SA's Greatest Sagas: Start reading on page 302 (turt)

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > SA's Greatest Sagas: Start reading on page 302 (turt)

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Crocoswine posted:

wasn't that GE Cafe or whatever they were called

Yeah...

ge cafe aka Home4Kwanzakkah posted:

I decided it'd be fun to gently caress myself earlier this evening/morning. So I greased up Mr Sunshine and went to work. I had fun for 10 minutes and came. Then I was feeling the need to shower, so I did.

This is where things get graphic. Stop here if you don't want to cry.

Shortly after I started my shower, I felt a bit of matter coming out. Not terribly unusual, I just got done pounding my rear end. It landed on the floor of the shower. A few moments later I notice it's moving... strangely as it slowly gets washed towards the drain.

Last chance to stop. It's horriffic.

I nudge it with my toe and, to my horror, realize it's one piece. As in, a connected piece, as if it were... tissue. I think it's a bit of the outer layer of the colon. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I just crapped a piece of my rear end out of my rear end. I get it down the drain as quickly as possible and then sit down in the tub, I felt like I was having a panic attack. I'd had plenty of rear end sex before and not noticed this. Maybe this happened and I simply didn't notice it, or maybe the rear end "sheds" like this on its own occasionally, and no one really notices it (or admits they did). My rear end didn't hurt at all, but it does now, kind of, probably because I haven't stopped thinking about this horror for the last 90 minutes.

So the moral of the story is I really don't want to do this again. It makes me sad because I enjoy anal sex. Maybe others have heartier colons that I. But for god's sake, use condoms. If anything with a pulse goes in there, make sure it's sheathed.

# ¿ Jan 11, 2020 04:48

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 16, 2024 09:14

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

Check his rap sheet for others.

The part that bothers me most is the term "Pontiac Nova".

# ¿ Jan 11, 2020 21:23

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Shut up Meg posted:

Or how about Robo...

This reminds me of one of my favorites, but I'd probably eat a ban.

# ¿ Jan 12, 2020 01:14

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

pentyne posted:

Wasn't tribute.wmv a SA creation?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AYujWCCHRk

Yes

# ¿ Jan 12, 2020 03:21

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

razorrozar posted:

anyone got a link to the original JoeyVapes thread handy?

Here you go: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3403908&pagenumber=1&perpage=40

# ¿ Jan 12, 2020 04:16

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

The im gay thing was driven into the ground, but the goon who went by Cuck Cuck I'm Gay made me laugh every time someone quoted them and their name was filtered.

# ¿ Jan 12, 2020 07:26

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Grem posted:

Since gimmicks came up a bit ago, does anyone remember that goon that would create a thread every once in a while or pop up in other threads and complain about the smell from doggy-style sex, and he would juuuuust kinda let on that he was confusing a vagina with an rear end in a top hat?

Yeah, it just happened again a month or two ago but I'm not sure if it was the original goon or a copycat.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2020 04:53

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Snow Cone Capone posted:

I swear she came back briefly more recently than that?

It looks like they were perma'd and are now posting under another username and haven't been re-perma'd even after admitting they are permabaned user Avshalom...

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3873662&pagenumber=252&perpage=40#post501610339

# ¿ Jan 18, 2020 00:30

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Pick posted:

gently caress you, if you don't like it then add to my ignore list power level.

Speaking of that, does anyone know where can you find the list of most ignored users? I meant to ask the other day when the guy who broke the forums with his giant ignore list was brought up again.

# ¿ Jan 19, 2020 18:07

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Was 9 (hamwagonf****t) a FYAD poster? Trying to figure out if their 2 posts were just that bad or the FYAD posting brought the number down.

# ¿ Jan 19, 2020 18:54

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

The Saddest Rhino posted:

has anyone before of science!/guy mann/sleeveless been completely banned from cinema discusso

SMG should be.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2020 03:10

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Malcolm Turnbeug posted:

i can't be hosed recounting the entire caredresser saga bc he is a friend of mine irl despite being a colossal gently caress up of a human being but I will recount the time he stayed at my house and while i was at work he asked my partner if he could smoke meth inside and she said no and then he went outside and she told him he couldn't smoke meth on our balcony either and he went and smoked meth at a park instead and then went home bc we were mad at him for smoking meth in a park down the road from our house and I remember being sort of shocked into a zen-like state by the koan of "how far would I have to be from your house for you to be comfortable while I smoke meth"

If you sprinkled in a little domestic abuse, this could be a piece of the Roboshit saga. Every post was a rollercoaster ride.

# ¿ Jan 20, 2020 13:18

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Foul Ole Ron posted:

Can you check how many people have ignored a user?

Also I personally try to avoid keyboard goop (asides from the obvious reasons) due to the Op going on to make a very hosed up Ms paint web comic.

gently caress that guy.

Yes, I asked yesterday and here's the link: https://forums.somethingawful.com/stats.php?statid=4&all=#jump

# ¿ Jan 20, 2020 22:50

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Pastry of the Year posted:

We also don't need posters who can't tell the difference between a joking reference and actual abuse to backseat mod the forums.

