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Goth Odell Beckham
Apr 16, 2013



Casinos are some of the most depressing places I've ever been to. Old people blowing their social security checks. Stressed out middle-aged dudes that look like they just lost their mortgage payment. Drunk bros going apeshit at tables. You'll see all these things within 20 minutes of your first casino visit. With that said, I do some of my best thinking when I plop a 20 into a video roulette machine, have some free beers, and people watch for a few hours as I keep putting quarters on Black/Even.

It is almost the perfect environment for witnessing humans in unnatural situations. There's a casino in the next state over where it has stadium-style seating around a baccarat dealer, and you can place bets on a touch screen. There are always tons of old dudes chain-smoking and writing in a spreadsheet. I have no idea why, considering it's a glorified coin flip.

At this same place, there was once a guy in the bathroom who had a duffle bag full of live eels. I was too taken aback to ask him why.

There's a really lovely one in Philadelphia where I saw a guy punch a video roulette machine and straight-up shatter the screen. Sure, maybe it would make sense if he had lost a huge spin, but I was sitting pretty close and the guy had actually won about $50.

Perhaps the one that made me the saddest was on vacation when I was checking out the boardwalk on Barry Island in Wales. Never seen a setup like this in the US but in the back of all the usual seaside arcades there were full-on real money slot parlors for adults. On a beautiful 85 degree day, there was just this one older man in this windowless room, pumping coins into a slot machine like a zombie.

I am extraordinarily grateful that I don't seem to have that gene that makes people need to chase losses. However, I find casinos to be fascinating environments that engineer human behavior for the singular purpose of getting them to spend money. Share degenerate casino stories ITT.

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Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

I don't have any yet but I'm probably going to go to the Niagara Falls casino this summer :shrug:

Not a gambler really but free beer sounds good

AOCs Pink Pearl
Jan 20, 2012


I know a guy that went to prison for a few years for stealing chips in some way or another; not quite sure how exactly because I saw it on the news and recognized him. They just said he had a bunch of purple chips that didnít belong to him somehow.

Resting Lich Face
Feb 21, 2019


This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.


AOCs Pink Pearl posted:

I know a guy that went to prison for a few years for stealing chips in some way or another; not quite sure how exactly because I saw it on the news and recognized him. They just said he had a bunch of purple chips that didnít belong to him somehow.

Wow. Taro chips are gross but I don't think people should be arrested for having them.

Putty
Mar 21, 2013


I won 43 bucks off some penny slots in vegas. Thanks for listening!

Goth Odell Beckham
Apr 16, 2013



I'd also like to talk about slot theming.

It makes sense why slot machines would use licensed themes; people gravitate toward the familiar, or a property they like outside of the windowless sadness hole. As a result, you get some really weird properties attached to slot machines.

A couple odd ones I've seen (shoutout to the apparently very large community of youtube weirdos who film themselves playing slots)

Ellen Degeneres
https://youtu.be/Rua2Ce3av4k

Avatar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rub2Rm79Elg

Big Bang Theory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PnMN8H9C2A

Orange Is The New Black
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vINmUoIvw8Q


EDIT: Remember Farmville? It's back, in slot form
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Vavv2FqN8o

Goth Odell Beckham fucked around with this message at 02:08 on Dec 10, 2019

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 19 days!


I put a buck down on a roulette table, won $44 on the first spin and peaced out one time. That was pretty sweet.

Honky Dong Country
Feb 11, 2015



Casinos are fun imo. Just go with an amount of money you're cool with spending and enjoy it. Maybe you win some, maybe you don't. Best I've done is I had a $900 hand of flush poker once, it was awesome.

I also once saw a guy win like $180k in 3-card poker. Security swooped in like hawks, all play stopped at that table, and dude couldn't leave until tax paperwork showed up right there at the table for him to fill out.

my dog died im sad
Jun 29, 2015


My aunt likes to play paigow (with cards not tiles). We usually both spend about 40 bucks and it goes a long way. So an entertaining thing to do while hanging out with my aunt for a while.

