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Chinese Tony Danza
Oct 30, 2007

Crappy Cat Connoisseur


Back in June of 2013, I adopted a pair of goats from a nearby farm, a brother and sister whom I named Bela and Tenda respectively. They were always getting into mischief, but once I figured out however they were managing to outwit me, I was always able to get back in control of things. Unfortunately, Bela suddenly passed away in May of this year. There were no warning signs; he'd been perfectly happy and healthy the day before, and there was no sign of attack nor injury. After we buried him, I set out to find his sister a friend so she wouldn't go crazy from being alone. It took a few weeks, but finally we met Vinny, a wether that a farmer not too terribly far from me had taken in when a family had to move and wasn't allowed to bring their goats with them.


Pictured: Vinny (white, background) and Tenda (black, foreground)

Vinny's a bundle of laughs and I love him to death, but he's unfortunately developed a major problem and I cannot find a way to solve it. You see, Bela and Tenda were both Nigerian dwarf goats, which are a very small breed, but Vinny is a Nubian mix of some sort and he's easily twice Tenda's size. At first this wasn't a problem, but eventually Vinny discovered that through the combined forces of his height on his rear legs and his weight that he's able to climb onto the top of the fence and sort of flop himself over it. At first I thought that he was only able to do it in places where his weight could physically bend the fence, but one day I literally watched him push himself over a section of fence that I'd just reinforced. This is a big problem because now that it's getting cold, there's the potential for snow, and if he lets himself out and gets wet and then has nowhere to get out of the weather, he could literally freeze to death.

The major issue here is that I'm not financially stable at the moment, meaning that I absolutely cannot afford to, say, completely redo the entire yard with a taller fence. My father suggested maybe getting a solar-powered electric fence kit that he'd seen at the local farm store, but my understanding is that goats don't take well to negative reinforcement and frankly I'm not entirely sure where on the fence I'd even need to place the wire to make it most effective as I'm worried Vinny would value his freedom to come and go high enough that he'd absolutely endure a brief shock as he jumped the fence. It's clear at this point that my initial plan of just reinforcing the fence with additional t-posts between the existing ones isn't enough, and that's all I'd come up with aside from that.

Does anyone have any ideas? To be clear, I can spend money on this, but it'd have to be less than like $150 maximum.

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Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

We'll roll on with our heads held high.
Our conscience in the gutter,
Our dreams up in the sky.




I'm sure Instant Jellyfish will have a sweet and friendly reply but I'm not her.

electrocute the gently caress out of them with the biggest charger you can possibly put on your fence. Because otherwise you're looking at a huge lawsuit when a car inevitably hits your loose rear end in a top hat goat(s).

also the goat isn't going to freeze to death. It's much more likely to find the front of a car and ruin your life because that's goats.

E: That rude rear end in a top hat will teach her how to do it, too.

E2: Two lines of electric on top of the fence. Get one you plug in, not a solar one, if at all possible. 10 miles minimum. He'll learn fast. It will nearly drop you. Don't play with it to test it. Lowes has an outstanding one and it's about $80.

Fluffy Bunnies fucked around with this message at 00:18 on Nov 25, 2019

Mr. Dick
Aug 9, 2019

by Cyrano4747


In case you need to get rid of your goats and require replacement animal companionship, Mr. Dick has started on a short list of animals less naturally predisposed to evil:

Yellow jackets, bacillus anthracis, pitbull terriers, red-headed centipedes, piranhas and cats.

Instant Jellyfish
Jul 3, 2007

Actually not a fish.



Fluffy Bunnies posted:

I'm sure Instant Jellyfish will have a sweet and friendly reply but I'm not her.

E2: Two lines of electric on top of the fence. Get one you plug in, not a solar one, if at all possible. 10 miles minimum. He'll learn fast. It will nearly drop you. Don't play with it to test it. Lowes has an outstanding one and it's about $80.

No mercy for fuckgoats. After having to deal with dumbshit escaped bucks at my shearing job Thursday I have no patience for sweet answers to goat problems. Throw them all in the trash.

Chinese Tony Danza posted:

This is a big problem because now that it's getting cold, there's the potential for snow, and if he lets himself out and gets wet and then has nowhere to get out of the weather, he could literally freeze to death.

This is a big problem because he's a loving dick and has learned he can barge through fences whenever he wants and no amount of gentle persuasion or taller fences will stop him from being a dick. Light him up like a christmas tree.

I'd run at least one hot wire across the top. If you don't piss yourself a little when you accidentally touch it it isn't hot enough. Plug in is better than solar, for sure. You want him to hit it once, get knocked on his rear end and never want to touch it again. Laugh at his stupid face for destroying your fences. If he fucks with the fence in other ways turn him into curry add a bottom wire too and fry him for even sniffing at the fence. Goats are much more pleasant creatures when they know better than to even look at the fencing too long and it will be much safer for them to be contained and not roaming the countryside.

fauna
Dec 6, 2018

by Reene


bring the goats inside. they are now housegoats, and you will live together in understanding and equality

Chinese Tony Danza
Oct 30, 2007

Crappy Cat Connoisseur


It's good to know that the amount of frustration I've been feeling is natural and that other goat owners are sitting on their thrones in their black robes muttering, "Yes, good, late the hate flow through you." Thank you for the advice guys. I will be sure to get some electric fencing set up and teach him that maybe when I tell him to do something he should damned well do it.

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

Because otherwise you're looking at a huge lawsuit when a car inevitably hits your loose rear end in a top hat goat(s).

