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*Accidentally locks self out of abandoned missile silo turned survival bunker*
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Dec 16, 2019 19:34
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 05:37 |
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Jay_Zombie posted:*Accidentally locks self out of abandoned missile silo turned survival bunker* Whenever I hear about people using those old silos for prepper bunkers I wonder if the ruskies missed the memo and still have it dialed in for a direct nuke strike.
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Dec 16, 2019 19:52
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Jay_Zombie posted:*Accidentally locks self out of abandoned missile silo turned survival bunker* <notices that the lights in abandoned missile silo turned survival bunker are flickering, then dimming, like there is a brown-out> <goes down to bottom level to check on generator> <pulls cap off of sparkplug to check for corrosion> <entire floor goes totally dark> <turns on flashlight> <sparkplug seems fine, puts cover back on and pulls cord to restart the generator> <generator sputters, doesn't start> <pulls cord again> <generator doesn't even sputter> <pulls cord again> <generator turns over, sputters, catches for a second, then dies again> <pulls cord again> <no response> <turns flashlight towards the elevator stumbles over to the door> <pushes button> <elevator doesn't work, no power!> <gently caress!!!!! The elevator is the only way up as the access ladder has a padlocked grate on each level, and the keys are upstairs, I'm trapped!> <pulls the generator cord thousands of times over the next two days until hands are gnarled, blistered, and barely functional> <drinks from a jug of antifreeze out of desperation for water> <throws up> <dies of dehydration> . . . . 7 years later a building inspector hired by the municipality to assess a property in arrears makes a grisly discovery.
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Dec 16, 2019 19:54
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*stocked up on nothing but a ten-year supply of Hustlers, is now King of Greater Iowa*
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Dec 16, 2019 19:57
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Pekinduck posted:Whenever I hear about people using those old silos for prepper bunkers I wonder if the ruskies missed the memo and still have it dialed in for a direct nuke strike. Now that is a good point.
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Dec 16, 2019 19:57
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For once I want to see a prepper with a realistic plan to survive that involves building a boat to sail to Antarctica when climate change makes everything else hell or maybe a guy who just carries a one shot pistol so he can just kill himself when the time is right.
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Dec 16, 2019 19:58
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old beast lunatic posted:For once I want to see a prepper with a realistic plan to survive that involves building a boat to sail to Antarctica when climate change makes everything else hell or maybe a guy who just carries a one shot pistol so he can just kill himself when the time is right. once you've gone and got the pistol why waste time loving around A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 20:03 on Dec 16, 2019 |
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Dec 16, 2019 20:00
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:once you've gone and got the pistol why waste time loving around In this completely hypothetical situation the suicide pistol is for when society brakes down to the point of video games, porn and booze being hard to come by.
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Dec 16, 2019 20:06
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Blistex posted:
If SHTF in Phucket the whole landscape will be covered in discarded flip flops.
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Dec 16, 2019 20:15
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old beast lunatic posted:In this completely hypothetical situation the suicide pistol is for when society brakes down to the point of video games, porn and booze being hard to come by. In this scenario of yours, everyone in Utah is already dead.
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Dec 16, 2019 20:15
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lets git our guns and steal all the other peoples mres
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Dec 16, 2019 20:16
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Who What Now posted:*is surviving and thriving because I studied the blade* same but aqlso duct taped to a gun
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Dec 16, 2019 20:19
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Sad news: John “Cowboy” Smith died on the way to the outhouse from his own trip-wire activated shrapnel bomb he built to protect his family. He was 37 years old.
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Dec 16, 2019 20:37
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Telebite posted:lets git our guns and steal all the other peoples mres <Mia Spackman briefly stops walking across the Costco parking lot and listens for what she thought was the sounds of gunfire off in the distance> <after hearing nothing, Mia shrugs her shoulders, and then goes into the store to pick up a meat and cheese tray for the HOA meeting tonight> ***8 miles away*** <there's no more return fire, "I must have hit Sally Turner with that last shot"> <kicks down the back door to the cabin to find the entire Turner family dead (Richard, Sally, and their three kids) all dead> <surveys the surroundings, no more movement> <with the entire Turner family dead, their week and a half supply of Chinese MREs now belongs to the Hendersons. . . wait!> <frantically calls out the names of the raiding party (the family) . . . no response> <walks outside to see that he was the only one to make it> <"oh well, I guess the MREs will last a lot longer than we expected"> <feels a warm, wet sensation in his right boot. . . looks down to see blood gushing from a wound in his abdomen> <loses consciousness and bleeds out 15 minutes later> <about the same time, Mia Spackman walks out of the Costco with the meat and cheese tray, and a guilty feeling as she is on a diet but still picked up a tray of Double-Chocolate muffins>
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Dec 16, 2019 20:37
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Gutter Phoenix posted:If anyone is interested, I've posted lots of survival/ soldier of fortune/ doomsday prepper stuff in the magazine thread: Stop sperging about your dumb magazines. It was funny at first but then you started scanning everything in your possession until the funny bits were lost among a sea of stuff that's perfectly normal.
