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Applewhite posted:The adventurer reflects that the next time the owl shows up not to bother with trying to get rid of it as it’s more distracting than just putting up with him being around. The Adventurer shoots her in the back of the head execution style. Funky See Funky Do fucked around with this message at 08:55 on Sep 30, 2019 |
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Sep 30, 2019 08:52
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Adventurer shoots her in the back of the head execution style. Later... Police lights flash between the trees, casting red and blue reflections on the damp foliage.. Satan ducks beneath the caution tape and examines the grizzly scene. Satan is already there. “What have we got?” he asks, sipping a cup of coffee. He winces. It’s bitter. “Female, Jane Doe. Mid to late twenties. Looks like she was capped in the back of her head while combing her hair,” says Satan. “Sounds like she had...” Satan pauses to don his sunglasses, “a brush with death.”
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Sep 30, 2019 08:58
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Applewhite posted:Later... Foebric quietly tracks the Adventurer through the woods, and summons Bulby the Toad. Bulby leaps into the Adventurer's mouth. The Adventurer starts tripping really hard
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Sep 30, 2019 09:01
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Zippy the Bummer posted:Foebric quietly tracks the Adventurer through the woods, and summons Bulby the Toad. Bulby leaps into the Adventurer's mouth. The Adventurer starts tripping really hard “Dammit, Bulby!” complains the adventurer with his mouth full of toad. “You made me trip over that root when you jumped in my mouth!” He bites Bulby in half to teach the toad a lesson. Just then he notices he’s in a forest glade with two pools. A silver key floats above one pool, a golden keuly above the other.
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Sep 30, 2019 09:04
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(a keuly is a kind of key in this world)
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Sep 30, 2019 09:07
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Applewhite posted:“Dammit, Bulby!” complains the adventurer with his mouth full of toad. “You made me trip over that root when you jumped in my mouth!” Adventurer completely ignores both pools and both keys. He then continues on his way stopping only to shoot the toad in the back of the head execution style.
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Sep 30, 2019 09:13
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Adventurer completely ignores both pools and both keys. He then continues on his way stopping only to shoot the toad in the back of the head execution style. “Toad. Male. Toad Doe. Looks like he was bitten in half then shot in the back of the head,” says Satan. “Looks like the work of the same guy. We’ve got a possible serial killer on our hands.” “Looks like we’d better...” Satan pauses to put on his sunglasses. “Hop to it.”
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Sep 30, 2019 09:19
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Applewhite posted:“Toad. Male. Toad Doe. Looks like he was bitten in half then shot in the back of the head,” says Satan. “Looks like the work of the same guy. We’ve got a possible serial killer on our hands.” "yes. that's me," the adventurer, Ryan, said, "my name has been Ryan the entire time"
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Sep 30, 2019 11:10
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Applewhite posted:“Toad. Male. Toad Doe. Looks like he was bitten in half then shot in the back of the head,” says Satan. “Looks like the work of the same guy. We’ve got a possible serial killer on our hands.” At that moment angry black police Captain appears. "Goddamit Satan. Your last arrest was way over the line. The D.A. and the commissioner have been chewing me out all morning " "It was an armed robbery chief, women and kids held hostage. Those dirtbag perps crossed the line first, I just chased them over it." Said Satan as he chewed on a toothpick, he looked totally badass. "Tactical had the situation under control Satan. Then you two come in and summon your demonic hordes to drag the perpertrators into a fiery pit of eternal torment. Ever heard of something called, unnecessary force? Or police brutality?" "The hostages lived didn't they?" Said other Satan. "Dammit Satans." Said the chief, "You're a pair of loose cannons, and I don't like your methods. But I'll give you this much, you get results."
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Sep 30, 2019 11:19
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Cubone posted:"Ryan?" came a voice from behind the adventurer. the adventurer turned. Ryan quickly spun around and opened fire. Princess Toadfart Penelopie Buttercup's shoulder was struck, a searing hot pain took the breath out of her lungs. Before she could register what was happening a second round grazed her forehead and she slumped over, alive but unconscious. Ryan, thinking he had taken another life and with his bloodlust satisfied, grinned and skipped away with a song in his heart. Princess Toadfart Penelopie Buttercup groaned and her eyes fluttered open.
