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Once upon a time, a man ate a whole bunch of peanuts. The next day, the man had to take a massive poop. Upon examining his poop, he was struck with inspiration! "Why, that poop looks like a candy bar! I could make millions off this!" And that is the story of how the Pearson's Nut Roll was invented. |
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Dec 22, 2019 18:26
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| # ? Jan 17, 2021 18:31 |
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(a woman prechewing Biscoff cookies for her elderly mother to eat) Hey, wait a second... |
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Dec 22, 2019 18:54
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Doctor: Business is surprisingly slow for us around the Fourth of July. Fireworks cause a few ER visits, but not nearly as many as you'd think. Guy who's about to invent sparklers: I think I can do something about that. |
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Dec 22, 2019 18:58
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non-confrontational person who invented shoehorns on the phone: h-hey, I got the prototype... manufacturer: don’t you love it?! I love it! inventor: *thinking, “where is the other half?”* ...no haha ya I love it okay thanks bye inventor then dialling his conductor: I have bad news about tonight’s performance...
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Dec 22, 2019 19:19
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Galileo was a Peeping Tom with a helluva cover story. Planets... yeah, right! He was checking out MOONS Shout out to the great great grandfather of porn!
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Dec 22, 2019 19:31
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"we have all these pig intestines and blood cluttering up the place, what the hell?" *a big light bulb appears above bob sausage's head*
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Dec 22, 2019 19:34
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Nosfereefer posted:"we have all these pig intestines and blood cluttering up the place, what the hell?" |
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Dec 22, 2019 21:24
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"I should invent cars." Thomas Edison while stealing the plans for cars from Nicola Tesla
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Dec 22, 2019 21:37
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Doot do do, I think I will pick, roast, grind, and then strain through hot water and drink as a beverage, every bean I can find! -Joe Coffee |
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Dec 22, 2019 21:47
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Hmm, it seems this grape juice has spoiled. But I'm too lazy to squeeze fresh juice. Ah gently caress it, it probably won't kill me right? -Thomas Wine |
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Dec 22, 2019 21:53
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*onan runs out of his cave, waving his hands excitedly at the other tribespeople* "guys, GUYS!! you'll never believe what ive just discovered!!"
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Dec 22, 2019 22:11
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Nosfereefer posted:*onan runs out of his cave, waving his hands excitedly at the other tribespeople* lol
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Dec 22, 2019 22:52
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I'm so angry at my office job I will smash something!!! *Smacks office desk toy ball with souvenir stock exchange baseball bat. Ball goes flying right through his skyscraper window and into the Hudson River* - Philip Seymour Golfman |
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Dec 22, 2019 23:00
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"playing tic tac toe with this dry erase marker on my tv is really cool but i wonder if theres a better way" -- Robert Video Game
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Dec 22, 2019 23:07
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"why isnt there a program to let me say racial words at people all over the world" -- Gregory "Collar" Duty
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Dec 22, 2019 23:08
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God, I'm so thirsty. How can I take care of my cows when there's no civilized way to stay hydrated? *falls into deep thought while staring at an udder* |
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Dec 22, 2019 23:39
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You know, I bet if we chop this poisonous and foul-tasting root into thin pieces and immerse them in a pan of the gross goo that drips off meat when you cook it, over a fire, it will turn into crispy and tasty non-poisonous treats. Sounds 100% safe, I'm going to try it! -- Jeremy Chips |
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Dec 22, 2019 23:57
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Nosfereefer posted:*onan runs out of his cave, waving his hands excitedly at the other tribespeople*
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Dec 23, 2019 00:01
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Korean Boomhauer posted:"playing tic tac toe with this dry erase marker on my tv is really cool but i wonder if theres a better way" lmbo
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Dec 23, 2019 00:37
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Mamma Mia! I have-a accidentally spilled-a the whole-jar-a of tomato sauce all over the bread dough I was rolling out! Oh well, I guess I’ll just-a put it in the oven like-a this! - Tommy “Marinara” Pizza |
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Dec 23, 2019 01:51
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Che machello! I have-a tripped while carrying this delicious mozzarell through mi mama’s kitchen and it has fallen all over her famous a-pizza marinara she was a making! Now it is ruined! -Vinny “Margherita” Pizza, great grandson of Tommy |
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Dec 23, 2019 01:56
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nut posted:non-confrontational person who invented shoehorns on the phone: h-hey, I got the prototype... 
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Dec 23, 2019 02:03
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Dec 23, 2019 02:22
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Greg Lake looks across the serene water “this is a very large pond”
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Dec 23, 2019 16:17
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in the old days, mankind was divided into two, rival tribes they were known as the post tribe, and the chill tribe. for generations they waged bitter war then, on one fateful evening, a small mexican girl asked; por que no los dos? and now we post together as one
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Dec 23, 2019 16:42
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"robots are cool what if there was an easy word to describe the study of them" - isaac asimov |
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Dec 23, 2019 17:46
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Garfield was invented because one day a guy was petting his cat and lonely while reading a news paper and thought, I wonder what my cat is thinking, then what if that was in this news paper.
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Dec 23, 2019 17:56
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 I thought I had more to say, but didn't so the 2nd panel is really big. Also Garfield looks like Pikachu for no reason other than I thought it would be funny.
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Dec 23, 2019 18:44
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pixaal posted:
this is the best garfield related cartoon i have ever seen |
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Dec 23, 2019 18:50
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tradjik posted:this is the best garfield related cartoon i have ever seen It only makes sense if you read the short story in the post before (the date on the news paper in the first panel is 1 week before the first Garfield comic was published)
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Dec 23, 2019 19:03
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i don't understand the first panel it was too small for me to see properly on phone. i just loved the second panel that much. biting critique with mspaint aesthetic is extremely my poo poo
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Dec 23, 2019 19:10
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Once upon a time there were no stories then a beautiful lady called Mom uttered the words Once upon a time, and there were stories.
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Dec 23, 2019 19:24
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pixaal posted:Once upon a time there were no stories then a beautiful lady called Mom uttered the words Once upon a time, and there were stories. i loved that mum person she invented so many things |
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Dec 23, 2019 19:28
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before wieners were invented it was just embarrassing to be so late to trends that u were the 15th member of the pen club
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Dec 23, 2019 19:33
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the automobile was invented when someone accidentally attached a wheel to a horses leg instead of one of those little metal shoe things
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Dec 23, 2019 19:55
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tradjik posted:i loved that mum person she invented so many things  It happened just like this
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Dec 23, 2019 19:58
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pixaal posted:
Brought me right back to both being a kid and being a patent. Bravo |
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Dec 23, 2019 20:35
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Nosfereefer posted:*onan runs out of his cave, waving his hands excitedly at the other tribespeople* Onan was the inventor of the first single player game |
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Dec 23, 2019 22:22
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Onan: I'm done jerking off now. So sick of it... I need something else to do. I know! **invents playing cards** **invents Solitaire** Onan: Sweet, something to do before I go blind, not that I'd know since I invented masturbation **looks at the 4th wall and winks** but my vision IS getting blurry
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Dec 23, 2019 22:25
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| # ? Jan 17, 2021 18:31 |
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i am sick of touching myself at night, i will invent space travel, go to the lizard planet and look for what i seek and thus space travel was invented by two close species, simultaneously
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Dec 24, 2019 01:00
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