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This prompt was made for me! Judge
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Feb 27, 2020 22:06
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| # ¿ Nov 14, 2025 14:26 |
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This is not an official prompt and is subject to being revoked by myself, Yoruichi, or anyone else at any time. The emergency has passed. May God have mercy on our souls. RandomPauI fucked around with this message at 23:57 on Feb 28, 2020 |
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Feb 28, 2020 23:23
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Edit: Posted the first crit without thinking.
RandomPauI fucked around with this message at 06:54 on Mar 2, 2020 |
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Mar 2, 2020 06:33
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Mercedes posted:I Did It Because I'm Richer Than You This comes close to being a nonsense story. The story establishes that Kelly is a woman who is capricious and wealthy, that she follows her own internal logic for what is and isn't appropriate. But it could be improved if Kelly's motivation was established in the first scene instead of the second. This could be done by turning the second scene with Doug into the first scene. The scene with Pablo could come next. It shows that Kelly does what she wants, spending her money on exotic Robotech instead of saving humanity. She doesn't care about her employees or their titles. She just wants to impress people with just how much wealth she has at her disposal. It would also imply that Doug from the first scene might not have been an engineer in the first place. The third scene would be the one with Horst, who would obviously be tired of this poo poo. He has a proper title and a proper name. He demands respect, tries to talk sense into Kelly, and when that fails he quits. You could even combine the scenes with Horst and Cameron at the end. Horst is done with Kelly. He just wants to enjoy his vacation/weekend/whatever. Then the night sky is lit up with Kelly's monstrous display of wealth. One neat thing to do might be using dollar amounts as scene breaks instead of just $$$. That would show the passage of time in a way that doesn't actually indicate how much time had passed. Or even if the reader was reading an earlier scene or a later scene! Azza Bamboo posted:He Wears Me Out There's a lot of small details that could work for a nonsense story. A tiny church that people seem to have to lube themselves to get into. Or people being born with inanimate objects embedded in them. A person sliding into a river full of waste food products. But this reads like an unreliable narrator’s internal stream of conscious thinking. To the point that I kept reading the story as a series of metaphors instead of a literal description of events. I think one problem is with a lack of a shared reality to the piece. This might be improved by changing the story from the first person to the third person. Changing the opening lines could help too. You could open with a description of the Neon Cross. And maybe give the first two lines to the priest as he leads the service. It would still read like one unstable person talking to another unstable person, but at least they would seem to share the same perception of reality. By the end, the story feels a bit like word salad. The narrator found salvation with what could be described as a quantum cat, and then he blasts away at it? Or he becomes it's disciple, spreading the word with bullets from his handguns? I'm sorry I just have a hard time following it. Saucy_Rodent posted:The Marine’s Wager This is a solid start for a nonsense story, but right now this reads more like a dark comedy or a satire. Having the Milky Way share its story first could help. Right now the story gets colored by the horrors of war near the start. Milky's response is certainly grander, but it also feels less personally meaningful compared to human suffering. And there are already good odds that Milky was just using this as a pretext to share that it was going to make millions of new stars for people just on a whim. The Vietnam part will still be a jolt, but going from upbeat to downbeat feels less jarring than going from downbeat to upbeat. At the same time, I think it will make the contrast feel starker. I would have appreciated more details about the scene itself too. Is the marine talking to the cosmos in his head, or laying down outside and talking to the stars, or talking to the personification of the Milky Way? The 5 bucks joke could be improved by Milky asking if the marine wanted bucks dollars or bucks skins. People don't know what the planet Zilgaflax looks like. But people can imagine buckskins. And they can come up with their own mental pictures of just how Milky would be carrying the skins in the first place. flerp posted:How the Pope is Chosen This is a solid premise. But the first-person narrative makes this read like a horrifying story. Adding more humor to the piece would take the edge off of "my child is being taken away from me forever" vibes. And shifting to a third person narrative would let a reader read it in a way that's a bit more detached. There's also ambiguity about if the child actually is changing or if the mother imagines the child changing. Having the child explicitly change in form to look more like a pope would clarify things. The behavior of the cardinals also doesn't match the gravity of the situation: this could be played up more. Like the Catholic Church recruiting for the St. Louis Cardinals. Playing it straight might work better too, like the portrayal of the clergy in Monty Python. Having different kinds of cardinals could play well too. The ending line is painful and tragic and a solid warning. It doesn't work for the theme, but it works for the story.
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Mar 3, 2020 04:28
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Fumblemouse posted:Chaos Fishermen I wanted the poem to be a bit more surreal, but I can't think of any way to accomplish that other than a few minor word changes (e.g., from "tides of chaos" to "tides of Bedlam") and creative illustrations or a dramatic reading. Maybe a watercolor version and an adult coloring book version? Edit: I loved the poem. I forgot to copy/paste that part but I'm too lazy to try to remember exactly what I wrote. Sitting Here posted:Video Catacomb Restorer This story had a nice, "Amazing Stories" vibe to it. It wasn't really a nonsense story, and I can't think of any way that it could become one without a major rewrite. The grandson's surprise at his grandfather being on the tape fits, but his exclamation feels off. Why would he know that his grandfather was never on the TV show? This could be an opportunity to add a few more details though. Maybe grandpa's tape was of the Johnny Carson show, and the donor shell comes from a show that didn't air until after his Grandpa died. The Tonight Show with Colbert, or Jimmy Fallon, or someone else. That detail might work best with a screenplay, though. I really think it would sell if it were turned into a spec script. Thranguy posted:Suspended in History and Water There are some good ideas in this, it could work well as a digression attached to a nonsense story. But I felt less like I was reading a story and more like I was being taken on a tour of a campus while blindfolded. First off, the beginning, middle, and end only had threadbare ties. And it went too over the top too quickly. This could still work if it were done as a mockumentary short with still images. Or if the dialogue was preceded by one actual scene putting things into context (Guide leading a tour group, a student at a bar explaining the history of booze in the area, etc.). Another option would be to expand on the labor strife in the middle, cutting out the dueling part and the parts about the college. Either way, I think you should revisit this as a part of a longer piece. There's the framework for a very good digression here. RandomPauI fucked around with this message at 06:35 on Mar 5, 2020 |
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Mar 5, 2020 06:31
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In, because you're a pal and a confidant
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Mar 19, 2020 03:40
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I have two ideas that I'm attached to, but they don't work together and I can't choose, so flash please
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Mar 19, 2020 11:27
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No title 183 Words Prompt: A literal or figurative pillar os strength I was determined to turn my ideas into my stories. And there was one idea I was particularly attached to this week; a piece about a man who found what he needed in his fiance's voice. Any attempts to go with other premises never progressed past rambling sentences I couldn't stay excited about. I tried different ways to get writing done; anything done. By Sunday that meant cleaning the apartment once I got too tense to sit still. And when I felt drained I would close my eyes, rock back and forth, and put a damp towel against my neck. And I'd think about the people important in my life and the memories with them that felt too precious to share here. The act would center me enough to write another or revise another sentence. In the end, I couldn't write the story I wanted to write. My feelings were too fragmented and intense: their wants and needs couldn't be reconciled. But I could at least share my story. And that would work for me.
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Mar 22, 2020 23:03
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In I can't possibly write the worst story! Well, I can possibly write it but I would hope not!
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Aug 17, 2020 13:39
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| # ¿ Nov 14, 2025 14:26 |
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Sitting Here posted:1. Quote only this part of the post if you would like to re-roll and receive a random story, but your word count falls to 1420 words. I'll roll the bones RandomPauI fucked around with this message at 21:09 on Aug 20, 2020 |
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Aug 20, 2020 21:02
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