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Simply Simon posted:Breadtime This story lays on the bread imagery a little too thick, much like the butter in the first paragraph. I like that you decided to try something and then committed, but the prose needs to shine for this to work. This was clunky and error-ridden e.g. the bad use of cloying "Bodo takes a cloying bite." or these muddled metaphors "like air escaping from the gates of heaven, the doors of a bakery swinging open" The ending pissed me off. It was a bait and switch, like a beautiful crust hiding a doughy, undercooked crumb. I thought it was a story about going to extreme lengths to make good bread, but it turned out that didn't really matter because bakeries exist, and that it was actually just a sandwich-slice thin love story all along. I rate this story one slightly squashed value-brand white loaf out of ten. 
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May 18, 2020 21:51
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| # ¿ Apr 20, 2024 02:45 |
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In and  (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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May 21, 2020 05:40
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