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You're dead now, you got that? I've been training my whole life for this. Nobody can beat me, I'm a fighting machine outfitted with the deadliest weapons known to man. I've designed a perfect fighting technique that makes me the deadliest being on Earth. *takes three steps forward, fires two shots, then backs up three steps. repeats this 3x before eventually firing 4 shots and moving at double speed*
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Dec 30, 2019 18:47
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 00:28 |
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*Is sitting at a desk talking on a phone IRL* Yes, this is Mr. Executive. I would like discuss terms for an exclusivity agreement.
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Dec 30, 2019 18:51
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Hello I'm from an iron age civilization with one lovely town and an army of a two spearmen. Teach us Robotics or we'll gently caress you up.
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Dec 30, 2019 18:56
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Hello again. I'm from an iron age civilization with one lovely town and an army of a two spearmen. Teach us Robotics or we'll gently caress you up.
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Dec 30, 2019 19:01
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"Activating the shield generator, sir! The access keys have been hidden as you commanded, one in an ice world, one in a fire world, and one just kind of haphazardly strewn about along with a note explaining what they do and exactly how to shut down the shield generator. Shall I begin work on labelling all the explosive barrels?"
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Dec 30, 2019 19:05
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drat, Agent Super Hacker is really doing a number on our secret evil organization. I don't know how he keeps infiltrating our system! *Starts writing note to coworker* "Dave, you've got to stop forgetting your password. I've reset it to Tortuga55 for now." *Places note directly on Dave's workstation*
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Dec 30, 2019 19:06
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Hi, I’m Gandhi, known pacifist. Join me in my current war against (every other civilization in existence)
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Dec 30, 2019 19:06
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Dim Brain: Hero, work for me instead! I'll give you some money. Normal Brain: Hero, work for me instead! I'll give you some random leveled loot. Galaxy Brain: Hero, work for me instead! I'll give you an evil cosmetic item not available anywhere else.
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Dec 30, 2019 19:10
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Hello, I'm Gearbox Studios CEO Randy Pitchford
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Dec 30, 2019 19:30
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Chomp8645 posted:drat, Agent Super Hacker is really doing a number on our secret evil organization. I don't know how he keeps infiltrating our system! I don't find it silly when I see this stuff, because a lot of people are that dumb when it comes to keeping things secure. Passwords written on the computer monitor, alarm codes on a post-it note next to the panel, keys left in the lock. I remember not long ago that a politician was visiting somewhere for a photo op (I think it was Pence visiting NASA, or something like that), and they had to take the photos down shortly after posting them. Someone noticed that in the background of the photo, the log-in name and password was visible, written beside the monitor. Oooops.
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Dec 30, 2019 19:34
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If the physical security is breached it doesn't matter if the password is written down and hanging from your monitor. Most offices don't let random people inside so a good password that's physically written down and somewhere near your workstation is infinitely better than a bad password that's remembered. And now with that out of the way, it's time to conquer the world!
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Dec 30, 2019 19:49
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You thought I was dead, but I’m not! Now I’m ten feet tall with a big sword! Still not dead, now I’m blue with four arms! How pitiful to think you could kill me, now I have one good angel wing and one not-so-good angel wing! I got forms for days, y’all!
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Dec 30, 2019 20:03
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*gets farmed endlessly for randomly generated garbage I don't even get to use*
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Dec 30, 2019 20:07
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“Hey Bob, I’m gonna go take a leak in those waist-high ferns over there.” “Sure thing, Frank.” “Frank?”
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Dec 30, 2019 20:13
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The PC asked we go easy on them, so let's all agree to only use the good boost items if they're ahead by like half a lap. The two fattest guys, you hang in the back regardless, to remind everyone that you suck. And if they still lose, we'll just stage the same race until they don't, the fans will love it!
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Dec 30, 2019 20:20
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Nothing relaxes me more than standing in a giant empty room all by myself, with only my thoughts to accompany me. In fact, to ensure I'm not bothered at all I better seal up all the entrances to this room with a yellow key, the rarest of all keys.
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Dec 30, 2019 20:30
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*cracks knuckles* ahhhhh another day working on the flaming conveyor belt pulverizes!!!!
