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OgNar
Oct 26, 2002

They tapdance not, neither do they fart

loving cliffhanger.

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Sentinel
Jan 1, 2009

High Tech
Low Life



I want to hear how this pans out

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



This owns so hard.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


All hands abandon ship! This is not a drill!

holtemon
May 2, 2019


Holy poo poo.

The drawings. The story. The madness.

10/10 story time, OP plz update soon

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.


Mother of god

sticksy
May 26, 2004
keeping austin weird





Nap Ghost

drat, this is some top tier suspense.

Flavahbeast
Jul 21, 2001

awoo

I bet the scientologist stripper gets injured somehow

drunkb
Aug 14, 2009



The Great Twist

This is a good thread.

lt_kennedy
Sep 2, 2007
Needs Moar Race

I laughed so hard at 3pac I heard something pop inside me.

Rabite
Apr 13, 2002

Dynamiet Rab

I like that the boobs are above the arms

WeedlordGoku69
Feb 11, 2015

A DAILY DOSE
OF OLD SHOOTERS


PLAY NOW MY LORD



Holy loving lol I voted 5 just for 3pac

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!

Wedge Regret

This is awesome, excited for chapter 4.

bweep boop!
Dec 31, 2007

Nice shootin', Tex!

This thread reminds me of why I joined. Eagerly awaiting more!

isaboo
Nov 10, 2002

I can destroy you


Chapter 3 Part 2: The Crippling

There was Viper. With a shaved head and a big fat belly.

I thought to myself "Oh my god, she did it. She loving went to Cali and got herself knocked up by a loving cult member." I just knew that in HER mind, it was Xenu's baby. She was the vessell she wanted to be. Jesus. loving. Christ.

She was talking to TayTay, his hands on her shoulders and their foreheads touching. It looked like they, at least, were having a sweet reunion. Then came something no one expected.

She lifted her dress to reveal some sort of fat pack or pillow or padding and said something else to TayTay.

3pac turned to me and said "That ain't no baby that's a pillow, YO. gently caress that bitch is crazy". Everyone around us started laughing which drew her attention.

I yelled "WHAT THE gently caress MICHELLE?!?! What in the hell are you doing you psycho?!"

When she saw me her expression changed and she yelled "IT IS A SPRITUAL PREGNANCY! XENU IS IN ME! THIS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A MOTHER AREN'T YOU GLAD TO SEE ME?"

I said something like "Leave me the gently caress out of this GO BE WITH TAYTAY YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU"

TayTay suddenly got a look of abject fear and horror on his face. It was apparent he came to a realization that he needed to bail and wanted nothing to do with this either. He backed up, threw his hands in the air turned and walked away. Everyone else was gasping and laughing nervously and that's when she went apeshit.

She was on some kind of drugs, keyed up and now with her being the center of attention in a way that embarrassed her she went into a blind rage. She picked up the nearest thing she could swing, a piece of rebar, and headed towards my car.

She smashed the driver's side headlight, the side mirror and the driver's window. I started to run toward her and got only a couple of steps when the back door of the lounge opened and out stumbled Crazy Leo.

Seeing the scene before him Crazy Leo was just beside himself. There was his "niece" Michelle, with shaved head, apparently pregnant, and smashing a goddamn car. I don't know what was going through his head but he started yelling "STELLA! STELLA! STELLAAAaaaAAAAaa!" and sort of stumbled into Viper. She suddenly realized who it was, and it weirdly snapped her into a moment of calm. Crazy Leo was sobbing and saying "Why....Why...Whyyyyy Stella" while she hugged him for a few seconds and showed him that she wasn't actually pregnant.

I recognized this as a moment of opportunity and raced forward to my car, opened the driver's side door, jumped in and tried to get my keys into the ignition. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
Viper saw what was happening and tried to get away from Leo while I started the engine.

As Leo tried to grab her again she moved to confront me while raising the rebar to take a swing but lost her balance and as I was trying to back the car up I fumbled and put the car into drive. It sputtered and lurched forward, trapping her right foot and lower leg between the car, the horizontal concrete curb of the parking space and one of two cement posts that were positioned in front of the curb. Down she went and the car continued to jump forward up and over the curb until I hit the brake and killed the engine.

Anyone close enough heard a terrible snapping crunching tearing sound of flesh and bone and metal. She screamed and passed out. A couple of people were trying not to vomit.



That's the best way I can describe it as it happened so fast. It wasn't terribly bloody, but her leg was pretty obviously hosed up.