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Dec 16, 2019 20:39
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The Bloak as Got on Top of Aunty Every body knows Aunty. Stoan boans and iron tits and teef be twean her legs plus she has a iron willy for the ladys it gets red hot. When your time comes you have to do the juicy with her like it or not. She rides a girt big rat with red eyes it can see in the dark and it can smel whos ready for Aunty. Even if they dont know it ther selfs the rat can smel if theyre ready. Time back way back after Bad Time there come playgs in the towns and they wer berning out the Badstock and the clevverness and that. Aunty she wer here and there and every where on her rat. She wer larfing and singing she wer doing the juicy right lef and senter she never got a nuff of it. Every 1 wer hiding out from her the bes they cud what ever hoal or shelter they cud fynd. It dint help them nothing that rat smelt them all out any how. Bloaks even if they dint think they cud get it up for Aunty jus 1 look from her and they wer ready. Theywd have ther go with Aunty but they never done it moren Ice. Ice Aunty clampt down with her bottom teef it wer Bye bye all bes no mor Trubba in this worl. There wer a bloak his wife and childer dead from the playg and them what wer berning out the town wer after him with torches. Flames jumping up behynt him he dint have much chance but on he run from 1 hoal to a nother. He wer so much out of Luck his numbers all gone randem and his progam come unstuck he startit in to crave for Aunty he cudnt think of nothing else. He fealt ready only he dint see no red rat eyes nor he dint hear Aunty coming. He gone looking for her then and calling to her he wer yelling, 'Come on Aunty Im ready for you and I want it now.' He mus not have smelt ready tho becaws the rat dint come after him. He begun to foller on the rat then. He wer faslegging it thru the berning looking for jynt rat poo poo til he cawt up with Aunty. He said, 'Drop your nickers Aunty you are for me.' Aunty larft she said, 'Whyd you come running after me do you have a iron willy or what?' He said, 'I dont have nothing special Im jus dying hard.' Aunty said, 'All right then but you mus let me get on top thats how I all ways do it.' When Aunty got on top of any 1 her stoan boans and iron tits wud crush them down and her bottom teef wud finish the job. This bloak tho he said, 'Not this time Aunty. Every thing else has got on top of me but I wil get on top of you.' Aunty larft and let him do it becaws she liket how he come running after her. That bloak never had any thing like it he dint know if he wer dead or a live he said, 'Am I dead now or what?' Aunty larft she said, 'No youre not dead becaws you got on top of me and I pult in my bottom teef for you. I done that becaws you dint hide you come running after me. Off with you now and keap in mynd nex time its arga warga for you.' Off he gone then he come to that place which now its callit Hagmans II. He seen a woman there she wer the 1st he seen since he ben with Aunty. He said to her, 'I done the juicy with Aunty and Im stil a live.' She said, 'Prove it.' He said, 'Iwl prove it right a nuff but wud you tel me 1st what do they call this place?' The woman tol him, 'Hangmans Hil.' The bloak said, 'Wel les call it some thing else now becaws Ive ben with Aunty and Im stil here. Jus a littl wyl back I ben ready to dy but now Im ready to live a littl and in joy with you so les call this place Hagmans Thril.' The woman said, 'If thats the name wewl do the same.' There wernt much else to do in that place it wernt nothing only smoaking runes dead bodys from the playg and nothing to eat. The bloak went with her then he went agen he went all day and all nite he woar his self out and tirely he cudnt put out no mor input. The woman fealt him going she said, 'Dont you fancy me no mor?' He said, 'It aint that its jus Ive overwent my self I think Iwl res a littl now.' She said, 'I think youwl res a littl longern you think.' He said, 'Whyre you looking at me that way who be you and whats your name?' She said, 'Who I am is Auntys saymling sister and my name is Arga Warga.' When the bloak heard that he tryd to run but he wer that woar out he cudnt move and she jumpt on him and et him up. From then on they callit that place Hagmans II. Hagman Hogman big or small Thats the end Ive tol it all
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Dec 16, 2019 20:46
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Dec 16, 2019 20:47
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Dec 16, 2019 20:51
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Yaldabaoth posted:Stop sperging about your dumb magazines. It was funny at first but then you started scanning everything in your possession until the funny bits were lost among a sea of stuff that's perfectly normal. No.
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Dec 16, 2019 20:52
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Dec 16, 2019 20:52
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i hope shigaru miyamoto survived. just beat all the zeldas
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Dec 16, 2019 20:54
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laugh if you must but when the end times come don’t come crawling to me and my 30 five gallon macaroni buckets
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Dec 16, 2019 21:00
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*ekeing out a deprived shadowy existence, living on poor quality preserved foodstuffs and passing the time by smoking large amounts of stockpiled marijuana* 'oh poo poo, did the collapse happen already?'
