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bradzilla

It's mysterious what attracts you to a post...


Once upon a time, a man ate a whole bunch of peanuts. The next day, the man had to take a massive poop. Upon examining his poop, he was struck with inspiration!

"Why, that poop looks like a candy bar! I could make millions off this!"

And that is the story of how the Pearson's Nut Roll was invented.

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google THIS



(a woman prechewing Biscoff cookies for her elderly mother to eat) Hey, wait a second...

google THIS



Doctor: Business is surprisingly slow for us around the Fourth of July. Fireworks cause a few ER visits, but not nearly as many as you'd think.

Guy who's about to invent sparklers: I think I can do something about that.

nut


non-confrontational person who invented shoehorns on the phone: h-hey, I got the prototype...

manufacturer: don’t you love it?! I love it!

inventor: *thinking, “where is the other half?”* ...no haha ya I love it okay thanks bye




inventor then dialling his conductor: I have bad news about tonight’s performance...


Pot Smoke Phoenix

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!



Galileo was a Peeping Tom with a helluva cover story.

Planets... yeah, right!

He was checking out MOONS

Shout out to the great great grandfather of porn!



Sig elements by Khanstant & CoG

Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

Nosfereefer



"we have all these pig intestines and blood cluttering up the place, what the hell?"

*a big light bulb appears above bob sausage's head*

bradzilla

It's mysterious what attracts you to a post...


Nosfereefer posted:

"we have all these pig intestines and blood cluttering up the place, what the hell?"

*a big light bulb appears above bob sausage's head*

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.




"I should invent cars." Thomas Edison while stealing the plans for cars from Nicola Tesla

bradzilla

It's mysterious what attracts you to a post...


Doot do do, I think I will pick, roast, grind, and then strain through hot water and drink as a beverage, every bean I can find!

-Joe Coffee

bradzilla

It's mysterious what attracts you to a post...


Hmm, it seems this grape juice has spoiled. But I'm too lazy to squeeze fresh juice. Ah gently caress it, it probably won't kill me right?

-Thomas Wine

Nosfereefer



*onan runs out of his cave, waving his hands excitedly at the other tribespeople*

"guys, GUYS!! you'll never believe what ive just discovered!!"

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.




Nosfereefer posted:

*onan runs out of his cave, waving his hands excitedly at the other tribespeople*

"guys, GUYS!! you'll never believe what ive just discovered!!"

lol

Jeffrey of YOSPOS

GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS


I'm so angry at my office job I will smash something!!!

*Smacks office desk toy ball with souvenir stock exchange baseball bat. Ball goes flying right through his skyscraper window and into the Hudson River*

- Philip Seymour Golfman

Korean Boomhauer




"playing tic tac toe with this dry erase marker on my tv is really cool but i wonder if theres a better way"

-- Robert Video Game

Korean Boomhauer




"why isnt there a program to let me say racial words at people all over the world"

-- Gregory "Collar" Duty

Glutes Are Great

Well yeah, but honestly..



God, I'm so thirsty. How can I take care of my cows when there's no civilized way to stay hydrated?

*falls into deep thought while staring at an udder*

https://giant.gfycat.com/NiftySlowBoaconstrictor.webm

roomforthetuna

I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!


You know, I bet if we chop this poisonous and foul-tasting root into thin pieces and immerse them in a pan of the gross goo that drips off meat when you cook it, over a fire, it will turn into crispy and tasty non-poisonous treats. Sounds 100% safe, I'm going to try it!

-- Jeremy Chips

Kaiser Schnitzel

Schnitzel mit uns




Nosfereefer posted:

*onan runs out of his cave, waving his hands excitedly at the other tribespeople*

"guys, GUYS!! you'll never believe what ive just discovered!!"




ty nut and vanisher for this wonderful sig!

nut


Korean Boomhauer posted:

"playing tic tac toe with this dry erase marker on my tv is really cool but i wonder if theres a better way"

-- Robert Video Game

lmbo


CaptainPsyko

We're Gonna Run.