Someone called 911 and both the police and the fire department responded. The fire department folks got her free of the twisted metal and took her to the hospital while we all gave a statement to the cops.

I got in my car, determined to leave once and for all. The last thing I heard was a voice from behind the car and as I turned around to look I heard



In a perfect Tupac voice





"Ayy man! Yo! You got a banana in ya tailpipe!"

Laughing and not wanting to believe it but knowing it to be true I got out and looked and yep... there was a loving banana and a rag stuck in the tail pipe. I yanked them out, got back into the car and drove away putting all that poo poo into my rearview mirror for good.



I later learned just how bad the accident hosed up her leg and ankle. I think it was a spiral fracture in her leg and her ankle was basically crushed. She never danced again.



And that's the story of how I crippled a Scientologist stripper.

GORDON
Jan 1, 2006

This avatar was paid for by the Silent Majority.

Was the baby ok?

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


gently caress

DandyLion
Jun 24, 2010
disrespectul Deciever


pahuyuth posted:

Chapter 3 Part 2: The Crippling

There was Viper. With a shaved head and a big fat belly.

I thought to myself "Oh my god, she did it. She loving went to Cali and got herself knocked up by a loving cult member." I just knew that in HER mind, it was Xenu's baby. She was the vessell she wanted to be. Jesus. loving. Christ.

She was talking to TayTay, his hands on her shoulders and their foreheads touching. It looked like they, at least, were having a sweet reunion. Then came something no one expected.

She lifted her dress to reveal some sort of fat pack or pillow or padding and said something else to TayTay.

3pac turned to me and said "That ain't no baby that's a pillow, YO. gently caress that bitch is crazy". Everyone around us started laughing which drew her attention.

I yelled "WHAT THE gently caress MICHELLE?!?! What in the hell are you doing you psycho?!"

When she saw me her expression changed and she yelled "IT IS A SPRITUAL PREGNANCY! XENU IS IN ME! THIS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A MOTHER AREN'T YOU GLAD TO SEE ME?"

I said something like "Leave me the gently caress out of this GO BE WITH TAYTAY YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU"

TayTay suddenly got a look of abject fear and horror on his face. It was apparent he came to a realization that he needed to bail and wanted nothing to do with this either. He backed up, threw his hands in the air turned and walked away. Everyone else was gasping and laughing nervously and that's when she went apeshit.

She was on some kind of drugs, keyed up and now with her being the center of attention in a way that embarrassed her she went into a blind rage. She picked up the nearest thing she could swing, a piece of rebar, and headed towards my car.

She smashed the driver's side headlight, the side mirror and the driver's window. I started to run toward her and got only a couple of steps when the back door of the lounge opened and out stumbled Crazy Leo.

Seeing the scene before him Crazy Leo was just beside himself. There was his "niece" Michelle, with shaved head, apparently pregnant, and smashing a goddamn car. I don't know what was going through his head but he started yelling "STELLA! STELLA! STELLAAAaaaAAAAaa!" and sort of stumbled into Viper. She suddenly realized who it was, and it weirdly snapped her into a moment of calm. Crazy Leo was sobbing and saying "Why....Why...Whyyyyy Stella" while she hugged him for a few seconds and showed him that she wasn't actually pregnant.

I recognized this as a moment of opportunity and raced forward to my car, opened the driver's side door, jumped in and tried to get my keys into the ignition. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
Viper saw what was happening and tried to get away from Leo while I started the engine.

As Leo tried to grab her again she moved to confront me while raising the rebar to take a swing but lost her balance and as I was trying to back the car up I fumbled and put the car into drive. It sputtered and lurched forward, trapping her right foot and lower leg between the car, the horizontal concrete curb of the parking space and one of two cement posts that were positioned in front of the curb. Down she went and the car continued to jump forward up and over the curb until I hit the brake and killed the engine.

Anyone close enough heard a terrible snapping crunching tearing sound of flesh and bone and metal. She screamed and passed out. A couple of people were trying not to vomit.



That's the best way I can describe it as it happened so fast. It wasn't terribly bloody, but her leg was pretty obviously hosed up.

Someone called 911 and both the police and the fire department responded. The fire department folks got her free of the twisted metal and took her to the hospital while we all gave a statement to the cops.

I got in my car, determined to leave once and for all. The last thing I heard was a voice from behind the car and as I turned around to look I heard



In a perfect Tupac voice





"Ayy man! Yo! You got a banana in ya tailpipe!"

Laughing and not wanting to believe it but knowing it to be true I got out and looked and yep... there was a loving banana and a rag stuck in the tail pipe. I yanked them out, got back into the car and drove away putting all that poo poo into my rearview mirror for good.



