• Play with the Transformer and learn about the time Big Bossman let dogs eat his brain!
  

• Raw opened with a new theme song, a new set and a new commentary team of Jerry Lawler, Vic Joseph and Dio Maddin (Brennan Williams), who welcomed us to the season premiere of Raw (not how this works etc)
  
• Rey Mysterio came out to promote his Universal Championship match against Seth tonight. Rey's large son Dominic was in the front row, and Rey got on the mic and welcomed everybody.
  
• Brock Lesnar's music hit and he came to the ring with Paul Heyman. Before Heyman could start his usual spiel, Rey pulled the mic from him and started to do his own promo... and Brock F5ed him. Then again. Then his large son Dominic. Then Rey again. Brock left, then came back and suplexed Rey and Dominic. he left again, then ran back in and beat up some officials, hurked Dominic out of the ring (Rey fell out to check on him) and ripped off his shirt and flexed as the crowd chanted rear end in a top hat. Seth Rollins was nowhere to be seen.
  
• Alexa Bliss was facing Sasha Banks in a singles match, and Becky Lynch came out to be a guest commentator. She got up on the table to taunt Sasha as Lawler protested that she promised she wouldn't do this.
  
• The production felt really chaotic/seat-of-the-pants stuff, with weird camera cuts, shots of Becky taping her wrists, a random ambulance siren in the background and the commentators sounding like they were desperately trying to fill time.
  
• Sasha beat Alexa and Becky strode down to the ring and they went at it. Sasha escaped into the crowd and Becky did a promo talking poo poo and promising her retribution was coming for her.
  
• Seth Rollins and Rey Mysterio was still scheduled to happen, with Lawler saying he thought that was unlikely.
  
• Raw Tag Team Champions Robert Roode and Dolph Ziggler came to the ring.
  
• A recap of last week's Firefly Funhouse aired, and Seth was brought in for an interview about Wyatt, but said he was only able to think about Brock's attack on Rey. He said that he promised Rey would get his title shot when he was healthy, but he'd also promised there would be a Universal Championship match tonight as he was issuing an open challenge.
  
• Ziggler and Roode had been waiting through this entire segment, and finally Heavy Machinery came out for their tag title match. The crowd loved Otis of course, but Roode/Ziggler won after taking out Otis with the ZigZag and then hitting a Superkick/Glorious DDT combo on Tucker to get the win.
  
• MizTV's guests were Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan, both who got big pops individually and then a standing ovation together. Flair teased being pissed at always being in Hogan's shadow while Hogan acknowledged Flair as the greatest of all time. Finally they looked set to fight as the crowd cheered, but then they laughed and said they were no spring chickens.
  
• Miz announced that at the Blood Money shown in Saudi Arabia coming up, it would be Team Hogan vs. Team Flair with each of them having five wrestlers to fight each other.
  

• Davros1 posted:

  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  
  https://twitter.com/IMPACTWRESTLING/status/1178851735193952256?s=20
  

• Hogan announced Seth Rollins as his Team Captain and Randy Orton came out before Ric Flair could announce him as his captain. He and Seth talked trash and agreed to fight right then and there (not for the title though?).
  
• Baron Corbin showed up like 12 seconds in the match and attacked Seth from behind. He and Orton started double-teaming Seth but then Rusev (!) arrived and beat their asses, before he and Seth posed with Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart at the top of the entrance ramp. Rusev rules.
  
• The commentators are adamant that Seth WILL defend his Universal Championship at some point tonight.
  
• Backstage, Rusev was asked where Lana is and went stonefaced, then said he wasn't here to talk about his problems at home but Seth's problems at work. He said he was accepting Seth's open challenge and wanted a Universal Title match tonight.
  
• AOP did another piece to camera calmly explaining they have come to love and lust after violence.
  

• Abroham Lincoln posted:

  
  

• The Viking Raiders defeated The OC in a competitive match that got a bit of time. Both teams looked good but the Raiders got the clean win following a big splash from the top rope onto Luke Gallows.
  
• Charly was talking backstage about how Brock Lesnar's actions were criminal when Cesaro showed up and said he only wished he'd attacked Rey and his large son Dominic first. Ricochet showed up and they talked poo poo at each other, agreeing to settle it in the ring.
  
• Ricochet defeated Cesaro in a relatively short match, with the commentators selling it like a major shock and likening Ricochet to Rey Mysterio.
  
• Firefly Funhouse aired, with the puppet trembling with fear, Ramblin' Rabbit actually dying from fright. Bray rushed in alarmed and announced Ramblin' Rabbit was dead, then tossed the corpse away with a laugh. The puppets explained they were scared of what THE FIEND would do to Seth Rollins at Hell in a Cell. Bray admitted it was okay to be scared, in fact he was scared too because the Hell in a Cell was horrifying and you never truly left. He promised THE FIEND would survive and come back, but he didn't think Seth would be so lucky. Bray decided he would go find THE FIEND and ask him to be nice to Seth, then laughed and said he was just kidding.
  
