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*develop feelings for masuse at Chinese massage parlor near the warehouse district* *wage a one man war against the Fujian Chinese mafia to free my girlfriend only to put her on a plane back home as the credits roll*
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Oct 26, 2019 10:24
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Rad-daddio posted:the cost of fruit stand insurance has gone up 500% since you joined the force! Hey Mario... did I ever tell you how low cop pay is?... not even enough for my ex's alimony... by the way that's a real nice fruit stand you got there... it'd be a shame if something happened to it.
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Oct 26, 2019 10:40
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But I get results!
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Oct 26, 2019 11:18
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*"forgets" to turn on body cam*
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Oct 26, 2019 15:41
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Look out guys! Chief's shittin' bricks!
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Oct 26, 2019 23:37
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*falls off the cannon transportation truck*
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Oct 26, 2019 23:38
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As my new partner its important to know a few things about me. My wife and kids were murdered 2 years ago so Ive nothing left to lose, I spend all day on my off duty days at the gun range and plotting elaborate murders on the killers of my family, Ive been reassigned to cases specifically involving their gang, and I put mayonnaise on my pizza.
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Oct 27, 2019 00:50
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Has anyone slammed their badge and gun on the Chief's desk and stormed out yet?
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Oct 27, 2019 00:55
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Blistex posted:Has anyone slammed their badge and gun on the Chief's desk and stormed out yet? This is the line for criminal record check. You'll want that line over there *points to Gun&Badge Reclamation Line which stretches out the door*
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Oct 27, 2019 00:59
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sweet thursday posted:This is the line for criminal record check. You'll want that line over there Keep the change! Uh. No, wait. Uh... RETIRE THIS
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Oct 27, 2019 03:08
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Listen up, you shrimpy youngmen, we're not all gonna live forever. So you might die as we storm this unauthorized hairdresser's business but if you live as a gutless coward all you'll have is time to regret it.
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Oct 27, 2019 03:40
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*Blows up entire factory, killing all henchmen and drug-related operatives but somehow the cartel leader escapes "I was just doing my job, chief..." I got the city council chewing my eggs off for that plane you crashed! I got the mayor scheduling parades, up my Lincoln tunnel for that stunt you pulled on the beach! Everybody wants to know, what it is, what it ain't and what it will be! Do I make myself CLEEEAAR?
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Oct 27, 2019 06:32
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*explodes killing his hungarian creator*
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Oct 27, 2019 07:11
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*doesn't have any hobbies or friends* *spends all their time working* *comes home and investigates unsolved cases in their free time* *solves those cases* *the defendants walk anyway because enormous procedural errors were made during the 'investigation'* *slams badge on desk*
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Oct 27, 2019 07:28
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*opens car glove compartment to take a quick swig of liquor at a red light* *takes a long drag of cigarette* *sighs*
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Oct 27, 2019 07:36
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"One more crazy stunt and you're back to writing parking tickets, Cannon!" "Thank god. I loved traffic. Working homicide is so stressful, hence all the mayhem" *sends dick pic to the mayor's wife*
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Oct 27, 2019 07:39
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Has a montage of himself holstering combat knives into various hidden sheaths all over the body, followed by loading and cocking at least 30 different kinds of automatics, and clipping bushels of grenades onto multicoloured carabiners. Montage ends with striking the Blue Steel pose whilst flourishing an M202 4-barrel rocket launcher and a combat bow.
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Oct 27, 2019 08:44
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e: nm
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Oct 27, 2019 09:01
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CharminUltraStrong posted:Has a montage of himself holstering combat knives into various hidden sheaths all over the body, followed by loading and cocking at least 30 different kinds of automatics, and clipping bushels of grenades onto multicoloured carabiners. Montage ends with striking the Blue Steel pose whilst flourishing an M202 4-barrel rocket launcher and a combat bow. This, but there's a "aw poo poo" look after, followed by hastily undoing all of the setup so that he can have a nice long piss
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Oct 27, 2019 10:31
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*Breaks rules* *Endangers the public* *Fights with his family* *Achives no discernable results*
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Oct 27, 2019 11:50
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Yeah that's right, three teaspoons of sugar, jackass.
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Oct 27, 2019 12:42
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No YOU'RE out of line, Chief! *resulting argument gets police Dept team thrown out of line dancing competition*
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Oct 27, 2019 14:42
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*is served in class action lawsuit by every large glass pane and empty box retailer in town*
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Oct 27, 2019 15:28
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*fires and rolls over some amateur Renaissance Fair groupies*
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Oct 27, 2019 16:59
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*frustrates nerds endlessly such that they have bitter fights over which novels constitute the 'real' canon and which are just fanfiction*
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Oct 27, 2019 17:01
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Somfin posted:This, but there's a "aw poo poo" look after, followed by hastily undoing all of the setup so that he can have a nice long piss 
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Oct 27, 2019 17:36
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*goes around serving annulments to any couple facing the least bit of friction* "Forced your wife into an abortion? Gimme a few Hail Mary's and it'll be alright" *Holds a sermon about how biblical law is more of a guideline really*
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Oct 27, 2019 17:46
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*is being questioned by the feds for disrupting an ongoing investigation by shooting the son of a local crime-lord in a "routine traffic stop" "gone wrong"* "Your partner says you said 'Those pig-fuckers aren't gonna like this.' when you spotted the suspect's car. Why?" *exhales a cloud of smoke upwards into the air* "Because you're a sick son of a bitch." *the federal agent looks on, unamused* "Meaning?" *exhales more pointedly, towards the agent* "You like it better when I squeal" in the squeakquel the same stone faced federal agent saves his life and he dismissively says "sorry for calling you a pig-fucker" at an inopportune time The Cockler fucked around with this message at 03:23 on Oct 28, 2019 |
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Oct 28, 2019 03:17
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*I became instantly angry* meta
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Oct 28, 2019 23:36
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No, I'M outta line! No, wait. poo poo. Chief, say, "you're outta line" again.
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Oct 28, 2019 23:55
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*always handcuffs and jumps off building with suspects whether they're suicidal or not*
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Oct 29, 2019 01:24
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*is constantly checking facebook and discord for the hottest tips on blatant criminal activities* this world... is a cesspool... and i'm the only... man... who can stop it.... *sends his partner out to get him starbucks, so he doesn't miss out on any hot leads*
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Oct 29, 2019 01:40
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here *Has caused you to have had it up to *
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Oct 29, 2019 03:57
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*Violates civil rights of suspects, but they're actually guilty so it's ok*
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Oct 29, 2019 15:47
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*destroys an entire city to stop an organized crime syndicate from selling a kilo of marijuana*
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Oct 29, 2019 16:56
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*burns the head weed dealer alive with a flamethrower, gets high as a result*
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Oct 29, 2019 16:58
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*Shortly after being busted down to desk duty* "Ugh please help me, my head- it's spinning!?"
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Oct 29, 2019 17:00
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*repeats something a criminal suspect said days before back at them, then shoots them in the back of the head* *Is promoted*
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Oct 29, 2019 17:01
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*sends back wine, not because it's corked, just a bit disappointing*
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Oct 29, 2019 17:12
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 00:13 |
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"Maybe for you it's the start of the day. Some of us have been awake all night, trawling through the city's slime, hunting the maggots that feed on the festering filth in the diseased underbelly of this moldering carcass you call New York. Crime never sleeps and neither do I." "Ok, but it's still the breakfast menu for another three hours. If you're not going to order anything, please leave the drivethru, sir."
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Oct 29, 2019 17:19
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