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Sep 30, 2019 11:26
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The Care Bears suddenly emerged and used their magic ship to fire a rainbow beam at the Adventurer, knocking the gun out of the Adventurer's hand. Then Cedric stumbled into the glen and picked up the gun. Then Cedric the Entertainer encountered them
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Sep 30, 2019 11:50
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Zippy the Bummer posted:The Care Bears suddenly emerged and used their magic ship to fire a rainbow beam at the Adventurer, knocking the gun out of the Adventurer's hand. Then Cedric stumbled into the glen and picked up the gun. Then Cedric the Entertainer encountered them Cedric the owl (cto) and Cedric the entertainer (cte) sprint towards princess and extend a card 'Cedric & Cedric injury lawfirm' embossed on it. Cedric & Cedric are a couple of crusty professionals and thier plucky young assistants that get into wacky shenanigans but they always learn a lesson about each other and thier clients. They occasionally have episode crossovers with Satan & Satan
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Sep 30, 2019 12:55
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Can we get a graph showing all characters and their interactions please?
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Sep 30, 2019 14:07
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Foul Ole Ron posted:Can we get a graph showing all characters and their interactions please? Three lovely water sprites observe the entire proceedings from their perch under the Cosmopolitan Falls. Filling their cute little acorn cups with the neverending booze, they ask, “Does Adventurer Ryan even know what his quest ultimately is? Should we help? Oh goddesses no, is that an unkillable incontinent rhyming owl with him?!? “We must summon the only thing that maybe could defeat such a creature! The mighty Laserhawk!” The fairies drunkenly summon a Laserhawk and...
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Sep 30, 2019 14:29
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... it goes right for Boober's eyes!
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Sep 30, 2019 14:37
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Rahonavis posted:Three lovely water sprites observe the entire proceedings from their perch under the Cosmopolitan Falls. Filling their cute little acorn cups with the neverending booze, they ask, “Does Adventurer Ryan even know what his quest ultimately is? Should we help? Oh goddesses no, is that an unkillable incontinent rhyming owl with him?!? ...slur the ancient enchanted words, accidentally summoning Lasercock into our mortal realm
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Sep 30, 2019 14:37
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935 posted:...slur the ancient enchanted words, accidentally summoning Lasercock into our mortal realm Lasercock materialises and flys straight at Boober's eyes. Boober, sensing the his speeding doom, points his anus towards its and tries in vain to fire a poo poo beem at it. Before he knows it lasercock and Boober meet. As they do, Boober is enveloped in a blinding light. After a few seconds the light reforms into Boober. But now he has the power to break the fourth wall, and he does not need to rhyme all the time.
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Sep 30, 2019 15:03
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Foul Ole Ron posted:Lasercock materialises and flys straight at Boober's eyes. Twitty twittle twit twhoo, hello fat goon I'm talking to you. I no longer need rhyme every sentence, but still choose to without repentance. For I'm a douche with no decorum, here in this dead gay comedy forum.
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Sep 30, 2019 15:22
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jazzyhattrick posted:Twitty twittle twit twhoo, hello fat goon I'm talking to you. Uatu the Watcher materialises suddenly, looks around and says "gently caress this poo poo, I'm out" before disappearing again.
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Sep 30, 2019 15:59
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jazzyhattrick posted:Twitty twittle twit twhoo, hello fat goon I'm talking to you. The watersprites laughed. This had been their plan all along. "I love that owl," said one of the sprites. "I was only pretending not to like him before," said the Sprite that sounded like she didn't like Boober earlier. "Whoodily boodily quwackity yak, Boober the rhyming owl is back!" said Boober. Meanwhile, Ryan the adventurer was trying to craft a torch by balancing a lump of coal on top of a stick. Soon it would be nightfall.
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Sep 30, 2019 16:03
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Applewhite posted:The watersprites laughed. This had been their plan all along. "CONFOUNDED WEDGE, STAY WHENCE I PLACE YOU!" Coal falls to the ground. The sky grows slightly dimmer.
