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Redemption Crit! Because redemptions are cool and good and should be lauded.QuoProQuid posted:Redemption for week 423 I liked this a lot. I feel like you did an excellent job of pulling me into the mindset of this person, with a lot of little nods to how their increasing seclusion and deteriorating mental state manifested in their world. I think stories like this are always tough-- you end up having to tread a fine line between presenting a character that's interesting and believable in their psychoses, but not so interesting that the reader feels uncomfortable or unwilling to inhabit the character's head, and I feel like this character never became too much. I could see where the story was going pretty much from the introduction of the mandrakes, and although I don't think that's inherently an issue, I do think the story may have benefited from a little more discovery. I liked the foregone conclusion, I thought it was well executed, but I think the story might have had a little more oomph if this felt a touch less like a recounting of events and more like we were watching this character realize what lengths they were willing to go to in order to have their "beautiful" garden. Overall this was a strong entry, and while it's hard to say if it would have HM'ed in its week, I think it would have been near the top of the pack.
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Sep 21, 2020 16:11
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In, flash
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Sep 23, 2020 03:42
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Prompt: "Vast, dwarfing the four cooling towers, seemingly constructed from spurs of steel and acres of green glass." (page 316) The mind of the flower regards my mind Externally Overgrowth 1323 words archive MockingQuantum fucked around with this message at 06:50 on Jan 5, 2021 |
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Sep 27, 2020 23:02
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Sep 29, 2020 21:49
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In
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Sep 30, 2020 06:50
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 RECAP TIME, RECAP TIME, PUT ON YOUR RECAP EARS It's here! After great anticipation, the recap for Week 423 has finally arrived. Find it here! Hosted by Sitting Here, sparksbloom, Ironic Twist, and myself! Plus a cameo whine or two from an impatient Waffles the Thunderpooch. Featuring recaps of stories by: Simply Simon GrandmaParty Weltlich magic cactus sparksbloom crabrock CaligulaKangaroo QuoProQuid Thranguy Also available on Apple and Google podcast whatever things or something, I don't know, yell at crabrock if they don't show up on your podcast service of choice
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Oct 4, 2020 06:51
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It Stretches Away Forever archive MockingQuantum fucked around with this message at 06:51 on Jan 5, 2021 |
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Oct 4, 2020 22:27
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in & flash, I revel in chaos
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Oct 6, 2020 21:59
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Booker T. Whatley Genre: Travel Literature Flash: Rite of succession: as you die, you may transfer one radiation manipulation, skill level, or attribute to another player. Cost: life. range: sight. effect: binary. Partisan Raid: -350 words Wordcount: 1141 Verdant Lost archive MockingQuantum fucked around with this message at 06:51 on Jan 5, 2021 |
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Oct 12, 2020 04:54
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In, flash.
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Oct 21, 2020 03:48
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A Spark 641 words archive MockingQuantum fucked around with this message at 06:51 on Jan 5, 2021 |
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Oct 26, 2020 05:20
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In.
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Oct 28, 2020 04:19
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Tyrannosaurus posted:Show me how because, I mean, my dead. christ almighty
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Oct 28, 2020 04:49
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Show me how because, I mean, my dead. I looked over. “Well, we have continued to start for a bunch of reed woods by God." Maubrah had bited his taunts in the mountains of truth. Sweet, here comes a roof. Dancing towards the morning mind archive MockingQuantum fucked around with this message at 06:52 on Jan 5, 2021 |
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Nov 2, 2020 02:35
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In, and if I made it in today, I will NOT purify my room.
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Nov 2, 2020 23:15
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I will drink water, but I will pay the 100 words to ensure it is clean, for temperance is a virtue and the body is God's temple.
