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Good Morning and welcome to the GBS 5:00am news, this morning we're following a mysterious mist that appeared at 3:00am exactly Pacific Standard Time. Reports are coming in of people turning inside out once the mist ingulfs them. The mist is traveling at a slow pace, but it is crawling from the ocean and out into the major cities. Police are warning residents to cover their windows and doors and to avoid breathing in the mist. More reports as they come in, meanwhile here's your favorite goon with the weather...
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Sep 30, 2019 13:25
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Good morning folks, ilovebeersooomuch with your local forcast for the San Diego area. Looks like we're going to have a few absolutely beeeeautiful autumn days, so make sure you spend some time with your family, maybe have a picnic. Tuesday and Wed will likely topout close to 79 degrees during the day. Today we do have a mist warning so make sure you stay indoor untill it passes AAAAARGH *turns inside out from mist* *PLEASE STAND BY flashes on screen*
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Sep 30, 2019 13:44
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It's almost loving October and it's still 100 degrees out, what the gently caress? Goddamn it's hot.
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Sep 30, 2019 13:47
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*looks at camera with concern* Alright, we seem to be having some problems at our San Diego weather location. Home of the San Diego Weather Cock-Doppler, the only weather doppler system that is outfitted with Accu-WeatherTechnology, but also shaped like a Cock! Let,s stand by the San Diego News team, and check on our friends at the adopt-a-pet rally happening now... We go to goon with the details.. goon...
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Sep 30, 2019 13:51
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:Good morning folks, ilovebeersooomuch with your local forcast for the San Diego area. Looks like we're going to have a few absolutely beeeeautiful autumn days, so make sure you spend some time with your family, maybe have a picnic. Tuesday and Wed will likely topout close to 79 degrees during the day. Today we do have a mist warning so make sure you stay indoor untill it passes AAAAARGH Oh ho ho, great to hear ilovebeersooomuch. I know I'm looking forward to taking up the last couple of nice weekends at the beach before the rains come back. And speaking of the beach, it's time again for the imperial beach Oktoberfest! Let's go to Kelly, our beach front correspondent for more! *Camera cuts to a beach scene with the camera laying on its side. The sand is red with blood and gore extending from the grey viscera of a corpse clothed in a purple camisole and red blazer before fading into the dense mist beyond.*
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Sep 30, 2019 13:59
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Mr. T Foghorn, here to tell you about unbelievable sales in your local fog emporium! Why if these fogs were any cheaper, I'd be turning inside out!
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Sep 30, 2019 14:01
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And in related news, the development team behind the hit game Myst has something new up their sleeves! *cuts to a pile of inside-out bodies*
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Sep 30, 2019 14:02
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Mary here with the weather : mist lots of god awful mist. tape up your windows and doors and block your chimneys folks stay safe
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Sep 30, 2019 14:03
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Traffic this morning is a bit crazy, you know how Mondays go, everybody! We've got a 90 car pileup on Highway 666, 35 people reported dead so far and that number's expected to climb. And.... ooooooh, I don't know if you saw that on camera but a car just exploded. Repeat, a car just exploded. So take your time out there, be safe, and maybe avoid that Highway until they can start hosing off the blood, right? You don't want to mess up your nice, clean car? Wait, just heard that death toll is up to 38 as several of the victims were pregnant. Repeat, we've got some dead unborn babies out there. Have a wonderful commute!
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Sep 30, 2019 14:04
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*shuffles papers* It seems as though our News Goons on location are experiencing the inside out mist first-hand. Can a goon in excrutiating pain tell us with details what they are feeling
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Sep 30, 2019 14:16
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MMMMMGHRR MMMMMFGMHHGM- ... You've really got to see this. The rainbow is beautiful. Why don't you come out and see the rainbow?
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Sep 30, 2019 14:20
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*loosens tie* o_o Wow, the mist appears to have reached the majority of the people on the west coast. Everybody stay indoors, board up and tape your windows and doors. Keep your pets inside. I'm getting... I'm getting some news from the Chopper team in the sky, come in GBS Helicopter ...
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Sep 30, 2019 14:37
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*crrch* hello! hello! this is the GBS Channel 69 News Helicopter! we are in the air and there is a big rotor thing above me that is making a heck of a racket! the moon appears to be mist-free so we will be attempting to make that passage! for those poor souls trapped on the unforgiving earth, may God forgive your souls! back to you in the studio!
