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I've heard they are very difficult to kill, but that if you succeed, all the samples are yours for the taking. But there are those who say that then YOU must be the one to hand out the samples, forever, until you in turn are slain.
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Dec 20, 2019 06:20
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 16:27 |
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a peck of pickled peckers posted:This but unironically. god damnit. that's genius
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Dec 20, 2019 06:21
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Loden Taylor posted:I've heard they are very difficult to kill, but that if you succeed, all the samples are yours for the taking. Dread Sampler Roberts
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Dec 20, 2019 06:22
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The sample people totally love it when you complain that the free samples aren't ready yet. They especially appreciate the extra motivation to get their display ready. Bonus points if you ask them where to find things in the store, because the sample people are aren't really working for a totally separate company; they're just really lazy.
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Dec 20, 2019 11:01
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If I encounter an enemy while I’m carrying my SP-303 the hardest part is plugging it into some speakers. I usually start with the dj airhorn sample, loop a slowed down amen break, then a few appropriate instrumentals over the top of that. They’re usually breakdancing by then and I can move along safely.
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Dec 20, 2019 13:47
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Dec 20, 2019 13:49
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I usually get down on all four and back away while meowing like a cat OP, seems to work great!
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Dec 20, 2019 13:51
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I don't like the sample people at the normal grocery store, like Kroger, I'm trying to get in and get the gently caress out, and it's always yogurt for Christ's sake. I do stop when local winery is around
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Dec 20, 2019 13:57
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You take a sample, you give a sample back, OP. It's very simple, haven't you ever been to a Christmas before?
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Dec 20, 2019 14:04
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Completely avoid all eye contact and stay away about 20 feet from them minimum until they start to give their advertisement speech, then you go up their flank and take a sample from the plate. This provides you with the reward without having any social interaction required.
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Dec 20, 2019 15:55
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Two words: UNLIMITED SAMPLES
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Dec 20, 2019 16:11
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Snarling.
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Dec 20, 2019 18:14
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Combat roll around until you catch them in a flanking position, grab tray and roll away just like in those garbage games you love
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Dec 20, 2019 18:53
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The myriad ways to deal with this situation have been pretty well covered by everyone in this thread so I'd like to steer the topic towards what the appropriate response is when you're ordering cold cuts at a deli and they ask you if you want to eat the first little test slice they show you. Personally I always refuse it and then smugly glance at everyone else to show them that I'm in a dominant food position and don't have to eat literal scraps handed to me like I'm a filthy loving animal. edit: I can't even begin to describe the ways in which Burt Sexual's taunts ruffle my feathers or how deeply they offend me. I suppose that in place of a cogent description the best I can do is to protect little children from nugatory scrubs like Burt. Unfortunately, this letter won't be able to address all of the points I'd like to make. With all of the dishonest elisions, bombastic flourishes, and pompous posturing, I can't possibly tackle all of Burt's barbaric catch-phrases in a single go. To put it another way, we'll be covering 190-proof Burt Sexual here. You don't drink it; you sip it. Let's begin our investigation with the observation that we have much to fear from Burt. Personally, I'm afraid that before long, he'll impale us on a Morton's Fork: Either we let him keep essential documents hidden from the public until they become politically moot, or he'll support hostile governments known for human-rights abuses, wrongful imprisonment, and slavery. Regardless of which we choose, Burt is an expert at calming his rivals with sweet inversions of the truth. In case you don't believe me, consider how he has managed to convince an alarming number of people that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. He does this even though he knows full well that an insidious form of heathenism has taken root in our society. This form of heathenism is distinguished by its complete denial of the fact that there are two essential characteristics of Burt's diatribes that are indisputable. Firstly, they are a product of gross syncretism in that they combine Satanism and nihilism. Secondly, they are a tool for exploiting other cultures for self-entertainment. The worst part of Burt's diatribes is that they do little to raise understanding about how Burt claims to want to give a hearing to other views. No surprise, he's then shocked and offended to discover that there are other views. What this tells us is that Burt and I are as different as chalk and cheese. He, for instance, wants to harvest what others have sown. I, on the other hand, want to operate on today's real—not tomorrow's ideal—political terrain. That's why I need to tell you that he may have access to weapons of mass destruction. Then again, I consider Burt to be a weapon of mass destruction himself. Here's an extraordinary paradox: All of the putrid, temperamental gasbags who shouldn't be allowed