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* pisses self while making a cup of coffee. "Enie? Do you want a cup? I'll make you one" * Enie has been dead 10 yrs * puts electric kettle on stove * watches the soaps but hasn't a clue what's going on
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Nov 8, 2019 17:23
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 09:10 |
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Eh? What did you say?! *farts*
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Nov 8, 2019 17:26
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I'm gonna blow my nose, then I'm gonna look at the tissue to see what came out, then I"m gonna stuff that tissue right back up my sleeve.
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Nov 8, 2019 17:27
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This millenniums have it easy! I fought the krauts in the great war I did
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Nov 8, 2019 17:30
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*gold-digging 15-year-younger oval office of domestic partner a decides to leave him all alone for his 81st birthday, out of spite* *sends an email to his son and daughter who live in separate cities, asking if he can visit* *will spend his 81st birthday alone* this is my father's life now. i am glad i am not him.  edit: he'll be visiting my 46-year-old sister at least. 
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Nov 8, 2019 17:36
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* recycles aluminum foil because they lived through the depression era Fe my mom does this bc her mom did it
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Nov 8, 2019 17:40
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Lord help me stay alive long enough to vote for Trump one last time.
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Nov 8, 2019 17:44
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I want to die so much. Each night the Grim Reaper visits me and whispers sweet nothings in my ears. He's told me how beautiful death is, and how all my friends embraced cold oblivion with a smile on their face. Why won't he come for me? God, if only I knew the pain of living when I was a boy, I would have joined my brother under the ice on the cold winter morning.
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Nov 8, 2019 17:48
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WHAT?? HELLO? NO!!
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Nov 8, 2019 17:52
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Cold out today. But not as cold as Bastogne...
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Nov 8, 2019 17:55
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*every time i walk down the street, i realize i'm older than every single person in sight* *they see me walking up hill and they assume they can't make it because my white hair makes me look old and frail* *i want to play with a band of my friends again, but i can't because almost all of them have died* *i get lonelier and lonelier after going to so many friends' funerals* these are all things i hear from my parents who were born in the 1930s. 
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Nov 8, 2019 18:02
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When I'm 80, I will insist on staying in my home, which is falling apart, most of which I cannot even access anymore due to my limited mobility. I can't got to the grocery store, the pharmacy, get the mail or even get from the couch to the bathroom by myself. I cannot clean or dispose of my garbage and I poop in a bedside commode that sits in the middle of the living room. Also I'm diabetic and I've been really really bad about taking care of myself over the past 20 years, so now I'm starting to lose my feet. 1 down, 1 to go. Also I have hepatitis. Just for funs, sometimes I poo poo myself, then get mad and toss my now full underwear across the room. Someone else will clean that up. I like to browse Amazon and Ebay, but I'm terrible at using these touchy screens so I'm constantly clicking buy on random poo poo, or accidentally ordering multiples of things I actually do want to buy. I need to have medicine administered to me via IV three times a day, and since I don't want to go to rehabilitation again. I'll just have my son do it. Hey, clean up those lovely underwear while you're at it, and get me a Ginger Ale, and some ICE! I'm hungry. Get me something from the grocery store that's 30 minutes out of the way for you. I don't care if there are 5 other stores around, I like the chicken wings at the hot bar at this one. No I will not consider downsizing or moving somewhere with staff that can help me out with this stuff so my grown son can go back to some semblance of a normal life. I lost my hearing aid again. Oh, also I'm a big fat disgusting slob that doesn't have a lick of common sense when it comes to cleanliness. Just like my dad.
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Nov 8, 2019 18:02
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My dick don't work, and I'm angry about that! I'll support Trump to get back at the world!!!
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Nov 8, 2019 18:06
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Each night the Gram Reaper visits me and...what was I saying...? zzzz
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Nov 8, 2019 18:17
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*moderates GBS*
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Nov 8, 2019 18:19
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Who What Now posted:*moderates GBS* *owns millennials daily* *toothlessly smiles*
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Nov 8, 2019 18:26
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why am i still alive?!? what sin did i commit to suffer this torture?!? god, take me! take me now!
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Nov 8, 2019 18:28
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Mozi posted:why am i still alive?!? what sin did i commit to suffer this torture?!? god, take me! take me now! sir, this is the wendy's drivethrough
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Nov 8, 2019 18:28
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Aye, you've come to me to hear tales of the Werewolf, have ye? Well gather round, youngling, and I'll weave ye a tale that'll turn your blood as cold as icewater. I was a young man at the time, with a full head of hair and a spring in me step. Aye, time is a cruel mistress and she comes for us all in time. Hold on. Hold on I forgot to turn off the Fox News. Give me a second here to... where's the remote? Brenda? BRENDA? Where's the remote? BRENDA? Hold on, I just need to.... it's probably in the couch cushion again. Let me just... I hate this new fangled technology, just give me a button to press. What's input? What's the star for on this thing? Anyway, that was the night I saw the werewolf, silhouetted in silver moonlight and standing 7 feet tall if it was an inch!