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Dec 16, 2019 21:05
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It's been nearly 2000 days and I haven't been to a single goddamned meeting that could have been an email and I haven't been on any conference calls that last for ninety minutes. Yeah I'm a cannibal now, but you know what? It's lean meat. I'm eating healthier than I was before. This societal collapse is treating me ok.
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Dec 16, 2019 21:11
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It's been 300 years since the collapse, and while I am long dead, my benign, smiling face beams over thousands of monk-like figures in hundreds of monastery-like spaces as a statue in the place of veneration. Were I alive to see it, I would be proud of the legacy I have left for the world as armies of scribes meticulously create exact and illuminated replicas of my manga collection that the world may always know true beauty. Deeper in the larger compounds, a secret society, the Ahegao, labor under my private directive that my yaoi collection also be allowed to live on.
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Dec 16, 2019 21:28
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Telebite posted:The Bloak as Got on Top of Aunty Thank you Aunty. Does the prosecution wish to question this witness?
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Dec 16, 2019 21:49
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The anime golden age doesn't last, however. Based on erotic vore doodles of Chi-Chi eating Goku and Vegeta I thought I had burned but discovered in old notebooks, and schism in the Church is created that never heals. The Ahegao and the Vore squabble, bicker, and war endlessly, and over the centuries entire cultures define themselves based on their association to one theological position or another on the topic of the most divine way to express sexual lust. In a thousand years, the nukes fall again, and humankind's final historian, dying from starvation, concludes that the root cause of our extinction can be traced back to those fateful scribbles, drawn in a prehistoric age of man.
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Dec 16, 2019 21:51
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Yaldabaoth posted:Stop sperging about your dumb magazines. It was funny at first but then you started scanning everything in your possession until the funny bits were lost among a sea of stuff that's perfectly normal. This loudmouth doesn't speak for all of us
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Dec 17, 2019 02:00
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"Hey Sam, thanks for the delivery. Wow this is in great shape."
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Dec 17, 2019 02:04
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i made 10 tons of potato salad and boy is it paying off!
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Dec 17, 2019 02:06
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*can't decide whether to eat or rape the newly captured prisoner* "¿Pork que no los dos?" as they used to say on Reddit!
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Dec 17, 2019 02:20
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Blistex posted:<notices that the lights in abandoned missile silo turned survival bunker are flickering, then dimming, like there is a brown-out> Sounds about right.
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Dec 17, 2019 04:08
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Telebite posted:The Bloak as Got on Top of Aunty "I shall rebuild our shattered society... through the medium of puppet shows!"
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Dec 17, 2019 06:42
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old beast lunatic posted:For once I want to see a prepper with a realistic plan to survive that involves building a boat to sail to Antarctica when climate change makes everything else hell or maybe a guy who just carries a one shot pistol so he can just kill himself when the time is right. Antarctica doesn’t have topsoil suitable for planting crops because it never had vegetation. If you can’t bootstrap a farm in a couple of years you’re probably dead anyway.
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Dec 17, 2019 14:42
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The Management posted:Antarctica doesn’t have topsoil suitable for planting crops because it never had vegetation. yes it did. continents move! 
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Dec 17, 2019 14:54
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Rutibex posted:yes it did. continents move! When you get right down to it, we're all Pangaean.
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Dec 17, 2019 15:13
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Walking backwards, making GBS threads. Throwing seeds into the poo poo. Take 3 steps back. The seeds have fully sprouted and you see stalks bearing mature corn. Take a poo poo. Take a step back. Throw seeds down. Take three steps back. Full grown watermelons appear before you. Eat some eggs. Take a step back. Groan and push. Take a poo poo. Take three steps back. A flock of chickens mill around in front of you. Instant farm from your rear end. This is what you dream about as the godless hordes violate you over and over, choking with the chain around your neck. You're next in the fire. Power in numbers and tribal warfare. The chieftain stands up and the climax of the orgy and proclaims, "I'm gaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
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Dec 17, 2019 15:44
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milkingmycow posted:Walking backwards, making GBS threads. Throwing seeds into the poo poo. Take 3 steps back. The seeds have fully sprouted and you see stalks bearing mature corn. Take a poo poo. Take a step back. Throw seeds down. Take three steps back. Full grown watermelons appear before you. Eat some eggs. Take a step back. Groan and push. Take a poo poo. Take three steps back. A flock of chickens mill around in front of you. Instant farm from your rear end. Going to scrawl this on my wall so I can remember it when the power goes out thanks
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Dec 17, 2019 17:09
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*smiles meekly as local warlord confiscates all my food and water, furiously masturbates later to my fantasy of how I'll totally go Rambo on them next time.
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Dec 17, 2019 17:20
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 05:37 |
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*Worked with my neighbors to raid the nearby farming supply store to set up terrace farms on the nearby hills* "poo poo, one more good harvest and I think we'll be ready to start selling our surplus. Good thing we came together as a community to survive all of the craziness"
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Dec 17, 2019 17:53
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