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That hero guy is impossible to kill in a firefight but let's hit him on the head from behind, that somehow works. And then we wait for a cutscene before we wake him up, tied to a chair. You can kill plot people with a friggin toothpick in a cutscene. Let's kill him then and there. Or just gloat a bit and leave the room, whatever
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Dec 29, 2019 20:10
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 15:10 |
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*gets hit in the head with an arrow* "Who goes there!?" ... "Huh. Must've been the wind."
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Dec 29, 2019 20:17
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Buffalo Bills head coach : "All right boys I know we're 24 points behind in the half but rest assured in the next two minutes Dallas won't know what's coming to them" *proceeds to run back two kickoffs, get three interceptions and get a fumble recovery at the goal line * 
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Dec 29, 2019 20:24
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Number 2, take charge here for an hour, have to go dye my hair pure white.
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Dec 29, 2019 20:27
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24S9ph3urHE
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Dec 29, 2019 20:31
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*plant my 6 legs firmly in the ground and charge up super mega eye death beam, unleash it at hero* *hero pulls out rickety loving wooden pot lid and somehow reflects it back at me* *explodes* oh well, at least my cursed existence as a 10,000 year old semi-sentient war machine is finally over --later that evening--- The blood moon rises once again...
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Dec 29, 2019 20:50
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Here's your patrol route for next week. Yes, we are expecting that the hero will show up, and we need all the rooms covered, even the container rooms with nothing useful in them. Yes, your room is way off the beaten path and you did read the note right; you'll have to provide your own audio log for it to be worth the hero's trouble to come by. Yes, you'll still have to fight the hero if he shows up. No, we don't know if the hero will bother. No, you will have to patrol until ordered to stand down regardless of what happens. No, you are not legally mandated to get a break or lunch period. What part of 'criminal organization' did you miss out on when signing up for this job? No, you cannot have any sort of distraction while you're on the clock! No phones, no card games, you patrol actively and are prepared at all times like everyone else in the facility! Jesus, where do they get these new grunts?
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Dec 29, 2019 20:58
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i'm a highly trained genetically engineered super soldier. my blood is packed with nano machines. i also have zero peripheral vision and goldfish memory. oh well, comme ci comme ça
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Dec 29, 2019 21:23
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Yeah, no, that's fine. Go ahead and reload your save. Go off and grind or lower the difficulty. I'll just stand here forever and wait until you're ready to defeat me.
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Dec 29, 2019 21:37
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Mook 1: Did ya hear Bill got out of the hospital? Mook 2: Really!? Good to hear. Mook 1: Oh hey, there he is. Hey Bill, it's great to see ya. *Bill promptly gets choked out and dragged behind a dumpster* Mook 1: Huh, Bill disappeared. Guess he's magic and there's nothing wrong.
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Dec 29, 2019 21:42
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Why am I alive
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Dec 29, 2019 21:43
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Only attacks in a set pattern and repeatedly exposes only weak point.
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Dec 29, 2019 21:46
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*gets behind the protagonist but doesn't attack because its not my turn to get countered*
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Dec 29, 2019 21:46
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I know I've done a lot of bad things, but you gotta admit the orchestral soundtrack I commissioned for our inevitable confrontation was worth every penny.
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Dec 29, 2019 21:53
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Oh no, Mr. Hero, please don't hit me in my glowing red weak spot, that would be sooo bad for me if you hit me there. Ohhhhh!! Oh! Don't hit me again, mm not in that big juicy weak spot! OHHH!! *explodes*
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Dec 29, 2019 21:53
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They sent another spiky haired teenager? That's it, I'm calling CPS.
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Dec 29, 2019 22:04
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The biggest inconvenience I pose to the protagonist is that when I'm around they can't just zone out and wake up at their destination.  They have to either deal with me or actually walk there.
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Dec 29, 2019 22:21
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Look, the boss gave me this key. It's a really special key. It's the only key to this one room and I think it's got a single chest with some hover-boots or something in there. Anyway. Nobody had better try to take this key!
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Dec 29, 2019 22:25
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Hello my name is Al, where's your ID? Wait, oh poo poo no please I have a *BLAM* Oh man, Al's on the ground and not moving. Al are you OK? Al? Al! Wait, who's that? *BLAM* Oh jeez, Al and Bob are sleeping on the job or something. Get a room you idiots... huh, I kicked them pretty hard, they should have got up. *BLAM* What is this, some kind of orgy I wasn't invited to? Al, Bob, Cody, get up! *BLAM* [repeat ad nauseam]
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Dec 29, 2019 22:37
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Town??? Why the hell would we ever go to town, there's like four people and a drinking fountain there. We've got more crafting stations and twice as many residents just in the entrance cave! Pff. Town.
