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joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Gonz posted:

Dracula dressed like goddamn Opera Man.

Yes I would happily fund this trashfire, who in Hollywood do I need to give my bank account to?

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joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




GrandpaPants posted:

Adam Sandler remake of The Day The Clown Cried.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Iron Crowned posted:

John Wick Vs. Chev Chelios

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Taintrunner posted:

The problem with Watchmen is when they abandoned the kickass premise of life in the aftermath of the events of the original comic, and then proceeded to play standard capeshit games with the action figures of the OG Watchmen comic. Jesus fuckme, the climax was deciding which charismaless dickhead would steal the powers from the omnipotent god-being you couldn't possibly care about anymore. Just embarrassing.

I was really loving Watchmen until they revealed the dumb villain plots and pulled Dr Manhattan out because GOD FORBID WATCHMEN DOESN'T HAVE THEM THERE.

So typical Lindelof poo poo.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




The Klowner posted:

Never seen the leftovers but it would have to be pretty loving good to excuse lost, star trek 09, cowboys and aliens, prometheus, star trek into darkness, world war z, tomorrowland, and the motherfucking hunt

I can't remember the last time I've been so annoyed while sitting in a theater. That movie was such gently caress trash.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Baron von Eevl posted:

Yeah, the first one's a pretty naked attempt to just cash in on the then-new slasher trend. The second one's got some fun moments and I kind of love the third one? Like I admit it's a dogshit movie but I really enjoy it. Jason X I also kind of love just for how thoroughly it embraces it's terribleness and cheapness. It's like an episode of Lexx that Kane Hodder wanders into with a spacemachete via David Cronenberg.

The Friday movies, within the context of other long horror franchises holds up pretty well. The Friday movies have a pretty set formula they don't really stray from and it works well enough.

Compared to say Nightmare which has 2 good movies and the rest are a mess.

Child's Play remake was disappointing because they really didn't do much with the AI idea or really anything else. Mark Hamill was cool as Chucky I guess.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Pope Corky the IX posted:

And whenever they've tried to stray from that formula, it hasn't worked out. Just look at Jason Goes to Hell.

I love Jason goes to Hell because it is incredibly stupid and Creighton Duke is the best character added to the franchise since Tommy Jarvis.

I also loved Jason X but that one was basically "Friday the 13th but in space" which works if you're willing to accept the dumb premise and just enjoy the early 2000s trash that it is. Uber Jason isn't my favorite Jason design (Part 7 has the best looking hosed up Jason) but it's still awesome.

The only Friday sequels I struggle with are 3 and 8, mostly because so much of 3 is built around 3D effects shots that look dopey without the 3D and I loving hate Shelley. Obnoxious loving character.

8 is just boring as hell and wastes the majority of its runtime on a boat and then has a completely batshit ending that makes no sense. Also lazy Jason design after the amazing work done on the previous movie.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Schwarzwald posted:

He did go through somewhat of a harrowing ordeal.

Oh poo poo if he's legit doing this that means Jesus is going to hell or some such. My memory of what Jesus was up to before walking out the tomb on Sunday is hazy.

And because it's Gibson it's going to be utterly insane.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Macdeo Lurjtux posted:

He had to spend three days in hell because God dropped the keys to the pearly gates.

My awful 7th grade religion class is coming back to me. I think Jesus brought a bunch of people out of hell with him, like old testament people because apparently they were chilling in hell for reasons that escape me but were probably vaguely antisemetic now that I think about that teacher again

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Macdeo Lurjtux posted:

It's an artifact from the Judaic roots, Jewish Orthodoxy doesn't have a Satan so it doesn't really have a Hell. It's does have a place called Sheol where the dead wait for the resurrection and judgement. Some of the older scriptures have Jesus going there to carry the souls of the just into Heaven as part of the fulfillment of his covenant but most of them were declared non-Canon at the Council of Nikea. Nowadays the only thing that mentions Jesus descending is the Apostle's Creed.

There we go! Like I said, my memory was very hazy and in retrospect that teacher had some real bad opinions about other religions that weren't Catholicism.

Nothing like being told everyone is basically hosed to suffer in hell because Whoops, you didn't get signed up with the Catholics!

I for one am all for Jesus whipping some asses while turning the other cheek to spit one liners.

gently caress now I just want to watch Last Temptation of Christ again, mostly because Defoe as Jesus loving owns.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




FlamingLiberal posted:

Story idea: Noah, but itís Doomguy.

Wait I've got it.

Passion 2/Noah cross-over. Jesus and Noah team up to battle the forces of hell.
Noah turns heel in the 3rd act

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Punkin Spunkin posted:

Yeah it was perfectly fine/whatever. It wasnt exactly adapting some serious brilliantly written work of literature. Just decided to make a mediocre almost Final Destination-y sorta adaptation and that's fine.
Some boring choices and stupid mistakes but w/e, it's animetown. Still no more grotesque or stupid than like 90% of anime or western comics n cartoons.

