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WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


Pet Island Heavy Petting Pet Memorial Thread

This was originally a memorial thread for my own dog, Ahboo. After seeing all of the incredible support, and goons sharing stories of their own lost pets, I wondered if the forum needed a general pet memorial thread. I asked the moderator about it, and she thought it was a great idea, so I've moved Ahboo's stuff to the bottom of the OP, and we'll be keeping the thread open for anyone to use for their own lost pet -- or to support others.

Huh? Pet memorial thread?

Unfortunately, losing your furry friend is something every pet owner has to deal with at some point. Unless your pet outlives you, of course, in which case you have... other problems.

This is a place where goons can remember their fallen animals and support each other as they cope with their losses.

Feel free to share photos, drawings, stories, and memories of your lost pets. You're absolutely invited to support others, to ask/answer questions about dealing with this type or loss, and to give updates on your own healing process.

This was originally a dog thread, but you can post about your lost cat, ferret, turtle, hamster, snake, hermit crab, or whatever. We won't judge.

Managing the tone

Let's try to keep this thread an island of positivity.

I know, we're goons, we love dark humor and a touch of cynicism. But please remember that the posters here are real people. Some of us have just lost our long-time companion, best friend, and family member. This is not a place for mocking or criticism. If making a little fun of your own departed pet is part of your healing process, go for it, but please be sensitive to others. When in doubt, keep it positive.

I'm not the forum police, but I have a feeling that threadshitting and negativity won't be tolerated by the mods.


I'll get you started...
_________

Ahboo Boober "Oatmeal Brains" passed just after the holidays at 14 and a half years of age.


Glamour shot!

He was a shelter dog we adopted when he was around 10 months old. We think that he was a lab/poodle mix, but we never knew for sure.


Ahboo's first day at home with us.

The shelter swore he wouldn't grow anymore (he did, to nearly 90 pounds), and that he probably wouldn't shed much (holy poo poo, we'll be finding Ahboo fur around the house for the next decade).


"I don't always chew on toys, but when I do, I choose Squeaky Fish."

He was a loyal companion through a cross-country move, several job changes, and our first home. Which we bought because it has a HUGE fenced-in backyard. This will always be Ahboo's house.


"Yeah, nice yard. It's freezing out here. Screw this. My old bones are coming back inside."

After a happy holiday with his extended family, his body finally gave out. His downward trend was very quick -- less than a day -- and he didn't suffer.


Ahboo could sense when someone was feeling bad. He'd often bring them his lion toy, because that always made him feel better. He also occasionally tried to trade it for bacon.

He passed surrounded by his loved ones and his favorite toys, and with a stomach full of hamburger and french fries. We didn't give him much people food as he got older, but we wanted him to have an amazing final meal.


When presented with his burger and fries, Ahboo was himself again for a few minutes. He seemed so happy.

He was the smartest, cleverest, most loving, and most frustratingly stubborn dog I've ever met. He was my best friend.


Just before the ride to the vet. Forever my buddy.

As devastated as I am to think of Ahboo being gone, I smile a little at every photo. I will miss Ahboo dearly, but we had nearly fourteen amazing years together. He had a life and a home full of love, and he returned that love to his final day.

I hope these photos will make you smile a little too, and that you'll hug your loved ones (furry or otherwise) in Ahboo's honor.

WhiteHowler fucked around with this message at 16:04 on Jan 18, 2020

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Slugworth
Feb 18, 2001

If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!


My condolences. 14 years is a good run, I'm sure he was well cared for and well loved.

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

We'll roll on with our heads held high.
Our conscience in the gutter,
Our dreams up in the sky.




That's a very good dog and I'm sorry it's gone.

Now I have to go hug a bunch of wet dogs because it won't stop raining, OP, and I make them go potty in the rain. I cannot imagine that Ahboo would have approved.

RobotsLoveSpectres
Dec 29, 2008


I saw this post from the front page.

I'm so sorry for your loss dude. I also just lost my best friend yesterday, she was eight.
No matter how long they live it's never enough.

WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


Slugworth posted:

My condolences. 14 years is a good run, I'm sure he was well cared for and well loved.
Thank you. Fourteen+ years for a dog that size is rare. As Ahboo got along in years we had a few health scares, but he always managed to bounce back. He was so strong-willed that we always joked he was just too stubborn to die. Not that we wouldn't give anything for another (healthy) year, or a day, or an hour with him.

I actually think he knew he was ready a few days before, but he waited until our visiting families left and things were back to "normal". He'd seemed so unnaturally tired for a few days, but otherwise pretty normal. Eating, drinking, even playing in very short bursts. Within a couple of hours of my mom (his "nana") leaving, he started to go downhill quickly.

I know people say you shouldn't attribute human rationality or emotions to dogs, but damned if Ahboo didn't have some empathy. And we always suspected he understood a lot more about what was going on around him than a dog probably should.

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

That's a very good dog and I'm sorry it's gone.

Now I have to go hug a bunch of wet dogs because it won't stop raining, OP, and I make them go potty in the rain. I cannot imagine that Ahboo would have approved.
Hug them double, poor wet doggos!

Ahboo hated hated hated going out in the rain. He had a silky but shaggy coat that absorbed water like a sponge. Even shaking off (usually right next to an open dishwasher full of clean dishes) or towel-drying didn't do much. He took hours to dry, and he didn't enjoy being wet.

RobotsLoveSpectres posted:

I saw this post from the front page.

I'm so sorry for your loss dude. I also just lost my best friend yesterday, she was eight.
No matter how long they live it's never enough.
I'm sorry. My heart goes out to you. We always want more time with them, it's true. A friend reminded me that dogs live in the moment, so while I know your time with her seemed too short, if she was well-loved, that's all she knew. Eight years or fourteen, it was a good, happy life.

WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


Wow. It has been a couple of days, and I'm still pretty wrecked.

We moved all of Ahboo's belongings up into the storage room, but I keep seeing little things that set me off. Bits of dog fur. The marks on the floor from his food bowl. The remaining half-package of peanut butter crackers we'd split the morning we went to the vet.

Ahboo was always part of my support structure - he was so good at making us feel better when we were down. So losing him is doubly hard, because I don't have him to lean on anymore.

I know it gets better. But we'd been preparing for this for so long (two Christmases ago, we thought "well, this is probably his last holiday, so let's make it special"). I thought we were "ready" - as much as you can be. But I just feel broken and empty. Going to surround myself with friends and loved ones for a few days and try to get through it.

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

We'll roll on with our heads held high.
Our conscience in the gutter,
Our dreams up in the sky.




WhiteHowler posted:

I know it gets better.

my dog's been dead 2 and a half years and it's not really better so much as it's like, welp yeah he sure is still dead.

"better" is very perspective based and you be off and in a funk as much as you want.

WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


Yeah, it was a rough weekend. Last night we got to go play board games and pet a friend's Very Good Dog. She reminded us a lot of Ahboo in terms of her personality and quirks and where she liked to be petted, but never in a painful way.

We washed Ahboo's old, well-loved, well-worn pet bed and gave it to her. She sniffed it and immediately plopped down in it. Ahboo loved other dogs, so seeing another one enjoy one of his things made us very happy.

Today a good friend is coming over to help me go through Ahboo's belongings. He's going to figure out what can be donated, given away, or thrown out. I think it's going to be easier on me that way -- some of those old toys are completely broken, but I don't think I could handle throwing them out on my own.

So... We're starting to heal. Thanks everyone for your support. If you want to share dog photos or stories (happy or sad), I'd love to read them. I've been spending a lot of time in the other dog threads here lately, and it has helped.

Fuzz Feets
Apr 11, 2009



Just popping in to say Im sorry for your loss. Your posts are a lovely tribute and he looked like a really good boy.

WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


Fuzz Feets posted:

Just popping in to say I’m sorry for your loss. Your posts are a lovely tribute and he looked like a really good boy.
Thank you. He really was such a good dog. Always wanted to please us, and to be near us whenever possible.

Ahboo story!

We used to have a lawn service that would forget to close the back gates when they were done. We were usually good about checking the gates after a mow, but one time they came while we were out, and we didn't realize it.

So I let Ahboo out into the backyard for a bit to potty and sniff around. About ten minutes later I went to let him back in - and he was gone. Side gate was wide open.

I panicked and started calling for him, walking around the houses nearby, but he was nowhere to be found. I got in my car and drove around the neighborhood trying to find him. After an hour it was starting to get dark, so I decided to drive home and call animal control to see if they'd had reports or picked any dogs up.

As I pulled into the driveway, I saw a wet, dirty, and incredibly happy Ahboo trotting up the sidewalk toward my house. I wrangled him into the backyard and started cleaning. He'd gone down to the river behind my subdivision and picked up a ton of thorny branches, brambles, and countless ticks. My wife and I spent about an hour and a half on the patio washing him and picking thorns and ticks out of his fur. And the whole time, despite the annoyance of the cold hose water, we could tell how incredibly satisfied he was with his adventure.

WhiteHowler fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Jan 6, 2020

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in



I'm so very sorry for your loss, WhiteHowler. Ahboo sounds like he was a one-of-a-kind companion and family member. All of your posts and pictures and stories tell me he was well and deeply loved, and that you showed him that love every day. I know he loved you back, and wherever he is now, I also know he still does.

Hasselblad
Dec 13, 2017
NRA shill who thinks homeless people would love to live in migrant border camps. Help me realize I am a bigoted piece of shit.


OP, how goes the healing?

Just yesterday I had to say goodbye to my constant companion of 16+ years. Working from my home office he was rarely more than a floor away from me, and everywhere I look is a reminder of him. Including the pup bed at the feet of my desk.

He had a bout with liver disease a few years ago and he bounced back. This time it was not so kind. Reuben was a puppy up till the day prior when he was lethargic and then had a vicious blood clot in his hind leg. The liver disease was also back with a vengeance and he was in sudden excruciating pain. We were able to take that pain away and say goodbye while we held him. Hopefully Abhoo finds Reuben and they have some good romping.



One of the last trips this summer to his favorite stick fetching place: https://i.imgur.com/DT4V20f.mp4

Hasselblad fucked around with this message at 16:38 on Jan 15, 2020

WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


Hasselblad posted:

OP, how goes the healing?

Just yesterday I had to say goodbye to my constant companion of 16+ years. Working from my home office he was rarely more than a floor away from me, and everywhere I look is a reminder of him. Including the pup bed at the feet of my desk.

He had a bout with liver disease a few years ago and he bounced back. This time it was not so kind. Reuben was a puppy up till the day prior when he was lethargic and then had a vicious blood clot in his hind leg. The liver disease was also back with a vengeance and he was in sudden excruciating pain. We were able to take that pain away and say goodbye while we held him. Hopefully Abhoo finds Reuben and they have some good romping.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Even when you know it's coming, even when you know that you did everything exactly right, it's hard to prepare for that missing part of your life afterwards. Reuben looks like an amazing dog. And I can totally understand the "he was a puppy almost until the end" - Ahboo was the same way. Even at 14, he wanted to play quite often - just not for as long before he got tired. It's great when a dog can keep being itself even into advanced age, and I'm sure Reuben appreciated all the love he got.

