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Thumposaurus
Jul 24, 2007



Elviscat posted:

I put a bunch of burgers on the grill in anticipation of a party at my place, during a swing-shift to mid-shift transition.

No one showed up.

I fell asleep.

The burgers were cooked with an entire fresh cylinder of propane, and were made into charcoal briquettes.

I worked in an artisnsnal bakery a long time ago with a huge deck oven. The light on the bottom oven constantly blew out.
We we're baking for the weekend farmers markets and somehow the whole bottom deck got left full of bread.
This oven has stone tiles that took forever to heat up and cool down.
The oven got switched off after the big baking rush and left off over the weekend and Monday

We didn't discover the burnt up bread until the next Tuesday when the oven got fired back up when it started getting hot finally I started to smell something burning.
I looked in all the decks and finally saw about 50 loaves of charcoal that weighed next to nothing in the bottom one.
It was impressive.

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Phy
Jun 27, 2008





Fun Shoe

Furnok Dorn posted:

i cut my hand reopening a jar of pasta sauce, on the pasta sauce. somehow the sauce got underneath the lid and jar itself, dried razor sharp such that when i opened it it sliced the living poo poo out of my fingers

"Cut myself on sauce" is my favorite of these so far

Fruits of the sea
Dec 1, 2010


I set myself on fire while waiting tables.

I was chatting with some customers and was standing with my back to a candle. Turns out the loosely knit polyester pullover I had on that day burned great! Luckily some other customers noticed in time and I was able to run out to the kitchen and smother the fire with dishrags and the water hose.

The pullover had a giant hole in it and my t-shirt was a little scorched, but I was OK. It was actually pretty funny, the idea of a waiter calmly chatting while their back is on fire is totally absurd.

BigHead
Jul 25, 2003
Huh?

Nap Ghost

Drunk me decided to lick the frosting off of the pie slicer that I had just used to slice and serve a cake. The pie slicer had a serrated edge, which cut the poo poo out of the corner of my mouth, Joker style. Drunk me then decided the best solution was to stick a wadded up paper towel in my mouth and hope nobody noticed.

They noticed.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

I saw when the cocktail waitress opened the sixth bottle, and there was a great beach theme night; and the sun became black as Goon Lust, and the whole moon became as blush.

BigHead posted:

Drunk me decided to lick the frosting off of the pie slicer that I had just used to slice and serve a cake. The pie slicer had a serrated edge, which cut the poo poo out of the corner of my mouth, Joker style. Drunk me then decided the best solution was to stick a wadded up paper towel in my mouth and hope nobody noticed.

They noticed.
Horrors :

TVs Ian
Jun 1, 2000

Such graceful, delicate creatures.


I have pretty much zero depth perception, and will frequently whack my head on open cabinet doors when standing up after bending over to get something on the counter.

The worst was in an apartment I lived in for a while, it was a particularly head-level cabinet that stuck out pretty far, and was right where I frequently had to bend if I was throwing something out or making food. I hit my head on the corner of that one when it wasn't even open multiple times.

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004


here he comes
and he's gone again


Nap Ghost

BigHead posted:

Drunk me decided to lick the frosting off of the pie slicer that I had just used to slice and serve a cake. The pie slicer had a serrated edge, which cut the poo poo out of the corner of my mouth, Joker style. Drunk me then decided the best solution was to stick a wadded up paper towel in my mouth and hope nobody noticed.

They noticed.

why, did you not use enough paper towels?

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007






Green Intern posted:

I was making pickled hot chilis, and while I was boiling them, I decided to lean in and lift the lid to give the pot a stir. Immediately caught a cloud of hot steam and capsaicin up my nostrils, and had a migraine for the rest of the day.

Somehow I got the idea once that cooking eggs with tequila was a thing, and I ended up with eggs that emitted hot ethanol fumes.

20 Blunts
Jan 21, 2017



i cut my finger open on crab legs

Sentient Data
Aug 31, 2011

My molecule scrambler ray will disintegrate your armor with one blow!