# ¿ Jan 31, 2020 03:03

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Solice Kirsk posted:

The hell is Tane?

# ¿ Jan 31, 2020 04:04

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

I can't imagine putting politics between me and my membership to the SOMETHING AWFUL DOT COM comedy forums.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2020 03:00

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

One More Fat Nerd posted:

LF was, uh, explicitly not modded successfully, hence the secret service visits, the whole process was a neat SA saga of its own.

The move from "Libertarian Ron Paul Lover Hideout" to "Genuine Influential Source For Online Leftism" to "Echo Chamber Farce" would probably make for a neat poli-sci history paper to some future historian browsing through the library of congress, if, y'know, there is a future.

I don't know exactly what happened, if it was poor moderation, or just good people moving on to other places, but at some point that forum moved from good, informative effortposts interspersed with hilarious comedy, to folks posting "the only ethical action a sapient being can undertake is painless self termination" in animal rights/agriculture threads and being emptyquoted for several pages. CSPAM has a "no suicideposting" rule and its way better for it.

And thats not even touching on how dumb the LF feminism threads got towards the end, which seems to have permanently killed feminism discussion on a fairly left wing website, which seems odd? Or did something else kill that kind of thread?

I've led a sheltered life on SA and have rarely ventured outside GBS, PYF, A&T, AI and CD since '00 (on my old account). So is LF where people like TS12 posted? When his obit was posted in 2012, it was the first time I realized that the Somethingawful.com Comedy Forums had a whole other side of very serious posters posting in forums I was unaware of and jumping off bridges in the name of women's studies.

# ¿ Apr 15, 2020 18:16

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Moon Slayer posted:

D&D overall and C-SPAM in particular are a great example of how people with the very best intentions (and who I agree with on a lot of things!) can nonetheless become extremely insular, hostile, and abrasive. Mostly because according to the most vocal of them this is the political spectrum:

Very true.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2020 14:52

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

PetraCore posted:

Does that mean everyone who falls short of being leftist is the same as Mike Pence or whatever? No.

Have you ever been to our political forums? Yes it does. And all corporations are are evil unless you're posting here with the Awful app on an iPhone because Apple has an exemption for some reason.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2020 17:12

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Since Avshalom is a recurring topic in this thread, if you've ever wondered about the logistics of her presidential threat, go to Amazon Prime and fast forward to 31:30 of S01E01 of American Gods. Any time I see her name mentioned from now on, that scene is what I'm going to picture in my head.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2020 04:51

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Rando posted:

I'm not hip on getting into my hardness but yes, if he's clinical like I think he is I am his advocate. Anybody that calls themselves a decent person should be.

EDIT: What other situations where it's normal to wave some or all culpability do you disagree with? Unavoidable accident? Coercion? Being a child?

# ¿ Apr 26, 2020 18:21

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Somfin posted:

Jastiger, the South extant.

Jastiger, private message sent.

Made this for another thread, but with Iowa wanting to reopen with three of the top five cities with new infections....

RIP in piss, Iowa

Kirk Vikernes fucked around with this message at 23:52 on Apr 27, 2020

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 23:48

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

Isn't said dude also Chris Pratt, who got hot and turned into a real piece of poo poo?

What did he do? I can't keep up with all the celebrities and their rapiness.

# ¿ May 4, 2020 20:03

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

I'm thinking of the goatman right now.

:goatsecx:

Speaking of gross out images, does anyone remember during the 99-04 time frame logging into the forums and being greeted with various "gross-out" pics floating up and down the screen like a screensaver? Supposedly, a disgruntled goon "hacked" the forum, but I could never figure out exactly how they would do that being that this place is built on Radiumcode and was probably just as hard to deal with then as it is now.

# ¿ May 8, 2020 23:30

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

So a name I don't remember seeing in here but shows up in the Leper's Colony a few times a week is Seraph84. What did they do originally to get banned because they sure like to re-register.

# ¿ May 9, 2020 23:06

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Grassy Knowles posted:

Another link to SAclopedia.

Thanks. I somehow missed it when I scrolled through Saclopedia and...yikes. What a quote: "Could you please define"minors" for me - is there a specific age, fellow denizen of the world wide web?"

# ¿ May 10, 2020 00:21

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Hedrigall posted:

Does this count as a saga

Edit: wowsers at his rap sheet https://forums.somethingawful.com/banlist.php?userid=210384

Lol...your big quote reads like some monger's faq on usasexguide.

# ¿ May 23, 2020 16:06

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

pentyne posted:

And pretty sure if someone today tried to register a name like "AssRapistDude1488" it would get taken care of pretty quick.

I don't know...I may be remembering wrong but I could swear I've seen a couple with f*g in their username still.

# ¿ Jun 7, 2020 20:46

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Piss Meridian posted:

shovels are way better

Windows98 prefers them, too.

# ¿ Jun 13, 2020 16:15

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Spanish Manlove posted:

kurt johnson

Goatse's lesser known brother

# ¿ Jun 18, 2020 01:40

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

Does anyone know what the name of the thread or usernames associated with either the "i have a hole in my roof" or "I live in the library" sagas from GBS? Both are from maybe 3-4 years ago.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2020 02:40