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Nov 8, 2019 18:34
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*grabs crotch and points at the sky* Not today, fucker!
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Nov 8, 2019 18:36
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*yells at clouds to get off his lawn*
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Nov 8, 2019 18:41
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* balls hang so low they hang out of boxer shorts*
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Nov 8, 2019 18:43
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“drat these millennials and their cries for socialism!” *cashes social security check and regularly sees primary care physician for little to no cost, has subsidized nursing assistance and prescriptions* “that’s different! I paid into that long ago!”
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Nov 8, 2019 19:24
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My grandfather was pretty good throughout his 80s, things only started going downhill when he reached the big nine-oh. He kept to a routine but still liked going to dim sum and High Park, the occasional show, and he and his wife would always go back down to the Caribbean come winter. I miss him. Uh, I mean *sharts self* and says "did I do thaaaaat?"
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Nov 8, 2019 19:24
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Mmmmmm... Fried pig pussy! Once you eat one of these pig pussy pork rinds, you'll never eat another human pussy again. But gently caress human pussy! I gently caress dead pigs!! You'll read all about it in Heartburn how I gently caress them dead pigs before I turn em into pork rinds! I couldn't get no twat from Serenity back then. She only wanted dildos in her pussy twat. Big phony boloney dicks. But now she wants this real cock. Come here Serenity and lets show these assholes how we gently caress. Lets show these assholes how we gently caress!! My sweet, sweet Serenity. gently caress an umbilical cord out of your phony rear end in a top hat, and I'll hang a pig with it, while I impregnate you with my 80 year old pork rind dick. You'll give birth to a dead pig and we'll cut him into pork rinds. I’ll eat pork rinds with god. In a land that speaks only with its eyes. No language, no dildos, no loving laws! Where the whores can't sell their pussy, or use their twats to gold dig. A land where us warriors run free with our big dicks out, and our loving hair wild!!! Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Salt their dead skin and put em in plastic bags. gently caress you, you loving farting robots. Suck my dead pig. SUCK MY DEAD PIG!!!!!!!!!!
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Nov 8, 2019 19:27
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Telebite posted:Mmmmmm... Fried pig pussy! Once you eat one of these pig pussy pork rinds, you'll never eat another human pussy again. But gently caress human pussy! I gently caress dead pigs!! You'll read all about it in Heartburn how I gently caress them dead pigs before I turn em into pork rinds! Uh, sir, this is Golden Corral.
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Nov 8, 2019 19:36
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Telebite posted:Mmmmmm... Fried pig pussy! Once you eat one of these pig pussy pork rinds, you'll never eat another human pussy again. But gently caress human pussy! I gently caress dead pigs!! You'll read all about it in Heartburn how I gently caress them dead pigs before I turn em into pork rinds! For a few years I thought this was real. I was so relieved when I found out it was just a Troma movie.
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Nov 8, 2019 21:20
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*gets the clap from raw dogging all the wrinkly tang in the nursing home*
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Nov 8, 2019 21:39
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Welp, gonna no vote the gently caress outta this school bond measure.
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Nov 9, 2019 00:19
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*in the best shape of my life. Runs a marathon no problem. Eats healthy. The Grandkids fear by decaying form but i'm jovial and understanding. I've seen hell*
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Nov 9, 2019 00:29
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*receives tens of thousands of dollars a year from investments and pension due to working for a union* *has two 4 bedroom multi storey properties, one on a lake from good job pay and low inflation* I think I'll vote for trump again, I don't believe in this climate crisis, and I'll be dead so not my problem! lol
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Nov 9, 2019 00:40
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I went to poop and my entire b-hole fell out. 
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Nov 9, 2019 00:50
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*flaps around on cool 8 tentacles*
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Nov 9, 2019 00:52
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Do you guys have a senior discount?? Make you give me the senior discount!
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Nov 9, 2019 01:52
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*just been dead for 25 years*
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Nov 9, 2019 01:53
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*Orders catheters from the 1-800 catheters commercial on MeTV.* "Now what do I do?"
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Nov 9, 2019 03:17
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I'm oooooooold (:
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Nov 9, 2019 03:26
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Hopefully by 80 I won't be on the internet. I'll live in some secluded abode. A long story short I have caveman asperations.
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Nov 9, 2019 03:30
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*bitches about socialism while going to the VA for medical care and collecting a VA pension for 8 months of service in the Air Force in 1955 and 56 with an 'under honorable conditions' discharge."
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Nov 9, 2019 03:33
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 09:10 |
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*kills myself because of some terminal illness, but with the Good Drugs*
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Nov 9, 2019 03:44
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