We're Gonna Crawl.

Kick Down Every Wall.


Mamma Mia! I have-a accidentally spilled-a the whole-jar-a of tomato sauce all over the bread dough I was rolling out!

Oh well, I guess I’ll just-a put it in the oven like-a this!

- Tommy “Marinara” Pizza

CaptainPsyko

We're Gonna Run.

We're Gonna Crawl.

Kick Down Every Wall.


Che machello! I have-a tripped while carrying this delicious mozzarell through mi mama’s kitchen and it has fallen all over her famous a-pizza marinara she was a making! Now it is ruined!

-Vinny “Margherita” Pizza, great grandson of Tommy

Mr. Dick

by Cyrano4747


nut posted:

non-confrontational person who invented shoehorns on the phone: h-hey, I got the prototype...

manufacturer: don’t you love it?! I love it!

inventor: *thinking, “where is the other half?”* ...no haha ya I love it okay thanks bye




inventor then dialling his conductor: I have bad news about tonight’s performance...

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

nut



nut


Greg Lake looks across the serene water

“this is a very large pond”


Nosfereefer



in the old days, mankind was divided into two, rival tribes

they were known as the post tribe, and the chill tribe. for generations they waged bitter war

then, on one fateful evening, a small mexican girl asked;

por que no los dos?

and now we post together as one

tradjik



"robots are cool what if there was an easy word to describe the study of them" - isaac asimov

pixaal

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.


Garfield was invented because one day a guy was petting his cat and lonely while reading a news paper and thought, I wonder what my cat is thinking, then what if that was in this news paper.



sig by owlhawk911

pixaal

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.




I thought I had more to say, but didn't so the 2nd panel is really big. Also Garfield looks like Pikachu for no reason other than I thought it would be funny.



sig by owlhawk911

tradjik



pixaal posted:



I thought I had more to say, but didn't so the 2nd panel is really big. Also Garfield looks like Pikachu for no reason other than I thought it would be funny.

this is the best garfield related cartoon i have ever seen

pixaal

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.


tradjik posted:

this is the best garfield related cartoon i have ever seen

It only makes sense if you read the short story in the post before (the date on the news paper in the first panel is 1 week before the first Garfield comic was published)



sig by owlhawk911

tradjik



i don't understand the first panel it was too small for me to see properly on phone. i just loved the second panel that much. biting critique with mspaint aesthetic is extremely my poo poo


ty heather papps u da bes

pixaal

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.


Once upon a time there were no stories then a beautiful lady called Mom uttered the words Once upon a time, and there were stories.



sig by owlhawk911

tradjik



pixaal posted:

Once upon a time there were no stories then a beautiful lady called Mom uttered the words Once upon a time, and there were stories.

i loved that mum person she invented so many things

nut


before wieners were invented it was just embarrassing to be so late to trends that u were the 15th member of the pen club


little munchkin


the automobile was invented when someone accidentally attached a wheel to a horses leg instead of one of those little metal shoe things

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

pixaal

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.


tradjik posted:

i loved that mum person she invented so many things



It happened just like this



sig by owlhawk911

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN


I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.




pixaal posted:



It happened just like this

Brought me right back to both being a kid and being a patent. Bravo

Pot Smoke Phoenix

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!



Nosfereefer posted:

*onan runs out of his cave, waving his hands excitedly at the other tribespeople*

"guys, GUYS!! you'll never believe what ive just discovered!!"

Onan was the inventor of the first single player game

Pot Smoke Phoenix

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!



Onan: I'm done jerking off now. So sick of it... I need something else to do. I know!

**invents playing cards**

**invents Solitaire**

Onan: Sweet, something to do before I go blind, not that I'd know since I invented masturbation **looks at the 4th wall and winks** but my vision IS getting blurry



Sig elements by Khanstant & CoG

Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

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tradjik



i am sick of touching myself at night, i will invent space travel, go to the lizard planet and look for what i seek

and thus space travel was invented by two close species, simultaneously


ty heather papps u da bes

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