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015




My favorite is when you see a bunch of drunk middle aged ladies all hooting and hollering and high fiving around one of their friends thatís at a slot machine and you figure she just won thousands and you look and she won like fuckin 80 bucks.

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015




Earth Table posted:

I'd also like to talk about slot theming.

It makes sense why slot machines would use licensed themes; people gravitate toward the familiar, or a property they like outside of the windowless sadness hole. As a result, you get some really weird properties attached to slot machines.

A couple odd ones I've seen (shoutout to the apparently very large community of youtube weirdos who film themselves playing slots)

Ellen Degeneres
https://youtu.be/Rua2Ce3av4k

Avatar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rub2Rm79Elg

Big Bang Theory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PnMN8H9C2A

Orange Is The New Black
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vINmUoIvw8Q


EDIT: Remember Farmville? It's back, in slot form
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Vavv2FqN8o

The Walking Dead slot is one of my favorites. Thereís some good Willy Wonka ones too. Thereís a new Goonies one thatís pretty cool.

foonykins
Jun 15, 2010

stop with the small talk




Buddy of mine threw 500 on the Washington Capitals tonight. It was a sure thing, given the standings!

He's not gonna be happy at work tomorrow.

I throw his bets in for him (He's in NY and we have sports betting in NJ) and occasionally I'll throw 5 bucks on some long 5-team parlay and hit once or twice a year. That's about it for me and gambling. Cocaine is a much more enjoyable waste of money. At least you feel good when you blow it!

dead prez
Sep 22, 2019

Everytime I look around, I see
So much drama goin down
Everytime I look around, I see
So much fakeness goin down


i had a friend who got the bad beat jackpot from holding a four of a kind when someone river ratted a royal flush. 6k on the spot & security escort out

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009



if u find a bar in a casino with video poker built into the bar you can just sit there and drink for free while you make five bucks of video poker last an hour (also bartender tips obv im not an rear end in a top hat)

did this a bunch as a broke college student

Goth Odell Beckham
Apr 16, 2013



foonykins posted:

Buddy of mine threw 500 on the Washington Capitals tonight. It was a sure thing, given the standings!

He's not gonna be happy at work tomorrow.

I throw his bets in for him (He's in NY and we have sports betting in NJ) and occasionally I'll throw 5 bucks on some long 5-team parlay and hit once or twice a year. That's about it for me and gambling. Cocaine is a much more enjoyable waste of money. At least you feel good when you blow it!

This entire state is littered with the god drat sportsbook app advertisements.

I wonder how the NJ online betting is changing the casino landscape. I'm about 10 seconds away from playing slots, sports, table games, anything I want on the Poker Stars app and I'm sure a lot of people stopped making the drive to AC or PA when they realized they can get their dopamine rush at home

Goth Odell Beckham
Apr 16, 2013



bird with big dick posted:

The Walking Dead slot is one of my favorites. Thereís some good Willy Wonka ones too. Thereís a new Goonies one thatís pretty cool.

I once won about 80 bucks on the Willy Wonka slot. Treated myself to dinner at the casino steakhouse afterward. Not a bad night.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


my dog died im sad posted:

My aunt likes to play paigow (with cards not tiles). We usually both spend about 40 bucks and it goes a long way. So an entertaining thing to do while hanging out with my aunt for a while.

Yeah, this is one of the best games to just sit there and get free drinks while hanging with friends. You (usually) never win or lose much money.

Guildenstern Mother
Mar 31, 2010

Why walk when you can ride?

I went twice, the first time was because I really wanted to try the new restaurant they opened at the adjoining hotel, ended up winning about $400 on baccarat between the two of us, MY HUSBAND landed a panda or a dragon on something on his first hand, and I was on some kind of weird 15 hand win streak. Then we went back from his bachelor party and not a single person in the group managed to win anything iirc. Memories are hazy.

