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Weltlich
Feb 13, 2006


Grimey Drawer

Coupon for 50% Off
36 words

New from RJR Mills: SMOTHERS! Smothers are the vitamin and mineral fortified, low tar cigarettes that kids love! Five wild-fruit flavors: Smokin' Strawberry, Lemon Loosies, Draggin'fruit, Cherry Cherry, and Mentholberry. Smothers - Kid Tested, Uncle Approved!

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Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

Marx Mix
97 words

Hey kids! Did you know that rich people are stealing from your family? It’s true!

Regular people – moms, dads, grandmas, uncles, neighbors, friends, and more – have to work for companies making things. The companies make a lot of money off of the regular people’s work, but the workers see hardly any of it. Instead, bosses get to keep most of the money, even though they don’t make anything. That’s stealing from workers! It’s not fair!

It doesn’t have to be this way, though. Workers can take over factories, farms, and stores. We can stop bosses from stealing!

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







i'm tempted to keep you waiting so i can get more rad cerealbox stories but all good things must end so here are the :siren:results:siren:

this was a small week and as everyone knows the smallest number is one because let's see you count a fraction on your fingers you can't it's just nonsense so there's basically one of everything.

the single loser this week is killer of lawyers with on the rim, which wasn't bad as such but was very dull, which is why it edged out the enthusiastic but clumsy kiyoshimon's world in a bottle (kiyo can have the only dm though so you shouldn't feel bad for them).

Tyrannosaurus had a shot at the win but, appropriately enough was unlucky and fell short but a punchers chance can still grab the hm for its extremely stylish execution of a fairly dull premise.

the winner which stands alone as usual was not a unanimous choice but after a minimalist amount of discussion the judges decided its assured writerly marshalling of metaphors was good enough to get it the win this week, so well done thranguy for your story the galaxy in the back room of grandfathers basement.

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

Yes, the good words are gone.

Why are the good words gone?!




Thunderdome Week CCCCXXIX: A Space Wizard Did It


From the canals of Mars to the jungles of Venus to distant planets under alien suns, where space wizards, knights and necromancers battle with laser swords, slow knives, and energy whips: this week, I want to see some Science Fantasy .  Particularly, I'd like some postcolonialist Science Fantasy . Retro-tech, obsolete assumptions about the universe, psychic powers or outright magic are all welcome here.  Lazy colonialist tropes and detailed scientific technobabble less so, along with the usual rules against fanfic, erotica, etc.

You have 1912 words to work with this week. If that's not enough, you can toxx (charity or original style) for unlimited words.

Flashrules available on request.

Signups close Friday 11:59 PM Pacific Time

Submissions close Sunday 11:59 PM Pacific time

Judges:

Thranguy
Grandma Party
QuoProQuid

Entrants:
Take the Moon
Walamor
Tyrannosaurus
Magic Cactus
Sparksbloom
MockingQuantum
Path
Gorka
Thumbtacks
A friendly penguin
Uranium Phoenix
Simply Simon
Tosk
Dr. Klocktopussy
Crabrock

Thranguy fucked around with this message at 01:03 on Oct 25, 2020

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011

by sebmojo


in, flash

Walamor
Dec 31, 2006

Fork 'em Devils!


In!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006


In

magic cactus
Aug 3, 2019

We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

In. Flash.

Yoruichi
Sep 21, 2017


Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse




Week 328 Crits


The Sad State of A Fair by Crabrock

10 points straight off the bat for a terrible pun title.

Well done for conquering your hell rule with flourish and aplomb. I enjoyed reading this. As a bureaucrat frequently outraged over petty rules leading to nonsensical outcomes that don’t in fact matter in any way shape or form, I naturally sympathised with your protagonist. I felt sad that all his flying spittle had flown in vain. But, there’s not much of a story here, is there. I wondered whether this disappointment of a biggest pumpkin contest was perhaps a metaphor for 2020, but if that’s what you were going for I didn’t really get it.

I can’t believe you thought you’d get away without a DQ though, lol.

6/10


Questions by a friendly penguin

I have mixed feelings about your decision to post a content warning. On the one hand, good on you for being sensitive to people’s feelings about an upsetting topic. On the other hand, Thunderdome stories address distressing and tragic topics all the time; why call out this particular type of tragedy?

