- Dads Dip Cup
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going up to the casket at the funeral home and mockingly pretending to mimic the deceased only I'm actually dead but everyone thinks it's a joke and starts taking increasingly drastic measures to try and get me to give up the gag like giving me a fake eulogy then cremating me and scattering my ashes to the winds as people stand around rolling their eyes saying stuff like "wow ok buddy yeah you sure are dead alright" and making the jerkoff motion
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Nov 21, 2019 08:54
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 23, 2024 20:35
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- canyoneer
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I only have canyoneyes for you
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successfully beating cancer and then being killed by a crab
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Nov 21, 2019 16:58
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- DOPE FIEND KILLA G
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you become permanently blinded. so you obtain seeing eye dog. but the blindness enhances your senses of smell—you've never noticed before but that dog food actually smelsl pretty drat good. you know, the canned stuff. yeah it LOOKS gross but guess what that's not a deterrent for you anymore...so you eat about 10 cans of the stuff and become very sick. miraculously you survive. however the dog develops a deep set grudge against you for stealing his sustenance so the next day during your daily walk the dog leads you up the side of a volcano and pushes you in with his snout
 
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Nov 21, 2019 22:50
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- Mr. Dick
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by Cyrano4747
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Going back in time to better understand the origins of life only to accidentally crush the ur-bacteria causing yourself and all other terrestrial life to have never existed.
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Nov 22, 2019 06:20
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- google THIS
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Going back in time and stepping on a butterfly and it doesn't cause a cascading effect throughout history or anything but a nearby T-Rex who was admiring the butterfly is none too happy.
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Nov 22, 2019 14:13
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- google THIS
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Going back in time and getting crushed to death by an enormous butterfly.
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#
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Nov 22, 2019 14:16
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- google THIS
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Going back in time without incident but getting in a fatal car accident on your way home from the time travel place because a butterfly strikes your windshield.
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Nov 22, 2019 14:18
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- Grandmother of Five
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I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
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A creature made of molten metal falling into a pool of hands giving the thumbs up.
lol
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Nov 22, 2019 14:47
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- Grandmother of Five
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I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
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In your attempt to save Gotham, you get skewered by a harpoon gun in such a way that you are stuck to a wall whilst dying and Mr. Freeze taunts you in your dying moments by saying "ICE to meet you"
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Nov 22, 2019 14:48
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- Grandmother of Five
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I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
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Being encased in a tomb of ice and Rambo tells me to "stick around"
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Nov 22, 2019 14:49
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- Grandmother of Five
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I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
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Falling into a pit with 1.000 knives in it, when all I needed was a spoon
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Nov 22, 2019 14:50
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- cda
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by Hand Knit
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dying in a dream, but in real life you are still alive and making the jack off motion with your hand
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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#
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Nov 22, 2019 16:00
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- google THIS
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Secretly jerking off in the Planter's warehouse but a giant bag of peanuts falls on your head before you can finish.
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Nov 22, 2019 18:16
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- canyoneer
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I only have canyoneyes for you
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a marine biologist being torn apart by sharks while shouting "this is really uncommon! you're 30 times more likely to die by lightning strike than shark attack!"
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#
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Nov 22, 2019 18:34
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- google THIS
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a marine biologist being torn apart by sharks while shouting "this is really uncommon! you're 30 times more likely to die by lightning strike than shark attack!"
And at that very moment he gets struck by 30 lightning bolts simultaneously.
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Nov 22, 2019 18:41
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- google THIS
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Overdosing on iron supplements, then while you're waiting for the iron poisoning to kick in you suddenly realize that that isn't an ironic death so much as a ferrous death, and the shock causes you to fall out of the Ferris wheel you're riding.
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Nov 22, 2019 18:47
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- nut
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coke poisoning when all i wanted was a loving pepsi
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Nov 22, 2019 18:50
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- Mr. Dick
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by Cyrano4747
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Not eating peanuts because of severe peanut allergies, dying from biotin deficiency.
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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#
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Nov 23, 2019 02:25
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- Heather Papps
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hello friend
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being bitten by a mean dog as a child, developing a phobia.
reaching adulthood, afeard of dogs.
go onto a fun trip climbing a mountain, have a wild wolf scare you into a crevice. a saint bernard emerges, after a few days. your fear startles him, and his brandy bottle uncorks and dumps into your face. your name is brandy frigidborn, you are allergic to iron, and you die, afraid of a nicedog and also hypothermia and, as a result of the old style nails in the brandy cask, iron poisoning.
 
thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!
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Nov 23, 2019 02:39
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- TheBlackDuke
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all the things that happen in the matrix but at the end of the third movie before neo dies he tells the machine that the old lady told him he wasn’t the one but the machines don’t understand irony so it’s lost on them. roll credits.
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Nov 24, 2019 05:22
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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Apr 23, 2024 20:35
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- DOPE FIEND KILLA G
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become the worlds greatest bullfighter then slip and break your neck on a big pile of bulls' poo poo
or alternatively become the worlds greatest rodeo clown then slip and break your neck on a big pile of clown's poo poo
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Nov 25, 2019 19:58
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Nov 21, 2019 08:54
