|
Act 1, Scene 1 - Flat land with wall in the middle. Hombre on the left side, mujer on the right side. They both scale the wall and meet at top. They become enamored with each other. Rog: Hello, hello, hello. Kamie: Hola, how art thou? Are you going back to Me - he - ko? Rog: Si. Going back for a little vacation. Why not meet me at the St. Louis Foot Locker on Chippewa street in 3 weeks. I can hook you up with a job, beautiful. Kamie: Oh, that sounds good. (Both Sing) Love is true Walls and shoes We'll meet again Be Amer-i-cans Because I can We can to get there Til then I'm sure Rich or poor Rog: I'm the fish Kamie: I'm the lure Rog: Until we meet again! (Music swells, lights dim) (End Scene) Act 1, Scene 2 (Rog in wealthy Mexican city resort drinking a pina colada. Woman approach him at the bar because he is well dressed and jovial.) Rog: I am uncharacteristically un-horny and seek no woman but what’s her name from a few weeks ago. Woman: Hola, disculpe. Yo necessito grande hombre carne senior! Mama mia! Rog: Not tonight, whore. I want love… (Song begins:) Rog: I usually drink and spend my dad’s cash On women, coke and cars and the latest fash Jewelry and weapons, diamonds and furs I spend so much on booze it’s all a blur I buy foreign children and sell them to stars Spend 100K dollars in bars Fund terrorist orgs with huge piles of cash Buy the expensive cheese and get a bad rash Give money to killers who make liveleak films But why can’t I find my true looooove? (End Song) Kamie: Hi, Rog! Rog: It’s you! How? Kamie: I got bored. (Rog notices size 16 men’s basketball sneakers on Kamie) Rog: I love you and I don’t even know your name and now you’re wearing enormous oversized basketball shoes! Kamie: I got a job at the St. Louis Foot Locker on Chippewa street all by my self without your help you sexy sexist pig. I got these shoes 110% off. My name is Kamie. K-A-M Rog: I-E! (Kissing ensues) (End Scene) Act 1, Scene 3 (Scene opens with Rog sitting in a very impressive desk in a high rise in a major American city. There’s a meeting in progress and gunshots can be heard in the background. The men are laughing and smoking cigars. A golden sign on the wall says “KAMROG INC”) Cowboy: Rog, Q4 is looking SPECTACULAR! Rog: I know, I know. We’re doing well! Mr. Ling: We must complete our import arrangement at once. Rog: Once we work out payment, of course. (3 scientists, Kamie and an army general walk in holding an exotic looking rifle) General: Sir, this is a fine example. A Fine Example! You must be so proud of your husband Mrs. Ointment. 45 children…hot drat. Kamie: He’s filled me up so many times! Rog: Yes, we’re very proud of all our rifles. General: We’ll take every one you’ve got and keep ‘em coming. Let’s go gentlemen! (Everyone leaves exept Rog and Kamie) (Song Finale, both sing) 45 kids Over the wall Getting older, 89th floor Richer than Bill Gates We have it all Let’s Give it Away and buy a dirt farm! (Lights dim, curtain)
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2019 19:11
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 15:42 |
|
|
idgi
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2019 20:13
|
|
|
Confused applause
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2019 20:14
|
|
|
Act 2, Scene 1- (Interior, Enormous barn. 48 children, some grown up are gathered all around Rog and Kamie) Rog: Sons, daughters, chillren', men, women...I'm so proud of us all. Especially me. But I have to tell you, this is the last time your poor mother will be able to deliver quintuplets for our family. You Ointment men and women will have to go out into town and start families of your own to grow the brand. Rog: But I have achieved Our Dreams: A dirt farm in the middle of nowhere! 