I poured hot (in both meanings) sauce that had just been simmering into pre-warmed glass jars. One of the jars wasn't warmed enough, and it literally exploded in my hand. It took a bit of finger with it, and it was deep enough that that part of my fingerprint never regrew

shame on an IGA
Apr 8, 2005



I dropped a 14" corelle serving platter. There's still shrapnel in the ceiling.

some_admin
Oct 11, 2011



Grimey Drawer

I was carrying a tray with 2 ceramic saucers stacked on each other, some forks, a drinking glass.
I was walking up the basement stairs to go to bed (after drinking and watching TV), and I stumbled on one of the stairs
and almost fell, but caught myself, bouncing the tray while holding it in both hands.
Didn’t drop the tray, but the top saucer exploded, and a 1/8” triangle of ceramic shard went straight into the vein on the inside of my elbow of my right arm. Immediately blood started shooting onto the stairs, the wall, the kitchen floor as I put the tray down in the counter. I put pressure on it, it was hurting like heck, and kitchen looked like I had murdered someone. Since I couldn’t take my other hand off of it, I got my neighbor to drive me to emergency room. They looked at it, and put a bandaid on it. ($398)

ekuNNN
Nov 27, 2004





this gave me vertigo
https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qr6fk9iv851r0uzl6.mp4

https://va.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_qr6i8d7B3W1r0uzl6.mp4

Varkk
Apr 17, 2004




Spinz posted:

Was drunk and decided to melt a whole bunch of fresh spinach into my freshly made ramen soup by using the over the stove microwave and a giant Pyrex glass measuring bowl.

Trying to take it out of the microwave I poured it all over my front. I did have the brains to lean into the kitchen sink and desperately spray myself down with the sadly tepid water.

It turns out my bra saved me from a whole bunch of damage. I ended up with a bright red v where it burned me in my cleavage and thank God that went away completely after a few months. That was so stupid you do not risk your face and chest!!

When I was at uni someone heated some water in a microwave which was up on to of a fridge in a break room. When she tried to take it out she was reaching up and ended up with the mug spilling superheated water all over her face. The University sent a memo about the dangers of microwaving water by itself (always add sugar or coffee to the water before microwaving) and ordered that microwaves may be no higher than chest height.

Mister Speaker
May 8, 2007




I slipped while cleaning a hot flat-top grill with a grill brick, and palmed the grill. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced, and left me with blisters on several fingers, my thumb, and one on my palm the size of a ping-pong ball.

You've been warned:

dr_rat
Jun 4, 2001


I'm always barely awake in the morning. Pretty much just running on autopilot for at least an hour after I wake up. When I was 12-13ish before school I was running late to get as usually and need to grab some quick breakfast. What's something quick to make, small bowl of ice cream of course! Grab some ice cream pop it in a bowl, take first spoonful, far to cool, immediately get an ice cream headache. gently caress. What's a really quick way to heat stuff up? Microwave of course. So I pop the ice cream into microwave and put on some random time, go to grab my school bag while it's cooking, so I can just run out of the house as soon as I'm done with the ice cream. DING! Grab the bowl, which isn't that hot, and then just scull the now liquid ice cream.

Anyway couldn't really taste anything for the next week.

mom and dad fight a lot
Sep 21, 2006

twenty-six characters long



Jesus Christ. I get the odd cut or burn sometimes, but some of these kitchen stories are

I worked in a bakery for 5 years and didn't ever light myself on fire.

Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012


"Why does that Subaru break down every time you look at it, Travis", Punchy said. I nearly fell out of the jump seat in my Brat, aghast. "That thing a princess?" I coughed and gulped. "Hahahaha, nice one, Punchy", I said

I was cooking something or other in a cast iron skillet in a 400-degree oven, took the skillet out and set it on top of the stove, took off my oven mitts, and absentmindedly grabbed the skillet's handle to swing it in. Ouchie

e: oh also in college I once started cooking a can of tomato soup and went to play some video game and forgot about it and when the fire alarm went off it had turned into an eighth-inch-thick charcoal puck on the bottom of the pot. I had to sand it out with 80-grit sandpaper

Sagebrush fucked around with this message at 23:22 on Apr 7, 2021

Phanatic
Mar 13, 2007

Please don't forget that I am an extremely racist idiot who also has terrible opinions about the Culture series.


Sagebrush posted:

I was cooking something or other in a cast iron skillet in a 400-degree oven, took the skillet out and set it on top of the stove, took off my oven mitts, and absentmindedly grabbed the skillet's handle to swing it in. Ouchie

I did this all the loving time until I got handle covers instead of just mitts.

Worst I've gotten myself in the kitchen is microwaving bacon, grease soaked up into the paper towel, and then ran down underneath the dish. Wasn't hot enough to trigger the spinal reflex to drop it, realized how hot it was when I was halfway to the counter and didn't drop it. My fingers were pretty much all second-degree burn after that.

