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*sees protagonist eat a roast chicken off the floor* *dies*
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Dec 29, 2019 16:50
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Sure I want to destroy the world. But look at all the people and animals you killed to get to me. Who's the real monster?? *starts doomsday device* Why did you have to make me do this?!
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Dec 29, 2019 16:52
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*gets all the merchandise because the hero is a nonentity in comparison*
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Dec 29, 2019 16:53
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*trips over a dead comrade who he's been chatting with not 1 minute ago, mutters about leaving trash around, walks past a crouching hobo with bloody sword*
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Dec 29, 2019 16:53
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C’mon men, let’s mount our horses and chase after that guy who slaughtered our fort and shrugged off fifty rifle shots to the face. He’s putting away his repeater, maybe he’s giving up. Ah no he ate chewing tobacco then killed five of us with perfectly thrown knives to the face as a personal challenge.
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Dec 29, 2019 16:57
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Colonel Cancer posted:*trips over a dead comrade who he's been chatting with not 1 minute ago, mutters about leaving trash around, walks past a crouching hobo with bloody sword* Holy poo poo the hobo took two running steps, that's not right. Better give him some of this 
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Dec 29, 2019 17:03
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Hey, listen, doc... do you think you can fix this huge glowing red spot on my chest? It doesn't hurt or anything, but it's calling attention to itself, and it's definitely more sensitive than the rest of my body
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Dec 29, 2019 17:07
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Hyrax Attack! posted:C’mon men, let’s mount our horses and chase after that guy who slaughtered our fort and shrugged off fifty rifle shots to the face. drat when did they make a video game out of Blood Meridian?
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Dec 29, 2019 17:08
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Come out, we won't hurt you. You will die a slow, slow death! ... Come out, we won't hurt you.
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Dec 29, 2019 17:11
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Don't mind me, i'm just guarding all this heavy weaponry instead of utilizing it myself!
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Dec 29, 2019 17:11
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*pays no attention to the rattling and clanking of the guy obviously carrying 8 guns 15 grenades and 10 medkits under his trenchcoat*
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Dec 29, 2019 17:12
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Come out with your hands up! *Starts blasting away, not giving enemy a chance to give up, then runs into the next room for some reason*
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Dec 29, 2019 17:20
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There exist death reversing items that are portable and plentiful. Never bothers to use them.
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Dec 29, 2019 17:21
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*is beaten within an inch of life* "I yield, I yield!" ... *attacks*
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Dec 29, 2019 17:22
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I know I took over the world and free reign to do whatever I want, but all I want to do is sit at the top of my castle waiting to see if anyone wants to come compliment me on my booby traps. Here comes one now, if it survives then I will finally be showered with praise I deserve and desperately crave.
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Dec 29, 2019 17:24
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I forget to log out of my work computer all the time and literally anyone could just slip in and read all my emails where I coordinate a bunch of crimes and also find my dick pill shipping notification
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Dec 29, 2019 17:53
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Mook 1: Hey... I think that guy is kicking the poo poo out of Bill! Mook 2: Yeah but he's, like, 50 feet away.... Mook 1: True... I guess we'll have to wait... Mook 1: SORRY BILL
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Dec 29, 2019 17:55
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Dr Cheeto posted:I forget to log out of my work computer all the time and literally anyone could just slip in and read all my emails where I coordinate a bunch of crimes and also find my dick pill shipping notification ....in the game?
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Dec 29, 2019 17:59
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Mook 1: You there, FREEZE! Mook 2: You there, FREEZE! Mook 3: Stop right there you piece of poo poo!! Mook 2: What the hell you doing Jimmy, say the line! Mook 3: Ah poo poo, sorry I was at this improv class and... Mook 1: Shut up and walk in the zigzag pattern! BLAM BLAM BLAM Mook 1: Mein Leben! Mook 2: Mein Leben! Mook 3: Uh.. Oh no, verily I die! But my brother Rinardo will avenge me! UGH!!