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Sep 30, 2019 14:40
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*reaches for new paper in the studio and touches ear* It appears as though we have new developments. Scientists have found that the mist will not affect you if you are surrounded by our own cloud of gas, so it is imperative and you and your loved ones start farting immediately. I repeat, all survivors in an enclosed room start farting as much rear end possible! Make sure to cover your pets and children as well! I'm getting... I'm getting news from our sister station in Wisconsin, Goon, tell us what is happening in middle America, our heartland...
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Sep 30, 2019 14:47
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Wisconsin here. We are entering our forty ninth straight year of absolutely nothing happening. Back to you.
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Sep 30, 2019 16:31
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*cuts to woman sitting behind desk looking at someone off camera* "I was there last week, I didn't think it smelled that bad" *off camera voices* "Really?" Laughs *off camera voices* "I KNOW! It really does make her rear end look fat! Im not going to say anything to her though" *off camera voices* "I guess" Picks teeth looks disinterested at camera *off camera voices* "Wait what does the Urban Dictionary call a cheese filled mouth blow job?" *off camera voices* *woman looks at camera, clearly has no idea she is on right now* *woman smooths her blouse*
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Sep 30, 2019 16:37
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*Picks nose in front of camera not knowing it is on and pointing at me*
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Sep 30, 2019 17:03
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*camera switches on in what appears as a cinder block bunker* We're coming back live from the GBS News Station Basement, reports are coming in, millions have perished! Turned inside out. Hug your loved ones, and hang on tight. New reports as they develop.. *holds hand up to ear and looks concerned * Alright, I'm getting word that the mist that turns people inside out is now international, reporting live ...
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Sep 30, 2019 17:11
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Coming up: a demonstration down town this morning had many residents asking “what is that man doing to his anus?” More after the break.
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Sep 30, 2019 17:22
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General Dog posted:More after the break. Helicopter shot of a yellowing grassy hill with an empty bend in a two lane road. Distant rumblings of a tight V6 engine getting closer in exaggerated Doppler. Cut to a shot of savanna canopy - branches shaking, shouts of baboon mixed with the roar of a large cat. Camera flies over the zenith of the road, and out of corner of the shot a pacific blue convertible hugs the bend like a tracked hot-wheels car. Cut back to the jungle canopy with baboon screeches and lion roars. The spotted leopard is chasing a smallish baboon with a tiny juvenile on its back, leaping across tree branches. The camera zooms in fairly close to get a good top view of the speeding convertible's brick leather interior. Two huge yellow fleece paws awkwardly grip the steering wheel. Camera macro close-ups to an oversized grinning yellow-orange fox head with black eyes and nose. Slowed down shot of the leopard pouncing on the baboon's back with them falling out of frame. A shot from the outside bend of the road of the back of the car with the costumed furry speeding away with one yellow arm waving in the air. A closeup of the bloodied leopard maw lifting up from the gory feast. It growls at the camera, but the sound is a car engine speeding away. Words materialize in the middle of the screen: Be the hunter. Jaguar F-TYPE 2020
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Sep 30, 2019 20:24
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We are advising that all goons stay in their moms basements until the mist crisis passes
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Sep 30, 2019 20:40
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todays forecast is absolute poo poo with a great chance of posting
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Sep 30, 2019 20:49
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If you know someone who has turned inside out please call us
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Sep 30, 2019 21:02
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it was a big week in the nfl, and I tell you guys, patrick mahomes looks unstoppable, or at least he did until an enormous unspeakable horror emerged from the bowels of the earth and devoured him on the 40 yard line. the afc looks wide open now
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Sep 30, 2019 21:02
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Hold on, we are getting an exclusive story from the local freakshow, Inside Out Jim... It seems like the mist has turned him inside in! Oh the humanity! I don't think our community can survive not seeing his friendly bright red bloody face with texture of a raw hamburger patty...
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Sep 30, 2019 22:24
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Hello and welcome back to the GBS News Station, Channel 69. We continue our coverage of the inside out mist that has spread out world-wide and the continuing efforts to stop and contain it. More as this story develops. In Local News, Dale's Donuts, famed for it's giant donut and delicious baked goods and coffee, is currently asking all resident to please call the station if you see the donut roll by. The Mist, coupled with the San Andreas Winds had knocked it off the shop and rolled it down the road. Residents have called in with tips of the donut careening down Pacific Coast Highway headed south. If you're out in the streets, please be careful, the donut is said to weight 10 tons and will crush any regular car with ease. And now back to Goon with the sports... Goon..
