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purple death ray
Jul 28, 2007

me omw 2 steal ur girl


If you're lucid enough to grift your friends you're lucid enough for me to make fun of you

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Elephant Ambush
Nov 13, 2012

...We shoulde spenden more time together. What sayest thou?

Nap Ghost

fun hater posted:

being nominated for sainthood, for i did not utter even a single chuckle at the GORP goon's self inflicted 48 hour plight

The only thing goons love more than dunking on the mentally unwell is making up disingenuous bad faith strawman excuses for why it's actually ok to dunk on the mentally unwell.

Moon Slayer
Jun 19, 2007

What is this hippy-dippy BS? We're here to save lives, not teach yoga or start a rave.


Hell Gem

Time to steer away from this topic, I think.

Hedrigall
Mar 27, 2008

Furgiven, but not furgotten


Does this count as a saga

Ex-Priest Tobin posted:

Let me give a few pieces of advice, and I apologise in advance if I'm repeating myself to anyone here as I have shared these in the past:

* One prime way to get laid is to go travelling or to go work in an undeveloped country (once all this virus poo poo blows over of course). A few years ago I went backpacking in South East Asia and got laid many times. Your target here is not only the local girls for whom sleeping with a Western guy is a novelty and a fun experience, but also the Western girls travelling in those countries who are there to "let their hair down" or "experience life". Both these categories of women are, luckily for you, quite likely to put out, and are also generally quite hot. Just a couple of things to be careful of here:

- Some of the local girls you will meet will go with you because they see a Westerner boyfriend as a ticket out of whatever difficult situation they are in. It takes a bit of judgement here to avoid these sorts of women. You are there for fun and not to morally compromise yourself
- There is a definite binge drinking and substance abuse culture among backpackers. You don't want to get involved in it

A lot of people here will say 'WAAH! WAAH! SEX TOURISM!' But the truth is that there's a huge distinction between being a young guy travelling in these countries having fun and your overweight middle-aged man trawling through the red-light districts. Plus it's a way to have many more fantastic life experiences besides.

South America and Africa are also options. I have been thinking about it recently, but personally I would avoid Africa because the poverty factor would be upped to the max, and also because it's usually the more grizzled backpackers who frequent that part of the world. Most of the women I've met who have backpacked through Africa have been quite old and unattractive.

* Another good tip is to date women who are in or approaching their mid-30s. A lot of women at that age are on dating websites because they're running out of time to settle down. That's an opportunity for you, particularly if you are solid professionally but not interesting or physically attractive enough to attract younger women. Whether you are as interested in an extended relationship as they might be is something you can judge on a case-by-case basis and adjust your actions accordingly.

* Remember that you can always create an impression of yourself that may be more than what you are in day-to-day reality. Women do it too - remember that women are socialised to be more dishonest than men, as their conflicts are resolved socially and verbally rather than through physical confrontation. But I'm not talking about anything sinister here, mind you. I'm just talking about assuming some different personality traits to what you have in your everyday life - those which may be more attractive to women.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)


Edit: wowsers at his rap sheet https://forums.somethingawful.com/b...p?userid=210384

Sir Not Appearing
Apr 26, 2004



Hedrigall posted:

Does this count as a saga



Edit: wowsers at his rap sheet https://forums.somethingawful.com/b...p?userid=210384

Lol...your big quote reads like some monger's faq on usasexguide.

RFC2324
Jun 7, 2012

Http 418


Hedrigall posted:

Does this count as a saga



Edit: wowsers at his rap sheet https://forums.somethingawful.com/b...p?userid=210384



also, they forgot to actually give him the 30 to go with the ban mentioned in the reason

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Nope



Hedrigall posted:

Does this count as a saga



Moon Slayer
Jun 19, 2007

What is this hippy-dippy BS? We're here to save lives, not teach yoga or start a rave.


Hell Gem

This was posted in the schadenfreude thread and I reposted it in the funny quotes thread, but it's apparently a story that OP has shared a few times on the forums over the years so it counts as a saga.

Warning:

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

This is the story of when they had to evacuate a city block in Baltimore because of a smell I made.