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Dec 29, 2019 22:50
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Hey there, I happen to be a Grue. If you fucktards are tired of me eating you then how bout you get off your rear end and away from your text adventuring and talk to people, or even get laid. Believe it or not, sticking your penis into a vagina feels so much better than beating Zork
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Dec 29, 2019 22:53
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Hometown Slime Queen posted:Look, the boss gave me this key. It's a really special key. It's the only key to this one room and I think it's got a single chest with some hover-boots or something in there. Anyway. Nobody had better try to take this key! Yeah? Well he gave me this key that can open literally any door, but only once. It breaks when you use it. And you can't use it to lock doors. Seems to me that's kind of the opposite of how you'd want a key to work, but boss knows best I guess 
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Dec 29, 2019 22:54
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We have somehow gotten to these ancient ruins ahead of the protagonist, and put our spare ammo and armor in these old-rear end vases and treasure chests. I have no memory of my life before somehow just existing in a cave that has just one way in, but I am sure my parents are proud of me.
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Dec 29, 2019 22:58
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blargh i'm a big fat guy my piss is acid and my eyes pop out of my head and bounce around the room diagonally i sure don't hope a small naked child comes around and cries me to death blarrrgh
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Dec 30, 2019 00:15
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HAHAHA I CANNOT BE HURT IN THIS ARMOR *drops sword, and turns around, exposing rear end* I hope nobody hits me in my weak spot
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Dec 30, 2019 00:20
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Just going to scatter my 20 PDAs all over this secret underground lair and fill them with 15 second anecdotes, and of course the 4 digit code to the only locked door at the end of the hall that has the self destruct button.
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Dec 30, 2019 00:32
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*watches impassively as all my staff are eliminated one by one, instead of helping out at any time*
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Dec 30, 2019 00:37
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I don’t know why the lord of all evil put the one item the hero needs to kill me in this dungeon with me but luckily he seems to have gotten fed up with the puzzles and left to go harass the townspeople. Guess I’ll just wait for him to look up a guide and come back.
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Dec 30, 2019 00:51
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Walks into a room with two dead bodies “Hmm... somethings not... HUH?! Sound the alarm!” Pauses... runs towards the one red alarm. Pauses... “Someone’s disabled the alarm!”
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Dec 30, 2019 01:10
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Remember in Quake 2 that if two of the big sexy lady cyborgs were idle they would make out ?! 
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Dec 30, 2019 01:12
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hey you! bald waiter I've never seen before! go into the kitchen and mix my favorite drink you LUMBERING HALFWIT. the recipe is under a wrench next to the gas stove. I wish to drink it alone while standing under the chandelier next to the large empty trunk in my private bathroom overlooking the fire escape, and to listen to my radio that has been on the fritz. where is that bald repairman! I hope he gets here before the new bald bodyguard that I haven't met yet. and tell the custodian who isn't bald but wears a hat to put some more of that poison from the pantry out. I don't want any rats disturbing my secret human trafficking operation when my co-conspirators get here next week to receive the secret documents with their names on them that I keep on my person at all times. now if you'll excuse me, I'll be on the balcony staring down at the glass ceiling over my indoor swimming pool. it's the one with the abstract art statue made of discarded shrapnel with a hollow center and the huge puddle- to find it just follow the faulty wire from the power switch in the nearby room with the large empty cabine- oh my god. gun! security! someone hel-
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Dec 30, 2019 02:20
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"Look Craig, I don't care what the Capo said, there's no way in hell that punk rear end Mayor is gonna get his hands dirty and come all the way down here. So if you don't mind, I'm gonna just idly squat over here. Don't try to act all high and mighty just because you have a blue jacket, 25% bigger health bar, and a jump attack "
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Dec 30, 2019 02:25
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Hahahaha! Don't you understand? We're the same, you and I! "I'm gay" Wait no-
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Dec 30, 2019 02:25
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Hey fellas, you know what? I think this guy might be a bad enough dude...
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Dec 30, 2019 02:28
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Thought I heard something over there. Must be my imagination. Haven't seen a few people on their patrol routes recently. Oh well.
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Dec 30, 2019 02:35
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Go go go!
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Dec 30, 2019 02:37
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Hmmm, the good guy's lady sidekick is a down-home, girl next door, tomboy but in a hot way type. As the evil overlord's lady sidekick, I will differentiate myself by going full on Glam Goth with leather everything and black hair. Maybe an Eastern European accent too.
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Dec 30, 2019 02:39
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*t poses*
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Dec 30, 2019 02:42
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I'm a freaking turtle and i can't get off this platform
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Dec 30, 2019 02:51
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 15:10 |
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If I flip these pizzas, Mr Aziz is going to flip out!
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Dec 30, 2019 03:09
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