• AJ Styles (C) defeated Cedric Alexander to retain his United States Championship. The match got good and Cedric looked good, but AJ won with the Styles Clash (which he almost never uses as a Finisher in WWE) and then barely put a hand on him for the 3 count, which was odd.
  
• The Street Profits did their hype-up backstage but added in that they were finally going back into action... in NXT. They did a real good job hyping that up like a huge deal, especially as they're determined to get their titles back, but it makes their call-up seem weird as hell.
  
• Lacey Evans defeated Nattie Neidhart with a roll-up after raking her eyes while the ref was trying to pull Nattie away from Lacey in the ropes. The eye-rake didn't look good but Nattie's pants were too slippery to really sell that she was apparently holding the tights. Lacey hit the Women's Right to knock out Nattie post-match.
  
• A clip of John Cena on The Ellen Show aired where he announced his association with a new charity for military personnel called FIT-OPS. He would be matching any donations made up to 1 million dollars.
  
• Paul Heyman gave an angry backstage interview constantly pushing that Brock would be on Smackdown and defeat Kofi Kingston to become the new WWE Champion.
  
• Maria told a backstage interviewer that she couldn't believe she'd ask her about her claim that Rusev was the father of her baby, and walked away. Sasha ran in, grabbed the mic and proclaimed that while Becky might call herself The Man, she wasn't man enough for Sasha.
  
• A white limo was shown pulling up to the building... Jesus Christ is it 1998?
  
• Seth Rollins (C) vs. Rusev for the Universal Championship began, and almost immediately went to a commercial break. THE FIEND appeared on the screen as they went to break, rasping,"LET ME IN!"
  
• After the break, Randy Orton and Baron Corbin were standing at the top of the ramp watching the match. The match continued when suddenly music played and out came... Bobby Lashley? Okay.
  
• Lashley motioned to the entrance.... then again. Then again. Then a third time. Finally Lana came out and her and Lashley started making out because Vince McMahon is a useless sack of poo poo old man.
  

• Dacap posted:

  Are they pulling a DOUBLE CUCK
  

  Push El Burrito posted:

  IT'S CUCKS AGAIN
  

  CarlCX posted:

  it's cuckolding all the way down, folks
  

• THE FIEND's music hit and he appeared and locked Seth into the Mandible Claw before the lights went out and Bray's laughter was the last thing we heard.
  
• Mercifully, the "season premiere" of Raw was over.

• The first week of NXT going head-to-head with AEW opened with an NXT Championship match, as Adam Cole (C) successfully defended his NXT Title against Matt Riddle. The match was excellent and the crowd was hyped up for everything they did. Cole was wearing a cast to both sell the armbar Riddle put on him last week as well as give him access to a potential weapon.
  
• The finish came when Riddle got Cole in the Armbar only for Cole to escape and hit him with the cast (The Cowboy Bob Orton Special) before hitting the Last Shot and getting the pinfall.
  
• As Cole celebrated, Finn Bálor's music hit and he came out to a giant ovation. He posed with the crowd and then announced that he was back in NXT, freaking out Cole and delighting the crowd.
  
• Velveteen Dream was wheeled out in a new couch with a bunch of women languidly posing on it with him. He declared that he was no stranger to taking more than one man at a time (the crowd roared their approval) but now he wanted a one-on-one with Roderick Strong without The Undisputed Era being around, so he could win back the NXT North American Championship.
  
• Next week Lio Rush will face Drek Gulak for what is now being branded as the NXT Cruiserweight Championship.
  
• Io Shirai defeated Mia Yim in a singles match. Both wrestlers looked good but Io is clearly on a whole different level.
  
• Kevin Nash and Scott Hall were shown watching in the crowd.
  
• A video aired of Tegan Nox's recovery from her injury in the Mae Young Classic.
  
• Johnny Gargano defeated Shane Thorne, in what was probably Thorne's best match since coming to WWE, certainly his best singles match.
  
• Shayna Baszler (C) defeated Candice LeRae to retain her NXT Women's Championship, submitting her with a Sleeper Hold. It was a good match but the ending was a bit of a surprise, especially if they're going to now go heel vs heel with a Shayna/Io rematch.
  
• Stephanie McMahon, Mark Henry and Madusa were shown watching in the crowd.
  
• Next week KUSHIDA faces WALTER.
  
• Pete Dunne defeated Danny Burch in a singles match. Postmatch, Damian Priest attacked Dunne from behind.
  
• Adam Cole was interviewed backstage where he denied using the cast for an unfair advantage, reminding the interviewer that he won with The Last Shot. He got the rest of Undisputed Era pumped up as he reminded them they needed to work hard to continue to hold all the gold in NXT.
  
• Wale brought out The Street Profits for an awesome entrance, rapping and getting the crowd to sing along.
  