Seeing those reminders is tough. As soon as we got home from the vet, we gathered up all of Ahboo's things and put them upstairs in the storage room. While I was out the next day, my wife broke down his crate, moved it into a closet, went to various home goods stores, and got stuff to turn his old crate spot into a crafting and reading area. It helped a lot, and she is awesome for it. If the reminders keep getting to you, maybe you can try moving Reuben's stuff somewhere out of sight for a while (you can go through it when you're ready), and maybe move a few things around so his absence isn't so pronounced? I don't know, I'm no expert, but it worked for us.

As for us, we're coping. It gets a little better every day, but it's going to be a long road. Ahboo has a huge presence in our house. My instinct is still to greet him when I come downstairs in the morning, or walk in from the garage after work. I still try to check his non-present water bowl before bed. That'll take a while. It probably will for you too, but it's normal, and you should feel what you feel.

Hasselblad
Dec 13, 2017
NRA shill who thinks homeless people would love to live in migrant border camps. Help me realize I am a bigoted piece of shit.


WhiteHowler posted:

As for us, we're coping. It gets a little better every day, but it's going to be a long road. Ahboo has a huge presence in our house. My instinct is still to greet him when I come downstairs in the morning, or walk in from the garage after work. I still try to check his non-present water bowl before bed. That'll take a while. It probably will for you too, but it's normal, and you should feel what you feel.

I am definitely feeling the sudden hole in our lives. Our other JR (Bacon) is 19, and we fully expected her to go first and were already mentally preparing ourselves for her passing. We dreaded the thought of eventually losing Reuben, but despite him being 16 we thought it would be a ways off still.

With the 2 JRs we had a specific way of doing feeding, scheduled bathroom breaks for Bacon (she needs carried outside for her business), certain procedures for filling separate kongs with their individual treats, etc. Yes, we are still checking his water bowl and stuff. Muscle memory in a big way.

I fully expect that like with you, it will be a long road. The original plan was to bury the pups at their favorite splashing location (as seen in the video), but it is under a few feet of snow this time of year. As such we opted to have Reuben cremated and will be leaving his ashes there in the late spring when accessible. It's in a national forest where we will not have to worry about him being disturbed beyond the occasional moose and elk. It is where eventually my ashes will be as well.

Haven't taken anything yet, but as a precaution my doc gave me a couple day supply of mild medicinals for if I find myself in a really bad way. In the meantime I have taken a dose of CBD, which I occasionally take to help with back pain, and it seems to have helped keep an even keel.I loathe doing more than that, as I owe it to the little guy to mourn him properly. I am sure you feel the same with Ahboo.

WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


Hasselblad posted:

I am definitely feeling the sudden hole in our lives. Our other JR (Bacon) is 19, and we fully expected her to go first and were already mentally preparing ourselves for her passing. We dreaded the thought of eventually losing Reuben, but despite him being 16 we thought it would be a ways off still.
Yeah. We'd been "preparing" for a couple of years. We'd already had some health scares, but Ahboo always bounced back. So in a way, we were kind of... waiting for him to go? Not that we wanted to lose him, of course, but we knew he'd already exceeded his source breeds' lifespan (11-13 years for labs, 12-14 for standard poodles). So it was always "soon". It didn't really prepare us at all.

quote:

With the 2 JRs we had a specific way of doing feeding, scheduled bathroom breaks for Bacon (she needs carried outside for her business), certain procedures for filling separate kongs with their individual treats, etc. Yes, we are still checking his water bowl and stuff. Muscle memory in a big way.
No matter how well you clean up, you'll keep finding things. Yesterday I was in my car, backing out of a parking space. I glanced back and saw the noseprints on the back window and had to re-park for a minute. Ugh. But it passes more and more quickly each time.

quote:

I fully expect that like with you, it will be a long road. The original plan was to bury the pups at their favorite splashing location (as seen in the video), but it is under a few feet of snow this time of year. As such we opted to have Reuben cremated and will be leaving his ashes there in the late spring when accessible. It's in a national forest where we will not have to worry about him being disturbed beyond the occasional moose and elk. It is where eventually my ashes will be as well.
The video of Reuben splashing around hadn't played correctly on my phone, so I just now saw it on my PC. Wow, it looks like he was having so much fun! That stick was bigger than him! What an awesome friend!

So... We also thought for a bit about how to deal with Ahboo's remains. I didn't want to take that big boy back home and try to bury him, and I remember having a friend who cremated his cat and then kept the ashes on a box on his mantle. That felt... odd to me (I feel the same way about keeping your great aunt's ashes in an urn).

To each their own, of course, but I decided that I had enough things to remember Ahboo by. So we asked the vet to just handle it. No regrets.


Soooo... All of that said... I've asked LITERALLY A BIRD if we could convert this into a general pet memorial thread. She liked the idea, so I re-did the OP and have requested a thread title and icon change. This can now be a place where all goons can share memories of their lost pets of any type. Except scorpions. gently caress those things.

mediaphage
Mar 22, 2007


We lost our beloved little bird, Hedy, this morning in an accident. She was a brave little thing that loved apples and exploring. Im so sorry, Hedy, we loved you so much.

WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


mediaphage posted:

We lost our beloved little bird, Hedy, this morning in an accident. She was a brave little thing that loved apples and exploring. I’m so sorry, Hedy, we loved you so much.


Oh no. I'm so sorry.

She was absolutely beautiful. Such amazing colors.

I know it's easy to overanalyze everything. Whatever happened, please don't blame yourselves. You obviously loved her, and I'm sure you had her best interests at heart.