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Nov 4, 2020 08:04
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I shall searche the quadrent J9 so as to reclame any most holie Relicks of this place which may have been caste aside by ruinous Time
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Nov 5, 2020 05:55
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* Monday's spooky castle: HAUNTED and developed an AVERSION to bells and an AFFINITY for pigeons * Tuesday's terrible inn: PURIFIED (-100 words) * Wednesday's treasure hunt: You searched under this weird tile that looks like a priest with no more fucks to give?? (+50) * Surprise fairy attack: Pink Daffodil demands YELLOW * Thursday's Encounter: the CHARIOT: Control, willpower, success, action, determination / Self-discipline, opposition, lack of direction Began with 1500 words. Currently has 1450 words The Magenta Parson's Tale: Ringing the Changes 1115 words archive MockingQuantum fucked around with this message at 06:52 on Jan 5, 2021 |
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Nov 9, 2020 06:44
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I will cojudge this week!
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Dec 12, 2020 03:06
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FESTIVUS CRITS General thoughts: This was a tough week to judge, as a lot of the stories were all pretty solid. We really got down to the particulars when it came to judging, and even then ended up going back and forth on a couple of configurations before deciding on the mentions for the week. I will offer the caveat that for all of these, I didn't really read the individual prompts from whatever week you chose because lol that was never going to happen, so most of these crits were written blind based entirely on your entry. Nae - A List of People I've Never Loved This was a tough one to get through. The sense of loss really emanated from this in a way that felt honest and real, but it was pretty unrelenting. Given the prompt, it’s an understandable direction, but I think this lacked some focus. It benefitted from being in some way true, or at least feeling that way, if it wasn’t. There was an honesty to what the narrator was experiencing and their recollection of lost loved ones, but the best nonfiction, creative or not, finds a way to distill that personal depth into something that feels both specific and universal. This felt like an idea in search of a central theme. Overall I thought it was solid, just a little unfocused. Tree Bucket - The Darkhouse Keeper So this was a rough hellrule, to be sure, but I think maybe it was a mistake to take it quite so literally as you did. Frontloading it with a contextless (but pretty funny) action scene was a bold move that I don’t think paid off for you in any way. I didn’t have any idea who these characters were, and there wasn’t much meat on these bones to point me in the right direction, which means I was quickly skimming a bunch of description of action and funny names almost right from the beginning of the story. I needed much more in the way of relatable stakes and some sense of who these characters were for me to care at all about what was happening. Unfortunately I don’t think I really got any of that in the second (first?) half of the entry either. I’d already formed an image of kind of bland superhero(?) characters with funny names by the time I was “introduced” to them, which didn’t make it any easier to buy into the story. Some of the moment-to-moment writing here wasn’t too bad (though I really hate/loved the word “Groverian”) but there just wasn't a lot here to grab me and make me care about who these people were or what was going on. to the moon - Angelvapes If you want a crit on this or your other entry, let me know. brotherly - Monopoly Status This was a fairly solid entry. I liked the conceit, I thought you handled multiple viewpoints pretty well, and it felt complete. I don’t think it blew me away, but I enjoyed it. I think if it has any major errors, imo, I’d say the “hell yeah I’m awesome” tone of the second POV is a bit too over-the-top. After all, he just hacked somebody’s brain, so some degree of swagger is justified, but the tone of that section felt to me like you as the writer thought this was some idiot whose braggadocio wasn’t justified. Not a major issue, just felt a little discordant. I do feel like having three sections left Mika a little underdeveloped as a character too. She didn’t really feel as though she had much bearing on what was happening in the story, just that she was there as an outsider perspective in the story, which made the back third of the story drag. Simply Simon - Stuka Your story started pretty strong, and had some really nice imagery and turns of phrase, but I think it lost me as it went on, roughly from the second paper plane on. You’d already hooked me with the idea of the poisoned plane, I wanted you to reel me in quickly, but there was a little too much hesitation and stop-start internal monologue that really dragged the