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*punches a street kid because he called him an rear end in a top hat* *attempts to shoot his friend, misses, throws and loses gun*
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Oct 25, 2019 17:44
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*wakes up hungover in an alley. still drunk* <cut scene> *sits at diner counter drinking coffee from a cardboard cup with a lovely cardboard handle which has two holes* *bitches about the Dodgers* <cut scene> *talks with his partner, who is literally a red-tailed hawk*
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Oct 25, 2019 17:46
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Rad-daddio posted:*orders and tosses out multiple cups of coffee a day* This is clever and made me lol.
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Oct 25, 2019 17:48
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Listen. I play by my own rules and if you want my results, well, you're just gonna have to accept my process
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Oct 25, 2019 17:50
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Dirty old man Harry. "You might wanna ask yourself, 'Do I feel horny?' Well do ya, punk? If you do, I'll do ya."
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Oct 25, 2019 17:53
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*all crime happens in LA River NO EXCEPTIONS!*
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Oct 25, 2019 17:56
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*throws a large folder filled with evidence on to the interrogation table* We have it all here. All we need now is a confession to save us all the bullshit hassle. And I have my own methods of getting that from you. Pleeeaaaase? Cmon man Please? Just do it. Cmon, just help me out. Please? I mean, can you? Oh, please, please??
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Oct 25, 2019 17:58
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* sucks lollipop "who loves ya baby"
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Oct 25, 2019 17:59
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*obeys all traffic laws except when using the sidewalk as a lane*
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Oct 25, 2019 18:12
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*spends every other Wednesday night picking up two weeks’ worth of beer cans and pizza boxes in his one room apartment so Wendy doesn’t yank his visitation rights when she drops Billy off Thursday after work*
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Oct 25, 2019 18:14
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the cost of fruit stand insurance has gone up 500% since you joined the force!
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Oct 25, 2019 18:17
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*gets egg carton of gun-cleaning supplies from fridge* *cuts tip off pizza slice with scissors* *never gets a sequel*
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Oct 25, 2019 18:17
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Other acceptable ex-wife names: Maureen, Shelly, Rebecca, Stacy, Jeanine.
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Oct 25, 2019 18:20
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*turns in gun and badge*
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Oct 25, 2019 18:20
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*is forced to walk the beat* *beats the poo poo out of a kid on a skateboard*
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Oct 25, 2019 18:24
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*is WAY OUTTA LINE!!!*
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Oct 25, 2019 18:32
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*keeps coffee and creamer in the gun safe and weapons and ammo in the fridge*
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Oct 25, 2019 18:33
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*threatens to put man in jail with falsified evidence if he doesn't turn vigilante and clean up a neighbourhood* *for some reason can't just falsify evidence against the actual criminals*
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#
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Oct 25, 2019 18:34
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*beats a disabled child within an inch of their life because they “might have used their wheelchair as a weapon”. Gets plaque in police station commemorating their service and dedication*
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Oct 25, 2019 18:37
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* can shoot the ballcap off of a bad guy on a moving motorcycle from 300 yards with a snub-nose .38 pistol held with one hand but can’t get his life together*
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#
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Oct 25, 2019 18:39
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*six city blocks worth of collateral damage* *gets promoted to captain just to get him off the street*
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Oct 25, 2019 18:40
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come and take it
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Oct 25, 2019 18:57
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*forgets to take kid to ballgame for the eighth saturday in a row* *ex-wife is pissed* loving bitch goddamn alimony is killing me gently caress this i need a drink i'll definitely remember next time
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Oct 25, 2019 18:59
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More of a loss cannon
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Oct 25, 2019 19:08
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*gets RESULTS!* *arrests and/or shoots multiple innocent people*
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Oct 25, 2019 19:21
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IT'S JUST BEEN REVOKED!
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Oct 25, 2019 19:31
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*desk is somehow covered in styrofoam coffee cups and stacks of papers even though it’s never been sat at*
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Oct 25, 2019 19:34
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*kicks door to chief's office in* WHAT THE gently caress IS THIS, CHIEF? *Chief LADYCOP looks up from her donut, eye full of cool person-of-color wisdom*  - That's coming out of your paycheck, sgt.YOU THINK SOME PARTNER IS GONNA KEEP ME IN CHECK? *punches through all the windows* *rears back to punch chief, hand gets caught*  - Maybe you... should switch to decaf, compadre. - Meet Luis Canon, your new partner... and roomate.*later, sexes random woman, calls wife about working late*
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Oct 25, 2019 19:38
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*IS OFF THE CASE!*
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Oct 25, 2019 19:44
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Testifies in open court about the ongoing and deep-seated corruption going on in the precinct.
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Oct 25, 2019 20:59
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Rolls across the deck after being fired representing another danger to the crew in addition to the pitched naval battle already happening
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Oct 25, 2019 21:05
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Black Hermione
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Oct 25, 2019 21:18
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*is getting too old for this*
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Oct 25, 2019 21:30
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-Gawddammit, Detective Goon! You're a loose cannon! You destroyed half the city! The President's helicopter blew up and you put him in gawddamn wheelchair! *You know who else was in a wheelchair Chief? Franklin. Delano. Roosevelt. That wheelchair President saved America from the Nazis and single-handedly killed Adolf Hitler. We just made the President a great man. -Gawddamnit Detective Goon, you may be a loose cannon.... but you get results.
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Oct 25, 2019 23:07
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“I’m eating TWO donuts today!!!”
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Oct 26, 2019 00:37
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I'm salty my harry potter joke didn't go over better, so I'm going to bust up the mods about it with a last second testimony that they did in fact know.
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#
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Oct 26, 2019 07:38
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Enters interrogation room. "Now Im going to squat right here and do a poo poo and then we are going to sit here and just smell it until you confess"
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#
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Oct 26, 2019 08:47
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*writes checks my bank account can't cash*
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Oct 26, 2019 09:07
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"It's time go go undercover....DEEP, undercover." *Sucks perps dick during a sting operation and catches an unknown but rapidly spreading autoimmune disease that is later identified as the Hiv*
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Oct 26, 2019 10:11
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 20:15 |
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immortalyawn posted:Enters interrogation room. It's a loose colon, but
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Oct 26, 2019 10:19
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