to seek temporary tactical alliances with cheeky, short-sighted savages in order to feed us ever-larger doses of Burt's lies and crackpot assumptions invariably want to. If I were a complete sap, I'd believe Burt's line that violent casuists are the most oppressed people in our society. Unfortunately for him, I realize that Burt has name recognition, but that is all he has. Nothing else. In my humble opinion, Burt ought to have at least the basic humility needed to admit that his support for freedom of speech extends only to those who agree with him. That is, Burt believes in “free speech for me but not for thee”. I guess that's not too surprising when one considers that Burt exhibits a lack of humility, a lack of concern about what other people think. Burt knows exactly where he wants his traducers. He wants to put them in the lowest-paying jobs. He wants to put them outside the equal protection of the law. He wants to put them into positions of hopelessness and helplessness. And then he expects them to sing his praises? The reality is that Burt is unable to distinguish bona fide science from astrology, channeling, crystal healing, telekinesis, psychic surgery, and all the other New Age pseudoscientific drivel floating about. That concept can be extended, mutatis mutandis, to the way that even if scientific evidence established that he is clean and bright and pure inside, it would still be the case that formal education is no guarantor of intelligence. We can therefore conclude that Burt is doing some pretty contemptible things. Or, to restate that without meiosis, he secretly has been scheming to leach integrity and honor from our souls. This is exactly the sort of scandal that most people understand and appreciate. It's what opens people's eyes to the reality that Burt labels anyone he doesn't like as “adversarial”. That might well be a better description of him. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of Burt Sexual, Burt-inspired versions of faddism, etc., please tell me so I can write an even stronger letter next time. William Henry Hairytaint fucked around with this message at 04:52 on Dec 22, 2019 |
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Dec 20, 2019 19:53
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lol if you seriously dont wear a plague mask among the general populace. its 20XX for gods sake
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Dec 20, 2019 20:16
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Relayer posted:You seem extremely crazy about europeans and europe. that was a very specific dunk. nah that's how all of us make fun of you
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Dec 21, 2019 00:13
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I thought the samples in the title would be blood or urine samples. I apparently work too much. I haven't seen anyone giving out samples since the last time I went to Sam's Club. I used to love getting cheese samples when I was a kid. Just a lil cheese cube on a toothpick. Kids are pressured to be polite so I'm sure I always said thank you.
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Dec 21, 2019 00:23
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Tom Gorman posted:there's no time for samples when you shop at Aldi and it's maximum chaos shopping and every visit is like Black Friday but for essential food items Entry Is Not Guaranteed 
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Dec 21, 2019 13:19
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Aggressively grab all food off the sample table and shovel it into your gaping maw. Then poo poo on the floor of the nearest aisle. The sample giver and other supermarket staff will love you, because this breaks up an otherwise boring day and gives them a story to tell.
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Dec 21, 2019 13:39
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just keep your eyes on the floor like you always do anyway.
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Dec 21, 2019 13:44
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They get to go home when they run out of samples so its yiur duty to take as many as possible
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Dec 22, 2019 01:40
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I always feel bad for the 65 year old woman forced to serve samples by grocery store management. no way in fuckville would anyone enjoy having to put on a fake smile and give people seasoned dong bits on toothpicks for 5 hours or whatever i've never grabbed a sample. i don't think i'm missing out on much. i do remember getting lots of samples as a kid when i went with my parents to costco or whatever but i was 8 years old back then and enjoyed the seasoned dong bits on toothpicks
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Dec 22, 2019 03:47
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:The myriad ways to deal with this situation have been pretty well covered by everyone in this thread so I'd like to steer the topic towards what the appropriate response is when you're ordering cold cuts at a deli and they ask you if you want to eat the first little test slice they show you. Imagine being so beta you edit a post in a sample server thread. The old lady handing me a ritz w cheese is more dominant
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Dec 22, 2019 04:35
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You're a goon so immediately poo poo your pants and say I'm From The Internet And I'm Here To Help Then grab a handful of samples and slowly back away, bent at the waist and meowing like a cat
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Dec 22, 2019 05:20
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I guess try the sample if the person doesn't look like a total slimebag
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Dec 22, 2019 05:23
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Joe Mama Poonana posted:I always feel bad for the 65 year old woman forced to serve samples by grocery store management. no way in fuckville would anyone enjoy having to put on a fake smile and give people seasoned dong bits on toothpicks for 5 hours or whatever I've personally known several of those people when I worked retail and for the most part they loved it because most elderly folks have no friends and no one wants to talk to them. So really they are like goons but with less exposure to shock pornography and internet.