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Dec 29, 2019 18:05
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Seduce the hero you loving idiots
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Dec 29, 2019 18:22
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Hiveminded posted:Seduce the hero you loving idiots I got, uh, news for you
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Dec 29, 2019 18:34
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I'm going to make the hero run a bunch of fetch quests before revealing my location. Wouldn't want too much action before he's collected 500 swamp grass and dandelion blossoms.
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Dec 29, 2019 18:55
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*gets shot at until I die*
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Dec 29, 2019 19:00
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*forces wookiee party member to kill his twi'lek best friend to satisfy life debt* that's right, i'm the PC and the bad guy 
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Dec 29, 2019 19:01
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Henchman morale has been horrendous since I locked the break room with a mirror puzzle that requires 3 people to work in synch
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Dec 29, 2019 19:02
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I like to loudly proclaim to anyone who may or may not be listening that I recently contracted VD from a local prostitute
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Dec 29, 2019 19:24
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*stares off into the distance* *turns around, walks ten steps* *stares off into the distance*
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Dec 29, 2019 19:26
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Here I am, strolling through the donut plains on a gorgeous day, when in the distance I spot a goomba. He's just shuffling back and forth between two pipes jutting vertically out of the earth, unaware of my presence. So of course I leap high into the air, sail clear over the closest pipe, and slam my plumber's boots directly into his frail skull. "Hey, I'm waaalkin' here" I shout as I crush him into the dirt like the loving cockroach he is. I barely make out his final raspy words as I collect the 3 coins he had been tending. "You're... nothing but... *gasp* an agent of... state... violence... *hurk* Mario". I pause briefly to compose myself. I feel the warm sun on my face. The soft caress of a gentle breeze tingles across my misty brow. I swipe my boot across the meadow, loosing a few bits of goomba gristle from the treads. I feel the coarse hairs shift above my lip as a bright smile forms upon my face. "That's-a-me", I proclaim. Bad Purchase fucked around with this message at 19:33 on Dec 29, 2019 |
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Dec 29, 2019 19:30
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Hello, I'm a visionary video game developer who made a video game back in 80s. Please fund my kickstarter so that I can
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Dec 29, 2019 19:30
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I don't know why I keep all this ammo lying around the place, I've never even had to reload my weapon.
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Dec 29, 2019 19:31
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I will keep walking left till I hit a wall and then I'll keep walking right. I hope no one touches the top of my head.
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Dec 29, 2019 19:34
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"Grove Street Families suck rear end!" *runs up to CJ flailing arms around for some reason*
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Dec 29, 2019 19:48
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When I signed up for this evil organization, I expected a little more adventure and a lot less standing around behind a door that requires a red key.
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Dec 29, 2019 19:56
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We don't take kindly to witchers around here
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Dec 29, 2019 19:58
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*Invincible except for a vulnerability that gets exposed when I do a certain attack* *Does that attack*
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Dec 29, 2019 19:58
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You there! Insignificant but brave child that shares a bond with the Avatar of Creation turned Human Female! You suck! You're far too weak to fight against my glorious plans! You there! I see you've collected the 4 heavenly armours! No matter, you still lack the Glaive That Will Piece All Evil! You can't hope to win, watch as I murder your family/mentor/abduct your Human Female Goddess Love Interest! You there! Oh poo poo that's a pretty buff crew you've got... oh... yes, a whole team wielding God Fragment weapons... that is... certainly not good for me... drat. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!
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Dec 29, 2019 20:00
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Makeout Patrol posted:We don't take kindly to witchers around here
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Dec 29, 2019 20:01
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Everyone who picks up this phone seems to get shocked to death on the spot. I'm going to check it out
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Dec 29, 2019 20:03
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Sir! No matter how many times we kill them they just disappear and then come back at us! How do we stop something like that?! Me: Like this... *pulls out gun that says PLOT on the barrel*
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Dec 29, 2019 20:04
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 07:30 |
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(Is unarmed as I watch a superhuman defeat heavily armed jet pack mercenaries, horde of mystical swordsmen, and a man made of electricity) “You’ve spun your last web, spider!”
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Dec 29, 2019 20:05
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