ITT we are Jesus in modern day NY

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT we are Jesus in modern day NY

Pickwick High: Aug 4, 2019; They call me Nutse

* works in a hospital where can secretly heal the patients

* feeds 5000 of NY's homeless with a Big Mac Meal and a diet Pepsi

* turns tap water into craft beer at home

* cycles across the river as a short cut to work (at the hospital)

# ? Oct 31, 2019 13:56

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 09:59

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Ey I'm walkin' on wata' here!

# ? Oct 31, 2019 13:58

EorayMel: May 30, 2015; WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Modern jesus can make miracles! He made two threads from where there were none!
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3902640

# ? Oct 31, 2019 13:59

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

EorayMel posted:

Modern jesus can make miracles! He made two threads from where there were none!
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3902640

the scriptures are coming to pass!

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:02

Former DILF: Jul 13, 2017

Getting beat off by a stranger in a porno theater

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:08

Pickwick High: Aug 4, 2019; They call me Nutse

* is still a virgin at 2019 yrs old

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:25

Trying: Sep 26, 2019

awwww jeeeeeez_us

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:34

World War Mammories: Aug 25, 2006

*gets arrested for feeding homeless people*

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:36

Hot Dog Day #91: Jun 19, 2003

This is just the plot to the Sopranos though???

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:36

Bonaventure: Jun 23, 2005; by sebmojo

why does everyone keep angrily yelling my name

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:41

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

The topic so nice you made it twice

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:55

Icochet: Mar 18, 2008; I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~; Grimey Drawer

Gets nailed to a cross again :sigh:

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:55

Pickwick High: Aug 4, 2019; They call me Nutse

Milo and POTUS posted:

The topic so nice you made it twice

The other thread died to rise again here. Makes u think

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:57

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Took less than 3 days to rise again? talk about popular with the ladies (and certain fellas)

# ? Oct 31, 2019 14:59

sandwiches_and_ham: Aug 2, 2018; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

this thread reminds me of that song from gta vice city that i always thought was called "god lives in new york" but it turns out they're actually saying "god blessed video" :wtc:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N19Pu1KM3b4

# ? Oct 31, 2019 15:00

Top Hats Monthly: Jun 22, 2011; People are people so why should it be, that you and I should get along so awfully blink blink recall STOP IT YOU POSH LITTLE SHIT

The Parable of the Good New Jerseyite

# ? Oct 31, 2019 15:03

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

It's a parable because nobody would believe if he tried to pass it off as fact!

# ? Oct 31, 2019 15:09

ClamdestineBoyster: Aug 15, 2015; Can't post for 10 years!

Man what a bitch, at least pony up for some five guys or a jersey mikes or something. :munch:

# ? Oct 31, 2019 15:12

Bad Purchase: Jun 17, 2019

*deletes old tweets from god*

# ? Oct 31, 2019 15:31

a peck of pickled peckers: Aug 3, 2014; I am your Redeemer! It is by my hand that you arise from the ashes of this world!

*lives in Bushwick*
*has a podcast*

# ? Oct 31, 2019 15:39

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Jesus boning mad chicks and they all like �Ohhhhh JEEEEZZUSSSSSSSS!!!!!!� and Jesus be like :smug:

# ? Oct 31, 2019 15:55

Willfrey: Jul 20, 2007; Why don't the poors simply buy more money?; Fun Shoe

*shoots swords out of his mouth*

# ? Oct 31, 2019 15:58

Crypto Cobain: Jun 17, 2018; by Reene

*buys 3 dollar tacos from a truck.*

*Blesses them and they become 9 dollar burritos*

# ? Oct 31, 2019 16:15

Dynastocles: May 29, 2009; "If you'll excuse me, my dinner time is six o'clock. Only gangsters eat at 9 o'clock, after some bootlegging and a hot game of craps."

*unable to cope with modern noise, machines, technology, pace of life*

*unable to communicate due to only speaking aramaic (and possibly koine greek)*

*suffers massive breakdown*

*nails self to cross*

# ? Oct 31, 2019 16:18

Crypto Cobain: Jun 17, 2018; by Reene

Dynastocles posted:

*unable to cope with modern noise, machines, technology, pace of life*

*unable to communicate due to only speaking aramaic (and possibly koine greek)*

*suffers massive breakdown*

*nails self to cross*

Crispy Christ on a stick that's dark!

# ? Oct 31, 2019 16:21

Iron Crowned: May 6, 2003; by Hand Knit

Jesus would definitely smoke the best weed

# ? Oct 31, 2019 16:24

Olympic Mathlete: Feb 25, 2011

Colonel Cancer posted:

Ey I'm walkin' on wata' here!

Close the thread, we're done.

# ? Oct 31, 2019 16:30

ArmedZombie: Jun 6, 2004

*does a sweet kick flip down some stairs*

# ? Oct 31, 2019 16:36

Telebite: Aug 23, 2018

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcR2fw7g2uI

# ? Oct 31, 2019 16:38

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

*gets real sad when the city empties out just in time for his birthday*

*goes to the local Chinese food place on Friday as is tradition with his people*

# ? Oct 31, 2019 16:42

Jay_Zombie: Apr 20, 2007; We're sealing the tunnel!

*Starts bringing people back from the dead*
*Triggers zombie apocalypse*

# ? Oct 31, 2019 17:07

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

(But with more head and facial hair)

# ? Oct 31, 2019 17:19

Cyberpope v2: Oct 26, 2002; by Lowtax

Leaves because no one in NYC deserves to be saved

# ? Oct 31, 2019 17:30

Fish God: Aug 4, 2019; "god trainer" for future generations

He's at an inner city school, serving lunch at the cafeteria. To every child with an open heart and an open plate he plops a serving of food with a serving of wisdom. " foie gras is animal cruelty" "here is your pizza rats"

# ? Oct 31, 2019 17:47

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Becomes homeless because Reagan closed down all the nut houses, joins several other men and women of different ages and races all claiming to be Jesus.

# ? Oct 31, 2019 17:47

Dr. Gojo Shioji: Apr 22, 2004

Cyberpope v2 posted:

Leaves because no one in NYC deserves to be saved

Couldn't even find ten righteous men in the whole city.

# ? Oct 31, 2019 17:57

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Jesus is a rookie beat cop who gets partnered with a loose cannon. They always argue about how to solve the case but teamwork comes through every time , and they learn a little about themselves along the way.

�Good Cop, Bad Cop� coming Sundays to CBS.

# ? Oct 31, 2019 18:13