itt we're general contractors explaining why we need another $1000

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > itt we're general contractors explaining why we need another $1000

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vanisher

Look, see that? See those pipes? PVC. That's Pure Venesuelian Crystal.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 18:29

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 09:52

vanisher

Oh no. Oh geez. Come here and look at this. This sink doesn't extend underground. Well why do you think they call it that.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 18:32

vanisher

For your safety we have to repaint this whole room. Look I could lose my license.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 18:35

vanisher

Sand fee

"Why did you need $1000 worth of sand"

A part of that includes sand handling

# ? Nov 13, 2019 18:40

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

Yeah listen so, we gotta pump out the construction air and replace it with living air to remove any excess particulates.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 18:43

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

*sounds of screeching tires and beams being torn asunder as a truck tries to free itself from a crumpled house wall* yeah we found an infestation in this part of the wall so Joey had to drive his truck through it... yeah he drove it in reverse... yeah it's standard for us to use a truck for demolition... anyways, it's gonna add a little onto the final bill but you're lucky we caught it early, otherwise it could have been tens of thousands to fix.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 18:44

vanisher

vanisher posted:

Sand fee

"Why did you need $1000 worth of sand"

A part of that includes sand handling

We charge by the hour

We had to use like 6 hourglasses

# ? Nov 13, 2019 18:44

Goons Are Gifts

No no, the pipe system works, but whoever you hired for this did it in a way that my stuff can't work with. I'd recommend to replace all of it, else you got to see me again in a few months and then our special deal will no longer be valid.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 18:47

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

The drywallers need more meth.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 18:55

Heather Papps: hello friend

okay so a duck stole the last materials deposit

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Nov 13, 2019 19:01

Manifisto

so we're gonna use concrete, like we discussed, but for maximum tensile strength and overall longevity we're gonna need prestressed concrete.

that's doable but a little tricky, we need to give the concrete a mortgage, some student loans, some dependents, and a degree in a declining field such as journalism

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Nov 13, 2019 19:15

vanisher

Jedrick posted:

The drywallers need more meth.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 19:19

FutonForensic

your septic tank needs to be pre-filled. for a nominal fee, i will handle this.... personally

# ? Nov 13, 2019 19:20

vanisher

Heather Papps posted:

okay so a duck stole the last materials deposit

# ? Nov 13, 2019 19:25

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

ah, had some problems with nesting protected waterfowl at the jobsite. got in touch with a "security consultant" operation run by raccoons to convince them to leave, but they don't work for free.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 19:52

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

you see, your home was built in 1989 and i wrote out the estimate in 1989 dollars. if you're paying in 2019 dollars we need to adjust that for inflation. :shrug:

# ? Nov 13, 2019 19:54

google THIS

Yeah, so, you know those pipes we thought were for water? Turns out, not so much. This is going to run into some extra expenses, such as a portable canopy to keep the rain off the project now that the roof is missing, and some flowers to send to Dave's wife. But I know that once you see your new bathroom you'll agree it was worth it.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 20:16

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

"Yeah, ya see we uh... sort of forgot one of the stairs on the second floor stairway, and we have to rip the whole thing out so we can put in that extra stair, because of the Code you see. They updated the Code..."

# ? Nov 13, 2019 20:21

google THIS

Well yes, I understand your concerns, ma'm, and we will take care of it, but there are additional labor costs involved and Febreze isn't cheap. Honestly you're acting like it's my fault my workers give off a veritable cloud of rancid lingering cigarette stink like Pigpen from the Peanuts.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 20:28

google THIS

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

because of the Code you see. They updated the Code...

My eye just started twitching.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 20:30

vanisher

Hold on, you're telling me all your toilets flush with COLD water?

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Nov 13, 2019 20:50

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

we gotta hire a portable toilet for this job. one of the guys on the crew gets nervous using other people's toilets and can't squeeze a drop out unless it's in his own

# ? Nov 13, 2019 21:00

Sing Along: by Athanatos

the boys ran out of la croix

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# ? Nov 13, 2019 21:04

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

You want us to remove the old roof before we put the new one on? That'll cost extra.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 21:11

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

We gotta circumcise your chimney, you know, to prevent creosote buildup.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 21:25

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

complain all you want about the price now but I gaurantee you that no one else on your street will ever have a dick fountain like you do now. I stand by my workers creative decisions.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 21:40

Jaguars!

But see once I pay this certification fee I'll be able to sign off the wiring without having to call in an outside inspector again.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 22:05

vanisher

Barking Gecko posted:

You want us to remove the old roof before we put the new one on? That'll cost extra.

This bid was to replace the "Roof" you know like a barking sound? So here's your new dog

# ? Nov 13, 2019 22:06

google THIS

Luvcow posted:

complain all you want about the price now but I gaurantee you that no one else on your street will ever have a dick fountain like you do now. I stand by my workers creative decisions.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 22:09

google THIS

Well, I was hoping for a placebo effect, that I could just bang on some poo poo and charge you for it and you'd be satisfied. But it turns out there's a real problem and I'm going to have to actually, like, do stuff, so now we're going to run into real money.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 22:38

Jaguars!

Your house is under power lines, so overheads have been higher than usual.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 22:47

vanisher

Look let me buy back in he was bluffing last time I know his tell now

# ? Nov 13, 2019 23:01

vanisher

Some single guy is making GBS threads his tub in the upstairs unit and the pipes just arent meant to take that kind of wear and tear.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Nov 13, 2019 23:05

Twenty Four

This all worries me about things I shouldn't have to worry about anymore.

# ? Nov 13, 2019 23:26

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Twenty Four posted:

This all worries me about things I shouldn't have to worry about anymore.

For a mere g-note we can make all your worries go away...

# ? Nov 14, 2019 00:11

nut

ya turns out we need 2 nintendo switches for the whole crew to play rocket league

# ? Nov 14, 2019 00:34

Finger Prince

Sorry, the contract didn't stipulate cleaning up the mess we made, we'll have to get another team in for that.

# ? Nov 14, 2019 02:11

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

"That's correct, all those coffee breaks you saw all of us loving off during were on your dime, sign here please..."

# ? Nov 14, 2019 02:28

object-a: by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

john wick commanding a brigade of robot-robots that instantaneously terminates and john is awokened and then forced back into childmode all over yanking on my laptop charging cable

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# ? Nov 14, 2019 02:43

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 09:52

Heather Papps: hello friend

a dog did it this time i don't know what is going on. is there something about me that screams rob me?

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Nov 14, 2019 02:47

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > itt we're general contractors explaining why we need another $1000

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