My interpretation of this story is that Jill knows, or strongly suspects, that she has had a miscarrage, but was in denial of this. As such, this is a story about a woman getting, and coming to grips with, some very sad news. The story is very quietly told - the brevity of the dialogue and the lack of description emphasises the doctor’s coldness, or at least inattention, in the face of Jill’s silence. I think it could have done with a few more details though. What is Jill noticing about the interior of the examination room, for example, and what does this tell us about her?

The ending didn’t quite land for me. I think what I wanted was a bit more of a sense of how Jill is adjusting to this news. As it is she starts off feeling sad and wishing her partner was there, and ends feeling sad and wishing her partner was there.

On a very minor note, at one point you say, “The Dr. took a breath.” I think in this sentence “doctor” should be written in full, otherwise it’s a bit like saying “The Mr. took a breath.”

6.5/10


...And There Will Your Heart Be Also by magic cactus

First thought: “...hovers into her vision” is weird, because hovering is usually stationary.

Second thought: Oh no this isn’t getting any better. A “green” is usually a flat grassed area, why is this one rolling and also a glade. “Fallow” implies that the area was previously planted with crops, what are you talking about…

Third thought: Oh ok the young woman is a witch. No wait, she’s from a tribe with magic-y traditions. Wow this first paragraph is long and I really don’t understand what’s happening.

WHY IS THE TREE COVERED IN MEAT?

Oh ok, so this is a creepy ritual in which you nail the heart of a deceased loved-one to the magic tree and you get to see them again, but just for one day. But why does she want to see her great-grandmother so badly? Did she even know her when she was alive? Why does she care about the story of Pashtul? Why does she have to cut out her own heart, and, erm, shouldn’t she be dead now?

5/10 - some cool imagery, otherwise confusing.


The Galaxy in the Back Room of Grandfather's Basement by Thranguy

This is sweet but doesn't really go anywhere. The image of the two children lying underneath a tiny galaxy with their hair being tugged on by its gravity is great, this was the best bit for me.

Why'd you decide to kill Ashley? That was a bit of a bummer, and didn't add anything.

7/10


a puncher’s chance by Tyrannosaurus

Oof, my heart breaks for your protagonist, but your prose sucked me into his delusional optimism and I almost found myself believing…

This was a good, snappy piece of writing. Nothing groundbreaking, but it had just the right amount of emotional content for its length.

8/10


Miocene Delta by Weltlich

This is a story about two extinct sea creatures meeting and having a nice time. What sort of sea creatures they are I'm not sure, except they have moustaches and might be the ancestors of modern whales.

There's not much character, little stakes, some silty descriptions, and not a lot else. Not terrible, but not terribly interesting.

5/10


Case The House First by GrandmaParty

I didn’t quite get the tone of this - it felt like it alternated between comedy horror and weirdly serious. Like saying the vampire “got iced” but then crying about it.

6/10 - a fun read, not amazing.


Enlightenment by Staggy

Man tries to programme a lightbulb attain enlightenment. Man experiences extreme frustration. Man has revelation that maybe he should just go to bed. Partial enlightenment achieved.

This was fine. Nice concept, not badly done. Didn’t thrill me. I also want to go to bed, yet here I am, judging thunderdome.

6/10


The Oracle by QuoProQuid

I think I like this a lot better than it deserves. I love the image of an oracle residing in one’s closet, and the fact that the dog is happy at the end pleased me out of all proportion. It might be the case that you are getting an unfair advantage because you gave me a story about a happy dog when I’ve had a bad day. But, to be fair to your competitors, an oracle in a closet is a cool idea, and your prose is good.

7/10


What We Can Do by flerp

Ok, well, if QuoProQuid gets an unfair advantage by giving me a happy dog story on a bad day then you, my friend, definitely shot yourself in the foot with this one.

I really thought this was going to be a story about a puppy pulling through, flerp, I really did.

But it’s not.

It’s a story about a dead puppy.

And I guess it’s a story about hope and perseverance in the face of the inevitable, which I suppose you did portray pretty well, and to be fair it’s not badly written at all.