We were starting construction on a new restaurant location they were expanding and I was the GM for the new location so we got to work clearing out the mess left by the last restaurant. They were a bakery and out back there was a dumpster. They closed two years before. Not sure why it was there considering this alley basically has no street access other than a tiny door for I assume fire code reasons. Honestly I donít know how they got it in there we had to cut it up with a torch to get rid of it.

It was full of dough and water we figured we could use the dumpster for something so we got to work tipping it over to get the water out. It was not water it was liquified rat. Hundreds of liquified rats. The three of us all began projectile vomiting immediately, before my brain could process the smell. It was a smell so strong you could feel it deep inside your chest and no amount of vomiting made it go away.
There were so many goddamn rat bones. They snuck in to eat the rotting dough and got stuck and drowned in what Iím assuming was a combination of rain water and soup made of their friends.

Covered in vomit and rat juice we did our best to regain our composure we went to the front of the building and tried to smoke cigarettes but they just tasted like death. It had been about a minute since we tipped the dumpster over and we heard screaming from around the corner. You see we werenít the only ones projectile vomiting in fact most of the people on the street were and those that werenít were running and screaming. Everywhere you looked people were wrenching I watched a little old lady get down on her knees and just erupt into a planter.

Then the fire department and the police and ambulances showed up. They cleared out everyone they could so they could hose down the streets and eventually came to the scene of the crime. A firefighter vomited into to his respirator. This got everyone including us into a vomitous fervor again but at least we were in the alley behind the restaurant to hide our shame.

ďIíve been a cop in Baltimore city for 30 years and I found a dead body that had been sitting in a vacant house for a month last week and this smells worseĒ

After a day of professional cleanup the city didnít blame us because it was the trash of the previous owner. My wife made me take the train home instead of my car because I had a stench that literally woke nodding heroin addicts and made them move to another car. My wife made me strip in the yard and sprayed me with a hose. The clothes were destroyed, I even had to buy a new phone because it always carried the faintest hint of death smell. That was the worst thing I have ever smelled and I pray to god I never smell anything worse.

My personal theory is that there was still active yeast in the dough and it was fermenting the sugars from the rat corpses.

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

We'll make diamonds from their ashes. Take them into battle with us.

Craft a Diamond Dog diamond?
Nah.   Let's do it!




College Slice

Truly the hugest, grossest burrito the world has ever seen

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

I'm the babyliberal, gotta love me!


Captain Hygiene posted:

Truly the hugest, grossest burrito the world has ever seen

burrato, surely

TTerrible
Jul 15, 2005


Fallen Rib

Oh my god

Calico Heart
Mar 22, 2012

"wich the worst part was what troll face did to sonic's corpse after words wich was rape it. at that point i looked away"





Imagining the cop quote at the end as any of the cops from the Wire is tickling me

especially Kima

Bear Enthusiast
Mar 20, 2010

Maybe
You'll think of me
When you are all alone


Lipstick Apathy

Calico Heart posted:

Imagining the cop quote at the end as any of the cops from the Wire is tickling me

especially Kima

Lester for sure

verbal enema
May 23, 2009



goddamn that story owns

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



Reminds me of the lactose intolerant goon who got fired for refusing to stop eating cheese and killing his coworkers with death farts

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014

Of course, it doesn't make sense to pay more, so you can just by two cat harnesses and use one of them for sex.



Somehow read it as 'lacoste intolerant' and got very confused.

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012
I POSTED ON SOMETHINGAWFUL AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID REDTEXT.


Carthag Tuek posted:

Reminds me of the lactose intolerant goon who got fired for refusing to stop eating cheese and killing his coworkers with death farts

CHEESE IS A SOMETIMES FOOD

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.



Carthag Tuek posted:

Reminds me of the lactose intolerant goon who got fired for refusing to stop eating cheese and killing his coworkers with death farts

Link?

Moon Slayer
Jun 19, 2007

What is this hippy-dippy BS? We're here to save lives, not teach yoga or start a rave.


Hell Gem

Carthag Tuek posted:

Reminds me of the lactose intolerant goon who got fired for refusing to stop eating cheese and killing his coworkers with death farts

The gooniest of goon sagas. Guy went back and forth for a while about his death farts and how people at work complained. Then he got tested and found he was lactose intolerant. Good news, right? Wrong, because the goon goes "but, but, I LOVE cheese!" and posts a picture of his fridge jam packed with wheels of different kinds of cheese. He says he'll try but then very shortly later goes "oh well I can't not eat cheese, but now my coworkers can't complain because I've got a medical condition. Peace."

