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Sunswipe
Feb 5, 2016

by Fluffdaddy
Is prison rape really as common as the memes would have us believe? Every time some psycho teenager gets arrested after shooting up a school, people across the internet will be talking about what'll happen to him, but does it really?

e: Huh, that's... that's some snype.

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Legin Noslen
Sep 9, 2004
Fortified with Rhiboflavin

Bust Rodd posted:

(To head off a potential derail, he was in prison for a murder that he did commit and was convicted for, but it was self-defense and gang-related. He isn’t that kind of person anymore and we’re giving him a loving and safe environment without any of that negativity, and he’s absolutely stoked to come home and live a nice normal life.)

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. It would probably be best if they put him back in prison, on account of his previous bad behavior.

Chumbawumba4ever97
Dec 31, 2000

by Fluffdaddy
Show him how good video game graphics have gotten, but show him a PS2 game or something. He'll still be really impressed and will believe you.

BAGS FLY AT NOON
Apr 6, 2011

Smackdillion posted:

I'd love to know what exactly he plans to do with himself having a murder conviction on his record and basically zero skills necessary for the modern world.

Like who employs people like that? Goodwill?

OP mentioned that he was getting training in welding. If he’s got a good work ethic he can make some good money in a few years in a role that still has good demand.

kecske
Feb 28, 2011

it's round, like always

amaze and astound him with the knowledge that kirk douglas is still alive. I've had that gnarly old dude in the celebrity death pool for years. you cant live forever kirk!

Gay Weed Dad
Jul 12, 2016

cool dude, flyin' high
As a man frozen in time since the late '90s he will surely be reeling for days once he learns the fate of Fruitopia. Allow him to heal; it was not easy for any of us.

Bonaventure
Jun 23, 2005

by sebmojo

kecske posted:

amaze and astound him with the knowledge that kirk douglas is still alive.

use this happy fact to soften the blow of telling him that Miss Cleo has passed on

Infidel Castro
Jun 8, 2010

Again and again
Your face reminds me of a bleak future
Despite the absence of hope
I give you this sacrifice




Just teach him a bunch of Fortnite dances and he'll fit right in.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


What kind of food are you guys gonna get? Are you going to bbq? Maybe go out and get all you can eat Korean bbq or Brazilian bbq

Bonaventure
Jun 23, 2005

by sebmojo
i know when he went inside it really seemed that Chris Kattan was going places -- don't tell him about Chris Kattan.

Shut up Meg
Jan 8, 2019

You're safe here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNUPn1rt3Ac

Pewdiepie
Oct 31, 2010

Teach him to hide his evidence better for when he re offends.

kecske
Feb 28, 2011

it's round, like always

Bonaventure posted:

i know when he went inside it really seemed that Chris Kattan Britney Spears was going places -- don't tell him about Chris Kattan Britney Spears.

Seaniqua
Mar 12, 2004

"We'll see how the first year goes. But people better get us now, because we're going to keep getting better and better."

Bonaventure posted:

but he just left

lol this ruled

Crypto Cobain
Jun 17, 2018

by Reene
Don't make him answer any questions before you get the man a beer, a prostitute, and a cigarette if he smokes.

Toxic Mental
Jun 1, 2019

Ask him about his experiences with Peter Gazers, Mad Gunners and getting them cheeks busted

Kirk Vikernes
Apr 26, 2004

Count Goatnackh

Tell him he needs to eat rear end like a champ if he's going to date. Speaking of which, pick up some good kegel exercisers off Amazon and a tube of alum for his own turd cutter.

Rad-daddio
Apr 25, 2017

Sunswipe posted:

Is prison rape really as common as the memes would have us believe? Every time some psycho teenager gets arrested after shooting up a school, people across the internet will be talking about what'll happen to him, but does it really?

e: Huh, that's... that's some snype.

a Sunswipe snype :haw:


From what I've been told by the few folks I know who did time, a vast majority of the hot prison sex is consensual. Some stuff I've read online confirms that more or less.

...however, I'd assume that the actual amount of prison rape is probably vastly under-reported since:

1. it would lead to the victim being a snitch
2. it would likely also lead to the victim getting raped even more

sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012

Congrats on getting your family back together OP

Backweb
Feb 14, 2009

Hi OP. Just chiming in to remind you to warn him about all the sorts of internet dangers (sounds stupid but I'm actually serious).