Final Blog Entry
Jun 23, 2006

"Love us with money or we'll hate you with hammers!"

In college a friend (and goon, not sure if he reads this thread though) came to visit for a weekend so we got hammered and grilled some steaks. We were sitting in the living room eating our steaks off of disposable plates on our laps, as you do in college, and my friend tries to drive home some drunken point he's trying to make by stabbing his steak with his steak knife. Right through the steak, the plate, his jeans, and into his thigh. So much blood. We cleaned it a bit and tied a tshirt around his thigh and my sober(ish?) roommate drove him to the ER where they waited for a few hours, said fuckit and came back to the house untreated. I think we ended up closing it as best we could with super glue but he definitely needed a few stitches.

Nth Doctor
Sep 7, 2010

Darkrai used Dream Eater!
It's super effective!




My worst kitchen industries injuries:
Working at a pizza place in high school known for its Detroit style deep-dish. They're baked in 2.5”-3" deep metal pans at over 400°. We had a tool to grip the lip of the pan with, and would slip a spatula underneath the pizza to slide it out and drop it on to the cut table with the other before dropping the pan onto a growing nested stack on a shelf underneath the table. On busy nights the stack could grow to be maybe 2 feet tall. We had thick-rear end heat resistant rubber gloves that came elbow-length but we cuffed them down a little to be easier to throw on and off. They went up to about mid-forearm.

One busy day I grab the stack of pans to take back to the wash station in the back, and it tipped just perfectly so the freshest and hottest pan falls directly onto my bare forearm one centimeter above where the glove ended. I had a mark there an the way until after I graduated college.

Two honorable mentions:
1. I had pulled a glass baking dish out from under the broiler and set it on my stovetop. I ditched my oven mitts and began plating dinner for my family. Realizing I had set it directly onto a burner I had just turned off, I picked it up with one hand and moved it onto a trivet next to the stovetop. Bare handed. Lovely blisters on 3 fingers and my thumb.

2. I was packing lunch for the kiddos before school one day, and was washing the knife I used to cut the apple slices. I wasn't careful and ended up with the sharp edge facing me while wrapped in the soapy washcloth and wiping it down. With practically no force, the blade sliced through the cloth, and just the tip of my middle fingat. Flinging everything down in surprise, I managed to get a nice arc of blood across my sink, cabinets, and ceiling. I'm pretty sure the flesh I sliced off went straight into the garbage disposal. All of this was right in front of Mrs. Doctor and the kids.

The ER bandaged me up and sent me on my way. I still use the sliced through cloth for hand-washing knives. My epidermis grew back fine, but there's scar tissue underneath so I have a weird pale bump on my fingertip with no sensitivity but with fingerprint ridges. Kinda like a permanent callus.

Mister Speaker
May 8, 2007




Sagebrush posted:

I was cooking something or other in a cast iron skillet in a 400-degree oven, took the skillet out and set it on top of the stove, took off my oven mitts, and absentmindedly grabbed the skillet's handle to swing it in. Ouchie

Literally every cook and chef I know has done this at least once. Except for me. I got the grill.

Thought of some other ones:
- I gave myself second-degree burns on my stomach after dropping a sausage into slightly too much oil on my parents' gas stovetop. I had taken off my shirt because I got caught in a torrential downpour while walking the dog.
- Cleaning one of those push-through tomato slicers I gave myself three or four parallel little slices through my thumb, right in front of my boss. Despite his insistence, I never used that stupid slicer again.
- At my first kitchen gig when I was 16, Chef was showing me how to clean the electric meat slicer. I slipped and the blade went right into the tip of my thumb, cleaving the nail right in half.

Oddly, I've never really cut myself badly with a knife. It's always some other stupid tool designed to make things easier that gets me. I wasn't very bright working in kitchens though; one of my favourite things to do back in the day was kick open the back door while carrying out a pot of two fryers worth of hot oil. I'm lucky I never ended up like that horrifying WSIB commercial.

AmbassadorofSodomy
Dec 30, 2016

SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!


Worked in a couple kitchens but never really had any serious injuries. Just a minor burn or cut.
Surprising considering the fact that me and my co-workers were drunk or high as gently caress or both on a regular basis.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

I saw when the cocktail waitress opened the sixth bottle, and there was a great beach theme night; and the sun became black as Goon Lust, and the whole moon became as blush.