I later learned just how bad the accident hosed up her leg and ankle. I think it was a spiral fracture in her leg and her ankle was basically crushed. She never danced again.



And that's the story of how I crippled a Scientologist stripper.

Magnificent.


For once it seems they did send a poet.

lt_kennedy
Sep 2, 2007
Needs Moar Race

I have no words....

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



Man that 3pac ending

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013



Post a pic or viper

Kill All Cops
Apr 11, 2007

Pacheco de Chocobo





Hell Gem

Ah, the Chekov's banana payoff

WeedlordGoku69
Feb 11, 2015

A DAILY DOSE
OF OLD SHOOTERS


PLAY NOW MY LORD



GORDON posted:

Was the baby ok?

Probably has down syndrome

Rascar Capac
Aug 31, 2016

Surprisingly nice, for an evil Inca mummy.

I would love to know about the further adventures of 3Pac.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


I also want to see a pic of your insane thetan riddled medusa but it's probably not a good idea, the internet being what it is. Unless she'd be okay with it i guess

Modulo16
Feb 12, 2014

"Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth."

This is amazing.

isaboo
Nov 10, 2002

I can destroy you


I might have a picture of Viper somewhere but it would take me forever to figure out where it might be. I'll give it a shot though and post it if I find it.


Epilogue

Whatever happened to our cast of characters? Well....

As for Crazy Leo, I finally found out who Stella was. Leo got married to his highschool sweetheart Stella when he was around 19 or 20 right before he headed off to the Korean War. She died while he was away and it just wrecked the poor guy. Michelle reminded him of her and he just latched on to Viper while he drank himself crazy. He died sometime in the early 2000s.

TayTay disappeared completely almost immediately after all of the drama and no one that I stayed in touch with had any idea where he might have gone. He's probably in a shack somewhere eating squirrels and making clothes out of their pelts. Or maybe he's a big player in the Scientology cult.

I never saw or heard from Viper again. Apparently she continued to work in bars but only as a bartender or waitress. After that the story I was told is that she eventually found herself in federal prison for fraud or something similar. I'm pretty sure she's out by now but I have no clue where she might be.

As for me, Beets, I bounced (ha!) around from city to city working in music venues and clubs. I eventually made my way out to California and began working in Executive Protection / Bodyguarding and met a lot of interesting people. But those stories are for another thread.

Hackers film 1995
Nov 4, 2009

Hack the planet!


thank you, op. great story. i hope you eventually learned to embrace scientology

Motherfucker
Jul 16, 2011



I feel like I haven't been living my best life reading this.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


pahuyuth posted:

I might have a picture of Viper somewhere but it would take me forever to figure out where it might be. I'll give it a shot though and post it if I find it.

As for me, Beets, I bounced (ha!) around from city to city working in music venues and clubs. I eventually made my way out to California and began working in Executive Protection / Bodyguarding and met a lot of interesting people. But those stories are for another thread.

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013



Just gonna have sex with a woman so many times and never once get in a picture with her, nevermind marry her properly first. You're going to hell dude

DandyLion
Jun 24, 2010
disrespectul Deciever


Sjs00 posted:

You're going to hell dude

Nah, he's just working the door.

Kharnifex
Sep 11, 2001

Plop

DandyLion posted:

Nah, he's just working the door.

Akratic Method
Mar 9, 2013

It's going to pay off eventually--I'm sure of it.

Any day now.

Next cripple a random executive and tell us the story of that.

Nucken Futz
Oct 30, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 20 days!


What a wonderful story.
5'd

Alan Smithee
Jan 3, 2005


pahuyuth posted:

I want to be the vessel for a new Xenu and maybe I can find that there too. and I want us to be a happy family. Wouldn't that be great!!
Baby, mommy and daddy together! Body thetan free! I'll be back in a few weeks


drat she couldn't even get the tenets of scientology right

xenu is the bad guy

precision
May 7, 2006

Gonna have me some good friends around
Gonna have me some good times in town




I just wanna know why he called her Stella

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


DandyLion posted:

Magnificent.


For once it seems they did send a poet.

DeadFatDuckFat
Oct 29, 2012

This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.


Bread Liar

Jesus loving christ

Were you scared shitless when you hit her with the car?

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SilvergunSuperman
Aug 6, 2010



Not gonna lie, 4. something out of 5 but it was a little bit anticlimactic.

God loving dammit my autocorrect sucks.

SilvergunSuperman fucked around with this message at 07:23 on Jan 13, 2020

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