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese, and a garden full of trees.



I used to work as a croupier at Crown Casino in Melbourne a while back. Strangely I don't have that many stories.

A general depressing one: By law the Casino is required to shut for 24 hours a year. They do this by shutting on morning shift Christmas Day, Good Friday, and ANZAC Day. It is one of the great pleasures of Casino life to work night shift Christmas Eve, and just before you go home do a sweep of the floor and actually get to tell people to "Get out! Go home!". But on the same token it is awfully depressing to work day shift on Christmas day, and as you are opening up the table, see at 12:00:01 when the security guard opens the doors, to have people RUN, not walk to the pokie machine they were playing last night at 4AM, and know that they haven't even left the building. Just stood there waiting to be let back in to throw their pension money in a hole. (A hole owned by Australias richest man at the time I worked there)

An ever so slightly funny story: This is second hand. Coz I was more often than not on the main floor taking poor peoples money at $2 Roulette, or $5 Blackjack. But one year, during the Spring Racing Carnival, (which is a big busy time for the Casino), a bunch of drunk racegoers who had stumbled from the racecourse top the Casino were getting rowdy in the Oak Room, (our not quite VIP room, but still fancy). Security was called on a couple who were having loud sex in the toilets. As they were being escorted out, the woman was heard to say "You've got to let me back in, I need to speak with my husband." Haha adultery is hilarious.

My story: I was on Rapid Roullete, (the computer roullette where I stood in the middle of a bank of computer screens and spun the ball on an actual wheel. It was poo poo, and boring. Coz at least when you are on a proper table, there is stuff to do, but on Rapid, the point is/was to get as many spins per hour as you can. So as a dealer, all you do is spin, announce the number, then spin, then announce the number, then spin, then announce the number. For an 8 hour shift. Anyway, I was doing night shift, and as I tapped off the day shift girl, she tells me to beware the guy on screen 7. As he is very drunk. So she gets to go home, and I start my shift. Well after a few spins, screen 7 loses most of his money and cashes out. To cash out you have to press a button on the screen that then shows up on my screen, so I can get you your chips and pass them out to you. This I do, (he has about $2-5 left when he cashes out), and all is supposedly well. He hangs around, but that's no issue. Well a few more spins later, one of his numbers comes up. He initially gets all excited, but then gets angry as he sees he hasn't won any money, (remember he cashed out so he was not placing any bets with cash). He gets very angry and starts yelling at me. I tell him he cashed out about 10 minutes ago, show him his chips and go back to my horrible job of taking money from people who cannot afford it. He does not accept my explanation, and as he gets angrier, moer and more yelling occurs on his part. He then takes the liberty of coming into the pit, and grabbing me by the throat to express his displeasure. Bear in mind I am being super professional and as polite/calm as I can be through all of this, gently caress I even had myself between him and all the chips in the pit. Also bear in mind none of the other patrons seem to give a poo poo about me. They are too focused on their screens and dropping another $10 into the money pit. Well eventually the Supervisor in the next pit notices that a punter is assaulting a dealer and calls security. Who wander over, and take the bloke back to his seat to talk to. As they talk to him, he swears at one of them, and THAT is what gets him kicked out of the building. Not attacking me. I am tapped off, and during my break, write up a report to give to the pit boss.

Some postscripts to that story. 1) They tried to give me the rest of the night off without pay, until the supervisor who noticed the assault arked up. (At the time I was just happy that they were letting me go home) 2) The next day I was rostered on that exact Rapid Roulette station, and when I told them I wasn't going to do Rapid tonight because I was attacked the day before, the Pit Boss told me "well, you should have told me about this earlier". Although to their credit they didn't make me do Rapid that night. and 3) Weeks later, again in my break time, I get approached by a guy in a suit from Casino Surveillance who tells me that in a building with more than 200 cameras, there is no usable footage of the assault, so hey, please don't sue us. Oh, your break is almost over, well back to work."

I don't work at the Casino anymore.