In terms of anime adaptations im always tickled when i remember the Ghost in the Shell movie tried to make the whitewashing an evil part of the plot. I almost gave them points for bein clever but lord what a boring forgettable film that ended up being. I thought for sure from the trailers it would at least be a "get high for cool visuals" experience.

I felt pretty much the same about Death Note. Defoe as Ryuk was fun and it was a fine American take on the property.

Ghost in the Shell was painful to sit through. Pretty visuals and some cool shots but the writing was garbage and as you mentioned the whitewashing being part of villain plot was dumb as hell.

It's like Aeon Flux in that I know I saw it at some point, and I remember it was bad but the specifics of why are hazy other than "Poor writing"

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013





Aren't there already like 2 or 3 direct to video Lion King sequels? Just remake one of those, no one watches those anyway

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




CopywrightMMXI posted:

When I was a kid Hal was always a boring old guy with grey temples. He would have the occasional spat with the Guardians but Hal was ultimately the conservative older guy to Ollieís ideal liberal. After he got replaced by Kyle Rayner the Hal fans all of a sudden declared that Hal was a cool rebel who played by his own rules and had sex with a lot of chicks and thatís the characterization that ended up sticking once Johns started writing him.

The only time Hal Jordan was cool was when he went nuts and became Parallax. Otherwise he's the worst Green Lantern and a shinning example that Geoff Johns has no loving taste.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




CopywrightMMXI posted:

Oh Iím not disagreeing with you at all. Rebirth Hal is a fan-fic Poochie.

Oh god I read part of that one.

Okay correction to my previous statement. The other best Hal Jordan scene is in All-star Batman and Robin. That book is a dumpster fire of Frank Miller being post 9/11 Miller, but the bit with Jordan is legit pretty funny.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Snowman_McK posted:

Event Horizon is really loving good. It kind of flubs the ending, but is fantastic up to that point. Also, in case anyone cared, the Event Horizon ship is over 2 kilometres long, which makes it larger than a star destroyer.

I just rewatched Event Horizon recently and it is so loving good. The CGI is a bit dated and has that weird "90's CGI sheen" to things but it doesn't detract because the practical effects are fantastic.

Sam Neil and Lawrence Fishburne are such great leads and play off each other well. Another fun fact the ship was designed to look like a gothic cathedral.

I'm forever bitter we'll never get a director's cut of that movie.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




X-Ray Pecs posted:

Resident Evil 4 accidentally created the plague of third-person cover shooters, but even that canít outweigh how loving good it is, one of the best games Iíve ever played.

Resident Evil 4 is such a good game. Even though I can't stand Ashley, her unique brand of obnoxious is charming in its own way.

Also the merchant is one of my favorite one off RE characters.

The RE2 remake is fantastic and I've played through it to completion on both stories twice. The RE3 remake is fine. It feels cheaper than 2 in little ways like zombies not being dismembered.

Also Nemesis loving sucks and I hate him

Mr.X at least had style.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Grendels Dad posted:

The Inland version, I hope.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Taintrunner posted:

Oh the trailer is some sick poo poo

Violating quarantine makes you a superhero now

This is some serious chud bait bullshit. Like yeesh.

I'd bet money this has some church involved in financing it.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




The Saddest Rhino posted:

not to dunk on you but i went to find out that lee pace, michael sheen and bryce dallas howard were also in the twilight movies

The casts of those movies are surprisingly good. It's everything else that's terrible. At the least the rifftrax makes them easier to get through.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




The MSJ posted:

Michael Sheen love every moment acting in Twilight. You can see it.

Edit: The whole Twilight series just went on Malaysian Netflix and now half my country's top 10 is Twilight. A welcome change from the usual Korean dramas and softcore erotica.

He really does make the scenes he's in 1000x more entertaining because he's devouring scenery. Michael Sheen rules is what I'm saying and is one of the few good things in those tedious movies.

The 20 minute battle scene in the last one is also a highlight because it's the best action scene in the series and the resolution sent my balls into orbit I was laughing so hard.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Iron Crowned posted:

It was explained to me by the person I was with, that That particular sparklepire's power was that she could show people a possible future, so it was just a vision of what would happen if they did go to battle. Apparently in the book, they just shook hands and decided it was a bad idea, the battle itself was created entirely for the movie

What made this reveal even funnier is that I knew this going into it, my best friend who was watching with me did not. I've never seen someone go from "Ok maybe this isn't complete trash" to "ARE YOU loving KIDDING ME!!?"

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




MasqueradeOverture posted:

LOL all the money has been lost.

It's like watching a bunch of terminal cancer patients going to Oregon to get it over with.