Musharraf
Aug 26, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 11 hours!


Moon Slayer posted:

Time to steer away from this topic, I think.
Yep, letís just sweep goon bigotry under the rug and move on instead of doing anything to address it, thatís the way to go.

Snow Cone Capone
Jul 30, 2003
MANGOSTEEN CHUGGER


That story is doubly idiotic there's a shitload of awesome cheese that has almost no lactose in it. Stay clear of Brie-types and crappy processed products and you're fine.

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012
I POSTED ON SOMETHINGAWFUL AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID REDTEXT.


Snow Cone Capone posted:

That story is doubly idiotic there's a shitload of awesome cheese that has almost no lactose in it. Stay clear of Brie-types and crappy processed products and you're fine.

He was pouring like a full cup or 2 of velveeta onto a bowl of broccoli and eating it for lunch at the office.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

Carthag Tuek posted:

Reminds me of the lactose intolerant goon who got fired for refusing to stop eating cheese and killing his coworkers with death farts

Kim Jong Un posts here?

JacquelineDempsey
Aug 6, 2008


Snow Cone Capone posted:

That story is doubly idiotic there's a shitload of awesome cheese that has almost no lactose in it. Stay clear of Brie-types and crappy processed products and you're fine.

it was also determined that it was a fake gimmick post

Moon Slayer
Jun 19, 2007

What is this hippy-dippy BS? We're here to save lives, not teach yoga or start a rave.


Hell Gem

Noooooooooo

Snow Cone Capone
Jul 30, 2003
MANGOSTEEN CHUGGER


pentyne posted:

He was pouring like a full cup or 2 of velveeta onto a bowl of broccoli and eating it for lunch at the office.

I thought you said he was eating too much cheese

Nuns with Guns
Jul 23, 2010

....?


Hedrigall posted:

Does this count as a saga



Edit: wowsers at his rap sheet https://forums.somethingawful.com/b...p?userid=210384

This makes me think of that A/T thread about a white guy living in an east Asian country (Vietnam?) Does anyone have a link to that?

I remember that the thread was normal questions and answers until someone asked about how many hookers the guy had bought, so the OP launched into a long TMI post about buying local hookers, then switched over to answering other questions and nobody remarked on his post until a few months later when people outside the thread noticed the weird hooker post.

Solice Kirsk
Jun 1, 2004

.



Threads get weird sometimes. I could imagine if a random goon stumbled into the Anonymous Confessions thread it would seem pretty weird seeing all the "chop off your dick" posts.

Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013



Musharraf posted:

Yep, let’s just sweep goon bigotry under the rug and move on instead of doing anything to address it, that’s the way to go.

Moon Slayer is the IK of this thread. That's the end of it. I don't think you're being 100% sincere in your hand-wringing about "goon bigotry," either. Out.

Grandmother of Five
May 9, 2008

I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.



Nuns with Guns posted:

This makes me think of that A/T thread about a white guy living in an east Asian country (Vietnam?) Does anyone have a link to that?

I remember that the thread was normal questions and answers until someone asked about how many hookers the guy had bought, so the OP launched into a long TMI post about buying local hookers, then switched over to answering other questions and nobody remarked on his post until a few months later when people outside the thread noticed the weird hooker post.

I don't know where else it might have been re-posted and I never read the original thread, but I remember that being re-posted in FYAD.

The original, now gassed, Ask/Tell thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...0#post494680445

The FYAD re-post that I found it through: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...0#post497601434

It spawned a QCS thread also, which lead to the OP of the Ask/Tell thread being permad, as well as, I think, a poster or two eating bans for deciding to defend the permad guy.

Dell_Zincht
Nov 5, 2003

lEt'S mOsEy





Grandmother of Five posted:

I don't know where else it might have been re-posted and I never read the original thread, but I remember that being re-posted in FYAD.

The original, now gassed, Ask/Tell thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...0#post494680445

The FYAD re-post that I found it through: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...0#post497601434

It spawned a QCS thread also, which lead to the OP of the Ask/Tell thread being permad, as well as, I think, a poster or two eating bans for deciding to defend the permad guy.

loving hell FAU's ban entry for that is pretty loving problematic.

