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You can all stand down, the plague is defeated, a cure is found and we are finally safe and sound again. Don't forget to post a lot, because it keeps you healthy. Hello, yes, I'm Dr. Gag and I will take care of you today. Feeling a little under the weather? Coughing and sneezing all the time? Feeling the urgent need to post on other subforums like a madman? The flu season is starting up and this new variation is somewhat like the flu but only for yobbers. It's not pretty, but do not worry, I am here to help, but I do need your assistance. It will not be easy and also be somewhat dangerous, but we can manage, we just have to post more. Here is what you have to do: Post! Post in this thread like you've never posted before! I have two randomly generated lists of regularly used, normal words available: a cure list and an infection list. Each list contains five words and if you hit one of them, something will happen. If you hit a word from the cure list, you have weakened the plague and one word from the infection list disappears forever. Also, a new word will be added to the cure list afterwards. If you hit a word from the infection list, you have been infected! The plague now resides inside of you and mutates, which means the infecting word is changed to something else, plus another infectious word is added to the infection list. I will supervise your current health status and tell you if you got infected or found an ingredient of the cure. If we manage to find the cure (or after flu season is over), everyone who participated in finding the cure by discovering an ingredient will be given a free forum certificate of their choice that I will buy for them. However, if you got infected and the plague mutates again afterwards, you will have to go to the leper's colony for 6 hours to be healed again. Not a pretty treatment, but at least it works. Stay safe goons, together we can fight this disease and will be back to safely post in a healthy environment once again. Final Hazard Status Formerly infected words:
Cure Ingredients found: 4 Researchers who found an ingredient: Manifisto, SweetWillyRollbar, death sext, ChubbyChecker Goons Are Gifts fucked around with this message at 12:22 on Oct 1, 2019
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Sep 23, 2019 14:13
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 07:06 |
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nut posted:Hi doc, Given your history I have to tell you that this is most likely not the plague, but the so called butt disease. It generally only affects people with butts and only if you do not use them properly. I recommend you strengthen your butt by boosting it with butt jokes and posts, as well as regularly farting and moving your cheeks in a circular manner while standing. Be careful not to break them. Manifisto posted:help I've got the posting disease I have good news, the endless cycle between posting and lurking is something that has accompanied humanity for aeons already and it is nothing to worry about. In daoistic philosophy there is a blue and green symbol that symbolizes this endless invisible dance. The key is to always keep both aspects of your essence balanced and since lurking is a rather passive process, you have to focus on the posting in order to automatically balance it out for your benefit. True enlightment comes from your posting angel riding together with the lurking devil in partnership instead of battle. (note that any words posted by me are exempt from the lists and will not trigger anything)
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Sep 23, 2019 16:24
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nut posted:rocks Oh no, it is the rare case of a DOUBLE INFECTION caused by the disease spreading so fast that it spreads and mutates in two patients at the same time because two different posters triggered an infected word in two consecutive posts even before I could identify it. I did not expect this outburst to be this bad this quickly! I have cleared the word "Rock" and its plural from the infection, but the plague has mutated, developed a new word in Rock's stead plus two additional words (that will only trigger in posts from this post forward, they can't travel in time yet). I also have to inform you that you both are now infected and whenever the plague mutates again, I am forced to send you to the leper's colony for treatment. May your doctor have mercy on your souls
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Sep 23, 2019 17:36
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Manifisto posted:certain As it is proven once again, robots will soon rule over us. Manifisto and the byobot officially found the very first ingredient for the cure by adding the word "certain" to the mix. I have applied the ingredient against the isolated genetic structure of the disease and weakened it that way. The formerly infected word "Cause" is now cleared and the virus had no chance to mutate against it. This reduces the number of infected words to 6. Of course, you have thus qualified yourself for the health insurance's bonus payment. Good work, keep it up!
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Sep 23, 2019 18:40
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In the time of the greatest desperation, you found an ingredient to the cure! It may not save your immediate infection, but it will certainly set you on the list of great names that saved us all. The infected word "Coin", which interestingly wasn't even on the bigass list of commonly used words (which is probably because the words are randomly generated by a robot and not sorted by usage), is now cleared and the number of infected words goes down to 5 again, bringing us back to new beginnings. Also, to another new word in the cure list, so we can keep going. For some reason posting a list of commonly used words in one post did not trigger anything, but caused the infection to spread onto the poster for trying to cheese the game! It however did not yet cause another mutation for some reason; we may never properly understand the way diseases work. The next time it mutates, you will also have to go to the leper's colony for treatment. Keep it civil my friends, we are fighting the good fight here.
