- google THIS
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EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN-PALM SLAM A BOOK OFF OF MY SHELF. IT'S MOBY DICK AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING ALL THE MOVES ALONGSIDE ITS HERO, ISHMAEl. SQUEEZE! SQUEEZE! SQUEEZE! ALL THE MORNING LONG; I SQUEEZED THAT SPERM TILL I MYSELF ALMOST MELTED INTO IT; I SQUEEZED THAT SPERM TILL A STRANGE SORT OF INSANITY CAME OVER ME; AND I FOUND MYSELF UNIWITTINGLY SQUEEZING MY CO-LABORERS' HANDS IN IT, MISTAKING THEIR HANDS FOR THE GENTLE GLOBULES. TWO HOURS PLUS WIND DOWN EVERY MORNING.
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Sep 30, 2019 03:07
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 26, 2024 04:56
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- Korean Boomhauer
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To the desk of one Mr. Haribo, Confectioner,
Sir, it was with singular delight that I discovered your "Haribo's Sugarless Gummed Bear Suppliments For Children And Gentlemen of Low Vigor." I am a gentleman of considerable size and I fear the consumption of sugars upsets the blood and causes fits upon my person. What providence, then, that a sweetmeat might be made sweet without the sweet, as it is. Well I tell you, sir, upon that regard, the sweetness is as it should be and you confectioner's arts are without equal. Such deliciousness did I discover in your tooth-some treat that in no long matter of minutes I confess that I did eat the entire five pounds of Gummed Bears. While delight sat upon my tongue, a small cry of distress did begin to utter from within my bowels. I fear to utter what next befell my digestive process. Suffice to say that mighty Krakatoa was but the thin mewl of a whelp compared to the eruptions and devastation that occurred in the most private of chambers. Alas at the depths of my despair I imagined that the villain satan himself was arriving on earth by means of laxative effect and I did fear for my mortal soul. I have en closed a list of properties lost in this event including clothing, bed-clothes, various linens, furniture, home repairs, and damages relating to the loss of my poor, elderly man-servant whose weakened heart could not stand the stain of hearing the unbearable utterings of my voice and also my bowel. I know you to be a gentleman and I pray that my requests should be honored.
Yours in humility,
President James Garfield
 
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Sep 30, 2019 05:06
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- canyoneer
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I only have canyoneyes for you
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Sep 30, 2019 07:27
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- Bonaventure
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by sebmojo
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ASMR video~*Roman Rite of Exorcism & I softly tap the microphone every time I make the sign of the cross*~*abjuration tingles*~I expel thee all malignant potentates
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Sep 30, 2019 15:02
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Sep 30, 2019 03:07