Interesting side note regarding this: I'll sometimes let them out in the yard when the weather's nicer so they can scratch that itch for exploration they've got and also eat up weeds and underbrush and whatnot, and the loving weird thing is they seem to understand the property lines?? I don't understand how, but I've sometimes just kinda left them to their own devices for a while and they've never once actually left the property even given the perfect opportunity to do so. Not saying it's impossible that it could happen, just that I'm surprised it hasn't given how many times they've found ways to get loose over the years.

fauna
Dec 6, 2018

by Reene


Chinese Tony Danza posted:

the loving weird thing is they seem to understand the property lines?? I don't understand how
goats

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

We'll roll on with our heads held high.
Our conscience in the gutter,
Our dreams up in the sky.




Chinese Tony Danza posted:

Interesting side note regarding this: I'll sometimes let them out in the yard when the weather's nicer so they can scratch that itch for exploration they've got and also eat up weeds and underbrush and whatnot, and the loving weird thing is they seem to understand the property lines?? I don't understand how, but I've sometimes just kinda left them to their own devices for a while and they've never once actually left the property even given the perfect opportunity to do so. Not saying it's impossible that it could happen, just that I'm surprised it hasn't given how many times they've found ways to get loose over the years.

It's because they have underbrush to entertain them so far. When you don't, it's time to fling yourself into the nether world. Preferably by taking out as many toddlers as you can in the happy singy bus headed to Disneyland

Uncle Lloyd
Sep 2, 2019


After you string wire you will have to make sure they know what it is by ensuring that they actually touch it. It's not enough to energize the fence and say, oh, they'll probably find out it's electric, you'll have to get right up there and guide their nose straight for the wire the first time they go sniffing at it. Yes, they will make terrible noises and you'll feel like the worst kind of person. Yes, it will be worth it. Fences that are only one or two strands of hot wire are like 90% psychological, the animal has to know in their heads that getting too close absolutely will cause pain, because a properly motivated one (like, say, a goat that's figured out how to escape already) will go right through a fence if all they get is a mild shock from just brushing it or something, which is totally possible if they're just blundering around.

And for the love of god make sure the fenceline is clear. The whole point is lost if your voltage is going to ground via grass and shrubbery instead of the goat.

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

We'll roll on with our heads held high.
Our conscience in the gutter,
Our dreams up in the sky.




Depends on the charger. I have some pretty high impediments. A fuckin' LGD pup shoved a whole dry log under a wire and it was still zappy.

But yeah, shove your goats into the fence. It's fun when they realize the fence is danger now because they look so betrayed.

Uncle Lloyd
Sep 2, 2019


Yeah for sure. Always get the biggest charger you can afford. I've had a fifty mile charger on ten miles of grown in fence and been like "is this thing even on?" when I touch the wire. It's the berry bushes and poo poo that absolutely surround the fence that kills the power.

Malcolm Turnbeug
Mar 21, 2018



Thank you for this piece of evidence I will be integrating into a PowerPoint slide to show to my wife, titled ‘please please please don’t get loving goats’

Instant Jellyfish
Jul 3, 2007

Actually not a fish.



Malcolm Turnbeug posted:

Thank you for this piece of evidence I will be integrating into a PowerPoint slide to show to my wife, titled ‘please please please don’t get loving goats’

Allow me to provide a few more examples:

Heath, stuck in a fence for the millionth time


Heath's half brother, stuck in a fence


Heath's son, stuck in a fence


Phyllis, Heath's half sister, stuck in a bucket somehow


Rex, with a hole in his skull because he would not stop fighting with sheep


I don't remember if this was Dido or Electra but she pulled the empty feed bag out of the trash, got it stuck on her head and immediately made a beeline towards the creek which was super high after some rain. The only thing that saved her was that she got caught in some plants before she could reach her final destination.


Not my goat, but he got his foot stuck trying to scratch in between his horns


Two bucks fighting at a shearing job a month or so back. The weird noise is a third buck mad that he was not also fighting. I wish I could share the stink that comes off those bucks and stuck onto me for days after because I had to break them up before they killed each other.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKh8TLT0XJA

Note that all these goats survived these encounters none the worse for wear, but seriously keeping them from killing themselves is a daily chore.

Tasty_Crayon
Jul 29, 2006
Same story, different version.



Instant Jellyfish posted:

No mercy for fuckgoats. After having to deal with dumbshit escaped bucks at my shearing job Thursday I have no patience for sweet answers to goat problems. Throw them all in the trash.


This is a big problem because he's a loving dick and has learned he can barge through fences whenever he wants and no amount of gentle persuasion or taller fences will stop him from being a dick. Light him up like a christmas tree.

I'd run at least one hot wire across the top. If you don't piss yourself a little when you accidentally touch it it isn't hot enough. Plug in is better than solar, for sure. You want him to hit it once, get knocked on his rear end and never want to touch it again. Laugh at his stupid face for destroying your fences. If he fucks with the fence in other ways turn him into curry add a bottom wire too and fry him for even sniffing at the fence. Goats are much more pleasant creatures when they know better than to even look at the fencing too long and it will be much safer for them to be contained and not roaming the countryside.

I love you

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codespace
May 3, 2011



Instant Jellyfish posted:

I wish I could share the stink that comes off those bucks and stuck onto me for days after because I had to break them up before they killed each other.


FWIW, goat milk based bar soaps are great for getting buck stank off of skin and out of clothes.

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