SA's Greatest Sagas: Start reading on page 302 (turt)

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > SA's Greatest Sagas: Start reading on page 302 (turt)

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

ExplodingSims posted:

I'm trying to think of what the Best of AI collection would be?

The World's Most Racist Mustang
The Cancer Faking Tesla Crasher
Trukk

What else exciting has happened in AI?

E. I forgot about the $48K Altima

Is trukk 14 Inch?

In CA there's also Backpanther and that motorcycle sex pest

CA and AI tend to be pretty low drama on the whole tho

# ¿ Jan 11, 2020 06:32

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 06:08

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

crossposting

(the joke was originally posted without the spoilered bit)

Melaneus posted:

The Parable of the Sheepherder's Fence Post

Three teenage boys named Aeser, User, and Osser were walking out in the fields. User was excited to hang out with the two older boys, though he was nervous because he knew the two were notorious for causing trouble. His heart started to beat a little faster when they turned to trespass into a farmer's land. As they passed through a field of spelt, Aeser noticed that the farmer had left his tractor out. He whispered to Osser, and as they arrived at the vehicle, the two jumped into the cart currently hitched to it.

"The key is in the ignition!" Aeser told User, "Now give us a ride!"

Though he was filled with guilt, he gave in to the pressure and started the tractor up. Their act did not go unnoticed for long, for soon the farmer was yelling and chasing after the trio as they fled through the fields. In the commotion and panic, User did not look where he was going and crashed the tractor right into a fence post of a sheepherder�s pen, breaking it in half and ending their little caper.

At the next meeting of the village council, the fate of the three was decided. The farmer was not particularly upset about the joy ride and asked for no retribution, so the sheepherder's fence post became the crux of the matter. Aeser and Osser already had prior records of trouble-making, so they were required to work for the sheepherder in order to pay for this damaged fence post.

Though he was driving the tractor and caused the damage, the third boy had no history of misbehavior. The village council decided to go easy on him and

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ¿ Jan 16, 2020 21:48

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Leperflesh posted:

I just remembered "wake up your cat and take a picture", that was an excellent thread.

Did that lead to "tong your catte"?

# ¿ Jan 18, 2020 02:47

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Captain Hygiene posted:

I'm not well versed on meat shoes lore, was there ever a definitive answer or was it just a magical idea that was too good for this world?

I don't believe there ever was an official Hulk Hogan Meat Shoe, however lapsed poster dinozombiesgoRARR created something beautiful: https://www.somethingawful.com/comedy-goldmine/hulk-hogan-meatshoes/3/

(There's no SAClopedia entry on the hulk hogan meat shoes, wtf)

# ¿ Feb 6, 2020 18:42

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

purple death ray posted:

It really should be an extinct megafauna forum because I want to post about smilodons

is there such a thing as a frownodon

# ¿ Feb 20, 2020 00:22

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

I secretly hope he willed it to Eric Bauman years ago and never updated it. His final joke on us all.

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 06:04

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Yes, she threatened to unbirth him

She was also enhydra lutris

# ¿ Apr 8, 2020 02:38

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Remember the front page stories about Dorroile, the Worst Guy, who spends his days clowning on the self-serious and stuffy populace, and no-one can figure out how to stop him?

Avs is like that.

(I don't know who Swimp, the bunny-soft cookiebear who lives in the moon would be in this scenario)

(Maybe it's you, gentle poster!)

# ¿ Apr 8, 2020 06:44

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Somewhere in all of that, the admins took Avs off of perma

# ¿ Apr 8, 2020 22:05

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Naw, it's not a forums backend technicality, it's Cyrano debanning her (with the usual "don't be so goddamn avshalom again, avshalom" conditions)

# ¿ Apr 8, 2020 22:21

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Pick posted:

Avs said she just did a deviantart search for fart sounds and regretted not reading the return content more thoroughly to check for aspects of its narrative she did not suspect would be present.

Always, always check your purloined fart fetish fiction for the presence of minors, that's like shitposting 101

(I know I phrased it like a joke there, but it isn't.)

# ¿ Apr 9, 2020 00:09

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Paladinus posted:

What if Hitler farted????

I thought I read somewhere that he was a stress farter

# ¿ Apr 9, 2020 00:38

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

dee eight posted:

I had gang tags thrust upon me twice. Both times I asked the mods to remove them please. It was like waking up and finding a tattoo that I never asked for.

I got a gang tag for inadvertently participating in a "make mayo or get toxxed" thread challenge

I just started reading the thread, people were making mayo, I was like, "I haven't had a club sandwich in a while" and mayo is necessary for those, so I made some, and posted it, and ho hey I'm a mayo duke

What is a mayo duke, anyway? I keep thinking Bowie but fat. You know, like the Thick White Duke.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2020 16:59

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Carthag Tuek posted:

When i think about it, the thing i miss the most about old old GBS isnt the news stuff, its the pants making GBS threads

regular threads about whatever and the op shat themselves & they made me laugh

i would like to be able to return to that innocence

I remember that there had been so many threads about goons with horrible rear end boils that there was a concept of an "annual pilonidal cyst thread" but I don't remember what the last one I actually saw was

# ¿ Apr 19, 2020 05:24

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

i got moon moon

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 21:07

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Just wait til you hear about 'dork'

Is this about the "whale penis" thing because I never believed that

OTOH so many words have been slang for penis, vagina or intercourse at one point or another that the entire English language could probably be read as, like, "Penis penis penis the sexing penis vagina penis, we'll penis penis penis penis with lettuce."