Mandolins should be illegal or like a licensed thing

SyNack Sassimov
May 4, 2006

Let the robot win.
            --Captain James T. Vader

Nth Doctor posted:

2. I was packing lunch for the kiddos before school one day, and was washing the knife I used to cut the apple slices. I wasn't careful and ended up with the sharp edge facing me while wrapped in the soapy washcloth and wiping it down. With practically no force, the blade sliced through the cloth

The ER bandaged me up and sent me on my way. I still use the sliced through cloth for hand-washing knives.

If nothing else it's always interesting to hear about the wacky ways people do things. You wash dishes with a CLOTH? Like, not a sponge, or a brush, but a piece of cloth with soap on it?

You do you dude but this seems very strange and not at all efficient given the lack of abrasion from a cloth vs a scrub brush or sponge/Brillo pad. (Also, y'know, with a long-handled brush it's pretty loving difficult to cut yourself washing a knife).

edit: check this poo poo out, stiff bristles plus a scraper for scraping stuck on food, $9 for a two pack.

SyNack Sassimov fucked around with this message at 01:00 on Apr 8, 2021

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009





Spinz posted:

Mandolins should be illegal or like a licensed thing

Nth Doctor
Sep 7, 2010

Darkrai used Dream Eater!
It's super effective!




SyNack Sassimov posted:

If nothing else it's always interesting to hear about the wacky ways people do things. You wash dishes with a CLOTH? Like, not a sponge, or a brush, but a piece of cloth with soap on it?

You do you dude but this seems very strange and not at all efficient given the lack of abrasion from a cloth vs a scrub brush or sponge/Brillo pad. (Also, y'know, with a long-handled brush it's pretty loving difficult to cut yourself washing a knife).

edit: check this poo poo out, stiff bristles plus a scraper for scraping stuck on food, $9 for a two pack.


Mrs. Doctor, who doesn't even do the dishes, threw out the sponges I loved and got a bulk pack of amazon dish rags. I just managed to get a scrub brush in last week because our dishwasher broke and the replacement comes in 10 days.

Uthor
Jul 9, 2006

Gummy Bear Heaven ... It's where I go when the world is too mean.

Mister Speaker posted:

Thought of some other ones:
- I gave myself second-degree burns on my stomach after dropping a sausage into slightly too much oil on my parents' gas stovetop. I had taken off my shirt because I got caught in a torrential downpour while walking the dog.

I only tried cooking with a shirt off once. Didn't burn myself, but the oil spatter was enough to make me not do it again.

Karia
Mar 27, 2013

Self-portrait, Snake on a Plane
Oil painting, c. 1482-1484
Leonardo DaVinci (1452-1591)



Every once in a while I think "y'know, it always takes a while to julienne carrots and stuff. I should really get a mandoline."

And then I remember why I should never get a mandoline, because I am the clumsiest person on god's green earth.

Blue On Blue
Nov 14, 2012



Oh I can play at this one

Working at Mcdonald's when I was 16-17 , my first job

I was cleaning the clamshell grill either between breakfast / lunch or maybe it was after closing

Anyways from what I recall you need the grill hot, pour the degreaser on it, and then use the scrubby brush thing with a long handle to scrub it all down, and then rinse with water and squeegee it off.

At some point during this I must have gotten too excited with the squeegee and managed to press the inside of my arm where the elbow joint is into the corner of the top clamshell.

The burn was bad enough (of course I didn't goto the hospital or tell anyone) that after a few days it turned green and puss filled

To this day I still have a 2inch by 1inch scar there

SneezeOfTheDecade
Feb 6, 2011

2:35 PM, 5 April 2017. 153 decibels. Caused the cat actual harm.




SyNack Sassimov posted:

If nothing else it's always interesting to hear about the wacky ways people do things. You wash dishes with a CLOTH? Like, not a sponge, or a brush, but a piece of cloth with soap on it?

You do you dude but this seems very strange and not at all efficient given the lack of abrasion from a cloth vs a scrub brush or sponge/Brillo pad. (Also, y'know, with a long-handled brush it's pretty loving difficult to cut yourself washing a knife).

edit: check this poo poo out, stiff bristles plus a scraper for scraping stuck on food, $9 for a two pack.