It's getting international theatrical release and then hitting VOD in January so they'll still make money on this.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Gatts posted:

Predator kidnaps Liam Neeson's daughter so Liam calls in help from Denzel Washington to take him out.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013





Good to see The Asylum has found somewhere else to dump their poo poo besides Syfy Channel on Saturday nights.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Young Freud posted:

Asylum has it's own block on Peacock, the NBC Universal streaming service. I think any free streaming service has their movies. They get around.

I mean, on the one hand good on em, I remember when they had maybe 2 or 3 movies out period, then while working in video stores I got to see the mockbuster thing really start to pick up.

On the other, 99% of what they produce is utterly poo poo. Occasionally they stumbled on a semi-decent knock off horror movie.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




The Saddest Rhino posted:

hope the new hellraiser movies (if he's interested in making more) will be better than the recent Book of Blood on Hulu, where they somehow didn't think to adapt that crazy-rear end village with towers of people killing each other in the distance while a gay couple have sex on the hood of a car

Last I heard HBO was doing a Hellraiser series that Clive is producing https://deadline.com/2020/10/clive-barker-hellraiser-hbo-series-adaptation-1234606166/

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Collapsing Farts posted:

There literally are no decent hellraiser flicks, though?

(theyre all bad)

Good concept for a horror but jeesh, the movies suck

Wrong, Hellraiser 1 and 2 are fantastic horror films and the rest of the franchise is trash. Especially Hellworld. God that movie loving sucked so hard. How do you manage to gently caress up a Hellraiser movie with Lance Henriksen and Doug Bradley? Watch Hellworld to find out! Or don't because it's loving awful.

I'm very happy to hear Clive is getting the rights back to his works and I hope the HBO series for Hellraiser is good like the Nightbreed series that Showtime(?) is doing. Dude has incredibly creative vision and hopefully now that special effects have caught up we might get some really amazing stuff.

Rawhead Rex is rules however and I love that big dumb Gwar looking idiot monster

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Iron Crowned posted:



Every time someone mentions Rawhead Rex, I get the urge to rewatch Rawhead Rex.

It's currently available on GLORIOUS BLURAY!

Yes, I own this stupid movie on Bluray, right along with Nekromantik 1 and 2 because when I think of low budget German horror movies about necrophilia, I know I want them in the highest quality possible.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




The MSJ posted:

It wasn't supposed to be piss. Clive Barker was also unhappy with the ogre-like monster in the movie because in his short story he described it as a phallic monster.

Yeah, if you want to know just how phallic the monster is supposed to look, just google Rawhead Rex and scroll through the images a bit. Ignore the bitching Gwar monster from the movie. in the original story it's a dick-monster. literally a penis demon.

Also the priest getting pissed on is loving hysterical, much like every other scene where that goofy looking monster is on screen.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Blastedhellscape posted:

Yeah, there's a comic book adaptation of Rawhead Rex from the 90's where the monster design is closer to the short story. The monster is supposed to feel a bit like a Grendel-style folklore giant, while also making it impossible to ignore that he's a giant penis-monster, because Barker was all taking subtext and making it text.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




RBA Starblade posted:

Oh, I thought it was just different quality gifs lol

You should really dig into Indian action films, they are loving wild. They are also something like 3 hours long but they have intermissions which is handy.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Electronico6 posted:

The answer to this is watching the better Tamil cinema

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wm_vSSlVsV4

Holy poo poo I think "You haven't seen my rowdiness yet. You will" is a great loving line. I need to see this now.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




The Klowner posted:

I agree, and it's a shame there's a double standard regarding celebrities of other religions vs. scientology

That's because other religions don't sue the poo poo out of anyone who tries to criticize them or send people to harass anyone who speaks against them.

I mean the Mormons and Jehovahs Witnesses are annoying sure, but they aren't specifically being instructed to take part in targeted harassment of people for years on end.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




MonsieurChoc posted:

Well the Catholic Church...

Cacator posted:

The albino monk assassins are kind of cool though.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Lovely Joe Stalin posted:

Sadly Directors and production companies are reluctant to work with actors who require an Imax screen just for their forehead.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Lol melting down because the year on the thread is wrong. Bless this stupid website.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Tars Tarkas posted:



This was in some big site, maybe EW?

It's just "The King of Comedy" with the Joker in it for christ sake. I enjoyed it and Phoenix was fantastic but all the hand wringing about it is hysterical in retrospect.

joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




How long until this film mysteriously falls apart and the "Directors" disappear with the money? Six months maybe? I guess that would be long enough for them to rack up a decent chunk of change to walk off with.

Hell they can just claim that the deep state is stopping them or some other dumbshit the true believers will gobble up and they'll walk away richer.

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joylessdivision
Jun 15, 2013




Vandar posted:

DC's already got you covered.



Elseworld stories are so much fun. Even the goofy rear end Frankenbat one. Castle of the Bat I think it was called? Basically Bruce is a Dr. Frankenstein type and creates a Frankenbatman for reasons that escape me because I read it in the late 90's.

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