Goth Odell Beckham
Apr 16, 2013



BrigadierSensible posted:

I used to work as a croupier at Crown Casino in Melbourne a while back. Strangely I don't have that many stories.

<words>

Holy poo poo.

I have a question: do Australian casinos allow smoking, and if so, how bad was it for you to live with on a daily basis? While it's banned in most establishments in the US, Casinos are mostly exempt here because any time people spend outside for a smoke break is time they aren't giving the house money.

Fun fact: earlier in the decade, the state of New Jersey pumped a ton of money to help build and open the Revel casino on the Atlantic City boardwalk. It was a state of the art facility that had Beyonce play an opening show, lots of hype, the works. One of the big marketing draws was that it was going to be the only casino in AC that banned smoking. It closed about 2 years later.

Tetramin
Apr 1, 2006

I'ma buck you up.


I got shoved a few times at a poker room in Reno because I beat the guy a few times. To be fair I egged him on by making fun of him being bald after like 45 minutes of him talking poo poo.

The room was pretty dead though so I was glad the casino just gave him a stern talking to and sent him back to keep playing. Won a few grand from him lol.

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese, and a garden full of trees.



Earth Table posted:

Holy poo poo.

I have a question: do Australian casinos allow smoking, and if so, how bad was it for you to live with on a daily basis? While it's banned in most establishments in the US, Casinos are mostly exempt here because any time people spend outside for a smoke break is time they aren't giving the house money.

Fun fact: earlier in the decade, the state of New Jersey pumped a ton of money to help build and open the Revel casino on the Atlantic City boardwalk. It was a state of the art facility that had Beyonce play an opening show, lots of hype, the works. One of the big marketing draws was that it was going to be the only casino in AC that banned smoking. It closed about 2 years later.

I worked at the Casino more than 15 years ago. At the beginning of my time there smoking was allowed everywhere, except for the 1 non smoking pit. You could get a doctors note, but that would mean you were permanently rostered there, and it also killed any chance of advancement, (they wouldn't consider you for High Roller room status, give you extra games, or give you supervisor training because you couldn't work everywhere in the Casino). It was horrible. It stank, being stuck for 8 hours in close proximity to chainsmokers does no wonders for ones lungs. Then laws came in banning smoking, (but the Casino got an exception of course), then the laws tightened so the Casino's exceptions were limited to certain bars, and the high roller room, (which I did not deal in that often.) because heaven forbid telling rich people whatthey can or can't do.

To your second point, yeah there is/was a huge overlap with the problem gamblers that were our bread and butter and chain smokers.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS


Switchblade Switcharoo

I taught my wife blackjack at a casino. She had a run of luck on my $100. (I took it back)

At 230 am I said honey we should go, she had $1900.

Only played once again and lost badly.

Resting Lich Face
Feb 21, 2019


This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.


Like 30 years ago my father won the down payment for my parents' first house in a couple nights of blackjack.

dew worm
Apr 20, 2019



Craps is fun. I like the excitement in between rolls, when the whole table is throwing down chips hoping shooter has the mojo.

I Brake For MILFs
Jan 9, 2007

:syoon:




Been in the business for awhile. I've done every job besides food/janitor stuff.

I've seen people die, get hit by cars, steal cars, break bones, pee on other people, and a myriad of other things.

Always assume there is poo poo or vomit on any surface you're touching in the casino (especially the chips/cheques.)

Ok, thanks for reading love you.

Tetramin
Apr 1, 2006

I'ma buck you up.


From movies Iíve seen, throwing chips down on the craps table seems like a hell of a time.. hope I get to try that some day.

free hubcaps
Oct 12, 2009



one of my favorite short stories is about a craps game

Gonna Roll the Bones by Fritz Leiber

Tite Barnacle
Jun 4, 2014

Meowdy Purrdner



Grimey Drawer

About 20 years ago my stepfather hit a 25k winner on a 5 dollar slot. He played 2 credits. If he had played 3 he would've won 100k. They did give him an oversized check, his picture in the brochure and a free penthouse room, hoping he'd keep playing but he left and gave me a thousand bucks which was cool. ^also great story

Tite Barnacle fucked around with this message at 04:22 on Dec 10, 2019

Brolander
Oct 20, 2008

i am but a vessel

who is the guy from Cleveland who had those threads full of gambling stories? Jase1 or something like that?