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Sep 23, 2019 22:20
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GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:don't know what's going on, but I love plague on the cob! You have to  and win!!
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Sep 23, 2019 23:20
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It's English words because German consists entirely out of various synonyms for beer and that would be a weird but not uncommon way to tackle a disease, however it does fit the current Oktoberfest where I heard they apparently drink beer for whatever reason.
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Sep 24, 2019 00:25
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Manifisto posted:I said schadenfreude to cheekily touch upon the issue of loan words I mean, technically, no they are not. But having Schadenfreude in the Kindergarten with the other Bratwursts is somehow so well understood in the English speaking world that it made it into the dictionary the robot I used to generate the words is using, so these words may actually appear, too. As long as you can order a beer in German though, you are probably safe in any way, because that solves any problem at all times.
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Sep 24, 2019 03:37
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:animals You are definitely on a roll today, because you just triggered a third word in one day. My research found out that animal/animals is indeed infected, triggering a double infection inside of the already infected you, resulting in a super infection! You will now STAY infected even after the first treatment in the leper's colony that you will have to start now, which means you have to get another treatment afterwards to really cure you. Also, the disease has mutated again, swapping out the now clear word "animal" for something else, plus adding another highly infectious word to the infection list. This is getting brutal, because with this mutation the three currently infected posters will now go for special treatment in the leper's colony. I hope you will be able to enjoy your time regardless, because I heard they have fresh pudding there right now. Goons Are Gifts fucked around with this message at 03:47 on Sep 24, 2019
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Sep 24, 2019 03:43
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You are treading on dangerous ground here, double posting an obviously very infected word like a madman! You can call yourself lucky that only the first one triggered because it was yourself posting it in the following post. Still, it was very much infected, is very much clear now, but replaced by another infected word plus the plague mutated and developed a seventh word on the infection list. Oh what dire times we live in.
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Sep 24, 2019 12:36
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I mean I wouldn't judge anyone's life choices but please do not eat each other in search for a cure, because posting is generally an easier way to go
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Sep 25, 2019 03:41
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it's zombies!!
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Sep 25, 2019 11:28
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Alright I just found out that videos and pictures are always safe to post, so maybe we should start posting pictures of like, cute pets maybe??
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Sep 25, 2019 18:46
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Also just checked, the word butt is safe to post just throwing it out here
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Sep 25, 2019 18:47
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The day someone goes to jail for butts is the day the world ends
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Sep 25, 2019 19:27
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You can pay the posting debt only with posting posts, which incurs a debt that needs to be paid by posts
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Sep 25, 2019 20:56
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The plague has successfully been put in a very uncomfortable position here
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Sep 26, 2019 14:38
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Y'all have to post more, we still have a long way to go (and certs to win)
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Sep 26, 2019 14:39
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death sext posted:lobster Incredible, maybe we should all venture into the depth to find a cure! You certainly did, Lobster is a cure ingredient and has weakened the plague. The formerly infected word "Salt" is now free of use again with nothing to replace it. This reduces the number of infected words back to 6, also a new cure word has been released into the world. You're the third researcher to end up on the list of glory! Also I'm glad the lobster is safe and sound, because he's a professor.
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Sep 26, 2019 22:53
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Also, butts. Let me make that clear. Butts.
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Sep 27, 2019 15:04
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:discover Now, look at this! An infection and a cure in one post, incredible! Both effects cancel each other out and the immediate cure saves you from infection, however, the plague reacts quite violently to this wild mixture, resulting in words on the infection list being swapped, which I tried to counter by also swapping out two new cure words. Keep going, it will not be too much longer before I finally found a permanent cure and the flu season will be over!