But next time happy dogs please.

6/10


Muffins by steeltoedsneakers

I’m not entirely sure what happened in this. What I think happened is that a small child uses some of her father’s plastic explosive(?) to make play-doh muffins and then play-doh octopuses, and then her father mistakenly uses the explosive cut with play-doh mixture to unsuccessfully try and blow the door off a safe.

I’m not one to judge other people’s parenting, but what sort of “precision guy” leaves his C-4 or whatever just lying around the living room?

Bomb guy’s problematic home situation aside, I thought this story was fine. The description of the explosion was ok, but I think you could have made it clearer that something had gone very wrong. For the ending to land we needed more reason to care about the fate of these characters. Hard to do in such a short piece, maybe you could have linked his failure to blow off the door back to his feelings about his daughter or something?

6/10


Zoetrope by Antivehicular

This is pretty cute, and a bit zany. It feels a bit lacking in consequence, but I liked it just fine.

7/10


On the Rim by Killer-of-Lawyers

This seems to be a story about how stubbornness can keep you going in a desperate situation, but there’s not quite enough story in it for me. Nothing happens and nothing changes, which just felt unsatisfying.

4/10


World in a bottle by kiyoshimon

“Theirs's” should just be “theirs”.

Quantum elves are created, develop superhuman intelligence, escape, and… take over the world?

There’s no real characters in this to root for, just the elves and “a scientist”, and without that there’s nothing to pull you into the story.

5/10 - not terrible, not terribly interesting.

GrandmaParty
Jan 31, 2003

My LPth are Hot Garbage

Biscuit Hider

Yoruichi posted:

The Sad State of A Fair by Crabrock

10 points straight off the bat for a terrible pun title.

Well done for conquering your hell rule with flourish and aplomb. I enjoyed reading this. As a bureaucrat frequently outraged over petty rules leading to nonsensical outcomes that don’t in fact matter in any way shape or form, I naturally sympathised with your protagonist. I felt sad that all his flying spittle had flown in vain. But, there’s not much of a story here, is there. I wondered whether this disappointment of a biggest pumpkin contest was perhaps a metaphor for 2020, but if that’s what you were going for I didn’t really get it.

I can’t believe you thought you’d get away without a DQ though, lol.

6/10

This is wrong.

This is so wrong, considering Crabrock told a story without any verbs.

My sense of justice is impinged because I know I couldn't come close to what he produced and my stupid cocaine ghost grandma story got the same rating.

I demand Justice. BRAWL CHALLENGE ISSUED.

ANY OTHER JUDGES THAT SHARE YORUICHI'S EXACT OPINION I'LL FIGHT YOU, TOO.


:toxx:

GrandmaParty fucked around with this message at 23:17 on Oct 20, 2020

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

Yes, the good words are gone.

Why are the good words gone?!





One of your main characters is a spy

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

Yes, the good words are gone.

Why are the good words gone?!





One of your main characters is the best in the world/system/galaxy at playing a particular musical instrument.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







GrandmaParty posted:

This is wrong.

This is so wrong, considering Crabrock told a story without any verbs.

My sense of justice is impinged because I know I couldn't come close to what he produced and my stupid cocaine ghost grandma story got the same rating.

I demand Justice. BRAWL CHALLENGE ISSUED.

ANY OTHER JUDGES THAT SHARE YORUICHI'S EXACT OPINION I'LL FIGHT YOU, TOO.


sure, i'll take that :toxx:

Yoruichi
Sep 21, 2017


Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse




GrandmaParty posted:

This is wrong.

This is so wrong, considering Crabrock told a story without any verbs.

My sense of justice is impinged because I know I couldn't come close to what he produced and my stupid cocaine ghost grandma story got the same rating.

I demand Justice. BRAWL CHALLENGE ISSUED.

ANY OTHER JUDGES THAT SHARE YORUICHI'S EXACT OPINION I'LL FIGHT YOU, TOO.


No, you're wrong :toxx:

Weltlich
Feb 13, 2006


Grimey Drawer

GrandmaParty posted:

This is wrong.

This is so wrong, considering Crabrock told a story without any verbs.