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015




I Brake For MILFs posted:

pee on other people

Lucky

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves


When I was 18 my mate and I went into our states big casino and sat down at the lowest stakes roulette table with $100 worth of chips each.

We then proceeded to bet $50 on red each. Won. We then bet $75. Won. And carried on in such a fashion betting up and down by quarters every win or loss. We ended up at about $200 each after an hour before a man in a suit politely tapped us both on the shoulder and asked us to vacate our seats or start making more serious bets, or if we wanted to continue our plan to move to a higher stakes table. We bailed instead and enjoyed our double money on booze in the city that night.

Thats my lovely casino story.

Brute Hole Force
Dec 25, 2005

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN


Years ago I stopped at the local casino on my way to Comic Con, spent the entire time chain smoking Lucky Strikes and made :10bux: on slots which I spent on hot dogs at the AM/PM on the off ramp. It was a very trashy 1970s sort of experience.

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves


Earth Table posted:

I'd also like to talk about slot theming.

It makes sense why slot machines would use licensed themes; people gravitate toward the familiar, or a property they like outside of the windowless sadness hole. As a result, you get some really weird properties attached to slot machines.

A couple odd ones I've seen (shoutout to the apparently very large community of youtube weirdos who film themselves playing slots)

Ellen Degeneres
https://youtu.be/Rua2Ce3av4k

Avatar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rub2Rm79Elg

Big Bang Theory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PnMN8H9C2A

Orange Is The New Black
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vINmUoIvw8Q


EDIT: Remember Farmville? It's back, in slot form
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Vavv2FqN8o

I love how serious YouTube Money Maker SLOTLADY is 100 bucks down 2min into her Farmville video.

All those hosed up people in her comment section celebrating her playing a loving one armed bandit on screen for 15min. "You killed it Sarah!" MOTHERFUCKER SHE DIDNT DO ANYTHING SHE PUSHED THE loving BUTTON YOU MORON YOU COMPLETE poo poo FOR BRAINS

Greg Legg
Oct 6, 2004


Here's my story. I put 50 dollars in the nickel video poker machine and kept hitting BET MAX and I lost every single time until I was out of money and then bet one single nickel and hit a royal flush and got my 50 dollars back. That was my first and last time gambling.

Goth Odell Beckham
Apr 16, 2013



If you lived in the Northeast in the 90s you prolly saw this ad all the time on TV

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dj61bOvF14A

Song is hella catchy

halokiller
Dec 28, 2008

Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves



I enjoy craps, though sometimes I'll go for the Bubble craps machine (the one with the loud energetic announcer) if I want something more chill. Plus the added bonus of being allowed to use my phone while playing.

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010

by Pragmatica


My local casino sucks and is just filled with mainland Chinese laundering money and Hells Angels gang activity, I do have fun in Vegas when I go I guess

Itís weird Iím not into gambling because Iím down for binge drinking youíd think gambling would go hand in hand but it does nothing for me

In terms of gambling stories most of mine are pretty tame limited to people at blackjack tables getting into arguments about not playing right for the whole table

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
FAT CUNT

Nap Ghost

When I went to Las Vegas the second time, I put one dollar in a machine just to say that I had actually gambled there. But it was really hard to find a machine that would take a dollar bill. Oh, also I lost my dollar.

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Tetramin
Apr 1, 2006

I'ma buck you up.


What ever happened to bar poker where you buy a drink and get to play tournaments for like a $50 drink gift cert? That was a good time, then like 3-4 years ago all of the bar poker events vanished. :confused:

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