Accidents just happen sometimes. I can't count the number of times we accidently left a door or gate open, and it's only by sheer luck the dog didn't get out into traffic, or we were able to track him down quickly. It just... sucks. And I feel for you.

mediaphage
Mar 22, 2007


WhiteHowler posted:

Oh no. I'm so sorry.

She was absolutely beautiful. Such amazing colors.

I know it's easy to overanalyze everything. Whatever happened, please don't blame yourselves. You obviously loved her, and I'm sure you had her best interests at heart.

Accidents just happen sometimes. I can't count the number of times we accidently left a door or gate open, and it's only by sheer luck the dog didn't get out into traffic, or we were able to track him down quickly. It just... sucks. And I feel for you.

Thank you. Obviously that's all I'm doing...if I had just shut the door....

We're just trying to be there for each other and our other little parrot, who is bonded with Hedy. She was such a trooper even all the way to the vet. I'm just hoping that her mate doesn't stop eating. This week he can have all the safflower seeds he wants....

Axqu
Nov 28, 2016


I thought a glass lid would be enough to keep him in his tank. He's been with me through two cross-country moves and a hell of a lot of sadbrains. When I found him, I thought it was in time to save him, but he was already past the point of no return and he died shortly after I got him in his hospital tank. I should've put a brick on top. I should've been better. He was relying on me to keep him safe and I failed him. After all he did for me, I owed him bare minimum that much. It's not his fault he jumped out. His brain is literally sub- pea sized. This frog kept me from taking my own life when I was at my lowest and I failed him. He could've lived another decade. He should've lived another decade. If I wasn't such a lovely frogmom he WOULD have lived another decade.

RIP Paul. I miss you terribly and I loved you a lot.



WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


Axqu posted:

I thought a glass lid would be enough to keep him in his tank. He's been with me through two cross-country moves and a hell of a lot of sadbrains. When I found him, I thought it was in time to save him, but he was already past the point of no return and he died shortly after I got him in his hospital tank. I should've put a brick on top. I should've been better. He was relying on me to keep him safe and I failed him. After all he did for me, I owed him bare minimum that much. It's not his fault he jumped out. His brain is literally sub- pea sized. This frog kept me from taking my own life when I was at my lowest and I failed him. He could've lived another decade. He should've lived another decade. If I wasn't such a lovely frogmom he WOULD have lived another decade.

RIP Paul. I miss you terribly and I loved you a lot.
I'm very sorry your frog friend is gone. It sounds like he meant the world to you.

So... I don't want to seem insensitive in the face of your loss, but I don't think you're being fair to yourself. None of us are perfect, and we can't dwell on mistakes, especially if they were made under good intentions. If I started analyzing all the things I did "wrong" with my (now departed) dog, I'd never forgive myself. Not walking him enough. Occasionally ignoring him when he wanted attention. And yeah, not double-checking the side gates to make sure he couldn't escape and get run over. He didn't, but he easily could have a few different times because I was too lazy to check the gates before letting him into the yard.

What happened to your frog is heartbreaking. But you did the things that seemed right at the time -- you just didn't think this could have happened. It's done now. Grieve as you need to, but don't hate yourself for it. That's just a path back to the place Paul saved you from.

And... If you do find yourself drifting back toward that dark place, please get help. The goons here aren't equipped to help you with that, so find a professional that can. If you need references, please send me a PM with your general location (even country is fine), and I'm happy to find some resources for you.

Axqu
Nov 28, 2016


Yeah... yeah, I know you're right. Not even debatable; I know you're right. I just... idk man, he was the best and most reliable little dude. He sang when he was happy. That's why I named him Paul. After Paul McCartney. I was gonna get him a roommate and name the roomie John (Lennon). He was trainable too. I had it so he'd swim up to the front of the glass when I tapped it at feeding time.

I'm doing okay. My brush with death was about 4 years ago and I've improved so much I'm almost not even recognizably the same person any more. My therapist is an absolute powerhouse and she's got me firmly in hand. I'm just wallowing in guilt and grief at the moment and it sounds scarier than it is. My fianc had to leave yesterday for 3 weeks of job training so I'm fairly isolated right now and taking things harder than I otherwise would. I'm gonna go see a close friend this weekend, I've got my grandparents close by, and my buddies are checking in... plus this is an excuse to spoil my other 2 frogs with treats and appreciate them lots and lots. Thank you, kind goonfriend. I'm okay.

Edit to add: I'm gonna get a couple more frogs of the same species, but not normals and not males. A couple female albinos. With better tank security, natch. I love ACFs but I don't wanna replace Paul because Paul is irreplaceable. I wanna get a couple girls so I don't look in the tank and mistake them for him. Having a couple charming ACFs to pour my heart into will be good for me.

Axqu fucked around with this message at 23:09 on Jan 20, 2020

Charles
May 9, 2004

zoom-zoom


Toilet Rascal

I'm hurting without Otis

I still got the instinct to share the last of my yogurt for him last night :(

Crazy Ferret
May 11, 2007

Welp


Today I had to my cat of 13 years down.



I got Jinx from the ASPCA in Austin my first year there. She saw me through a few career changes, the lowest point in my life, and she was there when I discovered my calling as a teacher and helped me through the hard first year of teaching.



She was a strange cat. I was the only person allowed to touch her head as she would dodge out of the way of everyone else. She could not purr well, instead doing a strange throaty chortle at me. If I was sleeping on my back, she would grab my wrist like a kitten to move my arm out of the way so she could sleep in the nook of my arm. I'd regularly wake up to her face on my shoulder, happily sounding like someone clearing their throat.



gently caress me, I am going to miss my cat.



Thank you for this thread.