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Sep 30, 2019 16:15
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:"CONFOUNDED WEDGE, STAY WHENCE I PLACE YOU!"
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Sep 30, 2019 17:55
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Sunswipe posted:Wedge Antilles, out of work since Disney destroyed the Star Wars Extended Universe, looks up from the cheap bottle of cooking sherry he is swigging from. "Whaddya wan', ya lousy piece-a..." he mutters before passing out. Meanwhile at City Police HQ Professor Von Schwanz stares through a telescope. "Vell, zat confirms it herr Commissioner. Zee sky daekening can only be explained by vun phenomenon, it ist uns vetter machine! Und not just any vetter machine, nein. Zis ist zee vetter machine of Jared Fogle!" The Commissioner gasps, "There must be some mistake professor." "Zere ist no mistake, and if somebody does not shtop him vee vill all be eating fresh." The Commissioner's expression darkens, "May god have mercy on us all." He picks up the phone. "Get me Satan & Satan."
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Sep 30, 2019 19:46
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jazzyhattrick posted:Meanwhile at City Police HQ Professor Von Schwanz stares through a telescope. "Vell, zat confirms it herr Commissioner. Zee sky daekening can only be explained by vun phenomenon, it ist uns vetter machine! Und not just any vetter machine, nein. Zis ist zee vetter machine of Jared Fogle!" *ring ring* "Hello?" *pause* "I'm sorry, who are you looking for?" *pause* "No, this is Satin & Satin, your first and last stop for luxury bed linens." *pause* "Sure no problem, have a great day" *hangs up*
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Sep 30, 2019 20:30
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:*ring ring* A few miles away, Bullboor the Human Toad sits behind his desk in his lavish office, chomping a cigar. He listens as his assistant tells him of the death of his son Bulby. "So, this Adventurer thinks they can kill a member of the Bulbous Family and get away with it?" Bullboor grumbles. "Hire the best hit-man you can find."
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Sep 30, 2019 22:12
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Zippy the Bummer posted:A few miles away, Bullboor the Human Toad sits behind his desk in his lavish office, chomping a cigar. He listens as his assistant tells him of the death of his son Bulby. Two hours later : So you'll do it then? The short stinking form in front of Bullboor replies 'yar, twill do it'. 'good' what do you want as payment. The short form pauses for a moment and replies 'iz owl, ti's a good owl. ' report back when you have his head' replied Bullboor his eyes starting to water with the smell. When the form was gone, Bullboor still couldn't shift the smell from his office. He hated hiring them.. But Scrunts were cheap, cheapest in the Slam sector.
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Sep 30, 2019 22:26
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Satan lost in thought over the who what and especially why of the latest case immediately senses a familiar presence - he recognises the sound of that tip-tap shuffle stride even before he hears the raspy breathing. Without turning, "Sleetoe, fancy you being here" The skittish kobald looking dude (the dog kind, there is no other kind of kobald in Satan's opinion) slides up to Satan " SAY Tan my man, what is UP. Hey heh hey heh, i was tinkin how much I MISSED yo sexy face Hey heh heh heh" Satan was in no mood for Sleetoe right now. "I'm going to ask you one more time then kick you rear end if I don't like what I hear: what do you want?" Ultra Beef Satan creeps up behind him making a Sleetoe sandwich. Ultra Beef standing ominously behind him was not lost on Sleetoe. "Ayyyy hey heh heh, it ain't like dat maaaaan, be cool! Don't be like dat man! So check it: word in the fields is some hard-rear end motherfuckas lookin to put the hurt real bad on some fool" "You got names?" "Nah nah, but check dis: probs goin down real soon, you sxry what i sayin?" "Word, now scram" "Hey heh heh, maybe you could slide some pixie dust my way, just for ol' times sake? Hey heh heh heh" Ultra Beef Satan grabs him by the nape of the neck and throws him to the ground. "Ok, here you go" plying the pixie dust into Sleetoes pocket. "Be seeing you Sleetoe. Real soon." ilovebeersooomuch fucked around with this message at 01:38 on Oct 1, 2019 |
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Sep 30, 2019 23:27
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:Satan lost in thought over the who what and especially why of the latest case immediately senses a familiar presence - he recognises the sound of that tip-tap shuffle stride even before he hears the raspy breathing. Now propelled by a jetstream a diharrhea, Boober flies either in or out of the window, depending on whether this scene is taking place inside, because Boober has lost track. "Flickety Floob, Flabbity Flob I heard you need someone to answer your phone, and I need a job" Casting a sideways eye at Satan's dark, muscular skin, Boober adds "Toofety Doofety Poofety Digger The thing I hate most is those drat spells that make Satan bigger
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Oct 1, 2019 02:37
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Drunk Nerds posted:Now propelled by a jetstream a diharrhea, Boober flies either in or out of the window, depending on whether this scene is taking place inside, because Boober has lost track. Satan looks at Satan and shrugs. 'he's full of poo poo but we need the hired' Chuckles Satan.