• The Undisputed Era did Adam Cole proud after a long match, defeating The Street Profits to retain their NXT Tag Team Titles. The finish came when Roderick Strong ran down and distracted Montez Ford, allowing Fish & O'Reilly to hit the Total Elimination and pin him.
  
• Adam Cole came out onto the entrance ramp to cheer for his victorious friends when suddeny Tommaso Ciampa's music hit. Ciampa came out and stared Cole down as the show went off the air.
  

• The pre-show featured Becky Lynch being given a tour of Fox Studios. A demonstration of the new set and ramp, and a blue carpet walkway outside for various Fox celebrities to be interviewed on.
  
• Vince and Stephanie McMahon came out to open the show, the crowd popped big for Vince and sang his theme music. They welcomed everybody to Smackdown on Fox.
  
• Becky Lynch came out and the crowd loudly chanted her name. She talked about how Smackdown was where she first "broke through the glass ceiling". Baron Corbin came out to complain that he should have been the one to open the show.
  
• The Rock's music hit and the crowd went BANANA. He and Becky shook hands and took turns mocking Corbin, who tried to attack them, but they beat his rear end together and The Rock hit the People's Elbow, Becky laid in kicks on him, and then Rock hit the Rock Bottom to finish Corbin off. The fans absolutely loved this.
  
• Becky Lynch and Charlotte Flair defeated Bayley and Sasha Banks in a tag match. It broke down into a brawl between everybody and Charlotte hit a big moonsault to the floor on Sasha Banks. She put the Figure Eight on Bayley who submitted.
  
• The New Day were interviewed backstage where Xavier and BIG E said they fully supported WWE Champion Kofi Kingston, but he's requested they stay away from ringside for his match against Brock Lesnar so it could be a one-on-one match.
  
• Universal Champion Seth Rollins came out for a match against United States Champion Shinsuke Nakamura, but before the match started Firefly Funhouse aired. Bray spoke directly to Seth, introducing the Fox audience to the puppets which included Ramblin' Rabbit in Seth cosplay. The rabbit tried to warn Seth about going into Hell in a Cell against THE FIEND, and Bray decided to give an example by making Ramblin' Rabbit face Mercy the Buzzard in a cage. Mercy eviscerated the rabbit, and Bray roared with laughter.
  

• yea ok posted:

  https://twitter.com/BTuckerTorch/status/1180284365235863552
  

• Kevin Owens was already in the ring for his ladder match after a commercial break and video recap of the Shane/Kevin feud. The titantron has been listing stats/important factors for wrestlers as they come out all night, and Shane was no different.
  

• Abroham Lincoln posted:

  
  

• Kevin Owens defeated Shane McMahon in a ladder match, meaning Shane McMahon's career was mercifully over. Post-match, Owens grabbed Shane and hauled him to his feet, then screamed,"YOU'RE FIRED!" over the mic and hit him with a Stunner. The crowd was ecstatic.
  
• Heavy Machinery, The Miz and BRAUN! defeated Roode/Ziggler, AJ Styles and Randy Orton. The biggest part of the match was when BRAUN! played around good naturedly getting in the face of boxer Tyson Fury at ringside, and post-match Fury jumped the railing and had to be restrained by security as the fans chanted,"LET THEM FIGHT!"
  
• A backstage segment from earlier in the day showed Carmella losing the 24/7 Championship to a DJ called Marshmello. She later won the title back from him.
  
• Daniel Bryan was on guest commentary for the lumberjack match between Roman Reigns and Erick Rowan, with Bryan reminding the commentators that they accused him of being behind the attacks on Roman.
  
• Roman defeated Rowan after Daniel Bryan ran in and took out Luke Harper, and Rowan grabbed Bryan in... THE CLAW! only to be speared and pinned by Roman. After the match, Bryan offered Roman a handshake and, when he wouldn't accept, got the crowd chanting,"YES!" until Roman acquiesced and shook his hand.
  
• Roman still hasn't apologized to Bryan!
  
• Kofi Kingston and Brock Lesnar came out for the WWE Championship match. Brock literally beat Kofi in 5 seconds, hitting a single F5 and getting the immediate pinfall. loving bullshit dumb loving stupid loving fucks.
  
• Rey Mysterio's music hit and he came out with Cain Velasquez. Brock freaked out and the commentators talked up how Brock lost to Cain in UFC in a first round TKO. Cain rushed to the ring and took down Brock who immediately retreated down the ramp as Paul Heyman rushed to his side shouting,"SHOW HIM WHO YOU ARE!"
  
• Brock turned around and came walking back down to the ring like he was going to fight, then did the same old laugh and walk away thing he always does. He stood at the top of the ramp scowling as Rey held up Cain's hand to the cheering crowd. Kofi Kingston was nowhere to be seen, a complete afterthought at the ignominious ending of a months long title reign.
  

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at 03:01 on Oct 5, 2019