1000 acres of fertile sod where we can do whatever our industrious minds come up with. My poor father grew up with nothing but the clothes on his back and a ridiculous sprawling mansion he earned in cocaine cartels. One night he went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back. Typical of such a man. I built a 1000 million dollar firearms firm with my own hands and all my fathers laundered drug money. Now we'll be free of that dirty business and work the soil honestly. Day in and day out! Kamie: Finally we are free! Boy: Free to be you and me! Carlos: Father, we have quite a bit of equity. We seriously need to think about building adequate shelter, digging a well or tapping into the town water and electric, sewage, garbage etc. These are "Things to Think About". Remember that song? (Song Begins) Rog: When I sing a song I remember I dismember the music from my head Carlos: The words molest me with the melody Caress me in the night so gently Kamie: Don't blame me for a catchy tune I didn't know singing songs was wrong Rog: She's innocent she was just singing Your mother has a beautiful voice Carlos: My mother has a beautiful voice! Her words touch me in appropriately I got scared but she whispered to me relax Carlos, it'll be over sooooon (End song) Rog: Carlos...Carlos...Carlos! Carlos: Sorry Dad, I...zoned out for a second. Rog: Come with me into town. We need a massive amount of lumber and tools. I know a man named Yamminty who can help us out. (They walk out of the barn) Rog: Why, what's this!?! A six bedroom farmhouse already on our property? What luck! Carlos: It's a start but we still need 30 more bedrooms, and more facilities in general, Dad. Act 2, Scene 2 - Pinne Tonne Bluffs- Carlos: Mommy... Rog: Yamminty, your shop is even nicer than you described it when we were sitting in adjacent stalls in the Wexlimberg bathroom last year. Yamminty: I know. Rog: I'd like to buy enough lumber to build a compound big enough to house 100 men, women, children with an assortment of edible beasts, come to the concern of the authorities but not so much of a concern that they actually come and kill us all. Yamminty: You actually have to do something stupid for that to happen I think. Rog: Maybe Yamminty: That'll be $700,451.93. I gave you a %5 discount. Act 2. Scene 3 - (Tens, twenties of children work the soil. Older children frame buildings and pour foundations while others work with pipes) (Song Begins) What are we growing? Work the soil What are growing? Work the mud Who's a man? Plant those yams Slam potatoes? Cornhole pumpkins Watermellon creampies All day long Working the fields Make the chil'dren sweaty What are growing? Yams and swine (Song Ends) Child: My sister fell in cement! We can't get him out. (Stage goes dark for a moment, then lights up. All the kids are gone) (Rog, Kamie, and Carlos serenely walk towards center stage all holding hands) All together: We did it. The compound is complete. 300 bedrooms, 33 bathrooms, 3 pools. Yams, pumpkins, potatoes, corns, beef, chicken, pork, spinach, and yams. Our sons and daughters are all married to local leaders. Every household owns at least one Kamrog 223 rifle or protests against owning one. We have control. With God as our witness we sing: (Begin song) Carlos: Potato, potat-oo, yam-a-lam-a ding dong let's sing a victory song Rog: This is our day, to - (a man wearing a balaclava runs out from behind a tree with a garrote and starts strangling Rog) Carlos: Uh...sing mom! Sing...! Kamie: That's when (sob) this guy stopped killing (cry) my husband Carlos: And..this guy..please..stop..killing my dad (Song ends) (Stage goes dark. Extreme gunfire from all directions) Act 2, Scene 3- (Carlos sitting alone in dirt field. 50 graves, burned down buildings all around) Carlos (singing): Dirt farm....dirt farm..some day in the dirt. I'll find my true love. (Man pulls up in limousine) Man: Is this dirt for sale? Carlos: Sure is Mister. It's dirty, ashy, bloody dirt. Good for yams and raising children. Hope you got a wife. Man: Sold (Curtain)
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2019 20:50
|
|
|
I thought you typed Kamwe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsJwanW7W7o
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2019 21:58
|
|
|
Zeluth posted:I thought you typed Kamwe. Kamwe can play Cowboy if he wants
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2019 14:28
|
|
|
nvm
|
|
#
?