WhiteHowler
Apr 3, 2001

I'M HUGE!


Oh gosh, I somehow missed a couple of posts here.

Charles posted:

I'm hurting without Otis

I still got the instinct to share the last of my yogurt for him last night
When you feel up to it, would you like to share some photos or stories? I don't get around this subforum very often, but I'm sure several of us would like to know what Otis meant to you -- and it might help to share.

Crazy Ferret posted:

Today I had to my cat of 13 years down.



I got Jinx from the ASPCA in Austin my first year there. She saw me through a few career changes, the lowest point in my life, and she was there when I discovered my calling as a teacher and helped me through the hard first year of teaching.



She was a strange cat. I was the only person allowed to touch her head as she would dodge out of the way of everyone else. She could not purr well, instead doing a strange throaty chortle at me. If I was sleeping on my back, she would grab my wrist like a kitten to move my arm out of the way so she could sleep in the nook of my arm. I'd regularly wake up to her face on my shoulder, happily sounding like someone clearing their throat.



gently caress me, I am going to miss my cat.



Thank you for this thread.
I'm very sorry. Jinx seemed to have quite the personality. She obviously loved you very much, and it sounds like you saved each other in different ways. Thank you for providing her a loving home.

yellowyams
Jan 15, 2011


Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my beloved kitty Bella. It happened so recently that I'm not ready to look at pictures without breaking down, but I will try to soon. I'm not quite sure how old she was but she must have been at least 20 or older. When we first got her, she was my sister's cat and I was very young in elementary school. When my sister moved out she became the family cat and then she became my cat.

She was with me nearly my whole life and she was the sweetest most loving little kitty I've ever had. When I was sad or anxious or upset she'd be there to nuzzle me and rub on me and cuddle. She would sometimes roll over on her back and welcomed tummy rubs. She had the softest fluffy fur in the world and long whiskers and a sweet little baby face even when she was old. When she was younger she'd freak out if I went to take a shower and insisted on coming in and meowing at me until I would get out. When I got home from work or school she'd perk up from wherever she was sitting and meow until I came to cuddle her. If I went into another room she'd follow. When I would lie down in bed she would tuck herself as deep between my arm and my torso as she could. In winter I'd sometimes notice soot near her nose and mouth and on her tongue and realize she'd been licking soot off the fireplace logs like a little stinker. She used to always sleep at the foot of my bed, and then as she got older I would wake up and she'd tucked herself into the little spoon position, and in the last few years she would just crawl under the covers and snuggle up to my body heat.

Her health was never especially good but she seemed to always bounce back from every scare. She even came back from being blind. In October, her retinas blew out from hypertension and the emergency vet I took her to said her sight wouldn't come back. I thought this might be the beginning of the end but one week later her retinas had re-attached and it was like she'd never gone blind in the first place. We had nearly 4 more months together after that.

She had kidney disease for several years and thyroid disease for even longer so the idea that I would have to say goodbye was something I knew I would have to consider eventually but I would shut down those thoughts each time because I couldn't bear it, just thinking of it would get me sobbing uncontrollably. She started acting strangely 3 weeks ago but I thought it was related to the change in her medicine that we started around that time. This week she suddenly deteriorated so quickly that I took her to get examined. I found out on Friday morning that she had fluid in her abdomen and would probably not make it through the week, if even the next few days. I arranged for someone to come put her to sleep at home so she could go sitting on one of her favorite spots, and since she used to be the family cat, the family was all there to say their goodbyes.

Everything happened so quickly that it felt like a dream to me. In the 24 hours before I had to say goodbye I kept telling myself that this was probably the best way it could have gone, that I had done everything that I could have and no prior knowledge would've been able to change the outcome, that she'd lived the longest she could with the best care I could afford her, that I didn't have to have the guilt and fear that I could have avoided this that I know I would have been haunted by if she had deteriorated after the October incident instead, that from her perspective she was just drifting off to sleep surrounded by all the people who took care of her and loved her. I kept repeating this to myself so it would hurt less and I could accept what was happening but when the vet arrived it was like none of what was happening was real and I couldn't react to it. I knelt down in front of her so I could be what she saw as she drifted off and I spoke to her with the soft voice I would use when I would comfort her and for some reason I couldn't cry. She was the most important thing in the world to me and I couldn't understand why I wasn't crying or reacting to what was happening. My parents told me they thought I was being very strong for her to say comforting words to her without wavering as she lost consciousness but I wasn't really trying to hold it together, I felt like I was a character acting out their part in a play while it was happening. I became very frustrated with myself, because I had just lost the most important piece of my life and yet I couldn't let my emotions out and start grieving even though I wanted to so bad. I really wanted to cry so it could feel real and I could at least start the process of moving on.

I think I must have been in a state of shock. Later that night, I was trying to articulate how I was feeling and realized I was lonely for the first time. I finally broke out wailing and crying. I could finally start to feel a little bit that she wasn't there anymore and she won't be again. The grief comes in waves and it's getting easier to manage over time but I keep thinking about her little head poking through the door when she wanted to come in, or the little notch in her ear, or her body warmth when she would crawl under the covers to snuggle up to me. I keep walking into the room wanting so bad to pet her again even though I know she's gone. It feels like part of my heart has been ripped out. She was the light of my life and my reason for living. I love you Bella, and I miss you so much.


I'm so sorry. She looked like a really great kitty and it sounds like you really enriched each others lives.

