Trying to get large

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Escape From Noise

I have had enough of playing second fiddle! It is time for me to take a position of authority. I believe I've found the one true path to this. That's right. I need to bulk up and get LARGE. It is well known that being large means being in charge.

Right now I'm like average sized AT BEST so I really need to grow (get it???) into a position of authority. Maybe make some muscle gains, it couldn't hurt. But I may also need to grow a few inches in height possibly. I don't want to just get fat though, then I'll just be a lackey for somebody in charge and get a nickname like "Tiny" or "Skinny". Possibly "Fats". I dunno though. If I work out too much people will probably call me "Knuckles" or something which, again, sounds like the name of the muscle, not the main don in charge. So I need to strike that perfect balance. Does anyone have any advice on how to achieve my goals of being "large and in charge"? Does anyone "know a guy" or "know a gal" that could help me out here?

Remember. Think big!

# ? Oct 14, 2019 17:00

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 14:51

alnilam

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

Does anyone "know a guy" or "know a gal" that could help me out here?

David Byrne is something of a wizard at sudden largeness. If he's booked up, you could try weird al, or Bebe from Doug from the bangin on a trash can episode

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Oct 14, 2019 17:15

vanisher

Cha(large)rge

# ? Oct 14, 2019 17:33

Escape From Noise

vanisher posted:

Cha(large)rge

This one gets it!

# ? Oct 14, 2019 17:34

alnilam

They have a large barge with a radio antenna tower on it that they would charge and discharge

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Oct 14, 2019 17:36

Heather Papps: hello friend

i have a potion that says drink me but i can't remember if it makes you tiny or huge

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Oct 14, 2019 17:49

death sext

If you don't have a readily available meat locker* to break into, I suggest going to the deli section at your local grocer. Ask for a pound of sliced ham, pay for it (important), and now you have a punching bag. Punch the ham right there at the counter, the deli workers will respect this

* good name for when you are large

# ? Oct 14, 2019 17:58

Heather Papps: hello friend

tenderize sides of beef with strong punches and fast kicks, then cook the ever so tender meats for your "protein loads"

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Oct 14, 2019 17:59

Escape From Noise

death sext posted:

If you don't have a readily available meat locker* to break into, I suggest going to the deli section at your local grocer. Ask for a pound of sliced ham, pay for it (important), and now you have a punching bag. Punch the ham right there at the counter, the deli workers will respect this

* good name for when you are large

Do I eat the ham after punching and slapping it?

Follow up question: should I listen to or sing songs from the Slap A Ham catalog?

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:00

death sext

Heather Papps posted:

"protein loads"

The great large names just keep coming

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:01

Escape From Noise

Wrestling/tenderizing a gator for muscle and then protein gains.

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:03

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

dont listen to all the jokers in this thread op.

you dont get taller by building muscles. its simply not how the body works
you need more bone structure

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:34

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

you should up ur calcium intake. try drinking loads of milk

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:35

Heather Papps: hello friend

Nosfereefer posted:

dont listen to all the jokers in this thread op.

you dont get taller by building muscles. its simply not how the body works
you need more bone structure

milk

MILK

MILK

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:35

death sext

grow ur muscles vertically, its that simple

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:37

Escape From Noise

Would wearing heels work?

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:39

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

Would wearing heels work?

nah, you def need tall bones

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:40

Escape From Noise

I'll work on stretching my bones. Also going to do some sole exercises.

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:42

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

Bro forget large, swole is where it�s at

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? Oct 15, 2019 05:20

Escape From Noise

Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

Bro forget large, swole is where it’s at

I won't fault you if swole is your goal but I wish to be large and in charge.

# ? Oct 15, 2019 06:05

Escape From Noise

What if I just constantly stand on my tiptoes?

# ? Oct 15, 2019 06:20

FreshCutFries

is anyone trying to get small? maybe we can trade some large for some small??? community project

# ? Oct 15, 2019 07:12

death sext

Will trade my small toes for big toes. Big toes only! I want to replace all my useless small toes with powerful big toes. My neighbors laugh at my small toes. I want the last laugh.

# ? Oct 15, 2019 16:06

Escape From Noise

death sext posted:

Will trade my small toes for big toes. Big toes only! I want to replace all my useless small toes with powerful big toes. My neighbors laugh at my small toes. I want the last laugh.

Do you know where I could get extra big toes? I think this would be a step in the right direction.

# ? Oct 15, 2019 16:46

death sext

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

Do you know where I could get extra big toes? I think this would be a step in the right direction.

If you hear a scary voice asking for its toe, don't even worry about it. You can deliver devastating karate kicks now.

# ? Oct 15, 2019 16:57

nut

*hovers over trenchcoat blueprint where me and my friends all fit in 2x2*

# ? Oct 15, 2019 20:19

alnilam

death sext posted:

If you hear a scary voice asking for its toe, don't even worry about it. You can deliver devastating karate kicks now.

# ? Oct 16, 2019 01:30

alnilam

Fun alnilam trivia fact, my old av before the frog was the me tie doughty walker head

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Oct 16, 2019 01:32

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

I'm unbearably large. What would you like to know?

# ? Oct 16, 2019 12:02

Escape From Noise

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I'm unbearably large. What would you like to know?

I need to know how. Please!

# ? Oct 16, 2019 12:30

google THIS

A small medium at large? No way, I'm going to bulk up and talk to ALL the ghosts. I'm going to become a large large at large and I won't settle for anything less.

# ? Oct 16, 2019 16:02

Escape From Noise

google THIS posted:

A small medium at large? No way, I'm going to bulk up and talk to ALL the ghosts. I'm going to become a large large at large and I won't settle for anything less.

# ? Oct 16, 2019 16:12

Bonaventure: by sebmojo

if the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 16, 2019 17:41

death sext

HAVE YOU TRIED POSTING LARGE?

# ? Oct 16, 2019 19:04

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

A man comes home from work and walks up to his newly wed wife. He takes off his belt, then his pants, and throws the pants on the bed. "Go ahead and try those on!" he says to her.

She says, "There's no way I can wear your pants; they're too big!"

"That's right!" he says, "and that's the way things are going to be around here, so you just remember that!"

So she holds out her hand and says, "Hold on a second!" and takes off her pants, then her panties, and throws her panties on the bed.

"Try those on!" she commands, and he looks at the small, dainty panties laying on the bed and says sheepishly,

"Aw, there ain't no way in hell I'm ever gonna get into your panties!"

"That's right, and that's the way things are going to be around here unless you get your poo poo together and change that attitude of yours!"

# ? Oct 16, 2019 19:18

death sext

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

A man comes home from work and walks up to his newly wed wife. He takes off his belt, then his pants, and throws the pants on the bed. "Go ahead and try those on!" he says to her.

She says, "There's no way I can wear your pants; they're too big!"

"That's right!" he says, "and that's the way things are going to be around here, so you just remember that!"

So she holds out her hand and says, "Hold on a second!" and takes off her pants, then her panties, and throws her panties on the bed.

"Try those on!" she commands, and he looks at the small, dainty panties laying on the bed and says sheepishly,

"Aw, there ain't no way in hell I'm ever gonna get into your panties!"

"That's right, and that's the way things are going to be around here unless you get your poo poo together and change that attitude of yours!"