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Dec 30, 2019 20:56
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You know, maybe we shouldn’t let this merchant guy set up shop in all of our bases. He doesn’t even sell anything to us!
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Dec 30, 2019 21:39
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:You know, maybe we shouldn’t let this merchant guy set up shop in all of our bases. He doesn’t even sell anything to us! Very strange business model.
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Dec 30, 2019 21:39
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A: Ok, so what do we do with these wands that the boss gave us? B: We use them to shoot fireballs at anybody who comes through that door over there. A: Sweet, talk about an easy gig! These adventurer types all use swords, so we'll be able to fry them before they can get close. B: Well... A: What? B: There is a magic shield that the boss has, and it will actually reflect the fireballs right back at us. A: Oh... I see... Well, the boss would have it stashed away somewhere right? So we don't have to worry about that. B: Well... It is locked up in a big treasure chest... A: I'm sensing a "but" coming up. B: But, the chest is in this dungeon. A: Really? Seems kind of cocky... But that's further down, right? Like past the dragon? B: Umm, no the chest is actually in the room right before you get in here. A: ... B: Yeah. A: Are you making GBS threads me? I mean, I know the boss is a 3000 year old lich and all, but that seems really goddamn stupid. What if somebody can smash the chest apart, or pick the lock open? B: Oh no, that can't happen. It's a magical chest, and it can only be opened with the key, don't worry. A: That's a little better I guess. So the boss leaves it there to taunt people? Meanwhile the key is hidden somewhere far away, right? B: Oh, Dave has the key. A: Dave? He's a tough guy, right? B: Oh yeah, Dave is super tough. He won't let that key go as long as he's still alive. A: Okay, well I guess that makes sense, giving the key to somebody to watch full-time... Alright... So you're sure Dave is tough? B: Absolutely, you can go ask him yourself. A: Wait, he's here? B: Yeaaaaah, the boss actually assigned Dave to guard the treasure chest. A: Hang on a second, let me get this straight... The boss gave us wands to shoot fireballs at anyone who comes in here, right? B: Right. A: And the boss has a shield that not only defends against fireballs, but it flings them right back to kill us. B: Yep. A: And instead of keeping this shield somewhere far away, the boss locked it in a chest in the room right before an intruder would get to us. Am I correct so far? B: Yes, you've picked this all up really quickly. A: And the loving KEY for that same chest, is in the same goddamn room? B: You got it. A: Why? Why not have us hang on to the key? Wouldn't that make more sense? B: Because that's Dave's job. Dave is a big, tough guy, you'd have to hit him, like, 3 times to kill him. A: I don't care how tough Dave is! gently caress, let Dave keep the key, just don't have him in the same room as the chest. Who plans out their defense like this? B: Well, the boss is really old and smart right? I'm sure there's a good reason why he put us here and Dave there. We just can't understand his wisdom. A: gently caress his wisdom, I'm going to go tell Dave right now that he can guard this room, and I'll guard the- *sounds of clashing steel from the next room* A: Oh hell, here we go... poo poo... B: Come on Dave, you can do it. *Dave's death cry is heard* A: Goddamn it Dave, you had one job. ONE JOB DAVE! gently caress... Okay, let's go stand against the wall on either side of the door! Then we can shoot fire when he comes in, and he won't be able to block us both at once! B: Nope, no can do. A: Why the hell not? B: Boss said to stand here. So I'm standing here. Boss knows best. A: Ha! Why don't you go tell Dave that? I'm getting out of here, the hell with this. I'll go hide deeper down behind the dragon or something. B: You can't, the door behind us is locked. A: Give me the key then! B: I don't have it, Dave did. A: Oh gently caress a duck... This goddamn bastard lich has gotten us all killed. B: Get ready, the door is opening! Here we go! - FIN
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Dec 30, 2019 21:57
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*places knee-high obstacles around level, preventing hero from traveling anywhere but the intended path*
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Dec 30, 2019 22:03
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installing fashionable glowing red lights on all the parts of my body that will hurt me the most when struck.