Hasselblad
Dec 13, 2017
NRA shill who thinks homeless people would love to live in migrant border camps. Help me realize I am a bigoted piece of shit.


yellowyams posted:

I think I must have been in a state of shock. Later that night, I was trying to articulate how I was feeling and realized I was lonely for the first time. I finally broke out wailing and crying. I could finally start to feel a little bit that she wasn't there anymore and she won't be again. The grief comes in waves and it's getting easier to manage over time but I keep thinking about her little head poking through the door when she wanted to come in, or the little notch in her ear, or her body warmth when she would crawl under the covers to snuggle up to me. I keep walking into the room wanting so bad to pet her again even though I know she's gone. It feels like part of my heart has been ripped out. She was the light of my life and my reason for living. I love you Bella, and I miss you so much.

Reading this ripped open my tear ducts again. Tomorrow will be a month since the last time I had Reuben sitting on my lap. CBD oil helps to keep me from losing it when I think of him. I can so relate to what you are going through, what with expecting him to come in through the doggy door as if he was just out barking at the UPS truck. Our house literally feels less warm since we let him go.

This is some heavy stuff, and part of me feels guilty if I am NOT grieving for him. Pets leave a large vacuum behind for sure.

His ashes are temporarily on our dresser, with one of his action-packed pictures in his most favorite place, the place that we will lay him to rest once the snows clear.

yellowyams
Jan 15, 2011


It's been a week now. I never thought I would be the person who held onto ashes or projected meaning onto the remains of someone after they've already left but it felt so unreal when they put her to sleep and carried her off that I wound up panicking the next morning and asking them if I could have her ashes back after the aquamation even though it hadn't been part of my original request because I needed to feel closure.

Today I received her ashes in a small wooden box about the size of my hands cupped together. I know it's weird of me but it feels a little better to have a piece of her back home with us. The thought of her being scattered by someone she didn't know in a place she'd never been without the presence of any of the people she loved was painful to me which is part of why I changed my mind about her remains even though I know it's kind of meaningless and I know it's more about my feelings than hers since she's gone now. She was an indoor cat so I'm not really sure where to go from here though. There's nowhere she cared about where I could scatter her.

I worked up the courage to look at some of her pictures recently. I wish I had taken more but I never messed with cameras or phones much.

little beans


:p


You can see how long her whiskers were in this one. Baby.


I'm glad I took this picture in December because it's something she'd been doing for years but I never thought to document. If I ever had the door closed and she wanted in I'd hear a clacky noise and look over and see a little paw reaching under the door, then when I would go over and peek underneath, she'd retract her paw and push her face into the crack. If I ever had the door open just a little she'd push it open with her face too so the first thing I'd see when she would come in was her little head peeking past the side of the door.


This is the blurriest pic in the world but it's the only one I could find of her doing her tummy up pose. This is from back from before we changed her diet so she was much chubbier (and before the thyroid disease).


My family has also been sharing some stories that I barely remembered because I was so young. Around when we first got Bella, my friend who had come over to play left our front door open by accident when she went home and we couldn't find the kitty anywhere in the house after that so we desperately searched the neighborhood with no luck. Hours later, we were all sitting in the living room and crying over the loss when we heard a meow and Bella just sauntered in like nothing happened. My mom's hypothesis was that she somehow snuck into a partly opened closet we didn't think to check and was napping the whole time.

This has been the first day that the crying and sadness has reached a manageable level. I will never not miss her but I'm hoping that I'm finally making progress with moving on and not feeling paralyzingly crushed by her absence.


Hasselblad posted:

This is some heavy stuff, and part of me feels guilty if I am NOT grieving for him. Pets leave a large vacuum behind for sure.

I'm sure you know this but processing your grief and reaching a point where you can move on doesn't lessen the bond you had with him at all. I completely get why you would feel that way since I feel it a little too now that I'm finally starting to work through it, but he will still have had an important place in your life no matter how you adapt.

Hasselblad
Dec 13, 2017
NRA shill who thinks homeless people would love to live in migrant border camps. Help me realize I am a bigoted piece of shit.


yellowyams posted:

I'm sure you know this but processing your grief and reaching a point where you can move on doesn't lessen the bond you had with him at all. I completely get why you would feel that way since I feel it a little too now that I'm finally starting to work through it, but he will still have had an important place in your life no matter how you adapt.

I am getting better about it all, but run to the CBD oil at times. My father passed away over a decade ago, and we shortly afterward moved to the mountains of Utah. I thought the worst grief was past, but every time I saw some amazing scenery I immediately thought how my father would have loved it, and would break down a bit. Similar thing is happening now when we get a beautiful spring-like day, and my mind immediately goes to seeing if Reuben wants to go exploring, then it hits me that he's not here to do that. I really need to get out and walk when those moods hit, because part of me feels he sees the world through my eyes now.

Edit: One of Reuben's last pawprints in the snow.

Hasselblad fucked around with this message at 23:15 on Feb 22, 2020

Oodles
Oct 31, 2005



I just had to say goodbye to my Chunky Charlie Cat this week. He was missing for a few days, and came back and had been hit by a car. We thought it was just a fractured jaw, but he worsened and had swelling on the brain, fluid in his lungs and started getting jaundice. I had to make the awful decision to put him to sleep.

Heres a picture of him and his sister when we got them 8 years ago.



I never wanted pets, I never had them growing up. But my wife watched lots of cat YouTube videos and was adamant wed get them. I remember thinking when we first got them, that Id have to say goodbye to them one day.

They were mental kittens. They would climb up the curtains and into the washing basket. They were wild.

He was such a fun cat.



He was the only other boy in my house. He was my cat. He would just sit next to you what ever you were doing. Hed just be happy to be with you. If you ever stood up hed just walk with you with his tail up in the air.