# ¿ May 7, 2020 19:51

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

That's just filthy.

# ¿ May 7, 2020 19:58

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

barbecue at the folks posted:

The whole atheist movement has recently started to drift to the alt-right, with people describing themselves as 'logical rationalists' constantly spewing hateful conspiracy theories about jews and muslims. The uncompromising negative attitude towards an important aspect of the human experience seems to lead people down some dark paths.

While I don't think I was ever an rear end in a top hat atheist out loud where people could hear it, I did read PZ Meyers' blog a bunch in the mid 2000s until he got too grouchy for me. Found out like an hour ago that, despite being one of the original grouchy internet atheists and an evolutionary biologist, he's extremely skeptical of "evolutionary psychology" and was in fact supportive of a recently published article calling the entire field of evo psych, as it stands, unverifiable.

Kind of a neat surprise.

(I'm sorry this has nothing to do with SA, here is a fat sparrow)

# ¿ May 13, 2020 16:32

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

Jade Empire was decent up until you learn transformation magic and its so horrendously broken you just use nothing else for the entire game and all the remaining enemies including the final boss crumple faster than the training miniboss as you wail on them as an elephant demon

Why would you make a game less fun for yourself when there's the option of using a harquebus that you won by beating the bejesus out of a colonialist dandy?

(Disclaimer: I don't remember if Mirabelle was actually fun to use.)

# ¿ May 26, 2020 23:57

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Yeah, Cessna had a whole bunch of those posts in that thread, my favorite are this one-two punch: Nazi uniforms were literally designed to look good on film (but sucked to fight in.)

Cessna posted:

The rationale was that they didn't want the "little guy/big helmet" look, so their soldiers wouldn't end up looking like Dark Helmet from Spaceballs. And it goes back to the "tailored" mentality behind uniforms.

Look at those SS smocks - remember how I said that the actual manufacturing of the smocks was pretty crappy, while the wool uniforms were tailored? That's because those weren't viewed as the real uniforms. They were something that you put on over a uniform, but took off when you were marching in front of the cameras on a parade. You went to war in your dress uniform, but covered it with a camouflage smock. Once the fighting was over you took off the smock, prettied up your uniform, and stomped around in parades. That was the ideal.

That's great if you know you can count on victories like 1938/1939/1940. You want a quick campaign, maybe even one without a fight (1938), followed by a snappy-looking parade in front of the cameras for propaganda. Your soldiers will look good in the newsreels.

But in a serious war, like what they faced against the UK/USA/USSR? Forget it.

Cessna posted:

YES. Fashion is HUGE. It's all about sending a message.

The Nazis "focus grouped" their uniform designs in 1935/36. They brought in groups of young women and had them evaluate potential uniforms for attractiveness.

Like I said above, think about what a Wehrmacht uniform is designed for - to look good in propaganda films. Combat effectiveness was not a consideration until 1941 or so, and ease of production didn't come into play until after that. Compare a 1918 uniform to a 1940 uniform:

1918:

1940:

The 1940 uniform is tighter. It is more tailored. This makes it look sharper and cleaner - again, it looks better on parades, more streamlined and modern - but the fact is that a baggy uniform is more practical in combat.

The 1940 uniform has much more complex insignia. Look at the collar - they all have "Litzen," those little bars on the collar. In WWI these were only for "Guards" - that is, elites. In WWII all soldiers had them, the message being "you're all elites now."

(As an aside, sewing that litzen is horrible. You have to fold the cloth, sew it to a backing, then sew that to the collar. It's miserable.)

The 1940 buttons are shinier, there are complex pockets. Again, this is to look good, not for combat practicality or ease of manufacture.

It's all about sending a message - these soldiers are going to fight a fast, decisive, modern war, then look good in the victory parade.

# ¿ Jun 2, 2020 22:04

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Pick posted:

Only in the 70s bro. Watch TAS.

It's got a catgirl

Its anime

# ¿ Jun 4, 2020 06:55

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

The guy who does Kill Six Billion Demons posts in BSS occasionally. Not very often, but I can't blame him because between doing the comic, and all the extra work involved in getting the print editions published, and also his two or three RPGs, I'm surprised he's not on an iv drip so he doesn't have to take food breaks

# ¿ Jun 23, 2020 06:33

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Mr. Fix It posted:

back when moot said he was facing tens of thousands in hosting charges on his mother's credit card, i told him in the #somethingawful (or maybe a different one) irc channel he should just cut his losses and shut it down. i'm so very sorry i lacked any power of persuasion.

More like

More like Mr. Didn't Fix It

_{_{(im so sorry, both you and I were unworthy of that)}}

# ¿ Aug 17, 2020 03:58

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 06:08

Phy: Jun 27, 2008; Fun Shoe

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Honestly it's kinda loving wild that we had three massive sagas this year so far alone and from all indications they're completely unrelated to each other

2020.txt

# ¿ Aug 19, 2020 18:07

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > SA's Greatest Sagas: Start reading on page 302 (turt)