Dec 11, 2019 17:35
|
|
|
Act 3, Scene 1- Interior Footlocker - Two clerks, a man and a woman standby ready to assist customers. One organizes the register. The other one straightens out shoes on the shelf. This goes on for one hour in real time. A man walks in and buys nothing and doesn't interact with the employees during this hour. At the end of the hour a very pregnant woman walks in and ask for help finding sneakers. Footlocker Bob: Walking shoes? Something for stability? Sandra: I'm looking for professional basketball shoes several sizes larger than I need. Manager Bob: Are these for your husband? Larger than you need? Footlocker Barb: This again? Lady, do you know the last we sold enormous basketball shoes to bitch about to pop? 20 sumtin' years ago! Footlocker Bob: Barb, please watch how you speak to the customer. Footlocker Barb: gently caress Bob, this happened at my last store! The place ain't there no more! All my old coworkers disappeared! Carlos, looking like he was on fire and the fire was just extinguished crashed through the door and falls on the floor. He crawls towards Sandra Footlocker Barb: AAAAHHHH it's happening again!! It's the same fuckin' guy even! Only he hasn’t aged? Sandra: I'm going into labor! Carlos: Air................Jordan..............*cough*...................11............*cough*Cough*..............................Retro.............Size 16.............*cough* Carlos grabs the shoes off the shelf and starts putting them on Sandra Manager Bob: I'm calling the Police? I AM calling THE PO-LICE. The police, them I am calling, now. After the shoes are tied on to Sandra's feet her terrycloth robe burns off into ashes making her nude. The baby is propelled out of the birth canal into the shoe box. Carlos is covered in afterbirth Footlocker Barb: It happened again! We gotta go before the next part, man! Footlocker Barb runs out of the store. Sirens are heard in the distance (Music starts) Manager Bob: Sigh Carlos: Time to take a lunch break, sir. Carlos starts crying Manager Bob: Ripping his shirt off I can't work for this metacarpus-phobic place anymore, anyway. Manager Bob leaves but is shot by police while exiting the store (Gun fire beat to music, police shooting in the air) Police enter and start dancing with bloody Carlos (holding baby) and completely nude and bloody Sandra Carlos: I'm so pleased to meet you, miss Sandra T. You just had a baby - he's like a baby to me. Sandra: I'm so pleased to me you! Why are you burned up? You look like you slept in a campfire, dude. Carlos: I was helping the homeless stay warm last night. I am homeless myself I lost my yam farm last year. We can rhyme and dine all night! Chorus: We can rhyme and dine and try on shoes all night! Sandra: Let’s make this our home and get married right now. You’ve already seen the gooooods (speaking) Carlos: If you gentleman would excuse us. We’d like to fornicate now. Sandra: I’d like to wait a few days. I just had a baby. policemen leave (Bombastic song ending) This is our Locker now Feet and all Lock stock and baby Castle of boxes, tissue paper dreams! This is our store forever! (Curtain) Act 3, Scene 2- Sandra is cooking eggs, bacon, toast and brewing coffee – enough for 10 people – on the service counter. Her hair is in curlers and she has a new robe. She’s smoking a cigarette. She’s pregnant. Carlos has broken up part of the floor and has planted some crops among the benches by the shoe displays. The plants look pale and sick. Some plants are in buckets. The place is a mess. The baby is crying A man walks into the store. Carlos jumps up. Carlos: Trespasser! Hands up! Points rifle at man’s genitals Man: I just wanna buy some sneakers. Carlos: Ok, sorry man. Check it out. Look at these beets. Picks up bad looking pale plant Carlos: Watch me drop some sick beets, bro Carlos drops the plant Sandra: Gawd that joke is getting old Man: Haha. So, do you have any Saucony or Aisics? Carlos: Get the gently caress out of here! Fires several shots in the mans direction as he runs out the door Carlos: NIKE ONLY DUMBASS! Sandra: Carlos, now we have to fix the door again! Carlos: Kind of like… (Song starts) Carlos: How I adore yous I shot my loads in there And a little man came running out A little while later Sandra: We’re not vile masterba-dooooors (song ends) Sound of a semi truck pulling up. Rogder rolls in with a cart of sneakers Rodger: Good morning, you too! Carlos: My compadre negro! What’s aaaaaaaap? Rodger: New shipment! But the nearby Foot Lockers have become wise. They’re no longer stocking Nike just to spite us! I burned a few down, raided a few for stock, went further out into the zone but no Nikes to be had! I’ll have to keep looking. Carlos: What are those? Rodger: Sketchers, Saucony, Keds, Reebok, Aisics…a little of everything. Carlos: Oh. Sandra: Go get him.. Carlos runs out the door Sandra: Rodger, are you hungry? I have a hungry man man’s breakfast here. You look like the kind of man that can eat breakfast with the best of them and eat them for breakfast. Rodger: I could eat a family of 4! Thanks! Rodger grabs a huge platter and sits on a chair near Sandra A few minutes later Carlos returns with the man, now bleeding from face wounds and throws him on the ground Carlos: The shoes you requested are now in stock! Carlos hauls the man up and throws him into a chair. The man, crying and too weak to fight just lets him. Carlos goes to the cart and looks for a pair of Aisics, finds a pair and puts