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Dec 22, 2019 14:04
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Can't believe no one posted this yet https://youtu.be/gAYL5H46QnQ
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Dec 22, 2019 16:08
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Frankenstyle posted:Ignore them. If you engage they'll become confused as to their status on the social ladder and start behaving above their station. Engaging also lowers your status.
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Dec 22, 2019 16:21
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:edit: I can't even begin to describe the ways in which Burt Sexual's taunts ruffle my feathers or how deeply they offend me. I suppose that in place of a cogent description the best I can do is to protect little children from nugatory scrubs like Burt. Unfortunately, this letter won't be able to address all of the points I'd like to make. With all of the dishonest elisions, bombastic flourishes, and pompous posturing, I can't possibly tackle all of Burt's barbaric catch-phrases in a single go. To put it another way, we'll be covering 190-proof Burt Sexual here. You don't drink it; you sip it. Let's begin our investigation with the observation that we have much to fear from Burt. Personally, I'm afraid that before long, he'll impale us on a Morton's Fork: Either we let him keep essential documents hidden from the public until they become politically moot, or he'll support hostile governments known for human-rights abuses, wrongful imprisonment, and slavery. Regardless of which we choose, Burt is an expert at calming his rivals with sweet inversions of the truth. In case you don't believe me, consider how he has managed to convince an alarming number of people that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. He does this even though he knows full well that an insidious form of heathenism has taken root in our society. This form of heathenism is distinguished by its complete denial of the fact that there are two essential characteristics of Burt's diatribes that are indisputable. Firstly, they are a product of gross syncretism in that they combine Satanism and nihilism. Secondly, they are a tool for exploiting other cultures for self-entertainment. The worst part of Burt's diatribes is that they do little to raise understanding about how Burt claims to want to give a hearing to other views. No surprise, he's then shocked and offended to discover that there are other views. What this tells us is that Burt and I are as different as chalk and cheese. He, for instance, wants to harvest what others have sown. I, on the other hand, want to operate on today's real—not tomorrow's ideal—political terrain. That's why I need to tell you that he may have access to weapons of mass destruction. Then again, I consider Burt to be a weapon of mass destruction himself. Lmao what?
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Dec 22, 2019 16:24
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1st_Panzer_Div. posted:Lmao what? See, for those who know me, they know it is a rare occurrence for me to be rendered speechless. But when I heard that Burt Sexual wants to irritate an incredible number of people, I must say that speechless I was. First off, if we are to rededicate ourselves to the cause of bearing the flambeau of freedom, we must first provide an atmosphere of mutual respect, free from quislingism, jingoism, and all other forms of prejudice and intolerance. The significance of doing so is that every one of us has a role in saving this country from his sophomoric little empire. We all know that he has put our country in trouble. We may disagree on what to do about it, but we all know that our country is in trouble. May I suggest, therefore, that we expose corruption? Doing so may help even the worst classes of tasteless, vain crooks I've ever seen see that Burt functions not as a social critic but as an unoriginal imitator of the ruling ideologues. As obvious as that may seem, it bears emphasizing, if only because he's a huge proponent of Dadaism. This is not Dadaism as we have known it. Rather, it is a particularly foul form of Dadaism whose sole purpose is to let sappy widdifuls serve as our overlords. Whenever I feel particularly bold, I like to point out to Burt's trucklers that we have indulged Burt's twisted bunco games for far too long. In response, I always receive the familiar kabuki of official outrage. That doesn't bother me because Burt keeps telling everyone within earshot that he is a paragon of morality and wisdom. I'm guessing that Burt read that on some Web site of dubious validity. More reliable sources generally indicate that the suggestion that he's above everyone else is wrong, absurd, and offensive. Nevertheless, Burt's adulators like to suggest such things to distract attention from the truth, which is that Burt has stated that the world can be happy only when his crew is given full rein. One clear inference from that statement—an inference that is never really disavowed—is that stimulating honorable, thoughtful, and practical action is something to be regulated, policed, feared, and controlled. Now that's just strident. After hearing about Burt's presumptuous attempts to put the foxes in charge of guarding the henhouse, I was saddened. I was saddened that he has lowered himself to this level. Burt is exceedingly yawping, execrable, moralistic, uneducated, brazen, daft, picayunish, hypersensitive, abominable, and nocent. Sorry for the synathroesmus, but his homilies are rife with contradictions and difficulties; they're thoroughly imprudent, meet no objective criteria, and are unsuited for a supposedly educated population. And as if that weren't enough, he used to maintain that we can stop zabernism merely by permitting government officials entrée into private homes to search for quisquilious publicity hounds. When he realized that no one was falling for that claptrap, he quickly changed his tune to say that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day. Burt is indisputably an annoying liar, and shame on anyone who believes him. Although the sun, the moon, and the truth cannot be long hidden, when you look back over the text of this letter, it should be clear that I have defeated this snotty, logorrheic slummock with my words. Just imagine what I could have done with my fire-breathing fists. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Dec 23, 2019 02:10
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Burt??? Burt??? A poster AND mod???