He was such a chunk. But this shows how soft he was, he always wanted belly tickles. You only had to look at him and hed come over to you. He was such a slut cat, hed go to anyone for tickles and strokes. This was supposed to be his golden years of having strokes now all our girls were not babies, and we didnt have to shush him.



He was so good with our babies. He grew up with them all. He was so patient. Even when theyd tug his tail or just launch themselves onto him. Two of our girls first words were cat and our littlest one puts her hand out and makes the psspsss noise to get him over.

gently caress me Im so sad. Im angry and I want my boy back.

Im going to miss you Charlie. You were an arse sometimes, but you were mine.

yellowyams
Jan 15, 2011


I keep remembering little things she used to do that I don't want to forget. Something that used to be a little annoying when she did it but I'll always look back on fondly is that when she'd wake up before me, she would crawl out from under the covers and put her face up close to mine and then boop me on the nose with her nose until I'd get up.



Yesterday was the first day I didn't cry since I found out I would have to say goodbye to her on the 7th. It's been almost 3 weeks since I saw her and it's finally getting easier but part of that scares me. I stand by what I said about how moving on doesn't lessen how much she shaped my life but sometimes it feels like I'm slowly forgetting what she meant to me because it's the only way I can get over it rather than truly processing that she's gone. She was with me for over two thirds of my life, it's difficult for me to even comprehend what life without her means. It still feels kind of like she's just on a trip somewhere.


I'm so sorry you had to go through this, he looks like he was a great cat. My sister lost her cat in a very similar situation and said there was probably nothing anyone could have told her at the time that would have made her feel better but that talking to people about it and how awful it was and just being heard helped her a little. Give yourself time to properly mourn but if a while has passed and you still find yourself having a hard time coping with what happened, you may want to try counseling or group therapy. There's also probably local grief/pet loss hotlines if you need to talk to someone more urgently. It's extremely common to feel things like guilt or anger or obsessing over what you did or didn't do after a sudden loss like this and I know it's not as simple as just not doing that but please remember that you are not omnipotent and did the best you could. When my first cat passed I kept kicking myself for not showering him with love and affection every waking moment he had been with me but looking back on it now I can recognize that I gave him plenty of love and was just blaming myself for why it felt so bad. Cherish the time you have with your kitty and please take care of yourself and your family.

Hasselblad
Dec 13, 2017
NRA shill who thinks homeless people would love to live in migrant border camps. Help me realize I am a bigoted piece of shit.


yellowyams posted:

Yesterday was the first day I didn't cry since I found out I would have to say goodbye to her on the 7th. It's been almost 3 weeks since I saw her and it's finally getting easier but part of that scares me. I stand by what I said about how moving on doesn't lessen how much she shaped my life but sometimes it feels like I'm slowly forgetting what she meant to me because it's the only way I can get over it rather than truly processing that she's gone. She was with me for over two thirds of my life, it's difficult for me to even comprehend what life without her means. It still feels kind of like she's just on a trip somewhere.

Absolutely feeling this on my end as well.

PhysicsFrenzy
May 30, 2011

cats can have little a sunglasses, as a treat

Last week, when our cat Onion started spiraling downward, I told my partner that I didn't think I'd ever be able to put an animal down. This morning we made the impossible decision to euthanize him. I held him in his final moments. He suddenly had energy again, minutes before the end, and it made it so much harder. We went home with an empty pet carrier.

He came into our lives roughly ten months ago. Wandered up to our car when we were about to go to work, then bolted inside our house and made himself at home when we went to grab him some food. He was already old and sick-- gum disease, kidney failure, the works-- when he came into our lives, so we knew we wouldn't have much time with him. That didn't make today or the last few weeks any easier.

Maybe I'll share some happy stories and photos when I'm feeling more up to it. For now it's helping just to type this out. Thanks for reading, and my deepest empathy to everyone else who has reason to be in this thread.

Slugworth
Feb 18, 2001

If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!


PhysicsFrenzy posted:

He suddenly had energy again, minutes before the end, and it made it so much harder.
I know the feeling, but take solace in the fact that his final moments were comfortable.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Ultra Carp

PhysicsFrenzy posted:

Last week, when our cat Onion started spiraling downward, I told my partner that I didn't think I'd ever be able to put an animal down. This morning we made the impossible decision to euthanize him. I held him in his final moments. He suddenly had energy again, minutes before the end, and it made it so much harder. We went home with an empty pet carrier.

He came into our lives roughly ten months ago. Wandered up to our car when we were about to go to work, then bolted inside our house and made himself at home when we went to grab him some food. He was already old and sick-- gum disease, kidney failure, the works-- when he came into our lives, so we knew we wouldn't have much time with him. That didn't make today or the last few weeks any easier.

Maybe I'll share some happy stories and photos when I'm feeling more up to it. For now it's helping just to type this out. Thanks for reading, and my deepest empathy to everyone else who has reason to be in this thread.

Bless you for taking in an old, sick cat, giving him comfort and love in his last months, and helping him to pass painlessly when it was time. I'm sorry for your loss, but it's so good that you were there for him.

Toxic Mental
Jun 1, 2019

by Cyrano4747


Legendary cat Shiro has passed away at the good old age of 18:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vdod7taw2MY



I'll miss his daily youtube videos.

Takes No Damage
Nov 20, 2004

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.




Grimey Drawer

My parent's rescue Mastiff died tonight

He was already about 7 when they got him which is about the average lifespan for a dog that size, but he made it another 3 years with them.



He was already on a couple of different medications just from being old, and these last few months he'd started having seizures, but between those he seemed relatively normal / comfortable.


Note: Not his bed

He seemed fine today, but seized up once this afternoon and again right after dinner. He seemed to recover from that and was able to walk out in the back yard, but then collapsed in the grass and wasn't able to move again.