He's a prime target for all sorts of frauds, scams, identity thefts, catfishing, Russian memes, Chinese WoW gold farmers, etc.

Let him know the are a lot of nonprofit groups he can learn more about these scams from, such as LemonParty, etc...
:grin:
(it'll be a good internet primer lesson for him)

Congrats on getting your bro back.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
Teach him about bitcoins

cubicle gangster
Jun 26, 2005

magda, make the tea

Smackdillion posted:

I'd love to know what exactly he plans to do with himself having a murder conviction on his record and basically zero skills necessary for the modern world.

Like who employs people like that? Goodwill?

he's a welder - also just as it happens, fabrication shops have no issue hiring ex-cons because it's non client facing skilled manual work.

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe
Make sure to get him a PC and an Android phone and not an iPhone because the Apple ecosystem is dumb and bad. :blastu:

Space Camp fuckup
Aug 2, 2003

An Android? Hasn’t this man suffered enough?

ShortyMR.CAT
Sep 25, 2008

:blastu::dogcited:
Lipstick Apathy
Make sure he feeds his Neopet, OP

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





Tell him he can still log in to his Everquest account and that he needs to grind 20 years worth of gear to get ready for the new expansion.

Icochet
Mar 18, 2008

I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~

Grimey Drawer
Hope you've kept his tamagotchi alive and happy or else it's gonna be really awkward

Tane
Feb 27, 2005

does he want to join my gang?

Posthuman
Jan 10, 2005

I give all those dicks and cocks sir

Mozi posted:

ask him how hard he is, what's the hardest he ever was in prison, how do you get really hard in prison, was everyone else as hard as he was, and did everyone talk about how hard they were all the time?

This will involve much discussion of the etiquette of dropping bars of soap strategically.

Sunswipe
Feb 5, 2016

by Fluffdaddy

Rad-daddio posted:

a Sunswipe snype :haw:


From what I've been told by the few folks I know who did time, a vast majority of the hot prison sex is consensual. Some stuff I've read online confirms that more or less.

...however, I'd assume that the actual amount of prison rape is probably vastly under-reported since:

1. it would lead to the victim being a snitch
2. it would likely also lead to the victim getting raped even more

*changes name to Sunsnype*

Dr. Stab
Sep 12, 2010
👨🏻‍⚕️🩺🔪🙀😱🙀
They had mcdonald's pizza in 1999.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

ClamdestineBoyster posted:

Lol you’re brother didn’t miss poo poo actually. Fuckin prison planet shame parade for most of that time in America at least. :shrug:

Honestly in the course of recent history he basically picked the best 20 years to miss out on.

1st_Panzer_Div.
May 11, 2005
Grimey Drawer
Tindr. Or grindr, but its been 20 years and these made the casual sex he wants way easier.

Hell, you can legit say you're a murderous ex con on your profile and get laid.

Welding was smart, about half our welders are ex cons.

damn horror queefs
Oct 14, 2005

say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator
Commit murder and pin it on him instead. Free pass!!

its all nice on rice
Nov 12, 2006

Sweet, Salty Goodness.



Buglord
Nazis are back. Juggaloes are allies. Stay off Twitter. Companies listen and market to everything we do through our phones.

Nocheez
Sep 5, 2000

Can you spare a little cheddar?
Nap Ghost

This video was on no such list, so I skipped it.

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

by Fluffdaddy

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Honestly in the course of recent history he basically picked the best 20 years to miss out on.

they have sort of inverse worth because of how much worse its gonna get though.

Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.
Show him how the gay agenda won by doing anal w him.

Mr. Dick
Aug 9, 2019

by Cyrano4747
Pretty sure the sterling achievement for the past 20 years has been Fallout New Vegas. Mr. Dick's hard pressed to think of much else that hasn't been a terrible marker on the spiral towards end game late stage capitalism.

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MightyJoe36
Dec 29, 2013

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:

Smackdillion posted:

I'd love to know what exactly he plans to do with himself having a murder conviction on his record and basically zero skills necessary for the modern world.

Like who employs people like that? Goodwill?

My son is an Ironworker and works with lots of ex-cons. All they care about is can you pass a drug test and do the work.

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