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Sep 28, 2019 14:53
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lmao butt
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Sep 29, 2019 12:20
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death sext posted:Dr. Gag can I get a doctor's note for work? I'm coughing up blood at a higher volume than usual and it's starting to become a problem. I already got blood all over my keyboard and now it doesn't work and IT is saying they can't fix "acts of God." I need a doctor's note to prove this isn't a biblical plague, just a regular one. Sure thing! Just grab one of the blank notes lying on my desk and fill it out yourself, they're already signed.
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Sep 30, 2019 12:07
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Alright guys, we are approaching the end of flu season and my research has pushed the plague in a corner, we will defeat it now! All cure words are now invalidated, as I finalize the perfect fully fledged cure. Here's the deal, for the next ~24 (or so) hours, we have to race it down, so you gotta post like madmen. The very last post ITT before I call it done by tomorrow noon (roughly UTC because I'm European, which is, uhm, like super early in the US I think), will join the researcher's team and win another forum cert (even if you already got one by finding an ingredient, so you can get two!!). However, the last two posts before that last one, will eat a 6 hour probe, as they need to be treated as voluntary test subjects for the final cure. Afterwards, the plague is defeated and everyone gets their prize! Note that during that time the regular infection words are still active and you still might get infected and get another 6 hours as final treatment.
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Sep 30, 2019 12:16
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Even in the last few hours of infection, the plague grabs for another victim.
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Oct 1, 2019 03:42
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it's off! The race is over, the cure is ready, we will apply it now and cure everyone! ChubbyChecker is the great final race winner, while SweetWillyRollbar and also ChubbyChecker are the two voluntary test subjects that will now go to the leper's colony to spread the cure like a disease and defeat the plague. That's what I call dedication - sacrifice something, even if you just won! Catpain Slack also is the final infection victim which will now be cured with the test subjects, everyone else is safe. The great scientific winners for the contest are Manifisto, SweetWillyRollbar, death sext and ChubbyChecker!  You did a great effort to safe the yob from further infections and have earned your prize! Please pm me with what forum certificate you'd like and I'll buy them for you. If you do not want any currently, I'd also happily offer to instead buy a banner ad of your choice for BYOB, it's a new month so my last two ads are down already and we need to get fresh ones up! Thank you all for participating, I hope you liked getting infected and cured, don't forget to wash your hands and stay safe. Five posts a day, keeps Dr Gag away!
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Oct 1, 2019 12:15
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Ah poo poo, ehh, well do you want a plat cert then? If you have Discord or steam or something and you want to tell me your tag there more or less publicly, I can add you there and give it to you that way. |
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Oct 2, 2019 11:18
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:I don't have either of those...dag. I could maybe get a burner email? Sure thing, just post it here and I'll send the cert to you, just to avoid having some mean lurker grab the code the second I type it here. It's plat cert then, right? Your choice, but PMs alone are already worth it! 
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Oct 2, 2019 14:32
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:Sure! Sounds good! I'll get something registered here real quick. How does redeeming it work? Just so I can have this all cued up. Alright, I sent you something, I hope this worked out - tell me if it didn't. The certificate is just a code, which you can redeem in the SA store. For that, you just go to the store, smash the platinum upgrade into your cart, go to that cart, right below it says "Apply gift certificate here" you click there, paste the code in and boom, total due should say 0 dollars. Then you enter the regular stuff afterwards (nothing will be charged, I don't even think you need to enter a credit card then? Been a while since I used a cert) and there you go. Tell me if anything went wrong or the email didn't make it or something!
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Oct 2, 2019 16:52
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The two remaining winners who still have your certs up for grab, hit me up, if you want! If you don't want any certs, just tell me and I'll buy a byob banner ad of your choice instead, or I'll just pick another from the bannering thread.
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Oct 2, 2019 16:55
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MockingQuantum posted:are you people like blowing up your PMs with nonstop discussion or something? I think I've sent maybe 6 pms and gotten about 3 in my seven years of plat, that's a whopping 0.0035 PMs per day I dunno I'm getting a solid number of pms in general, for some reason it also spiked when I became ik. People seem to rather talk to me privately than being seen doing so in public.  Actually I think half of these are ant crew lurkers who don't want to post their questions in byob because
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Oct 2, 2019 17:20
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:Wow. Just wow! Just wanted to say thank u to everyone for the PMs! Check your inbox, my man 
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Oct 2, 2019 17:24
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It's just wonderful to finally hear all of your deepest and darkest thoughts!