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Dec 30, 2019 22:08
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*is an invisible wall*
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Dec 30, 2019 22:10
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You guys thought I was an idiot for spending my own money on non-lethal weapons I stashed around the base. But guess what, the dude infiltrating the base must have picked them up. Surely now they'll have moral conundrum about killing us like we were nothing but fodder. *gets shot in the neck with a dart See its already working! *falls asleep peacefully, not realizing he's about to get shotgunned to the dick at point blank range
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Dec 30, 2019 22:16
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Johnny-on-the-Spot posted:You guys thought I was an idiot for spending my own money on non-lethal weapons I stashed around the base. But guess what, the dude infiltrating the base must have picked them up. Surely now they'll have moral conundrum about killing us like we were nothing but fodder. Aww poo poo, the Batman is here. Oh well, at least it's part of his code never to kill... *Gets slammed into a concrete wall so hard that it crumbles into pieces* Batscanner reading: Unconscious, 50 bpm
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Dec 30, 2019 22:20
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I can take a beating from a badass, mullet or not, that's just part of the job. It's the new breed of clowns that irk me with their "customized outfits". Try being slapped in the face with a salmon until you drop by a guy in a skeleton-suit and a bucket for a hat. That's adding insult to injury.
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Dec 30, 2019 22:27
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*fucks off and survives the first game* *reappears as increasingly zany comic relief in subsequent sequels*
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Dec 30, 2019 22:40
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All right henchmen, listen up. We got word there’s a new hero coming out of Heroesburg, so we’re going to have to deploy our troops to stop them. Where are all my level one grunts? Ok, cool, you guys are going to be stationed right outside their village. See if you can find some rats or bugs to train while you’re at it. No, don’t organize or anything, just wander around and if you happen to see them, attack in groups of two or three. Mid-level guys who just learned their first couple magic spells? There’s a town that started selling equipment that specifically protects against those. Go out there and wait around for the hero to arrive. My highest level guys, you’re staying here.in case the hero manages to evade all of that and get stronger or something. All right, victory on three. Ready?
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Dec 30, 2019 22:42
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*barf*DarkSoulsT NZ NCantrum posted:Lol, what game is that?
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Dec 30, 2019 22:56
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*is a shambling undead corpse, cursed to feed on the living by a disease that has robbed me of my mind. *has skull caved in by dildo launched from an air cannon.
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Dec 30, 2019 23:06
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oh poo poo here comes that crazy archaeologist with the two handguns and the bad boob job someone set up an elaborate time based water puzzle to slow her down
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Dec 30, 2019 23:08
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I am a billionaire who has stolen a number of nuclear warheads which will be combined with a special virus and launched at key population centres to turn the entire world into braindead mutants. Also I am a volumptious 20 year old woman who only wears an extremely small bikini and has a mansion full of penis statues
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Dec 30, 2019 23:12
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Convex posted:I am a billionaire who has stolen a number of nuclear warheads which will be combined with a special virus and launched at key population centres to turn the entire world into braindead mutants. Also I am a volumptious 20 year old woman who only wears an extremely small bikini and has a mansion full of penis statues So uh... you single?
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Dec 30, 2019 23:14
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MEIN LABEN!
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Dec 30, 2019 23:15
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While all the other bad guys are professional soldiers with guns, I'm just like a fish that jumps out of the water sometimes. My kill count is higher than any of theirs
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Dec 30, 2019 23:17
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Monk meal? AGAIN!
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Dec 30, 2019 23:23
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I'm a young supple native american woman who's been backed up against a cactus, as a naked cowboy dodges arrows and slowly approaches me with lust in his eyes.
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Dec 30, 2019 23:24
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Lol, what game is that? Gynoug
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Dec 30, 2019 23:25
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numberoneposter posted:Monk meal? AGAIN! Try the priest porridge, it's not too bad when you heat it up. btw we forgot to install microwaves so you'll need to shoot it with a bazooka
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Dec 30, 2019 23:31
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 00:28 |
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ikanreed posted:While all the other bad guys are professional soldiers with guns, I'm just like a fish that jumps out of the water sometimes. God I hate you so much
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Dec 30, 2019 23:50
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