Buttcoin purse
Apr 24, 2014

THIS DUDE HERE IS A REAL CLOWN


avshalom counts as a saga right?

So not long after the recent event of all her accounts being permabanned, she reregistered and got banned again. Or maybe that has happened multiple times but I only noticed once. Anyway that rereg's account if I recall correctly was an ogre with makeup on its face. I don't remember it exactly but the image popped into my head recently and made me think: was it a juggalogre, was that the joke?

Nuns with Guns
Jul 23, 2010

....?


Grandmother of Five posted:

I don't know where else it might have been re-posted and I never read the original thread, but I remember that being re-posted in FYAD.

The original, now gassed, Ask/Tell thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...0#post494680445

The FYAD re-post that I found it through: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...0#post497601434

It spawned a QCS thread also, which lead to the OP of the Ask/Tell thread being permad, as well as, I think, a poster or two eating bans for deciding to defend the permad guy.

Ah, thank you!

There are some great lines in there from the guy even without the stuff about paid sex

quote:

VN can be a good place to live, depending on the person. I'm happy.

That said, "I'm too young to die in VN, and IMO to old to go back to the US."

This is not really true as I can go back to the US, but the re-adjustment would be hard psychologically for me.

quote:

A very casual one at the moment. I don't see her much b/c of her job.

I've had GFs in the past.

There are cultural differences with the women - at times.

They are good looking and honestly, I'm not attracted to western women anymore.

quote:

I estimate about $300-450 USD.

There are places to go for action everywhere and a lot of freelancers are Uni students and some even married.

The women work only for themselves (they don't have a boss) and they can't say no to anyone. Most don't drink or smoke.

There is a saying: "everybody pays for s-x in VN."

I'm not a monger, but it's nice to have the option - which basically does not exist in the US.

After living in different countries, I've realized the US is very rigid and repressed sexually.

quote:

Asian Americans can mean: Born in Asian and now living in the US as US citizens.

Or born in the US and of Asian descent.

My comment about not being attracted to western women was mostly the mentality more than looks.

But yes in general, East Asian women are more attractive b/c they are thin in general and to me, more feminine.

Just MO.

And yes, I could attracted to Asian American women.

I'm always surprised to see someone like this putter around on this website with so little self-awareness.

Dell_Zincht posted:

loving hell FAU's ban entry for that is pretty loving problematic.

It's pretty awful, yeah, I'm guessing FAU was upset at the OP bragging about how dubiously-aged sex workers can't say "no" but even still that was over the line.

UCS Hellmaker
Mar 29, 2008



Toilet Rascal

I take it also as a knee jerk response because many of the prostitutes are human trafficking victims, and there are many that are underage in the sex trade of certain countries. And the guy obviously had no qualms about what he was doing and easily was loving underage woman.

Sid Vicious
Jan 1, 1970

Father of two, much more a dunce than the baby


I think what FAU said was said in anger

Inceltown
Aug 6, 2019






Sid Vicious posted:

I think what FAU said was said in anger

"heated modding moment"

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006


Statistically you'd think that I'd sometimes fluke into typing a decent post. Nah. Only the most tedious, shitty posts, all day every day baby!

Don't bother engaging me, I don't ever get the hints to fuck off.




Sid Vicious posted:

I think what FAU said was said in anger

I'm pretty sure it was just a little bit before he gave up being an admin too

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014

Of course, it doesn't make sense to pay more, so you can just by two cat harnesses and use one of them for sex.



If I remember the QCS thread correctly, the 'can't say no' was supposed to be 'can say no', and it's just a typo. Which, I guess, makes more sense in the context of working for yourself, but I'm not well-versed enough in Vietnamese sex work to comment on the veracity of that statement. Regardless, the dude was really sketchy to say the least.

Kazinsal
Dec 13, 2011



Suicide requests are bad, but loving children is worse.

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Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.




Smellrose

Dell_Zincht posted:

loving hell FAU's ban entry for that is pretty loving problematic.

Musn't say mean things to a literal pedophile sex tourist, after all. That's problematic. And being PROBLEMATIC is worse than being a pedophile sex tourist.

Goddamn "problematic" is such a smug whimpering little passive-aggressive nothing of a word.

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