My sense of justice is impinged because I know I couldn't come close to what he produced and my stupid cocaine ghost grandma story got the same rating.

I demand Justice. BRAWL CHALLENGE ISSUED.

ANY OTHER JUDGES THAT SHARE YORUICHI'S EXACT OPINION I'LL FIGHT YOU, TOO.


:toxx:

Yoruichi posted:

No, you're wrong :toxx:


sebmojo posted:

sure, i'll take that :toxx:

I'll judge this brawl.

The theme of this brawl shall be...

HALLOWEEN



Oh poo poo, sorry... ignore the cereal, that was still in the buffer from interprompt.

Just write a story about halloween. 1900 words. By the stroke of midnight, PST, on Halloween.

update

Sitting Here posted:

:toxx: to lend GrandmaParty my writing sword in their worthy and venerable cause.

This has become a team brawl instead of a free-for-all.

Team 1: Butterscotches and a Box of Raisins
GrandmaParty
Sitting Here
magic cactus

Team 2: Candy Corns and Old Pennies
Sebmojo
Yoruichi
SkaAndScreenplays
take the moon

Weltlich posted:

ATTENTION WARRIORS, WHO HAVE DECIDED TO COME OUT AND PLAY: HERE'S YOUR TRICKS AND TREATS

Team 1
Trick – Are these loose candies Skittles, M&M’s, or Reese's Pieces? Who knows! Your story must end with a jarringly different genre than it started with.
Treat – SUGAR RUSH. An extra 1000 words for one story.
Treat – The house at the end of the street was giving out King Sized candybars! The team may write one extra story to put in their cheap plastic jack-o-lantern. One author can do it themselves, or it can be collaborative. It’s up to y’inz.

Team 2
Treat – Oh look, you got my favorite junk-food genre: Space Pioneers. Write a good story about hardscrabble life on the edge of the void, and pander to the judge.
Treat – A Bunch of Old Chestnuts. Have a callback to a classic ThunderDome story buried somewhere in yours.
Treat – Voidmart Val-U Brand Candy. Have Voidmart as a setting for one of your stories.
Trick – :iiam: You must write a satisfying mystery short story, but :ms: The butler did it.
Trick – ♫ Let’s Do The Timewarp Again. ♫ Your story must be written in a dialect of English predating 1600 AD.


Wait, what's that? I didn't tell you who got which tricks and which treats? Why, that's the biggest trick of all! You'll have to hash that out amongst yourselves.

Weltlich fucked around with this message at 02:43 on Oct 25, 2020

sparksbloom
Apr 30, 2006


I'm in. Flash and :toxx: for charity.

MockingQuantum
Jan 20, 2012





In, flash.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






Weltlich posted:

I'll judge this brawl.

The theme of this brawl shall be...

HALLOWEEN



Oh poo poo, sorry... ignore the cereal, that was still in the buffer from interprompt.

Just write a story about halloween. 1900 words. By the stroke of midnight, PST, on Halloween.


:toxx: to lend GrandmaParty my writing sword in their worthy and venerable cause.

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


BLO OD E M PR E SS

of

THUDNER-DOME






:siren: Thunderdome Recaps! Week 425 :siren:

Sitting Here, Yoruichi, and Sebmojo discuss the stories of week 425, featuring a dramatic reading of DANCE OR DIE BY Tyrannosaurus!

Archive link. Also available on most podcatchers.

Featured authors:

Chili
MockingQuantum
rat-born cock
Yoruichi
Weltlich
magic cactus
Hawklad
GrandmaParty
Thranguy
Anomalous Blowout
Tyrannosaurus

Yoruichi
Sep 21, 2017


Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse




Weltlich posted:

update

This has become a team brawl instead of a free-for-all.

Team 1: Butterscotches and a Box of Raisins
GrandmaParty
Sitting Here

Team 2: Candy Corns and Old Pennies
Sebmojo
Yoruichi

Whaaaaaat

Wait, so are we writing 1 story per team, or 2?

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

Yes, the good words are gone.

Why are the good words gone?!




sparksbloom posted:

I'm in. Flash and :toxx: for charity.

One of your main characters is centuries older than any other.

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

Yes, the good words are gone.

Why are the good words gone?!