them on the man’s feet. Carlos (maniacally): Size 10! Small feet, small dick! My parents had a beet and yam farm and wore size 16! But powers that be came and killed my WHOLE FAMILY! Except me! You know how I got away? I wear size 12! They missed me with their human bullets! Carlos takes out a hammer and spikes and starts singing Carlos: Nail small shoes to your tiny feet! Don’t cry man you look really sweet. Man: This isn’t what I expected from Foot Locker sales. It’s gone above and beyond – it’s beyond the pale. Sandra: This is what you get when you come to our store: A delicious meal, some shoes and a story. Rodger: Are you sure this guy wants holes in his feet? Carlos: Jesus Christ, will you let me complete this task! (speaking) How do they feel? Man: Bad…real bad. Carlos takes out an enormous bag of white powder Carlos: Here man this will make it all groovy! Powder puff! takes a huge fist full of white powder and smashes it man’s face Man: Allll Right!! I love cocaine!! Or dope or….what? This is just powdered sugar! Record scratch, music stops Carlos: What are you a loving drug addict? Get the gently caress out of my store! Rodger: I’ll help! Carlos and Rodger haul the man, who can no longer walk out of the store and dump him on the sidewalk across the street. Carlos and Rodger (singing) : Junkies don’t get no shoes! Sandra: Carlos, don’t forget to put the rest of the shoes up on ebay tonight. Nobody buy ‘em in here really. Carlos: Yep Carlos, Rodger and Sandra all eat together. Carlos gives Rodger a large sum of money Lights dim End Scene Act 3, Scene 3- Lights come up, it’s very early morning. Sandra and the babies are sleeping next to the counter on top of a pile of clothes. There’s a dead Christmas tree by the yam garden and garland around the door. The kids are now 6 and 7 Eventually Carlos, Rodger, and Selina come stumbling in with a bottle of Pappy Van Winke Family Reserve 23 Year Carlos: Whoo da man, baby? Carlos urinates off the stage onto a member of the audience in the first row Rodger (to Selina): Baby, I love you so much. Ima get you some goodshoes. And not just for your feet. Sandra: Could you guys keep it down? The babies are sleeping. Carlos: How many…How…m….how.many quadruplets do we have baby? Sandra: We just have 2 babies sweetie. I guess you had nightmares last night. Come here, honey. Carlos (Screaming, unhinged): MY FATHER HAD 58 CHILDREN AND THEY WERE ALL EXECUTED BY THE GEVERMANT AND SURFARD BECUZ MY FOOT WAS SMALLS! TOO SMALLS! I SHOULD BE DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! Rodger: Chill the gently caress out, dude. Selina: I should go. I should go and get him OTC PTSD drugs from the store. Rodger: Now that’s a fine idea for an attractive but intoxicated person such as yourself. Selina: Sometimes I have good ideas, sometimes the ideas are bad. I chose stripping as a career, but I hold the patent on a new anti-rust coating that’s better than what all the auto manufacturers are using in production. Carlos: But I AM ALIVE! I HAVE TO CONTINUE LIVING NO MATTER WHAT! Sandra: You need food to live. Shall I make 5 pounds bacon 8 dozen eggs? Carlos: Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes! I Finally feel the joy of living! But how long will it last until the darkness comes again. And will it consume me again? Rodger: Selina, are we going to gently caress tonight? Selina: We were Sandra: Let me get breakfast ready Song begins Sandra: I cook despite nuts in the area near me I scramble the eggs and their eggs are loving flipped My omlettes will end up on the sidewalk later. And birds will cheerfully eat Carlos: I’ll feel shame and forget all these realizations Back to square one, as if nothing happened Yet I’ll beat up on addicts and sell stolen shoes These are a few of my favorite things End Song Selina: I wonder what’s gonna happen next? Sandra: Breakfast is ready! All sit on the floor and eat among the trash and Foot locker detritus A letter is dropped through the mail slot Carlos: Mail? OK, that’s weird. fuuck Carlos picks up the letter Sandra runs over and snatches it from him, opens it and reads it Sandra: It’s the DNA tests I ordered. It says we’re very closely related Carlos…brother. Carlos: Wow! That means are kids are super-brother and super-sister! And I thought I was the only one who survived! Sandra: Wow! Selina: Wow? Take me Rodger! Rodger and Selina start rolling around behind some shoeboxes Song Starts Sandra: Once in a while, a magic so vile, turns to love, then back into bile Carlos: I don’t care what you say, I’d do it again, mostly because it’s already done Sandra: That’s so romantic it’s making me wet, but let’s not forget… Several rocket launchers are fired from the back of the theater and hit stage left, center and right destroying everybody and everything effectively ending the musical milkingmycow fucked around with this message at 21:48 on Dec 12, 2019 |
|
#
?
Dec 12, 2019 21:45
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvYIpa1Ulvw Kamway, you went too far.
|
|
#
?
Dec 14, 2019 05:17
|
|
|
Zeluth posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvYIpa1Ulvw I love this song again. Thank you.
|
|
#
?
Dec 14, 2019 22:47
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2021 19:41
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 15:42 |
|
|
Yo can we still make this probe-able even if there's a stupid MtG card about it or whatever because it's still stupid as poo poo? tia
|
|
#
?
May 21, 2021 19:49
|
|
