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Thanks for this thread- I guess I should type out the thoughts that have been in my head for a while. I was diagnosed with severe ADHD at about 8 years old; over the past few years I’ve concluded that I have mild autism too, although I never got an official diagnosis on that. I’ve heard secondhand that ADHD and autism are closely related, and some researchers think they might be the same thing; if anyone knows more about this and can link me to studies, I’d love to read them. As far as ADD/ADHD, things that don’t interest me are almost impossible to hold my attention on- unfortunately, the things that my brain decides aren’t worth my attention are usually important things, tasks that need to be done, or things that I *want* to be interested in, but my brain won’t let me. I recently came across this article and it is about 95% accurate to my experiences with ADHD. It’s a loving wonder that I’m capable of living alone, given my level of executive dysfunction- without medication, I’m effectively useless. Anyway - I feel like I exhibit most of the classic symptoms of Aspergers/mild autism. I have ~*Special Interests*~ that I can hyperfocus on; there’s a few that have persisted basically my entire life, while others come and go. I have an incredible appetite for knowledge and learning about these specific topics and hobbies. I find lots of other things interesting, but not in the same hyperfocus-spend-hours-reading-wikipedia way. I can hold a conversation, but I am utterly useless at small talk. My usual tack in conversations is “get in, discuss what needs to be discussed, get out”. I tend to be pretty blunt and terse in conversation, and I repeat myself a lot if I’m trying to get a point across. But if you get me talking about something I’m interested or invested in, I won’t shut up for hours. I spend most of my time alone- which is by choice- and most of my social energy is spent with online friends, as I find them easier to relate to. I’ve completely given up on eye contact- the “slippery stone” is a good analogy. I’ll look literally anywhere else in the room except at your face, but usually down at the ground. With the above, it’s no surprise that I’m totally oblivious to most social cues. When I tried to interact with others as a kid/adolescent, I was “annoying” or “weird”. I’ve lost count of the amount of times my earnest attempts at socializing resulted in failure, mockery, or bullying. As time went on, I just withdrew more and more to avoid getting hurt again, even though I didn’t understand what I did wrong to make people dislike me- I had no inkling that I was acting differently than other people, but it seemed clear to me that trying to make friends wasn’t worth the trouble. I spent most of high school in the library reading two books a day, and through four years of college I never made a friend that I actually hung out with- every day I just went back to my dorm room and sat on my computer, and barely acknowledged my roommate. I didn’t have any problem with them, I just never felt the need to chat with someone that I shared nothing in common with. I’m 25. I feel like I was somehow totally oblivious to my own shortcomings for the first two decades of my life, and only now am I starting to understand who I am, all the social skills I never developed, and why I have such trouble making and keeping friends. P.S. anybody else gotta bounce their leg? I don’t understand why but I just. I have to. I can’t sit perfectly still, I have to be bouncing my leg or picking at my skin or fiddling with something. It’s a very nonspecific, hard to describe, but extremely strong urge to keep at least some part of my body moving or occupied. I’m curious if others have this. edit: less E/N Luneshot fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Feb 15, 2020 |
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Feb 15, 2020 10:08
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Some lights definitely make noise. I know as a kid I was always aware of a high-pitched whine from CRT TVs. Haven’t heard it in years, as a natural consequence of aging affecting the ability to hear high frequencies and the declining population of CRTs, but it was noticeable from across the room if I was listening for it. If they are fluorescent lights, it might be the visual flicker. The 50/60Hz flicker isn’t noticeable to most people, but aging fluorescent tubes can make it worse and it can cause eye strain or headaches in some people who are particularly sensitive to it.
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Feb 2, 2021 23:08
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Bobby Deluxe posted:
I have this problem too, unfortunately: I find most of the traits that I myself exhibit to be incredibly annoying when exhibited by other people. I wish I didn’t, because I want to make those social connections with people like me, I want to be able to unmask in the presence of like-minded folks, but people displaying the exact same behaviors that I do in social situations irritates me to no end. I think it’s probably just redirected self-loathing, of which I have plenty, but I can’t seem to get rid of it even though I recognize that its hypocritical and that I feel awful about judging people by it.
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Aug 31, 2022 11:19
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