The three are different tools and have different uses. A washcloth wraps around pretty much any surface and can clean tools, utensils, and some dishes that haven't seen heavy use or had food stuck to them. A sponge with an abrasive side or a hand brush gets tough debris off dishes that have been left to sit for a while. Long-handled brushes clean drinking glasses and, as you say, sharp tools you don't want to get your hands near, and are also great for scrubbing vegetables.

But everyone has their preferences. Personally, I keep all three at my sink, and they see roughly equal use.

solarNativity
Nov 11, 2012



I just want you to know this thread had me scared shitless pulling that Totino's Party Pizza out of the oven.

SyNack Sassimov
May 4, 2006

Let the robot win.
            --Captain James T. Vader

Nth Doctor posted:

Mrs. Doctor, who doesn't even do the dishes, threw out the sponges I loved and got a bulk pack of amazon dish rags. I just managed to get a scrub brush in last week because our dishwasher broke and the replacement comes in 10 days.

This is criminal behavior.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

I saw when the cocktail waitress opened the sixth bottle, and there was a great beach theme night; and the sun became black as Goon Lust, and the whole moon became as blush.

SyNack Sassimov posted:

This is criminal behavior.

No

Sponges hold germs it's actually more sanitary to use cloth; I change them every like day or two

Its Happening!
Feb 18, 2021


Three fifteen year old kids working in a Fun Park cafe kitchen.

One burns the poo poo out of his palm on the pizza oven.

The next day a really annoying customer complains a lot about their pizza order and demands it be redone.

By unanimous consent they all agree that the kid with the massive palm blister should pop it in the annoying customers pizza before cooking it.

Its Happening! fucked around with this message at 01:52 on Apr 8, 2021

Jokerpilled Drudge
Jan 27, 2010

Level: 3

Spinz posted:

No

Sponges hold germs it's actually more sanitary to use cloth; I change them every like day or two


https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/11/science/sponges-dirty-bacteria-contamination.html posted:

“You should not become hysteric and afraid of your kitchen sponge now,” said Dr. Egert in our original interview. Even sterile environments can make a person ill, he added. “But if you’re already ill or have ill people at home, you should be more careful.”

zedprime
Jun 9, 2007

yospos


solarNativity posted:

I just want you to know this thread had me scared shitless pulling that Totino's Party Pizza out of the oven.
Initially read this as shirtless after everybody learning the terrible decision of frying while shirtless.

Spinz
Jan 7, 2020

I saw when the cocktail waitress opened the sixth bottle, and there was a great beach theme night; and the sun became black as Goon Lust, and the whole moon became as blush.


Hysteric? Was the original interview in 1879?

Lol.
I just worked forever in food service and I'm cool with using a cloth so I can start over fresh everyday or two it's no big deal you do you. I love this thread and I'm just a lurker in it usually

RobotCoupeDetat
Nov 3, 2020


Uthor posted:

Stupidest kitchen injury, go!

I boiled some water in a kettle, set the kettle on the counter, reached over the kettle to get a tea bag, burned the poo poo out of my hand with the steam coming out of the spout. Had the biggest blister I've ever had for a few days and the skin was raw for weeks as it healed. It took about a second.

I was having some really bad lower leg pain following an ACL reconstruction surgery. Switched to tennis-shoe style kitchen shoes. When draining the steam jacket kettle into the drain beneath it, we'd use a bucket with a hole cut in the side to redirect the stream of water into the drain without splashing. I was draining boiling water out of it, I still can't remember what for, and the bucket was misaligned by an inch or two. With very breathable, lace-up shoes, and lovely proprioception following the surgery, I kicked the bucket with my bad leg to get the water directed properly. I missed and my foot went directly into the water stream.

I steamed the gently caress out of my foot and had a very impressive blister covering most of the one of my toes. My exec and I had a blast making the sous dry-heave with disgusting commentary on the wound. RIP Chef Ed, I miss you every day.

I'll have to look for the photos tomorrow or Friday.

e: found the photos and remembered I mostly steamed my toes. I'll post photos tomorrow, it's past my bedtime.

RobotCoupeDetat fucked around with this message at 02:21 on Apr 8, 2021

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Jokerpilled Drudge
Jan 27, 2010

Level: 3

Spinz posted:

Hysteric? Was the original interview in 1879?

Lol.
I just worked forever in food service and I'm cool with using a cloth so I can start over fresh everyday or two it's no big deal you do you. I love this thread and I'm just a lurker in it usually

He's German and authored the paper that started the most recent sponge germ hysteria

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