pace of the latter part of the story. The “antidote” being a sandwich was a neat gimmick but I think the chemistry explanation required to justify it drew too much attention and made it stick out in a way that read awkwardly. I do really like the concept of this story, I think it just needed some polish and some reconfiguring/tightening around everything with the second plane. Barnaby Profane - The Ones Who Sing For The Sharks I loved this, a lot of the language here just reached out and grabbed me. Some of the imagery was great and evocative (lights the color of fishbellies, the gum tree). It’s a great example of how even just a little scattering of specific detail adds a ton to a TD entry. I also appreciate that this is a story that really feels like it’s got something to say without feeling the need to lay it out explicitly. There’s a lot of subtlety here, executed very well. Thank you for this. to the moon - autism hive Same as above, if you want a crit, let me know. Staggy - Weight and Life This got to me. I usually don’t like stories like this, where the motive force is largely recollection rather than something happening in the moment, but you did such a good job of tying all of these disparate elements together with the thread of finality and mortality. This felt like someone who was looking back to see all the parts of their life that would, collectively, lead inexorably to the end. I don’t think it’s flawless, and there are times where these recollections feel a bit hazy, a bit too cosmic to feel really real or relatable, but even those moments have something indisputably human about them. Well done. Weltlich - Funkademics So I’ll be honest, I didn’t read the prompt from the week you chose because I’m tiresome and pedantic and think the prompt is a distant second in importance to the actual story being told. With that caveat in mind, I’ll say: I didn’t really have any clue what was happening here, but it was fun anyway. You clearly had fun writing it, and while I’m not sure of the specifics of the funk references you had throughout I think I got enough of the gist to enjoy it. That said, I think there’s not a whole lot of story going on here. There’s conflict, sure, and stakes, but when I got to the end of this I didn’t feel so much like a conflict had been resolved in one way or another, just that a little dance number had been played out in front of me. Still entertaining, but could have used a little more substance to make it stick. Yoruichi - Time was always neutral to everyone, regardless what Anyone had said to her. This was a fun trip. I’m not 100% certain I knew what was going on throughout, but I got the general thru-line of the story, and the magical haziness of some of the events kind of contributed to the sense of magic here. I felt like I had a pretty good sense of who Xanthe was and what she needed here, and that carried me through enough. This was solid. a friendly penguin - Love at First Bite: An Original Hallmarchaeological Christmas Story I just loving loved this. It’s extremely silly but never behaves like it is, and I always appreciate a funny story that’s delivered with po-faced seriousness. There were some great little touches here, like “sitting in a loveseat surrounded by people with the same nose as Heather” or the family asking to hear how they met to see if Heather had lied. It all screamed stereotypical meeting-your-SO’s-extended-family uncomfortable in a way that rang true and added a lot to the story. That title, though… woof. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but lol. Entenzahn - The War on Christmas Oh god. I didn’t really want to like this but it won me over. Just all the loving Folgers. I think the comedic conceit didn’t always manage to carry the story all that well, though. After the intro I think some of the writing started to flag or meander, though you got me back interested around “the elf turned on his warbulbs” because who isn’t here for that nonsense? I think there could have been a little more narrative meat on these bones, but as is, it was pretty funny and entertaining enough. Hawklad - Enlightenment This was okay. The moment-to-moment writing was fine, sometimes pretty good, but I feel that behind the setting and set dressing, there wasn’t a very compelling story here. I’ll admit I really don’t like second person POV unless there’s a strong argument for it, or when a story wouldn’t work without it, and I don’t feel like either was the case here. If anything, I think it undermined the story pretty badly by shifting the POV to the reader rather than giving us a more rounded and defined protagonist. Without a character to feel invested in, this sometimes dips into just action for the sake of action. I felt like the setting was pretty well supported--I couldn’t tell if this was a setting or culture or history you personally are familiar with, so if you aren’t, you convinced someone who knows very little about it. Thranguy - The Wheel Ahh the classic “gold in a wheel of cheese” trick. Overall this was a decent entry, it was