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Oct 1, 2019 23:34
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thank you for loving Boober
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Oct 2, 2019 02:02
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Cubone posted:thank you for loving Boober Said Boober's father, Breaston. "Now I'm going to take my son back to our home planet, Bazonga 9." As the two owls flew towards the sun, Boober turned back and with tears in his eyes said, "Crackity dackity, wigity-wack. Don't worry my friends, I'll soon be back!" Fifteen minutes later Boober was back.
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Oct 2, 2019 03:24
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Ryan the adventurer continued on his quest to find Bigdick Assballs M.D. or whoever. But it was nighttime and the skeletons were out and about. Suddenly something rustled in the bushes nearby!
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Oct 2, 2019 06:31
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Applewhite posted:Ryan the adventurer continued on his quest to find Bigdick Assballs M.D. or whoever. Ryan ignored the rustling and promptly ended his quest. This was becoming absurd and he would no longer be made a fool of by a bunch of childish nerds.
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Oct 2, 2019 06:35
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Ryan ignored the rustling and promptly ended his quest. This was becoming absurd and he would no longer be made a fool of by a bunch of childish nerds. What with one thing and another, thirty years passed. Ryan hadn’t heard from Gandalf in nearly a decade at this point and had nearly forgotten he was supposed to find Bigdick Assballs M.D. When suddenly there was a knock on the door of his hobbit-hole!
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Oct 2, 2019 07:12
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Applewhite posted:What with one thing and another, thirty years passed. Ryan drunkenly crawled out of the dumpster he'd named the "Hobbit-hole" one night when he was sniffing petrol. "Official party business only" he slurred at the police officer shining a light in his face.
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Oct 2, 2019 07:26
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Ryan drunkenly crawled out of the dumpster he'd named the "Hobbit-hole" one night when he was sniffing petrol. "Official party business only" he slurred at the police officer shining a light in his face. "After thirty years, we finally caught him," said Satan to the cop shining the light in Ryan's face. Satan came up and put his hand on Satan's shoulder. "I can't believe that this is the man who once held the magic forest in a grip of terror," said Satan. "It's pathetic."
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Oct 2, 2019 07:31
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Applewhite posted:"After thirty years, we finally caught him," said Satan to the cop shining the light in Ryan's face. From far in the distance the blind gatekeeper casts enlarge Satans.
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Oct 2, 2019 07:52
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That strange guy posted:From far in the distance the blind gatekeeper casts enlarge Satans.
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Oct 2, 2019 08:14
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Foebric, if we are 30 years in the future now, stumbles out of his hollow tree home. His wife left him long ago. His son and daughter were killed by Snotgurgles. He has nothing to live for except his next cup of ale. But then he receives a raven message from the law firm of Cedric and Cedric
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Oct 2, 2019 09:56
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Zippy the Bummer posted:Foebric, if we are 30 years in the future now, stumbles out of his hollow tree home. His wife left him long ago. His son and daughter were killed by Snotgurgles. He has nothing to live for except his next cup of ale. But then he receives a raven message from the law firm of Cedric and Cedric "Foebric, we are writing to inform you that your continued nonpayment of debt has forced us to elevate your case to the next level of the collection process. If you still fail to pay, we will escalate this matter in accordance with legal law." -Cedric and Cedric
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Oct 2, 2019 10:06
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