way. Is this:

(1) A total scam
(2) He did something, and then the developers struggled to integrate its idiocy, praising it all the while
(3) A thing that actually did something useful, but not a big deal
(4) An actual manifestation of coding genius

# ¿ Mar 30, 2020 02:32

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

It's really, really unfair to call Star Citizen a scam.

More of a swindle, really.

# ¿ Mar 30, 2020 22:54

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Rexzilla loved Star Citizen so very, very much. It was a sincere love, a true love. He was ready to spend it all. And now he's gone. So sad. What could possibly have happened? Someone should ask him.

# ¿ Apr 19, 2020 03:13

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Time_pants posted:

Holy poo poo. My computer is 5 years old, and I'm within an eyelash of the recommended spec. I definitely didn't think that would be the case.

If you want to "play" Star Citizen, space poor, better open your wallet. Prepare to Answer The Call in 2026!

# ¿ Apr 22, 2020 05:17

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

peter gabriel posted:

Good design is making the right thing for the right job

Wow, I've been reading you and watching your videos for years, only to learn, during the CIG End Times, that you don't understand Star Citizen at all.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 02:27

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Beef Hardcheese posted:

Ask your doctor if Viagra is right for you.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2020 23:32

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Quavers posted:

Can't get over how bad this screen shot is.

That chick on the left -- did she get a buzzcut, and slap a toupee on top, without bothering with color match?

The guy next to her -- is he using his knife to cut his plate of goo?

And the facial expressions!

# ¿ Apr 30, 2020 05:15

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Pixelate posted:

THERE IS ALWAYS A PENIS SHAPE IN THE LIGHT REFLECTION ON MY PROSPECTOR'S FRONT VIEWPORT

Finally, the devs are rebelling. It has been a long time coming.

# ¿ May 4, 2020 02:23

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

I feel a rant coming on.

Every loving coding thing this company does is completely incompetent. Launchers that don't check your hard drive space? Bugs that linger for years? Virtually no progress except on completely peripheral stuff? These are inept people! They can't do jack poo poo! Why does anyone believe them any more?

And the decorations they put on their incompetence are just the worst. "P-cache" was their name for bog-standard SQL query caching? That's like a setting in MySql, and one you should never use, for many reasons. Now i-Cache? Wow, it sounds super-fancy, guys. It's just loving Redis, it's not rocket science! It takes you a year to implement it? Gosh, maybe you should hire someone who knows what the gently caress he is doing!

A company with smarts would be dazzling even us goons by now, with what they could do with $300 million. Instead, CI-not-G seems to specialize in producing excuses, and little else. If they worked for me, they'd all be fired by now.

# ¿ May 21, 2020 02:26

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Kosumo posted:

Good news!

Another 500k added to Chris's dream fund in the last 24 hours.

I wonder whether whales would buy bottles of Chris' bathwater. That influencer chick who did that claimed she made a pile of money.

# ¿ May 22, 2020 01:55

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 10:45

Grubby Hobo: Feb 13, 2018; There's something else about bears not many people know. If a bear gets hooked on the taste of crowdfunding, it becomes a man-killer. He'll go on a rampage and has to be destroyed. And that's why you should never hug a bear.

Quavers posted:

Reminder that Squadron 54 is releasing this year

And it's obviously on track. Even their roadmap was not good enough to measure the blinding speed of its progress.

# ¿ May 22, 2020 02:37

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Star Citizen: $48,000 is only $334/month for 12 years

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