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Dec 23, 2019 03:25
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Goons are autistic as hell
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Dec 23, 2019 03:46
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Make sure to walk up to the sample giver when they just finished handing out the last batch so you get to wait several minutes for half a chicken nugget you have a freezer full of at home. Maneuver your cart so it blocks the aisle adjacent to the sample giver. You want as little traffic as possible to minimize competition while you feed your 6 fat children. Speaking of children, let them fan out to assist the cart obstruction, it's like a game of tetris you don't get any points unless you fill the whole row.
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Dec 23, 2019 04:16
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I have good tactics on this topic backed by a well thought out strategy. From far, maybe 3 or 4 Target aisles away I side eye the offering first. The idea is to see if the product is currently available, decide if it's something that would please my tastebuds and base my angle of attack on the initial findings. If I don't want it, then I'll maintain a distance and avoid eye contact. If I want it but they're setting up or refilling, I plan my moves so that I'll first pick up some groceries and hit the sample station only when the goods are available. When going in for the 'sampling' I establish eye contact and greet happily to get the attention and also to command the exchange. Well knowing what's there to sample I ask them what they have there, making it quick and easy for the promoter to carry out their duties and let me hear the story. Then I ask if I may try it, sample it and ask where they are for sale. After they give me the finishing pitch I smile looking them in the eye and say Thank you so much and walk away! That's the best, fastest and happiest etiquette when encountering people with samples to my knowledge. Any comments and improvement recommendations are welcome!
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Dec 23, 2019 05:07
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i say ok and take one or don’t
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Dec 23, 2019 05:16
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Lock eyes with them, take a sample, eat it. Do not look away, keep eating samples.
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Dec 23, 2019 05:18
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Pretend you don't see or hear them, but do it in a way that they know you're pretending not to hear or see them. Really crush what little spirit they have left.
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Dec 23, 2019 05:29
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:See, for those who know me, they know it is a rare occurrence for me to be rendered speechless. But when I heard that Burt Sexual wants to irritate an incredible number of people, I must say that speechless I was. First off, if we are to rededicate ourselves to the cause of bearing the flambeau of freedom, we must first provide an atmosphere of mutual respect, free from quislingism, jingoism, and all other forms of prejudice and intolerance. The significance of doing so is that every one of us has a role in saving this country from his sophomoric little empire. We all know that he has put our country in trouble. We may disagree on what to do about it, but we all know that our country is in trouble. May I suggest, therefore, that we expose corruption? Doing so may help even the worst classes of tasteless, vain crooks I've ever seen see that Burt functions not as a social critic but as an unoriginal imitator of the ruling ideologues. As obvious as that may seem, it bears emphasizing, if only because he's a huge proponent of Dadaism. This is not Dadaism as we have known it. Rather, it is a particularly foul form of Dadaism whose sole purpose is to let sappy widdifuls serve as our overlords. *Chews it, looking thoughtful* Yeah, it's pretty good. What isle did you say it was? Right. Yeah, might get one. Where do I throw out the toothpick?... Okay, thanks! *Doesn't get one because it was gross, I was just too polite to say so*
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Dec 23, 2019 05:30
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Just keep eating for free till the person looks visibly uncomfortable, then you just mean mug them and walk off like a true alpha If you still want the rest of the samples pee on the stall to mark it as your territory, if it splashes on the samples person that means they your bitch now
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Dec 23, 2019 05:55
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 16:27 |
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Sometimes I do a squirrel imitation for the pastry lady. If its nuts or seeds I do bird.
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Dec 23, 2019 06:29
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