The time between breaths got longer and longer, then he rattled a bit and that was that.



A bummer, obviously, but in terms of timing that's got to be hitting it as close to perfect as you can get.



Obviously he didn't give one poo poo about getting wet, much to the chagrin of whoever was tasked with giving him his daily walk when it was raining.



Aside from that he was content to lay around the house all day doing not a drat thing.



He was a good dog.

vvv Thanks, and yeah we think so. Sometimes I fantasize about adopting exclusively old pets that no one else wants, but going through this every couple of years would suuuuuuuuuuck. After a while I'm going to float the idea of fostering, so they could take care of a rescue for a few weeks or months but not have to make the lifetime commitment with each one.

Takes No Damage fucked around with this message at 16:19 on Mar 15, 2020

PhysicsFrenzy
May 30, 2011

cats can have little a sunglasses, as a treat

Takes No Damage posted:


He was a good dog.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Adopting senior pets is really, really hard, but it looks like you guys gave him a wonderful three years.

Minto Took
Dec 4, 2002



Fun Shoe

My wife and I put down Poncho about two hours ago. We had him for two weeks. He was 12 years old.

He and his bonded mate Salvador were a couple rescues we adopted at a hockey game that was having a pet adoption night. Their previous person passed away, so they were in a shelter together until we got them.

Poncho developed a nagging wheeze last week and he had some bowel issues that cleared up with an anal glands expression and anti-biotics we got the day after he was adopted. Chest x-rays were negative. Took him back the next week for his immunizations, vet looked over him and didn't see anything unusual since last time. My wife took him in today as planned because he would produce a lot of snot when he sneezed, so we assumed allergies since I grew up with a dog with seasonal allergies. After this round of x-rays, they found masses in his stomach, abdominal area, and lungs. The cancer was so far progressed that he was sick long before we got him. He was my wife's dog and went to sleep in her arms at the vet's office.

Here are the two monsters:


Poncho is in the upper left. He was a Chihuahua mix. He was special because he didn't yap.

That's Salvador on the bottom right. He's a Retriever mix and when we got home from the vet, he was glad to see us. He was very loving as he always is and because he didn't look for Poncho, my wife and I figured that Sal knew Poncho was sick. Sal was always very protective of Poncho. Sal would frequently lick Poncho's head when he'd check on his little buddy and was very defensive of him around other dogs--especially big ones. Salvador being so protective of Poncho and how close they were was special.

Silver lining in all this is I like to believe that Poncho is now back with his first person. When we get Poncho's ashes, he'll be buried with his collar, harness, and leash all wrapped up in his favorite Star Wars blanket.

Slugworth
Feb 18, 2001

If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!


Minto Took posted:

My wife and I put down Poncho about two hours ago. We had him for two weeks. He was 12 years old.
You guys are fantastic for taking in an older pair of dogs. I'm glad Poncho got to finish things out with a loving family instead of in a shelter.

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Dixville
Nov 4, 2008

I HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS AND DID AN OOPS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT SHIT HAPPENS. ps tom brady is GOAT


Ham Wrangler

I used to have a little cattle dog looking dog whose name was Knox. The first time I met him he jumped right up in my lab and kissed my face. I loved him right then and there. I took a picture that day.

He was a very fearful dog. I found out quickly he did not like loud noises, children or other dogs. He wasn't great on the leash but he was small enough, at about 25 lbs, to stop him easily enough. Eventually I got a Gentle Leader and it made a world of difference for him. He loved our walks.


He had atopic allergy issues. One time I had to shave him down, he looked pretty funny for a while.


I had a cat at home and while they didn't get along all the time (once the cat scratched his cornea because he didn't get the hint and leave him alone, once the dog bit the cats ear hard enough to leave a tiny notch that remains to this day) but they at least tolerated each other most of the time.


Sometimes they would play.


Knox would sometimes get in the mood to cuddle though he usually preferred to be left alone. When I would cry, he would jump up on my chest and kiss the tears away.


Know had a lot of anxiety problems. Separation anxiety and many other triggers. I took him to Dr. Melese, a vet behaviorist in San Diego. Drove a couple hours and spent I think 4 hours consulting with him, then follow up phone calls. It helped a lot with some of his issues and I felt like I made his life more comfortable through meds and training. He went on 3 different meds.

Over time, Knox started to get used to me. I think maybe when I first got him, for the first few months, he was afraid of me. But once the fear went away enough for him to gain some confidence, he started to slowly get more agressive with me. If I dod something he didn't like he would growl and possibly try to bite. A few times he did bite me seriously enough to draw blood.
One day last year I was sitting in a reclining chair and he jumped up on my chest. I was petting him and he for some reason decided he didn't like it so he started growling. I knew I had to be careful getting up from the chair. He snapped at my face. If he had made contact he could have really hurt and possibly disfigured me. Between this and his life of anxiety and stress, I stepped back and thought about things. Eventually I came to the extremely difficult decision to euthanize him. I had tried so hard for him and he tried too. But I just couldn't give him the life he deserved. Because of his anxieties with other dogs and children I felt like a farm life wouldn't suit him. I couldn't take the fear of rehoming him and having him seriously hurt a child or adult.
I had the vet come to my house. I held him and we gave him a heavy sedative. He fell asleep in my arms, then they placed his catheter and put him to rest.
I will never forget this dog and everything he taught me about animals, fear, and love. I'm a veterinarian and I have taken things I learned from him to give people ideas on how to train their dogs and what medications to use, I also got interested in Fear Free practice thanks to him. I hope I see you again some day, buddy, even though I don't really believe it.

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