One of your characters has pyrokinetic psychic abilities

Weltlich
Feb 13, 2006


Grimey Drawer

Yoruichi posted:

Whaaaaaat

Wait, so are we writing 1 story per team, or 2?

2 stories per team, or however many people end up on a team. If other people dogpile in...well...we'll find out.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







Our team is the spoopiest, get your butt in here we're writing about vampires and/or ghosts

SkaAndScreenplays
Dec 11, 2013

by Pragmatica


Weltlich posted:

I'll judge this brawl.

The theme of this brawl shall be...

HALLOWEEN



Oh poo poo, sorry... ignore the cereal, that was still in the buffer from interprompt.

Just write a story about halloween. 1900 words. By the stroke of midnight, PST, on Halloween.

update


This has become a team brawl instead of a free-for-all.

Team 1: Butterscotches and a Box of Raisins
GrandmaParty
Sitting Here

Team 2: Candy Corns and Old Pennies
Sebmojo
Yoruichi

:toxx: hopping in to back the Children Of The Candy Corn in this spooky showdown.

Path
Nov 2, 2010



In, for a first time! (this is hemlock, from the discord)

GrandmaParty
Jan 31, 2003

My LPth are Hot Garbage

Biscuit Hider

sebmojo posted:

Our team is the spoopiest, get your butt in here we're writing about vampires and/or ghosts

I wrote about vampires last week, get with the times, Grandma.

Also your candy is sugar-free and will give everyone diarrhea.

Gorka
Aug 18, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2021


In

magic cactus
Aug 3, 2019

We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.

Weltlich posted:

team brawl

:toxx: to help out team 1.

:blastu:

GrandmaParty
Jan 31, 2003

My LPth are Hot Garbage

Biscuit Hider

Also I'm gonna help judge this week.

Weltlich
Feb 13, 2006


Grimey Drawer

SkaAndScreenplays posted:

:toxx: hopping in to back the Children Of The Candy Corn in this spooky showdown.


magic cactus posted:

:toxx: to help out team 1.

:blastu:

Noted.

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

Yes, the good words are gone.

Why are the good words gone?!




Just to repeat what I said on the discord for people who aren't there, by Post-colonialist I mainly mean 'written from a modern, post-colonialist perspective.' You don't need to conform to academic definitions of Post-colonialist or anti-colonialist literature, although you certainly can if you want. But you'll be okay if you merely avoid using colonialist cheerleading or trivializing tropes and motifs in your story.

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011

by sebmojo


in for team 2 lol :toxx:

im sorry fellow tcer

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







fyi for all, toxxes are now back to being bannable for failing now that the store is open again

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011

by sebmojo


sebmojo posted:

fyi for all, toxxes are now back to being bannable for failing now that the store is open again



:o:

Weltlich
Feb 13, 2006


Grimey Drawer

Weltlich posted:

I'll judge this brawl.

The theme of this brawl shall be...

HALLOWEEN



Oh poo poo, sorry... ignore the cereal, that was still in the buffer from interprompt.

Just write a story about halloween. 1900 words. By the stroke of midnight, PST, on Halloween.

update


This has become a team brawl instead of a free-for-all.

Team 1: Butterscotches and a Box of Raisins
GrandmaParty
Sitting Here
magic cactus

Team 2: Candy Corns and Old Pennies
Sebmojo
Yoruichi
SkaAndScreenplays
take the moon

It has been noted that take the moon is trick-or-treating with team 2.

Also: It's been asked in Discord if there are any additional rules to this brawl other than "write a halloween story with 1900 words." At this point, that's it.

If people decide they want hellrules, or some kind of gimmick, I can make that happen. I'll give you guys until the 11:59 Pacific tomorrow to decide collectively if you want some trick-or-treat action.

Weltlich fucked around with this message at 23:02 on Oct 21, 2020

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk







i will take a trick

Yoruichi
Sep 21, 2017


Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse




If this is what we're doing then I want a treat

GrandmaParty
Jan 31, 2003

My LPth are Hot Garbage

Biscuit Hider

One trick and one treat, please.

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SkaAndScreenplays
Dec 11, 2013

by Pragmatica


1 trick and 1 treat in solidarity please.

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