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POWELL CURES KIDS
Aug 26, 2016


It would be really difficult to overemphasize how much of a piece of poo poo this was, and I came in stoned out of my gourd with rock-bottom expectations. You've got Kano (and to a lesser extent Kabal) and 1.5 good fatalities, and literally no other reason to watch. Taslim, Sanada, and this Josh Lawson dude are insanely wasted here.

It's Mortal Kombat, bro. It has infinite leeway to be the cheesiest piece of poo poo it can be right out of the gate--just give me some good fights. And yet, despite having talented stunt performers and choreographers right loving there, the fights are poorly done, poorly filmed, infrequent, and boring. Brutal.

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POWELL CURES KIDS
Aug 26, 2016


Meantime, I'm halfway through the Scorpion's Revenge cartoon HBO has up and I just realized that Johnny Cage is being played by Jeff loving Winger. This cartoon rules. Watch this cartoon instead.

POWELL CURES KIDS
Aug 26, 2016


Mortal Kombat Annihilation is also on HBO. It has a 2% Rotten Tomatoes score, and is the superior film in every way. This is neither ironic nor a purely relative assessment; it's legitimately fun as gently caress to watch.

POWELL CURES KIDS
Aug 26, 2016


Kitana and Liu Kang hurtle through a hollow earth hyperloop, encased in some kind of nu-metal Super Monkey Ball.

Kitana, alarmed: "Hold on to me!"

They embrace in the traditional style of cousins. Liu Kang's boner, his first since junior high, is merely implied; nevertheless it is the focus of the scene. Princess Kitana, Heir to the Throne of Edenia, gently cums.

Neo Rasa posted:

It's not an action moment but this is by far my favorite part of the movie and one of my favorite dorky scenes ever in any movie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMrg2luTZts

Renaissance Faire Juggling Comedian Raiden has been mortal for 2 minutes. He is horny. Horny...for babes.

POWELL CURES KIDS
Aug 26, 2016


Shao Kahn's quietly unresolved daddy issues actually make him the most nuanced, well-written character in any Mortal Kombat film, and even I cannot tell if I am loving around when I say that.

POWELL CURES KIDS
Aug 26, 2016


I'd assumed (like a fool) that Joe Taslim would have something to do with the fight choreography in this, but I was stone cold wrong; it's some dude named Chan Griffin, whose only other real notable credits are a few DC superhero movies and the latest Alien.

POWELL CURES KIDS fucked around with this message at 02:06 on May 1, 2021

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POWELL CURES KIDS
Aug 26, 2016


The increasingly psychotic excess of the Fatalities is kind of endearing, honestly. They've gotten to the point where it's nearly self-satire. A batshit-goofy kung-fu stereotype feeding people through his buzzsaw hat feels less Hostel and more Looney Tunes.

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