an entertaining story that was pretty satisfying to read. I admit I sort of expected a little more depth from a story of this wordcount, though. In particular I felt some of the characters were a little thin; Arkham in particular felt a bit undeveloped, which is a pity given that I felt like I had a strong sense of who Zeke was, and even Ezra, who didn’t seem to be all that major of a character, had some real flavor to him at moments. Still, I dig this kind of story and it ticked all the boxes of a fun Old West heist type story, so it’s hard to complain about much. Pththya-lyi - On the Internet, Nobody Knows You’re a Sobaka I enjoyed this well enough. I think it fell into a common style for this sort of prompt, where it becomes more about recounting an unusual event like a news report, rather than really standing as a complete story. There’s not a lot to drive the story you’re telling here, which unfortunately leaves it as a quaint, if charming and amusing, anecdote. flerp - Star Song I’ll start this crit with the caveat that I don’t really know anything about prose poetry, but this just didn’t work for me. There was a thread of legacy and displacement and the burden of history that gave this piece a feeling of gravity, and some of the language you used really shined, but overall I felt somewhat lost. The repeated motif of the stars screaming never felt to me like it developed into something more meaningful, and I think I really wanted it to be more. There were also some moments where the imagery kind of contended with the established tone (particularly the heavy metal singer). Between those moments and the screaming stars sort of sticking out, this piece sort of left me feeling let down by the end. I’ll admit I argued for the loss here, but this was overall such a solid week that it ended up being a loss by exclusion, rather than this one sticking out from the pack. magic cactus - Any Port In A C-Storm Overall a fine, functional story that left me kind of underwhelmed. I liked the core idea of a sort of reality-twisting trip through consciousness to try and unmake your own evil(?) family member, but this felt a bit half-baked in execution. Partially I think it’s an idea that really begs for more exploration, and a tighter explanation. As is, I didn’t have a fantastic sense of who these characters were (though the banter and sibling relationship worked as a decent shorthand) and I don’t feel like I have any sense of the stakes behind whatever it is they’re trying to accomplish by destroying objects that are also their grandpa. I don’t know whether or not there is really a way to pull off this story in a short wordcount, but I’d be interested to see what it could become with some more breathing room, honestly. curlingiron - Magic Show Well that was fun! Not the deepest story in the world but I felt like the banter between Igor and the cat was fun, and carried the story along well enough. Nothing about the story blew me away, and it did feel a bit like it was just a series of Igor reacting to some unfortunate events, but for what it was, it was well executed and entertaining. sebmojo - Lacrimosa dies illa I really like what you did with this hellrule. It was compelling to see what is generally regarded as a sort of classic hellrule not only handled, but really made central to the conceit of the story. I think the middle section lost me a little--it just wasn’t as tightly written or compelling as the other two sections, and felt less tied to the core idea of the story you were telling here. Other than that, I liked this a lot
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Dec 14, 2020 07:04
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all you failures: get your entry in soon(ish?) and I'll give you a crit (probably?)
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Dec 14, 2020 07:06
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I have no real commitment to the losertar and don't mind if it went away, but I admit when I do finally clock my inevitable big ol' L, I'll be a bit sad if the losertar isn't there to commemorate it. For me, when I started doing TD, it just felt like the cost of entry, but that it was tied in with all the other sacredly-held aspects of TD-- that anybody can crit anybody, that entering in a week would (should!) guarantee you at least one crit of your entry, that you never respond to crits, and that if you were earnestly interested in improving as a writer there'd be a host of people looking to help you do that, even if it meant forging you in the flames of losses and DMs. If anybody felt dissuaded to join in because of the Losertar I would have no issues with it going away, but I guess to me it's more like ante in poker. Even if the bid is only 10 cents, it still puts some symbolic skin in the game, and I think that pushes a lot of us to bring our best. I wouldn't have any issue with it being a tag instead of an avatar, though.
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Dec 23, 2020 05:10
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