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Oct 1, 2019 09:02
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Thanks Goon, I'm Vincent Van Goatse with today's sports highlights. The Filthy Stinking Betrayers of San Diego the Los Angeles So-Called Chargers beat the Miami Dolphins on Sunday. Way to go beating up on defenseless intelligent sea mammals, you jerks. The Padres season is also over to nobody's surprised, but there was that great walk-off grand slam earlier in the year, wasn't there? gently caress the Dodgers. Back to you, hairpiece.
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Oct 1, 2019 09:27
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*drunk guy runs up behind sports reporter* MIST! WOOOO! GO MIST!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
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Oct 1, 2019 12:48
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Everything is poo poo and garbage, now Jimmy with the weather
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Oct 1, 2019 12:53
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Local man Kirk Johnson turns himself inside out before the mist can reach him.
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Oct 1, 2019 12:53
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[quietly, and too myself almost, but while mic'd] I so pale.
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Oct 1, 2019 13:11
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Latest in: scientists are developing their own mist that turns inside-out people back to normal
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Oct 1, 2019 13:19
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Local News GBS, Channel 69, Goold Ol Filbert reporting, we're just getting word *holds hand up to ear* ahum mmhmm ok, We have word coming in from South Africa, yes, there appears to be deadly rain triggered by the mist. This is causing a run-off into the drinking water and local usable water. I repeat new developments of rain, rain down in Africa. Stay tuned for more developments. Here's Goon with the traffic... goon..
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Oct 1, 2019 13:20
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Hello, hello, this is the local traffic update with Bertrice Betrice. It's backed up as far as the eye can see by people fleeing for their lives, and there's an accident on I-95 north of exit 20 where an entire cattle truck's worth of cattle were violently turned inside out, spraying viscera all over the road. In good news though if you're heading back towards the mist you will make excellent time. Back to you in the studio!
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Oct 1, 2019 13:33
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Well goon, *friendly chuckle* as it seems that this is indeed the prophesied end of the world, on behalf of everyone here at Channel 69, I'd like to take this opportunity to say...the N word. *immediately cut to the Technical Difficulties screen*
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Oct 1, 2019 13:43
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*shuffles papers* @_@- On behalf of everyone on Channel 69, we sincerely apologize for our colleague. *holds hand up to ear* I'm just.. I'm just getting word that.. mhm, yes, The scientists that are coming up with the upside-in mist have indeed turned inside out and then backside in, then outside out again. Yes, it appears as though they are doing a hokey of pokey of some sort. Turning themselves in, and then out again, then in, but I would definitely stop at out... and that's what it's all about. [FLOOD WARNING INFOGRAPHIC] Please do not panic, the rains down in Africa have let up, according to scientists, the run off should clear within 30 days, until then do not drink or go anywhere near the water. Drink only bottled water, and water approved by local officials. *holds hand up to ear* It appears as there is another report of rain runoff, There is rain in Spain, I repeat, there is rain in Spain and it's mostly in the plain! More reports as they come.. Meanwhile, could that song that you're listening to possibly kill you? Here's to goon for more... Goon...
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Oct 1, 2019 14:06
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwNGR792Ifk
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Oct 1, 2019 14:10
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Good Ol Filbert posted:*shuffles papers* @_@- On behalf of everyone on Channel 69, we sincerely apologize for our colleague. *holds hand up to ear* I'm just.. I'm just getting word that.. mhm, yes, The scientists that are coming up with the upside-in mist have indeed turned inside out and then backside in, then outside out again. Yes, it appears as though they are doing a hokey of pokey of some sort. Turning themselves in, and then out again, then in, but I would definitely stop at out... and that's what it's all about. Thanks OP, Chazz Chazzbert here. Lately we've been getting reports of a local radio station, 69.42 THE FROG, emitting a high pitched noise that turns anyone who listens to it violently insane! Stay tuned at 11 when we get our junior reporter Dazz Dazzbert to listen to the signal and find out what happens! Back to you OP!
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Oct 1, 2019 15:19
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CharlestonJew posted:Thanks OP, Chazz Chazzbert here. Lately we've been getting reports of a local radio station, 69.42 THE FROG, emitting a high pitched noise that turns anyone who listens to it violently insane! Stay tuned at 11 when we get our junior reporter Dazz Dazzbert to listen to the signal and find out what happens! Back to you OP! To follow up on this story, the insanity can be safely contained within the brain's membrane, but only if it's not inside out. Once again, we here at Channel 69 send our condolences to the Dazzbert family during this trying time.
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Oct 1, 2019 15:37
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oldskool posted:To follow up on this story, the insanity can be safely contained within the brain's membrane, but only if it's not inside out. I hope nobody goes... insane in the membraine!
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Oct 1, 2019 15:39
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